Creperum Consurgo
by Lammybug
Summary: Change is an epidemic you cannot cure. Who evolves and who gets left behind?
1. Prologue: Bivium

**Disclaimer: **No copyright infringement intended. Characters are the property of Nomura and Square Enix. Joseph Jobson is the property of Gonzo.

**Summary: **Change is an epidemic you cannot cure. Who evolves and who gets left behind?

**A/N: **This story began during my FanFic50 Prompt challenge aka _**The Lacesco**_** Series** for Noctis and Stella in Final Fantasy Versus XIII. Prompt: #50 Writer's Choice, Chapter Forty-Nine: _Bivium_. This is supposed to take place after whatever is to happen in the game, hoping that everyone is still alive. Also, because I really do not want to put a lot of research on names, the friends and background characters will have the same names as in Adventum. That is, however, where the similarities end. Bivium will be reposted here as the Prologue.  
This is a Crossover between Versus and Blassreiter. This was formerly located in the Versus Archive since it was published before Blassreiter had it's own section here on FFN.

_Creperum Consurgo_ is Latin for "darkness to arise".

Bivium is Latin for "place where two ways meet".

_**Creperum Consurgo**_

_**Prologue: Bivium**_

_"Furthering the last negotiations of peace, the nations are glad to see the final end to the needless fighting. The revival of the Crystals has promoted harmony between the leading powers and a truce is close at hand. Prince Noctis' upcoming coronation is greatly anticipated by the great citizens of Nihilsomno, as it concludes the week long conference… In other news, the strange appearances…"_

It seems odd to hear such tidings. There was a reason to mislead the public into thinking they had a certain level of security. As optimistic as she was, there was just a tad more pessimism within her now as she begins to drown out the remaining news highlights. She mutes the screen and watches the silenced storytelling of the newscaster as she sits and muses. Like many other dignitaries, she was here within the grand city of Nihilsomno, overseeing the peace talks. After everything that they had accomplished and after everything Noctis had sacrificed, there was still something evil looming in the air. Something hiding among the shadowy streets. It did not feel as if peace had been accomplished at all from their struggling journey from months before. She had thought that they had finally vanquished evil when they had fulfilled their destinies. Only, perhaps that had been premature. It feels, as if their destinies were merely beginning instead of concluding. There was something else coming their way and she knew that whatever it was, there was nothing that would prepare her for it.

Slowly, she brings the wineglass to her lips and takes a slow sip. Swirling the sharp, tart liquid around in her mouth, she savors the rich flavor and inhales the aroma through her nose. The fragrant perfume of fermented red grapes wafts into her senses causing her to close her eyes in enjoyment. Her glass was half full and she had already ascertained that the vintage was good. Still, she could not refrain from enjoying it slowly, as her mind crept toward dullness under the effects of the potent alcohol. A slow heat moves through her body, causing her head to cloud as the strong brew takes effect.

Despite everything, despite all that they had been through together, she has never felt such a sense of frustration before. They had won. But there was no sense of true accomplishment at their deeds. Never one to hide her feelings, she had made them quite clear to Noctis. There was no way he could have misread her. She had purposely been as subtle as a freight train. He had a very endearing but often times migraine inducing sense of honor. To his complicated mind, she was something that he could not allow himself to have. As outrageously upsetting as that was, she sort of understood his reasoning. Sort of. She was disinclined to fully accept it though. Her presence in his life tipped him off his axis and left him unbalanced. A balance that he currently needed firmly in place if he was to face the planet's ruling class to assert his rightful claim to the world's greatest empire. His monarchy was not even firmly established, yet there was already invisible opposition making demands and displaying rebellion. The remaining resentment in the wake of the Reawakening, as they had dubbed it, had only increased when it was pronounced that Nihilsomno would still be the leading nation in power.

There is a part of her that understands this too. She would be a liar if she denied ever feeling the same resentment towards Nihil when she had been growing up. They, as a nation and as a people, had been selfish. For many years, they had closed their gates and refused anyone entry into their realm. So careful to hoard the last remaining powers of their Crystal, they had kept its benefits from the rest of the world. It had shrouded itself in mystery and secret. As she had grown older, she had accepted this and had focused on the positive rather than the negative. Without a Crystal of her own, she and her family had helped put together a working government along with a prosperous nation. To her, there was no use wasting energy and time resenting something that one did not have and taking full advantage of the things that you did. So when the thirteenth peace conference had been hosted within Nihilsomno's walls, she had not been part of the glaring dignitaries that had visited. Instead, she had focused on the opportunity such a visit had provided. It was also when she had first glimpsed the dark prince himself.

As soon as she had seen him cautiously approaching her on that deck, she had known. What exactly she had known was debatable. What she _had_ known was that her life was never going to be the same again. The introduction of this man into her life was going to alter her course and take her on a journey that she had never imagined. It had explained the anticipation that had been within her all that night. Not the nervous, wary anticipation that the conference had surfaced within her, but a more personal and penetrating kind. She had been smitten right away and her playful nature had come out unheeded in the face of his stiff stoicism. Over these many months, it had turned into almost a game. The more morose he became, the more chipper her response. The effect it had on him always made her feel warm and contented.

Sighing deeply, she absently rubs against the scar on her chest. Her hand always seemed to rub against the subtly elevated, white tissue that had not healed smoothly. It was like a phantom pain that her hand reached for in times when she was feeling contemplative. As her finger gently rubs against it, she feels a strange sense of… _something_. Despite the calming effects of her wine, she feels a dawning sense of… _something_. She can only call it "something" because she cannot find the word or phrase to call it. It is neither daunting nor pleasant. It is neither terrifying nor happy. Her thoughts automatically go to Noctis but it is not him that is making her feel this way. He always provoked a far different kind of response within her.

Absently, her eyes roam to the muted television in front of her again.

"Strange appearances," she whispers slowly to herself, repeating the last words she had heard from the television.

Images from various, less populated parts of the city were displayed in split screens, as the newscaster recited the carefully worded telecast. Places where certain mysterious incidences had been occurring with rapid regularity lately. Actually, she realizes with rising caution, ever since Nihilsomno had opened its doors to the outside world. Quickly bringing back the sound, she catches the tail end of the story.

"…stated witnesses," the newscaster finishes. "As these areas are not closely monitored, there is no available video footage to fully explain what caused these varying degrees of vandalism." There is a pause as the camera angle changes and the anchorman turns his body to the other side, signaling the start of the next story. "In other news, recent construction on the city's new highway…"

She lets the sounds of the man's voice drone to the back of her mind as she turns to stare out into the city nightscape. Random acts of vandalism were not exactly unheard of within a large city as this. Considering that this particular city had a very dark presence about it, it was hardly difficult to see why. Happy things seldom hid within the shadows of the night. This city was like a perpetual night, even within the light of day. Despite their achievements as a society, they were not what she would call "happy" sort of people. They seemed more haunted. It was almost a direct contrast to her own home, the capital city of Tenebrae. She recalls those images from the news story within her mind again and her eyes narrow in thought. No, these were not random acts of vandalism at all. Something happened. That something. The missing chunks of concrete along the exteriors of the buildings were just not possible for someone of average strength. Her frown deepens as she remembers how high those gaps had been. Not only would the person be exceptionally strong, they would also have to be exceptionally tall. Well over seven feet tall at least. Someone with that height and strength would not go unnoticed anywhere.

Rising from the plush couch upon which she was perched, she makes her way to her laptop and lifts the cover. Phil had given her private access into the royal mainframe so she could browse without detection. It had warmed her through and through to see evidence that Noctis and his friends trusted her so completely. She would never abuse such a large gesture of trust and they obviously knew it. Quickly, she opens her web browser and searches the latest headlines. The story on the mysterious vandals was midway down the page. She resists shaking her head at that. Since these incidences had occurred in the less than posh areas, they were not granted the same amount of importance as they would if they had been in the richer neighborhoods. She clicked to enlarge the photos of each scene and spread them across her screen to see them all at the same time.

Carefully scrutinizing the high resolution pictures, she startles at the things that call out to her as she studies them. Tilting her head to get a better angled view, her eyes narrow again. Whatever did this, was not a man. That it was seven foot was still evident in the amount of damage to the side of one particular building. That one had looked to be overlaid with a thick layer of concrete. Another building had marble panels that surrounded the concrete base and another was aligned with stone. Something very heavy and very long had smashed right into them. There was no way anyone would miss the amount of power it would take to force anything that strongly to do that much damage to the buildings. Most puzzling of all was the shape of each impression. So, it was something big, exceedingly heavy and… shaped in the form of a man. She is not sure what made her more uneasy. The fact that it happened to look like a human body or that there was something capable of slamming such a thing against the side of a high rise building. That meant there were two things out there that did more than just go bump into the night.

What did Noctis know about this? It was impossible for him not to know something about this.

As almost an afterthought, she sharpened the zoom onto the ground and scoffed at herself as she caught the faint hint of crystal remnants. Of course Noctis already knew. It had obviously been him that had made whatever this thing was, crash so jarringly against stone.

Glancing over at the digital clock on her nightstand, she reads the time. Just past midnight in a city like Nihilsomno was early. Especially when it thrived in the nightlife and remained subdued during the day while most of its residents slept. She wonders if Noctis were within the castle grounds. Most likely not. Her senses refused to let her drop this for the night and she knows what she has to do. Snatching up her mobile lying beside her laptop, she quickly speed dials Phil. He never took very long to answer.

"What's up, Stella?" he asks and the incessant typing of keys in the background tell her he is busy.

She grins knowingly.

"You tell me, Phil," she says lightly, the smile noticeable in her voice. "I was just watching the news."

"Anything interesting?" he asks nonchalantly. She could almost believe he was really oblivious. Almost but not quite.

"Not much," she answers, letting out a sigh as she leans back in her chair. Might as well get to the point. "What is Noctis fighting out there?"

"He didn't want you to know," answers Phil smoothly before chuckling. "Caught some detail the media didn't, did you?"

No denial. She had not been expecting one. It still irritates her a little that they had consciously kept this from her. Actually, it irritates her a lot that Noctis had kept this from her. The others were just following his orders.

"He seldom does," she states regretfully. "Do you know what it is?"

"Never seen anything like it before," is the response and she worries her bottom lip between her teeth. Had it been something familiar she doubts they would have tried to pass it off as vandals.

"What do they want?"

"Only the one as far as we can tell right now," he says. "_It_ hasn't made any demands either."

"I doubt it was merely trying to show off," she comments.

"Singing to the choir," he agrees and the clicking becomes more rapid in the background.

"Where is he now?" she asks.

"Top secret, sorry," he replies. The tapping of the keys stops but she soon hears the rapid clicking of his mouse. "Cal and Durus are both with him."

Leaving Phil to be the eyes and ears around the city while they were out patrolling for whatever this thing was.

"Where exactly was the latest incident?"

"Noct's not gonna like you going out there alone," he says with that knowing voice.

"And you know that is not going to stop me," she retorts and he chuckles again.

"Will he be more pissed off if I'm with you or if you're going it solo?" he wonders aloud.

"I never called you," she answers for him. The last thing she needed was to get him in trouble with Noctis.

"He'll never believe that," he says but he does not sound at all worried about Noctis' wrath. "You're going to be careful, aren't you?"

"Like Noctis," she grumbles. Noctis who was far too reckless sometimes.

"I'll give you the address," he says. The amusement evident in his voice.

It does not take her long to dress and pull her hair into a long ponytail. She feels a bit of apprehension as she grabs her white leather riding gloves and helmet. Her hesitation is brief though, before her determination sets in. She did not survive the last few months hiding away in her rooms. If Noctis did not accept that, he was going to have to start. She briskly makes her way down the long hallway and down a corridor at the top of a hidden staircase that led directly to the garage below. If Noctis was already out there, chasing this thing, he was obviously not keeping watch on the apartments that he had given to her.

The overhead lights of the garage flicker on as she makes her way into the hollow space and she walks over to her custom bike while pulling on her gloves. Taking a moment to appreciate the gleaning beauty of the white finish, she throws her leg over the body and turns the ignition. She takes a moment to make sure her helmet is adjusted right and a light tap against the head tests the Bluetooth system connected to her phone. As the engine roars to life, streaks of gold race across the body of the bike as the gauges rev. She feels the leak of energy from her inner as the system roars to life.

"Welcome, Princess Stella," greets the computerized voice of Luna.

"We might encounter some danger, Luna" she says as she kicks the stand up.

"Danger level set," replies the computer.

"Will you alert me if Lord Noctis is nearby?" she asks.

"Of course, your highness."

"Stealth mode please," she orders before taking off out of the garage and onto the city streets.

The buzzing vibrations of the engine beneath her along with the air swooshing past add to the ambiance of the night as everything around her becomes streaks of light. She carefully steers clear of the more heavily populated areas and keeps to the side streets where camera coverage is not as intense. Easily weaving past the cars that are going too slow, she guns the engine and rushes forth into the darker parts of the city. The streetlights wiz past her like a kaleidoscope of colors as she finds herself getting closer and closer to the rougher neighborhoods of Nihilsomno. It is not long before the cars begin to thin out and the streets become empty as she makes her way. Luna slows to a smooth stop in front of the address Phil had given to her and she looks up.

Bracing her left leg against the pavement, she stares at the indentations where the thing had impacted with the concrete. It must have been the end of the fight, just before it disappeared. Pushing down the stand, she makes sure that Luna is balanced before she swings her leg around to stand on the street. Automatically, Luna adjusts the lighting on her high beams so she can better see the debris still undisturbed from the fight. Obviously not a lot of heavy foot traffic passed this way either. Lifting her head, she can see the subtle silhouette of where the thing had crashed into the concrete. The sharp, steep indentation suggested a shoulder. It had fallen back against it. Thrown? There had not been a car parked to slow its crash and the lack of skid marks puzzles her. Whatever had hit it, had been extremely heavy as well and had impacted with it as it had been standing just off the sidewalk. Yet, there was no indentation on the sidewalk or along the wall to tell her what it had been. Maybe not something heavy at all. She kneels down to stare at the small spattering of Crystal and looks out into the direction that Noctis must have looked. A dark alleyway loomed before her with many possible exits. A smart choice to escape a threat. If Noctis had been fighting this thing, he had probably stabbed it with one of his many swords. She could not recall him having one big enough to take something that big down like this. If he had….

Blue eyes roaming along the cracks in the pavement, she sees a tiny spattering of something. Sliding a little forward, she crouches down further to get a better look. She knew, without having to touch it, that those had been drops of blood. A flash of worry hits her as she wonders if it is Noctis' but pushes that away as absurd. She would have noticed any tension in the way he moved if he had been injured. Having had to live with him under rugged, often times, unsanitary conditions where they had, had to dress each other's wounds gave her enough experience to be able to read any pain that his body withstood. Curious that there was not more though. If the impact had obviously been wounding enough to down the thing, it would have produced a lot more blood. More importantly, how was it possible that it could bleed at all. Flesh would never be able to withstand the blow nor the impact with the wall. Bones most definitely would have been broken, a shoulder dislocated at least. Nothing was adding up correctly. She needed to talk to Noctis.

Reaching into her pocket, she produces a clean handkerchief and pen. Carefully, so as not to scratch the pavement, she scrapes the dried blood with the butt of the pen before wrapping it carefully in the handkerchief and tucking it back into her pocket. She is just about to stand up when she sees something that does not seem quite right. Letting out a huff of breathe as she tries to determine why it catches her eye, she leans in closer. The beam of light grows larger as Luna accommodates her by coming closer at her back without prompting. Glancing from side to side to make sure, she frowns at the small pile of ash in front of her. No where nearby was there any trace of a fire. Which definitely made this small pile look out of place near the dark alley. True, it was not the cleanest of streets to begin with, but to have such a neat pile of something as wispy as ash was suspect. Nihilsomno was usually a windy city on a mild day. Patting herself down in search of something to gather it, she remembers the small receipt she had tucked within her pockets the last time she had worn this jacket. She sends a silent prayer of hope before using the thin paper to gather as much of the ash as possible before folding the edges together to contain it. Pocketing that too, she makes sure to place it in the other side so as not to contaminate her two samples. Well, not anymore than they already had, that is.

She stands then and waits for the circulation to flow steadily through her legs again, before she walks back over to Luna. Mounting her bike again, she accelerates slowly down the rest of the street before coming to a stop at a light. The engine rumbles softly in the empty intersection and she looks both ways, deciding whether she should just gun it out of there, when her eyes catch a glimpse of something a short distance away. Leaning forward, slightly, she peers through a bush to see something in the dim light of the small park half a block away. Not something, _someone_. Her senses swarm through her but she does not receive any hints of danger. The figure is not even turned in her direction, seemingly unaware of her presence. It incites a strange sense of familiarity. Without waiting to change to her mind, she makes the turn and rides over to where the figure sits alone on a ruined bench. It is the only spot within the small park that sits directly beneath a steady light.

As she closes the distance, she parks Luna and climbs off to walk the rest of the way. The figure's head is bent down, studying something in its hands intently a steady scraping sound reaches through her helmet. The person does not look up as she comes closer. She realizes belatedly that it is a man. A man dressed completely in black. Black pants, a long black trench coat with buckles and a high collar that hid the bottom lip of his mouth. A young man at that and were it not for a few differences, she would have thought it _was_ Noctis and not a stranger. That visual shocks her and she does hesitate slightly as she comes to a stop not two feet away from him. If he had any ill intent she would not be fast enough to stop him, but she still feels the strange sensation of calm familiarity instead of the wariness of approaching a stranger on a dark night as tonight.

She is close enough now to see that he is carving an image into a small piece of wood. The steady, fluid swipes of his hand blade conveying that he was no novice to this art. Somehow it increases the mystique of this stranger before her. There is no readable expression on his face that she can see through the thick strands of his jet black hair and the high collar of his coat. His hair is not overly long, but just enough to fall over his eyes.

"What are you making?" she finds herself asking. Her voice sounds harsh against the small flicking sounds of his knife and the silence around them.

"An image of a child praying," he answers smoothly. There is no alarm or surprise in his voice. His eyes remaining on his task without pause.

The answer makes her frown. Of all the things to be doing in the middle of the night in such an open and exposed place. He was asking for trouble. She would normally assume he was some sort of unsavory character, but being this close to him she could not see him as anything unsavory at all. Just as she would never consider Noctis in such a way. Her eyes catch the sight of the bike leaning against the bench on the other side of him and inhales sharply in surprise.

"I have never seen a model like that before," she says in admiration.

The machine was absolutely beautiful in its design. A steady, wide body with a larger engine than was considered standard. The sleek bends in the shell said it was built for speed though the width hinted that it was made for a body larger than the man sitting in front of her.

"It's custom," he replies vaguely, with that same monotone as before.

"It really is not safe for you to be sitting here like this," she states, looking around them but sees nothing within the still darkness.

"Yours is pretty impressive too," he comments, ignoring her remark.

When she blinks at him, he nods his head in the direction of Luna.

"With a fully uploaded interface," he adds in, taking a moment to stare at Luna. It is a slow assessing stare of someone who knew the inner workings of the machine, before returning to his carving.

"In a city like this, it is easier to get around in," she says, feeling suddenly unsure and awkward.

The sudden beep within her helmet she almost squeaks in surprise before Noctis' smooth voice flows out of the speakers near her ears.

"Stella, where are you?" he asks, his tone somewhat strained but polite.

Torn between something snide and something flirty, she settles on something in between.

"Taking in the city," she says with a lilt in her voice that hints at playfulness but not enough to hide that she is upset with him.

Silence greets her a moment and she can almost see Noctis process her response. He caught her underlying tone and she knew it.

"Alone?" he asks unexpectedly. It is with a hint of jealousy, a pinch of annoyance and a little bit of hurt mixed in together.

One word and she feels guilty for doing something that she had no right to be guilty about.

"Luna is with me," she says with a smile, not exactly lying but not completely truthful. "Where are you?" She manages to ask before he can ask something else first.

"Are you in danger?" he asks and his tone turns a shade darker.

"No, I am fine," she reassures with a low sigh.

He lets out a loud sigh of his own.

"I was worried," he confesses and it sounds like she has dragged it out of him involuntarily.

Despite her initial annoyance, she feels herself soften at his admission.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" she asks just as softly, wording it carefully but there is no sting in her tone.

"It was why I was coming to see you now," he says petulantly.

If he had been anyone else, she knows he would be pouting. Only, he was _not_ anyone else and his expression was probably blank. As blank as the expression on the stranger's face in front of her. The one who gives no indication that he is paying any attention to her conversation with Noctis. That inward, contained emotion always made her feel a simmering in her veins. It tingled sometimes when Noctis was feeling an emotion especially strong. She felt that same simmering in her veins now as she looked at the stranger. To find another that held the qualities that she so loved in Noctis. What were the chances of that?

"Give me ten minutes and I shall be there," she says, hanging up before he can say anything else. She takes a moment to collect her racing emotions, something that she has to do frequently of late, whenever she spoke with Noctis. Then her gaze settles on the man still sitting on the bench again. Only now, he is no longer working so intently on his carving, but regarding her with a steady gaze.

The urge to step back is strong under his studying eyes, but she manages to keep her feet planted as she regards him right back. There is no lust nor any hinted attraction in his gaze as he stares at her. His eyes do not leave her face as he studies her with a look far more focused than the one he had used when working on his carving. With his face turned up and pointed towards her own, she can finally see the dark scar running down the side of his face. A mark almost resembling a bolt of lighting. It streaked down his pale cheek just below his right eye and his eyes, she paused as she took in the color of his eyes. They were a flickering transition of blue to red and back. That too, was so much like Noctis. She does take a small step back then.

"Someone like you should not be in a place like this," he comments dryly. It is not threatening, just a matter of stating fact.

The comment throws her concentration further and she frowns before collecting herself.

"Neither should you," she replies with an easy smile in response.

His eyes contain a small shine with a hint of amusement, but he does not smile. He does not even smirk as Noctis would have. As she continues to stare at him, she realizes that the lack of lines along his face showed a man who did not laugh very often or at all. Another similarity to Noctis. Yet, there were subtle expressions that flash across Noctis' face that conveyed his emotions. This stranger, though, took carefully blank to a whole different level of indiscernible.

"You had better get going," he says, turning back to his carving and releasing her from his capturing gaze.

She feels a loss at the release. As bland as his voice and tone had been, his eyes had given her a sense of connection. Now that they were no longer looking at her, she felt blocked, thwarted. Much like she did when she tried to get through to Noctis.

"Yes," she agrees distantly as she watches the precision of his movements. "Will you stay here all night?"

"You don't need to worry about me," he says, pausing to look up at her again.

"I am more worried about your bike," she jokes with a teasing smile. With the return of his eyes, she feels more steady somehow. Almost as if they were on equal footing when she held his complete focus.

There is that shining glean in his eyes again and now his expression is curious as he turns his head sideways to look at her.

"Your boyfriend is waiting," he reminds her and she jerks in surprise at his comment. Humor leaks out of his voice though his lips do not quirk.

"What makes you say that?" she gapes in surprise.

"Your reaction is answer enough," he says with an invisible shrug and returns to his work.

"Right," she says, even though she does not believe him. She takes a step back towards Luna. "I suppose I shall see you around then." She turns around to mount Luna and her engines vroom.

He does not respond to her parting, but she gets the sense that he was not ignoring her, merely silently agreeing.

Her mind stays on the image of him sitting on that rusty old bench as she rides back to her large flat where Noctis is waiting for her. The aura around him had spoken of tragedy. That deep emotional agony brought out the nurturing part of her that left her compelled to help him. It was just like her reaction to Noctis' usual brooding manner. A need within her to help lighten the dark mood that hovered like a cloud over their crouched forms. The little progress she had made with Noctis seemed more significant now that she had seen someone else so like him to compare with. Not that she could boast to altering Noctis in anyway. She merely felt, upon meeting the dark stranger, that her relationship with Noctis had shifted more than she had realized. It made her feel almost heady as she pulls back into her garage and shuts off Luna.

Pulling the helmet from her head, she pulls the tie holding her hair in place and shakes out the blond strands. The tingling feeling in her spine alerts her to Noctis' presence upstairs. So close. She allows herself a faint smile as she carefully climbs each step to bring herself closer to him. When she opens the door to her flat, she finds him looking out of one of the many tall windows on the other end of her living room. The tension in his shoulders tells her that he was having trouble organizing and processing his emotions. He knows she is there but he needs to suppress whatever it is that is bothering him before he turns. It is only until she closes the door softly behind her does turn to look at her.

The angle and view of his face is overlaid with a sheer silhouette of the dark stranger a moment, making her stop in her steps to reach him. She blinks and the silhouette vanishes and only Noctis remains. The slight bend of his eyebrows silently conveys his curiosity before he frowns.

"Are you hurt?" he asks suddenly.

The concern warms her as it always does and she shakes her head to clear her mind as well as deny the claim. "Not at all."

"Forgive the late night visit," he apologizes.

"That is not the apology I am waiting for," she says, giving him a level look. She lets the accusing glance sink in before making her way to her coat closet to put away her helmet and gloves. Casually unzipping her white leather jacket, she takes it off to hang directly beneath her helmet within easy reach before shutting it.

"I will not apologize for keeping you from danger," he says stubbornly. His voice, as always, level.

"It is not your place to protect me," she states evenly.

He cringes so minutely that she might not have seen it had she not been looking directly at him. She knows it wounds him to point out, but that is only because he refused to be with her in that way.

"This is a new evil that I do not know anything about," he explains. "I am not willing to risk you when I do not know enough about this new enemy."

"Which would have been the same as when we fought before," she replies sharply, sharper than she had intended. "We did not then either."

"That was different."

"How?"

"Stella," he says with a heavy sigh. The sound of her name sounds like a plea and it tugs at her heart. "We had no choice but to fight then."

True, but that did not make him right this time.

"I know you believe we should not be together," she says, getting to the root of the matter. Slowly, she takes small steps to bring her closer to him. "But I also know that you feel for me as deeply as I feel for you. You would not worry about my safety so much if you did not."

She stops before he can try to restrain her, like he always does, to look up into his face. It hurts her heart to see him look so torn but she needs to push him. If left to his own devices, they would live their entire lives loving each other from a distance. His hands are clench at his sides and his eyes display the war within him. She almost expects the words that he is steeling himself to say.

"Do you really think we could feel so deeply for each other if it were so forbidden?" she tries to reason, tilting her face up just enough.

"I would anyway," he answers without reservation and there is a regretful smile on his lips. "Just to be contrary."

"I believe you would," she replies with a smile at his tease. Trust him to try and distract her with something like that. Clever man.

As if he cannot resist her smile, he leans in further and closes the remaining distance between them to touch his lips to hers. It is a light and tentative touch and it is over too quickly. Not their first and not their last, but she cherishes each one that he has given thus far.

"Would that I could give in," he whispers and it seems more to himself than to her. His eyes are fixed upon her lips for an intense moment causing her to nervously lick her lips in response.

"What is it that stops you?" she asks in a breathy whisper. It feels as if his intensity has sucked all the oxygen from the air.

He leans his head to the side and smirks at her.

"With this new foe, I feel that we shall be faced with another deadly challenge," he relays with a regretful sigh, leaning back just enough so their proximity does not distract them both too much. His lack of reversion warms her. That he did not step back and place more distance was an assurance of his regard. Yes, they were making progress. Slowly, very slowly he was giving in to her and the achievement feels like a triumph. "I do not wish for you to feel obligated to me when difficulties arise."

His cryptic words make her uneasy. She know that there is much more that he is keeping from her and no coaxing could force him to give it away.

"To tell you now would be cheating," he responds with a knowing smirk.

"But you know?" she asks in worry.

"I do not know the path you will choose," he responds. That did not mean he did not know his. "But I know there is an evil here and there is more on the horizon."

"But you have seen it," she presses. "What is it?"

He shakes his head and the frustration on his face strengthens the sense of foreboding. Before she can ask something else, he presses a hand against the small of her back to press her chest against his and kisses her forehead heatedly.

"I only know how I feel," he whispers into her hair and she lets the subject drop for the moment. "And I know that I shall always feel it towards you."

Her heart creates those flapping flutters of joy and a shivers of delight runs down her spine. Lifting her hands, she clenches the collar of his leather jacket to breathe in the scent of worn leather and Noctis as he presses her head against the hollow of his neck.

"Know that I care," he whispers in warm vow. "I am not pushing you away because I do not want you."

Questions, questions. His words leave her with only more questions. She can feel it now. The emotion that he had been keeping from her ever since she had returned to Nihilsomno. He was afraid. Afraid of this _something_ that she knows is there but cannot describe. He must feel it too. More than feel it. He has seen it and whatever it was, it was something that must be terrifying.

When he pulls away, she drops her hands to look at up him. She wants to touch his face and reassure him, but she refrains. The torn expression of yearning has left his face and the focused prince was in its stead. When would she see that side of him again?

"Now," he says, his tone reverting back to his usual friendly, yet distant tone. She can feel the walls being erected between them. "What have you found during your little nighttime excursion?"


	2. Primus Occursus

**A/N: **Additional Author Notes will be posted almost daily in my Profile (which is going to get a revamping soon). There is an official banner for this fic. The link is also posted in my Profile.

_Primus Occursus_ is Latin for "First Encounter or meeting".

_**Chapter One – Primus Occursus**_

_"Peace conference negotiations have been cancelled for the day as certain delegates have been showing signs of the seasonal flu. It is advised that citizens remember to visit the nearest medical clinic to receive a vaccination. Every year, thousands of people die from the illness having neglected to take proper measures. In other news, a recent accident at the construction site of the new highway has delayed…"_

There was never any doubt in her mind whether she trusted Noctis or not. She _did_ trust him. No question, no doubt about that. They had endured enough life threatening situations together for her to be completely confident in Noctis and his judgment. Her trust was _not_ wavering. It was definitely not wavering. Not in the least. She tries to tell herself this when she recalls about how she had refused to give him any of the evidence that she had gathered from the scene she had visited. Not that she had hidden what she had found from him. She had been very thorough in relating everything that she observed. It was just that, in her stubbornness, she had refused to simply hand them over and let him deal with it for her. Instead, she had insisted that they go together to drop off the samples at the lab. She wanted to be fully involved in the investigation into the "strange appearances" of _something_ never seen before on their planet. It was not a behemoth, like they were used to seeing and fighting from time to time. Even though instances that they encountered them within the major cities were rare, they did happen on occasion. Yet, something that big and that destructive would have destroyed blocks upon blocks within the city before Noctis stopped it completely within its thunderous tracks. No, this was something far superior in intellect and far stealthier than even _they_ were.

That really was _not_ an encouraging thought.

Besides feeling that there was _something_ there, some _other_ presence within the veiled city limits, there was nothing else to feel. She could not truthfully say that the _something_ felt menacing to her. It was just strange. Unlike the times during the war, when she could sometimes feel the danger as it approached from afar. This was just strange, different. Different in the sense that it felt as if it did not really belong here. She wonders, if only to herself, whether this was because this presence must be like her and Noctis. There were often moments where she felt out of place. Neither she nor Noctis ever truly felt as if they were the same as everyone else because of the things that they could do and the deaths that they had escaped. It had been something that they had discussed often together, quietly, in those long nights of keeping watch. They saw things that normal people did not see. They heard things that people did not hear. They felt things that no one else felt. Only, Noctis felt all these things to a higher degree than she did. His abilities far surpassed her own. There were times when he would exude such a force of power that she felt a scratchy sensation crawling just beneath the layer of her skin. More than once, her eyes would carefully watch his skin to make sure the dead layer of cells did not bubble from the powerful current underneath. She had even witnessed just how much force of will he had to constantly exert so as not to hurt those around him. If he lost that sense of control, there was no telling just how much damage he could do and none of it to himself.

One would not think him capable of such extreme self contained suppression to look at him. From the exterior, he looked like a young man who had barely left his teenage years behind and did not have a care in the world. Everything about him exuded an easy confidence and arrogant indifference to anything that did not revolve around him. He certainly did not look like he had a very lengthy attention span. That was only on the _outside_. Within the depths of his person was a man far older than he looked and far more aware of the things that could be seen and the things that could not be seen, around him. His self indulging persona, when he _looked_ so aloof, was a great illusion. There was not anything that passed through his awareness without proper assessment. It gave her much cause for dread whenever she found herself wondering what he had already assessed about her and about them. Not that he was never wrong, but once a decision had been reached inside that complex brain of his, there was nothing to change it. That was how everything was arranged within his psyche.

Given the amount of things that his receptors could pick up, the thing that confused her was that he had not been able to locate the anomaly, except at certain times. Though he had not been at all reasonable about being forthcoming with the details of what this anomaly looked like, she did manage to get a few tidbits out of him. She is not sure she could accurately picture what morsels he had surrendered. Details given vaguely, she realized with more unease, because he could not really describe it into words. He had said it was not a man and it was not a beast, but it was in the shape of a man. It was not a machine but it could pass for one. He had sensed the beating of a heart and the flow of its life force as like the blood within their veins. It had been living and it had been extremely astute. When he had finally managed to strike it, causing the collision with the high rise, it had run into the darkness in retreat. Normally, the darkness was the worst possible place to run from someone like Noctis. One who thrived within the deep recesses of night. Yet, it _still_ had managed to evade him and vanish from both his eyes and his awareness. Which meant that it was as comfortable as Noctis was within the darkness and it had the means with which to hide entirely from them both. Scary thought, that.

The arrival of a predator as dangerous as Noctis could never be considered a good thing. Especially when there was no telling what its purpose was in coming here to begin with. That its arrival coincided with the beginning of the peace conference could not be passed off as a mere coincidence. There was a reason it had come when it had and for that very reason, she was currently busy, sitting in front of her laptop watching lengthy video feeds that Phil had been kind enough to give her.

"You sure you want to look at _all _of it?" Phil had asked skeptically. "That's a lot of video, Stella."

"I am aware of that," she had answered stubbornly. "Indulge me, Phil."

"Something to pass the time?" he baited.

"Call it a hunch and I would appreciate it if you did not let Noctis know."

"Now you know that won't fly," he retorted with a snort.

"I know," she had sighed. It had not seemed logical to keep it from him. "When you do tell him, let him know nothing he says will change my mind."

"What exactly are you looking for?" Phil had asked curiously. The interest that had been in his eyes almost had her confessing just what she was looking for. "We've already looked through them and haven't found anything suspicious."

"So a fresh set of eyes would be good," she reasoned with a smile.

Phil had sighed, leaned back into the back of his chair and crossed his arms as he looked at her. In turn, she had crossed her own and waited patiently. He and Noctis had been friends for so long, sometimes they had the same way of doing things. Not exactly the same but an adopted mannerism that they had obviously picked up from each other. She had certainly noticed many bad habits that the four of them had that she knew Noctis, specifically, would not have picked up from his royal training. Even Cal, the least attentive one, would stare at her in a similar way that Noctis did. Only his stare was something all his own and not exactly the same at all. It definitely did not have the same effect on her either. None of the three friends had ever effected her as much as Noctis always did. Generally, all he had to do was look at her for her to be effected. So when Phil gave her that studying stare, it was not hard for her to keep her expression firm and unmoving.

So that left her with now. A day later and still looking through boring footage from the day of the opening procession for the peace conference, on four split screens on her monitor. Security to gain entry into the city was extremely tight on any given day, but every vehicle, every person had been checked at more than one checkpoint through the city that entire week. All before the delegates had even arrived. Additional cameras had been set up to overlook any blind zones within the procession's path and a few had been angled towards the windows overlooking the street. So many options that it would take someone a lifetime to look through everything in minute detail. She was going solely with intuition. That had not been a lie. Those internal receptors were interested in these vids and she was going to listen to them. It narrowed her search so that she had not even bothered to look at the feeds that had been directed at the buildings. She wanted to see the crowds of spectators. She was not going to question why or how she knew to look there, but she had learned to trust her instincts.

Each visiting dignitary had, had one camera that followed them around and she found herself staring at the one that kept its lens on Noctis. It never took much for him to gain her full attention. Since he had refused to be seated within a convertible, the camera had been positioned from inside the car as he slowly passed the crowds of cheering citizens. Though his expression gave nothing away, a careful look into those deep eyes hinted at bemusement and a small amount of pleasure to be so readily accepted by his people. His fight had not been about fame or notoriety. He had done it because he had to and because he could. The task had been his. It had been his battle to fight. It was always easier for him to shrug off praise than beam under it. As he sat there, she notes how relaxed he looked. The alertness was there, for it was a constant, but he had not been nervous nor had he been uncomfortable. That is, until his entire body stiffened and his posture went from languid to rigid within a split second. Though he never _really_ moved, his eyes had taken on that dangerous glint as they hardened at something. Then it was gone. All that tension released and he was back to languid, with a touch of confusion creasing his brow. It looked like he did not know what it was that had put him on edge.

What had been there?

She quickly rewinds to those crucial seconds but realizes that the angle of the camera made everything outside the car extremely blurry. Pausing all the other feeds, she pulled Noctis up to her full screen and zoomed the areas outside the window then replayed the video. All she saw was a watery sea of blurry shapes and nothing else. Her eyebrows push together as she frowns, recalling her options. She had been following a car or two behind Noctis that day, but she had been riding on a convertible with the top down. Thinking back to that day, she tried to remember if she had felt anything particularly strange that day too. Her mind came up blank. She pulls up her own feed and maximizes it to full screen, skipping to the part where she reaches the same area Noctis had been when he had reacted so strongly. She was not sure if she was upset or disappointed in herself when she had not even paused when she had passed that general area. Her smile had not faltered and she had been unaware of any potential danger.

Deciding it could not hurt to do one last check, she rewinds the her feeds and replays it, this time zooming into the faces within the crowd. Leaning in too close and focusing too intently, she is nearly blinded when something catches the reflection of the sun within the crowd. Letting out a startled yelp, she has to blink her eyes several times in an attempt to rid her vision of the small black spots floating around. She rubs her eyes as she plays that part back again and tries to prepare herself for the glare this time.

"Wait," she mutters to herself as she feels her body go very still. She replays that last second and slows it down to half speed, eyes widening in recognition at something she finds.

No, not something.

Someone.

_"Someone like you should not be in a place like this."_

_"Neither should you."_

_"You don't need to worry about me."_

For there he was, the second thing that she had deliberately been stubborn about. She had consciously left out the details of her encounter with the dark haired stranger in the park. The image of his face had been reappearing in her mind ever since. She could picture him now, sitting there under the lone light, carving the image of the praying child. The imagery always touched a chord within her. Such a quiet, serene scene amidst the chaotic and oppressing shadow that was the city of Nihilsomno. The conversation, though not entirely soul baring, had been intriguing. It had been a trial to keep the encounter with him from Noctis. She can just imagine what kind of expression would settle onto his face when she told him. That cynical look that she was merely trying to make him feel better that it was because the stranger reminded her of him that she had found talking to another man so fascinating. The two were different and yet very much the same, but she doubts he would accept that. Especially now, when he had not so vaguely told her that she might be tempted to choose another. That grates her nerves the more she lets that linger so she pushes that insinuation aside.

Quickly switching back to the moment Noctis had stiffened, she tries to pinpoint exactly where he had been and flips back to the paused image from her camera. One shared location. Two different reactions. Though she had not been able to get a glimpse of him clearly from the camera stationed in Noctis' vehicle, she could see the stranger's face clearly from hers. Everyone around him had looked jolly and full of excitement. He had been still and serious. His gaze had been focused entirely on her face in that sharp, studying stare that she knew so well. The same one that he had looked at her with that night she had run into him all alone in that dark park. There had been nothing menacing about him then and she still sensed nothing dangerous… she stopped there. He _did_ have something dangerous about him, but that danger did not seem to be directed towards her. At no time had he ever made her feel threatened. Maybe that had been why she had not felt anything when she had driven past him that day. Which did not mean that he had not felt that way towards Noctis. Noctis who had not seen the stranger, but had only felt him.

Which could mean anything. She did not exactly see him to be the kind of person to cheer even if he _had_ been feeling particularly cheerful. The most one could get out of Noctis in that kind of a situation was a smirk. So his serious demeanor did not look too suspicious to her. It just peaked her interest in him a little more.

Even looking at him in the light of day, he could have been mistaken for Noctis. She might have even thought it _was_ Noctis if she had seen him standing there. There was that extra something about him that made one want to take a second look. Not just because he was unnaturally attractive, but he imbued this strong aura of power along with an underlying danger that instantly attracted. The kind of danger that aroused that inherent feminine desire for an untamable man. It was the very thing that attracted her so strongly to Noctis. While everyone else was wearing festive colors along with happy faces, he was wearing all black and unsmiling. If the picture were sharper, she knew she would be able to see the faint glow of those red eyes as they watched so carefully. She was absolutely not going to think about what his look may or may not have made her feel.

Saving the still image of his face, she cross references it against all the databases within the "Brother" network. The name was an inside joke between the four friends. Their own fraternity, hidden within a secret network that had a backdoor access to _every_ network within Nihilsomno. They had assured her that it was only Nihilsomno networks, but she would not put it past Phil to try breaking into the systems of outsiders. Cal, for one, was amazingly skilled when it came to computers. He often challenged Phil into competing to see who could break into a secure server first by manually breaking through the firewall. She had seen them do it. They had even been exasperating enough to do it while they had been pressed for time during an already high pressure covert mission. Cal had accidentally triggered a hidden alarm within the facility's mainframe and the entire system crashed as a result. Well, crashed after it had raised an alarm that had brought down an entire army upon them. Needless to say, Phil had won that round by default and Cal had received more than just a smack to the back of his head by her, Noctis and Durus.

Absently watching the progress of her search, the sudden ringing of her mobile startles her out of her memories.

"Stella."

"Phil," she says, mimicking his tone. Not his usual serious tone. There was enough wariness in it to put her on alert.

"I think..," he hesitates.

"What is it, Phil?" she urges.

"Noct's going to need you as backup with this," is the strange reply.

"Is he there?"

"No, so you're going to have to hurry before he faces whatever this is by himself."

"Where is he headed?" she asks, jumping out of her chair and running over to her closet to grab her gear.

By the time Phil finishes telling her, her destination, she is already climbing onto Luna and starting up her engines. There was a seldom heard edge to Phil's voice that did not bode well. Luna boots up and her digital voice greets her as she finishes up the remainder of her conversation.

"Be careful," warns Phil.

"I will," she responds, cutting the connection. "Luna, high alert."

"Battle mode set, your highness," is the easy response before she is tearing through the streets a moment later.


	3. Gemino

After reading this, you may want to check out my Profile. :)

Gemino is Latin for "to double".

_**Chapter Two – Gemino **_

Despite all the worry that rattled her nerves whenever Noctis' safety was threatened, a certain level of calm always descended upon her whenever she found herself being called to arms. Perhaps it was knowing that she was on her way to help him get through the danger and survive that lowered the paralyzing worry and replaced it with dogged determination to defend the man that she loved. As the city lights fly past her in a whirl of color, her mind clears of all else but preparing her body to leap and take action. Never, would she allow herself to be something else that brought out the martyr within Noctis. She had proven that she could take care of herself, even _against_ him. Which was why Phil, though hesitant, had called her.

"Approaching destination, my Lady," announces Luna.

"Can you see anything?"

"Prince Noctis is at the location," came the digital reply. "He is currently engaged by four other life forms."

"Life forms?" she asks.

"Life forms," Luna repeats.

There is no time to question Luna's curious word choice. As she makes a very sharp turn around the last corner, she sees Noctis in full battle against three things that… well, Luna had said life forms. Life forms it was then. She could not make out that many details as she sped towards them. Details, however, were not important. She could ask questions later.

"Luna, eject me," she orders and braces her body for the action.

"Ejection, now," answers Luna a split second before her seat is propelled forward and she is leaping directly towards the fray.

Noctis, who had, had his back to her at her approach, seamlessly moves out of the way as she leaps towards the opponent he had been deflecting blows from. It growls at her as they clash before she shoves it backwards to keep herself close to Noctis. As one, they position themselves back to back as they are surrounded by four things that she had no idea how to describe. No wonder he had could not give her many details. They looked the same and yet not and she had never seen anything like them before.

"Cutting off their heads do not work," Noctis tells her.

"Then how do we kill them?" she asks without taking her eyes away from the snarling _things_ that were closing the distance.

"They bleed," he answers. "They can be killed."

Yes, they certainly did bleed. The evidence of mortality was dripping all over their grotesque forms. One even seemed to be foaming at the mouth. It was almost nauseating to see such madness within the eyes of creatures that were obviously superbly developed. There were like nothing she had ever seen before. That Noctis had not exactly answered her question said he hadn't a clue how to kill them either, but it was optimistic at least. She would have chuckled at the uncharacteristic optimism if they were not currently being closed in around by four savage beasts that looked to be creatures of nightmares. They were coming in so close that she can almost feel one's breathe as it leaned down from its massive height to look closely into her eyes. If she did not know any better, she would have thought that she was looking at recognition in those hollow eyes. The tension radiating from Noctis, behind her, sent the signal the ready for an all out defensive to beat them back.

She lowers her arm at the read to swing with her rapier when all four creatures swing their heads at the same time towards the same direction just out of her vision. The momentary distraction was all they needed to strike. Together, she and Noctis leapt up while swinging downward as they flipped midair over the creatures nearest them. Noctis manages to decapitate his and her thinner blade makes a clean slice at the creature's throat. It surprises her that as well protected as their armored bodies appear, her sword had sunk into its hard flesh easier than she would have thought. She watches as the crimson fluid flows from her inflicted wound. Her opponent hunches at an angle in pain, gripping its side before snarling and barreling towards her.

The air soon sills with the squishing sounds of swords cutting into flesh and blades against blades. Her golden flashes and Noctis' blue illuminate the street. There are brief streaks of red and she wonders at that but has no time to focus on anything else besides the monster that is trying to slice her in half. Soon, a thick layer of mist shrouds around them in a haze of glowing colors. She hears the sound of a body fall and almost turns her head until she hears the sounds of more swords than she should be. The realization does not linger as the monster took that moment to make a leap into the air, diving towards her with a razor sharp claw ready to cleave her. She feels a subtle sensation before a blur of blue flies past the monster and the brief diversion allows her to hack its body at the waist. As experienced as she was, she knows to dive away and it is a good thing too because she manages to throw herself behind a small car as the large body thumps wetly against the pavement. Too many blood stains on her white clothes had taught her the wisdom of making a run for it whenever delivering a killing blow.

Quickly jumping back to her feet, she tenses, ready for another battle against one of the other three. Only to notice that she could not see through the thickening fog. The continuous clanging sounds were comforting even though she could not see Noctis. Still keeping her body at the ready and her mind on high alert, she soon makes out his silhouette twenty feet away from her. She makes a step forward to join him when she sees the unmistakable blue glow on just the other side of Noctis. Two glowing orbs of bright white light stare at her through the mist as the glowing blue becomes a more defining shape. Her eyes widen as she sees the shadowy shape solidify. Fear for Noctis has her starting forward to meet it. Yet instead of coming towards her to meet her head on or even take advantage of Noctis' inattention, it reverts back into the mist and disappears.

"Luna!" she shouts without any hesitation as she breaks out into a full run. "Self Engage! Prepare to give chase!"

"Stella!" shouts Noctis behind her, but she has not a moment to lose.

Luna screeches to a half beside her. Her fog lights breaking through the mist but not enough. She can barely see the direction in which that _thing_ had gone. It had gone fast. As soon as she is mounted, Luna bursts forward, leaving Noctis completely behind.

"Do you have a lock on it?"

"Negative, my Lady," is the reply. "However, target is in sight."

"I do not have a visual," she says. She does not have a visual of much of anything but this wall of white wetness around her. This chase was completely dependent on Luna's navigation systems. They burst through the thickness just in time to see the tail end of a bike around a tight bend. She twists her wrist sharply to gain speed and turns the corner with a skidding burn of rubber in pursuit.

As the next street comes into view, the only thing that greets her is the empty street. She decelerates into a slow roll as she tries to peer down dark alleyways, making her way down the long stretch of silent asphalt.

"Anything?" she asks.

"Target as evaded," is the calm reply.

She lets out a disappointed sigh. How was it possible that it had outrun her so fast? She had been right behind that creature. If it had not been the fog, she knows she would have caught it. Her head is just returning to face forward from checking another alley when she sees the bike that is at a full stop, perpendicular to her. The rider has his leg resting on the asphalt as he watches her carefully. His entire stance is relaxed, which belied how easily he could and would propel forward and be gone instantly. He continues to stand there, completely blocking her path as if he was _waiting_ for her to come. Blocking her effectively by standing in her path. Stopping her from her prey. He makes no attempt to move, even when she could have collided with him and she is close enough to make out his face through the visor of her helmet.

"You," she gasps in shock as she recognizes the dark stranger. He is perched on his custom bike sans a helmet. The controlled demeanor intact as effectively as she has seen in Noctis. "What are you doing here?"

He continues to watch her steadily for a moment. That same even gaze through red shaded eyes that always seemed to hold a great power behind the guarded expression.

"Abyssus abyssum invocat," he says and even though she does not understand the words, they sound like a warning.

"What?"

"There are certain paths one should not tread," he advises, his eyes never wavering from her own.

"Who are you?" she asks, stepping off Luna to stand in front of him.

His eyes look down and the sneer that briefly flickers across his face looks inwardly directed instead of towards her. When he lifts his eyes again, it is that same even look.

"Custos morum, apparently," he says bitterly. The tone, too, does not seem directed at her personally. Like some crude inside joke that taunted him.

She knows right away that he had not given her a name. He had given her some sort of title.

"Your _name_," she presses.

Instead of answering, he circles around her and Luna, breaking their staring match.

"I do not have much time," he says. "This is only temporary."

"What are you talking about?" she asks as he slides a gloved hand gently over Luna's sleek finish.

He lifts his eyes from studying Luna and looks into hers again. She waits for him to say something else. Anything to give an explanation for what he obviously wanted her to know and does not understand why she is not demanding more forward answers from him. Then, the sounds of metallic plates sliding against each other, reaches her ears. An instant later, his head is fully encased in a black helmet, his expression never changing. He does not even blink as the metal fluidly forms around his head and a glass visor raises to protect his eyes. Without another word, he rides away and disappears into the night, leaving her completely baffled and frustrated.

"Stella!" calls Noctis and she hears the gentle rumbling of Acerbus as he comes to a halt just behind her. "Are you all right?"

"Fine," she says with a shake of her head as she turns to face him. "Are you?"

"Better now that I know that you are safe," he answers without pretense and she feels a warmth in her chest at his easy admission.

"You killed three," she says with a proud smile. "I am very impressed."

"Three?" he asks, his eyebrows winkling into a frown. "You mean you did not kill the other two?"

She stiffens and that is enough to answer him. The crease deepens on his forehead as she watches the worry cross over his face.

"If you did not kill them, was that who were you chasing then?" he asks, but from the expression on his face, he already knew her answer was no.

"No, I... I think it was the one you encountered a few nights ago," she answers hesitantly, turning to look in the direction the dark stranger had gone.

He gives her a long look that is hard to decipher.

"That makes five then," he recalls and the dangerous undertone conveys his discontent at her taking such chances with herself. He is just wise enough not to comment on it.

She turns back to him with a disbelieving frown. "Does that mean it killed the other one?"

Noctis' eyes look away from hers as he thinks this over. "Why would it kill its own kind?"

"I do not know," she says with a slow shake of her head. "That does not make sense."

"_It_ was not part of the original four," Noctis says with certainty. "The others did not look the same as that one."

"They did look to have their own features," she agrees. "I am sorry I was so curt with you when you said you could not describe what they looked like. I am finding it hard to try myself right now."

He nods in silent acceptance of her apology.

"Did it hurt you?" he asks with that subtle threat of retribution if she were.

It was the protective concern from him that always made her feel loved. Loved in a way she had not felt since her father had been killed. Others had always tried to take over that role of her protector, but they had never quite fit. It was not until Noctis had come into her life, that she had felt like there was someone who could. Noctis was the only man and it seemed as if he had always been destined for the role. For only with him, did she feel that she actually _would_ be protected.

"No, I am all right," she answers, approaching him and laying her hands on each of his forearms to reassure him with touch. "Are you hurt?"

The torn, vulnerable look was back on his face then. The red of his eyes surrounding the irises that contained the windows into his inner being. That hidden person that he kept buried under the burden of so many tortured memories. It was only in these brief moments that she could see that she had been let in. That she had gotten through the impenetrable fortress of his mind. Oh, if only he would let them be more. If only he could just let them...the thought is cut off as she watches the look vanish. Just as it has vanished all the times before. The caring and the concern was still there, but the resolve was back. That stubborn resolve that kept her close but never close enough.

"I am fine," is his abrupt reply.

A coldness replaces the previous warmth of his loving concern. She is not even aware that she steps back in reaction, only that she needs to step away. It feels like a physical shove backwards and away from him. She does not think it could have hurt more if he had actually pushed her bodily. Would there ever come a time where she would step back for good? What would he do then? Would he be happy and relieved when that happened?

"We should get back to the hospital and see if any of the dignitaries were disturbed by our confrontation," she says stiffly.

His nod is jerky as he gives her that look. That one look that she was seeing twice as much as she was used to and from another pair of eyes. Despite her resolve not to, she sees the transparent silhouette of the stranger's face over Noctis'. Their expressions so alike they could be twin copies of the same original. Two men with the same spirit. Two men of the same make up. Two men who were as mysterious as the other. Why did she have to meet someone who was exactly like the man that she loved?

Who was that man? Why was he here?

She hopes that back within her flat, the answer awaits her.

Her blue eyes return to his as she takes another step away from him and shakes her head against the sinking ache that suddenly flares within her chest. The blow of his rejection hits harder than it usually does. Turning quickly, to hide her eyes, she makes her way back towards Luna and climbs onto the white body of her bike. Twisting the ignition to get going, it takes her a moment to notice that there is no response when she does.

"Luna?" she asks in disbelief.

The lack of response to her call is irrationally deafening as nothing continues to happen.

"That should never happen," Noctis comments as he approaches.

Her eyes meet his.

"Why exactly did you get off your bike, Stella?" he asks suddenly. There is a look in his eyes that suddenly makes her afraid of how he would react.

It is on the tip of her tongue to tell him, to tell him everything that she remembered about the stranger. Secrets were not things that she believed in, but she hesitates. Why she does not tell him leaves too many questions that she really does not want to answer. His reaction to her silence is so totally unexpected that she can only think enough to gap. For he does not look angry at her hesitation. He does not even look mildly impatient. No, he looks devastated. It is so off putting that she does not even dare think about how melodramatic he was being. She had never seen him react this way to anything.

Noctis looks wounded in a way that quickly brought forth the need to reassure him. Only she could not reassure him with this. They both know it and he cringes. So much so that he leans forward and rests his gloved hand against the display board of Luna. He does not look at her and it feels as if he does not think he can when she cannot look at anything else but him as he squeezes his eyes and his entire face contorts.

Luna roars to life beneath the both of them.

"Welcome, Princess Stella," is the friendly greeting.

It startles the both of them and Noctis jerks his hand away.

"Luna, are... are you all right?" she asks.

"All systems functional, my Lady," is the reply.

"What just happened?"

"There is no record of an error."

"You shorted out," she stammers.

"There is nothing within my database that supports that," Luna replies.

"Are you sure, Luna?" asks Noctis, but his voice sounds hollow.

"Absolutely, your Majesty," Luna reassures.

Their eyes meet but he looks away first, another blow to her. Then he shakes his head, taking a step away from her.

"It does not matter," Noctis says absently. The carefully blank look that settles over his face gives him away though. She has seen him do it so many times she knows that whatever he knows, he will not tell her and it is something she really needed to know. The downside to his protectiveness of her.

"Noctis...," she starts.

"Acerbus," he orders, cutting off whatever she was going to say, with the voice of the leader that he is. "Alert Phil that we will be at the hospital shortly."

"As you wish, my Lord," Acerbus' masculine computerized voice responds in answer.

He does not wait for her as he makes his way to his own bike and climbs onto its back. She reeves her own engine behind him and follows him back to the hospital without exchanging another word. The usual comfortable silence during the ride is absolutely painful and downright awkward as they make their way back towards the hospital, where the confrontation had begun. As if that was not bad enough, it seemed equally eerie that there was no crowd gathered around the entrance of the hospital once they reached it. She is sure they had made enough noise to draw a number of curious citizens and attract the media. No matter that it was in the middle of the night. No helicopters hovered overhead and the streets were clear. Only the absence of the fog from earlier was the difference. One would never have thought there had even been a battle. The only signs were the unfortunate cars that had been parked on the street. She did not even see any of the bodies of those creatures.

If Noctis is surprised by this, he gives no indication of it as he parks Acerbus and waits for her to dismount as well. His nod in the direction of the entrance gives no opening for a conversation before they are walking towards it together. The tension between them is still unsettling and straining, so it is a relief when she spots the other three that complete their little band of rebels on the other side of the hospital doors.

"Where is everyone?" Noctis asks before she can.

"We were careful to contain the situation," Phil answers grimly.

"Grossy grossness is what this is," comments Cal as he taps his rifle against his shoulder. His nose is wrinkled as if he had caught the scent of something foul.

"What is 'gross'?" she asks.

"_What_ is a good question," responds Durus gruffly.

"Not for the faint of heart, Stell," agrees Cal.

"Are the dignitaries all right?" asks Noctis.

The three of them look uncomfortable.

"Oh no," she gasps. "They were killed?"

"Er… yes and no," answers Cal unhelpfully.

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"We're going to have to show you," says Phil. His lips are set in a grimace and even Cal shudders as the three of them seem to recall the same visual.

That does not bode well.

Noctis walks alongside Phil and she wavers behind him, flanked by Cal and Durus on either side.

"If you faint, I'll catch you," reassures Cal and she is sure he means to be, but that only makes her dread worsen.

The five of them head toward the Restricted Ward that had been heavily guarded when the delegates had developed a dangerously high fever earlier in the day. The fact that the ward was covered in blood is enough to make her feel queasy. That is, until she saw the first of the body parts that once been the guards. Then she thought she was really going to be sick. It was like a scene out of a horror movie.

"We haven't been able to get in from this point," relates Durus as they reach the beginnings of the pools of blood. The burgundy liquid had crawled out from the ward's entry doors and the crackling sound of electricity went along with the flickering of the lights.

"Nothing from anyone that had been inside?" asks Noctis. His eyes had begun to resemble beams of a laser and his hands fisted angrily at his sides.

"We're assuming they all look like this," Cal says, pointing to the nauseating sight of limbs and torso. The head, which she could only assume was really the head that had been attached, had landed halfway down the other end of the hall. From the tattered remains still covering the torso, she could see that it had been one of the heavily armed guards.

"How did you contain this?" she asks in disbelief. Surely the amount of noise and commotion would have alerted the entire hospital. This was a massacre!

"We had already transferred the majority of the patients before the conference had even started, just in case," explains Phil. "So this was the only ward that had actually been in use today."

"Neighbors?" she asks.

"Most aren't talking, but we've got the police questioning those that are awake," is the vague reply from Phil.

Most residents within Nihilsomno were used to seeing strange things and had stopped demanding answers long ago. The answers they had sought had only given them greater cause to fear. Fear of the unknown had become fear of the known. They seemed to have collectively decided it was better not to know too much. It was why they had embraced Noctis so readily. His age had not discredited him at all once they had realized that he was the most powerful user of the Crystal. That he had been their lone protector during the trials from the last few months only added to it. They had a hope from the paralyzing fear they had lived under for so long.

"None alerted the media," she states.

"Any tips they may have gotten are unstoppable," says Phil with a weary sigh and then he turns to look at Noctis gravely. "We won't be able to cover it up this time."

"So they _are_ coming," she says.

"Yes," Noctis answers for Phil as both men exchange a look. Then he turns to look at her. "That means you will have to be back at your flat before they get here."

"Why?" she asks, feeling her irritation rise.

"To take the media attention off you once they see that you did not know anything," explains Phil. "If you, a representative from Tenebrae, had been involved with this it might add to the tension already surrounding you and Noctis."

"What is that supposed to mean?" she demands, unable to keep the offended tone from her voice.

"Everyone knows you have the hawts for each other and seeing you here and trying to pass it off would only make the story more far fetched," Cal blurts out.

She cannot help the blush that tints her cheeks pink at his choice of words. That Phil does not roll his eyes and Durus does not snap a 'shut up' makes it even worse.

"Now, say they saw you weren't here and when they went knocking at your door, found you in your jammies," Cal continues. "Then you saying you're clueless will be believable."

"Me standing as a witness would be more effective," she argues. "Besides, I want to see what is in there."

"And you will," reassures Noctis. He turns his head and they all watch as two orderlies come running towards them with safety suits bundled in their arms. "But then afterwards, you must be gone before the media gets here."

That still did not fully appease her but she would relent because she _would_ be seeing just what happened behind those demolished doors. She presses her lips together to keep from sounding like a whiny brat and distracts herself by staring down at the pools of blood not a few feet away from their own. A shudder of revulsion slithers up her spine as she catches the sparks of blown sockets within the red sea. Words she does not even understand, come rushing out of her lips as the image of the stranger flashes through her vision.

"Abyssus abyssum invocat," she murmurs, repeating his mysterious words.

"What did you say?" Noctis snaps so abruptly and so sharply that her head whips to attention as she looks up at him.

"What?"

"What did you just say?" he repeats and his entire body goes rigid.

"Do they mean something?" she asks, already knowing that they must.

"Was that even English?" asks Cal thoughtfully.

The stare that Noctis gives her seems to reach into the very depths of her mind. She feels the suppressed power bubbling to the surface, but even then, she does not fear that he would harm her. Noctis would never harm her. Whatever the words meant, they obviously meant _something_ to him.

"Latin," he answers without taking his eyes away from her. "That was Latin."

"What did I say?" she pleads. She needs to understand this. When she makes a step towards him, he stiffens even tighter and she freezes. She can feel more walls being thrown up between them as he shuts her out.

"Hell calls Hell…," he answers in a low voice and he has that wavering look that he had given her that night. That night she had first met the stranger. The same night he told her he could not see the decisions she would make. "…One misstep leads to another."

He looks at her a moment longer until they all turn to look down at the pools on the floor and then to the ward beyond. Those ominous words change the very essence in the air around them. Only one question repeats itself again and again as they continue to stand there silently.

_What is happening?_


	4. Busillas

Busillas is Latin for "baffling puzzle or difficult point".

_**Chapter Three – Busillas**_

The dark, quiet calm of the interior in her apartments feels like a haven against the turmoil of the outside world beyond its walls. A reflective glow reaches across the floors provided by the orange hued street lights just below her windows. Though, the long lights stretch out towards her but do not reach her. There is no noise, even from the street outside. It would have been serene if not for the thunderstorm of her thoughts. The clanging sounds of her keys makes her jump as they impact with the floor from her nerveless fingers. Hours had passed since she had raced through her doors to help Noctis. Never would she have imagined the things that she would see when she had left. Those grotesque images flash through her mind and whenever she closes her eyes she can almost smell the scent of the putrid smell of blood within her nostrils. The reminders leave a feeling of convulsion in response. Would she ever be able to sleep without seeing those scenes in nightmares again?

A wariness creeps into the very marrow of her bones and she drops back to lean heavily against the door in exhaustion. Blood was not a new sight to her. She had been the cause of enough of it to be familiar with the sight. It had never been a sight that she had gotten used to however. The presence of that life sustaining liquid had always roused a pang within her heart whenever she had seen it, even more so when she had caused it. A slight ache for the life that had ended. Now, she feels sick at heart. Positively ill at the things she had just observed. No matter how extensive the wounds she had inflicted in a fight, there had never been a kill that had not been necessary. These had not been mere killings. The scene she had walked through earlier had been a massacre of senseless rage. A show of complete madness. Those creatures had killed mercilessly and by no provocation from the ones that had been unfortunate enough to be there when it had happened.

It had not been possible to establish an exact body count. The bodies had been too mutilated to be sure. Those creatures had not stopped by dismembering their victims. They had smashed skulls, torn flesh and crushed bones. It had conveyed an unrestrained rage. If she had, had any remorse for taking the lives of those monsters, she felt the death too good, too swift. They had felt pain. She was sure of that. They _could_ be killed. They had only been killed too quickly for her to be satisfied. The entire thing makes her angry. To see such disregard for life was disgusting. Even more upsetting was the fact that there was not a trace of the creatures to collect for study. The guys had reassured her that they had not collected the carcasses but they had vanished into thin air. Had it not been the sight of Noctis' equally frustrated face, she might have had her doubts. He had been just as angry she had been when they realized they had disappeared.

As if things were not bad enough, they discovered that the dignitaries that had been in the hospital for treatment were missing. Evidence pointed to them being dragged from their beds but they had not been able to establish how they had been taken and where. That reason being that they did not have any video footage from within the hospital or just outside the exits during the entire incident. It was blatantly obvious that the kidnapping was meticulously planned and the creatures were most likely the diversion so that the kidnappers could get away. How could they have been so unprepared? One of the dignitaries was from Tenebrae. This was a disaster in more ways than one. She had barely managed to get out of there before the first of the media had arrived. Not that she had escaped entirely. Once she had gotten into the garage, the first knocks upon her front door were heard. She had been forced to give her proper denials according to the plan that they had given her before. It was while being questioned about her thoughts that she realized how incredibly insightful the guys had been regarding her mindset. As she was questioned, she was too traumatized to offer any sort of cover story that would have been necessary they hadn't. So, she had advised them to forward their questions to Noctis, who she assured them, was probably in the thick of things already. She was so thankful to Noctis and the guys for telling her what to say before the press had come barreling down on her like a pack of nagging pests.

Rolling her head tiredly to the side, her eyes catch the glow of her laptop. In her haste, she had not waited for the results were in regarding the identity of the stranger. It is almost a relief that she has something to keep her mind from the horrific things she had just seen. So she pushes away from the door with renewed strength and approaches her desk. Falling into the cushioned chair with a weary sigh, she turns off the screensaver and shakes her head at herself once she reads the screen. She can almost laugh in a self mocking way.

"Of course," she snips at herself with a roll of her eyes.

There was no match to anyone within the databases that matched the stranger. It is an almost even greater joke that one of the closest results was Noctis. Something that she really did not have to think about _again_. Leaning back to lay her head against the tall backrest, she runs over what this means. He obviously was not a native resident of Nihilsomno. She could have easily guessed that already. It might have made her optimistic enough to keep trying if not for the fact that she had not restricted her search to the Nihil. She had not. She had searched _all_ of the databases. Which meant they had been deliberately erased or he did not really exist. Since she was not delusional and he was definitely real, she went with the theory that whatever records that had existed before had already been erased. How had he gotten around the city then? Nihilsomno was littered with regular and spontaneous security checks and he had been within the crowds closest to the procession. How had he managed that?

Did that mean he was funded by someone high up the chains of power? Was he some sort of secret agent?

Lifting her head, she stares at the image of him standing amid the cheering crowds again. Then startles when her mobile suddenly begins to ring. She presses a hand to her heart as she checks the caller ID. Curious eyes turn into a frown at what the display tells her.

_Unknown. _

Not restricted. Which sent warning bells ringing through her mind, but she answers anyway.

"You won't find me there, Stella," is the greeting over the line. She knows this voice and had it not been for the factual tone of it, she might have been upset. Instead she finds herself fighting a chuckle.

"You cannot blame me for trying," she answers. There obviously was no use in denying she had looked when they already knew she had.

"I would've if you hadn't tried," is the approving answer.

She feels that same lift of her pride that she gets whenever Noctis used that same tone.

"Should I bother to ask any meaningful questions?" she asks tiredly.

"I'll answer only the ones you need."

"What are those demons that I saw tonight?"

There is a long pause and the ensuing silence stretches so long that she almost believes he is gone.

"Why would you call them demons?" is the quiet response.

Had she surprised him? He sounded almost hurt.

"I saw what they did to those people in the hospital," she says, letting her angry through. "Only something as evil as demons would do such a thing. They showed no mercy to people who could not defend themselves."

"Killers do not realize what they are until there is nothing left to kill," is the mysterious reply.

"But not all killers are evil," she finds herself saying defensively. She was a killer too, but never would she allow herself to act as those _things_ had. "To kill senselessly is depraved and wicked. To kill to preserve life is not wicked."

"That is not a killer," he reasons calmly. "That is an avenger. Does that make you an angel?"

"No," she denies. "I only hate the waste of life."

"Is life so great?" is the bitter reply.

"There is always a reason to live," she says heatedly.

The silence is longer this time, only she knows that he is still there. She feels him there like he was an actual, physical presence in the room with her.

"Then tell me why I live again, Stella."

Again? Did that mean he...?

"If you can tell me the answer to that riddle, I'll answer anything you ask."

The sound of that underlying desperation touches a chord within her. It was like a plea for help that only she can hear.

"You want to know what they are," he says before she can say anything. "They were called many things where I am from, but I'll just give you one. They are Amalgrams and they are not what you think they are."

That did not sound very encouraging.

"You must look at the hospital feeds."

"The cameras failed," she complains.

"No, they didn't."

"How do you know that?"

"I have them."

"How did you do that? Why did you take them?"

"Proof," he answers. "Proof of what they are and what you are killing."

"Why take them only to give them to me?"

"I need you to trust me," he admits.

"Why me?"

"Noctis trusts you," he says and the confession gives her pause. "And you would not turn me in to him before I can prove anything."

"Why not just talk to him?"

"You've seen the procession footage. You already know why."

He knew! He knew how Noctis reacted to his nearness. How?

"I'll give you the footage," he repeats.

"How are you going to do that?"

"I'll find you."

The click of the phone feels like a thread being snipped with a pair of scissors. Slowly her arm lowers to the desk as her mind races over everything he had said.

Then her phone rings again.

"Who are you?" she asks a little hysterically.

"You know who I am, Stella," is the calm reply.

"Noctis," she breathes with a sigh of relief. "I am so glad to hear your voice."

"Forgive me for not seeing you safely home."

"There is no need to apologize for that," she says. Trust him to feel guilty for neglecting to do something that was not his fault.

"To leave you by yourself after the night we just had leaves me feeling disarmed."

"I can manage."

"Perhaps it is I who cannot manage to be alone," he says, sounding contrite.

She feels that familiar swelling in heart to hear his dependence on her.

"You always have Cal," she teases.

She hears the muffled snort and it makes her chuckle.

"I would rather have you."

She wants to sigh at his words. Really, the man could say the most enchanting things without even sounding like some tacky hero in a trashy romance novel.

"Does that mean you are coming now?" she asks hopefully.

"I am. Only...," his sigh of frustration is a bad sigh. "Only I received a call from the labs regarding the results of those samples you collected a few nights ago."

"Now? It is barely reaching six in the morning."

"I may have insisted on them working nonstop until they got the results."

If he did not sound so charmingly devious she might have accused him of being a slave driver. Only this was important and they needed quick results, so she can only be thankful for his insistence on the matter.

She sighs dramatically in answer. "Having our first date in a lab is hardly romantic," she tries to sound pouty.

"Neither does having three chaperones," he quips back and she can see the smirk that must be on his face. Then she hears his tone shift to worry. "If you need to rest, I will delay the visit."

"No," she says quickly. "I need to know. The sooner the better. I can rest later."

She would not be able to rest anyway.

"I need to do this, Noctis," she says firmly.

"All right," he says after a pause. "We will be there in ten minutes."

"I will be ready."

"Stella?" he calls, before she can hang up.

"Yes?"

"Who did you think it was when you first answered?"

"A prank caller had called just before you did," she says easily. She hates to lie but she feels she needs to bend the truth. Afterall, she was not even sure whether it was or not. It might all be just a hoax.

"Would you like me to have Phil trace your incoming calls?" he asks with that protective anger evident.

He would do it anyway, but at last if she said yes, he would share what they found.

"That would be most appreciated," she says, trying to sound grateful.

"I will get him right on that," he says. "I shall see you in ten minutes."

"Ten minutes," she agrees and hangs up the phone.

They reached her in little over five minutes instead of ten, which was just as well since she was not sure she would have been able to wait s full ten minutes anyway. She was not sure how much suspense her heart could take before she would burst with impatient energy. It seemed that events were piling higher and higher and her thoughts were not the organized ones that allowed her to process them properly. From the looks she had seen on the guys' faces, she saw that she was not alone in having too many things in question either. They all greeted her with easy smiles as she climbed in beside Noctis. He had given her a small smile and that careful look before turning back towards the window and studying the city around them as Phil drove them to the labs.

"Just when I thought there was nothing you couldn't do, you prove me wrong!" mocks Cal, as the five of them make their way down the hallway to the labs.

"I'm a genius, not a lab technician," retorts Phil with a roll of his eyes.

"None of you have even bothered to tell me your theories," she says in an attempt to make conversation. From the glittering in Cal's eyes, she knows that he has plenty and she feels thankful for his cheerful presence.

"Don't get him started," warns Durus.

"Depends on which one you wanna hear, Stell," grins Cal.

"Your best shot," she answers.

Phil snorts and pushes his glasses further up his nose.

"I'm thinkin' Phil's nemesis has invented a robot capable of human intelligence and unleashes it in the middle of the night to try and kill Noctis," explains Cal. "Each robot that Noct fights is an updated version to the one before to perfect the ultimate killing machine."

"So that would mean that both Phil and Noctis would have something to fight," she replies, tapping her finger lightly against her chin as she thinks it over.

"Exactly! And Evil Phil Nemesis hacks into our mainframe and dismantles our network to gain access to our Crystal and become ruler of the world!" Cal finishes with a fist in the air and nearly punches Durus in the face.

"Watch it squirt!"

"Who you callin' a squirt! I'll have you know I weigh…"

"Knock it off," orders Phil, slapping the back of Cal's head.

"Ouch!"

"Beat me to it," smirks Durus.

"Made my head all itchy," grumbles Cal as he scratches his scalp, messy hair ruffled even further.

The five of them turn the corner together before Durus grabs and holds one of the lab doors open for them to walk through.

"Ah, your Majesties," greets the older technician sitting by his desk.

Like all labs, this one is pristine in its whiteness. The completely sterile environment beyond the double paneled windows displays two figures clothed in biohazard suits, working carefully within the contained space. She has a sinking feeling as she realizes that they must be studying the remains from the hospital.

"You mentioned obtaining some important results, Doctor," Noctis says, getting straight to the point. She sees his eyes flicker towards the room beyond and the gleaning anger as he realizes what they are doing as well.

The doctor hesitates slightly as he looks at her before answering Noctis' inquiry.

"I don't mean to sound rude, My Lady Stella, but I wonder if you might have gotten the samples mixed together en route here?"

"Why do you say that?" she asks, trying to keep her tone neutral.

"Well, you mentioned that you had taken each from two different areas within the same crime scene."

"Yes," she confirms with a nod. "One looked to be dried blood and the other looked more like a pile of ash."

"Ash?" The look on the doctor's face gives her, has the dread creeping up her spine.

"Why do you think the samples were cross contaminated, Doctor?" Noctis inquires.

The doctor frowns as he thinks this over. The confusion there that makes her even more uneasy. She already knew she was not going to like his answer.

"The samples are the same," the doctor answers carefully. "Meaning, that the DNA matches. These two samples came from the same person."

"Person?" Phil asks.

"Yes, person," the doctor responds. "That they are both blood samples is obvious."

"No," Stella says, shaking her head. "One came from a drop of dried blood and the other was a neat pile of ash. Normally I would not have bothered but it seemed so odd that it be." She pauses to look at Noctis but he is merely waiting for her to finish. "I did not even ask that it be analyzed for DNA, but as a substance."

"We originally did," answers the Doctor. "Only we realized that it was not man made and it was definitely not ash that you collected, Princess."

She looks at Noctis. "That does not make any sense."

"Can you tell us whose blood it is?" Noctis asks, looking back at her for a moment before turning his attention back to the doctor.

His face is carefully blank so she cannot say what he is thinking. She hopes that he does not doubt her like the doctor obviously did.

"We have not been able to find a match within our database," answers the Doctor, then he turns to Stella as if to question her more on the samples.

"Can you explain how it is possible that both samples came from the same source when one so clearly did not look like blood?" asks Noctis and there is just a little too much calmness in his voice to overlook.

"The only possibility would be that the samples were cross contaminated," the Doctor replies. "I don't know a single animal that could leave DNA behind in two contrasting forms, let alone a human."

"And this is definitely human?" asks Stella, trying her best to keep her expression neutral.

"For the most part."

"'For the most part?'" asks Noctis.

"Whoever this person is, they're a little more than human."

_Like her and Noctis_.

The same thought circulates unspoken around the room.

"Well, I do apologize for wasting your time at a critical moment like this," apologizes Noctis. Though he is smiling, his eyes are not.

"I was going to run a few more tests…,"

"That will not be necessary when you have far more pressing cases to see to," reassures Noctis, cutting him off. "You have done a very thorough job and I thank you." There is a charm in his voice that was capable of being very persuasive, that Noctis seldom used. He could be very charming when he wanted to be, it was just rare that he felt inclined to be so. There was nothing outwardly aggressive about it and it always made people instantly relax when he usually made many nervous.

"Of course, your Highness," reassures the Doctor.

"I am glad to hear that," he answers, gesturing towards Phil. "All accumulated data would have to be transferred to my man here via hard drive."

That is when Phil pulls a small external hard drive out and hands it to the doctor.

"I want everything if you please," says Phil, more firmly and less friendly than Noctis.

Durus stands menacingly beside Phil to press the point and Stella has to suppress a smirk at their methods. Neither of the three had any compunctions about looking like a bunch of bullying thugs beside Noctis' quiet urgings. It was no small wonder that only a _few_ liked these three loyal companions of his. She being one of them of course.

"Snappy, if you would, Doc," adds Cal with a big grin and light tapping of his shoulder with his rifle.

"We will wait," reassures Noctis with a polite nod. His expression is still not the least bit threatening and his voice sounds patient and pleasant. Something that could quickly change if the man did not do what he was told.

"It won't take but a moment," responds the flustered Doctor.

They all watch as the files are downloaded before Phil taps a few key shorts and deletes the original files on the lab's server. The poor man flushes indignantly but falters at the small smile on Noctis' lips. She has seen that smile before and it never looked very safe. The doctor's eyes fly to hers as if to gain her sympathy.

"I think they want to prevent the risk of me looking like a fool for doing something as stupid as ruining vital samples from the press," she smiles by way of apology. "I do appreciate your cooperation and _discretion_ in this matter."

"Of course, Princess," replies the Doctor, who looks relieved at her explanation.

"Thank you again, Doctor," says Noctis with another nod before they all turn to leave the labs together.

"You should really be more careful next time, Stell," teases Cal loudly as they exit. "Gave us all a scare."

"I suppose your theory about Phil's nemesis and his upgrading droids is looking more and more plausible," she replies.

"If it's the truth, I might be convinced you _do_ have a brain," retorts Durus.

"It's pretty clear that this is miniature behemoth to me," comments Phil dryly.

"A miniature behe…!" sputters Cal indignantly.

They carry on this easy banter all the way to the car, until they are back inside the confined space where no one can hear their real conversation. Cal leisurely rests his arm around the back of Phil's headrest in the front while she settles between Durus and Noctis in the backseat. Phil hits the highway before anyone says another word.

"Can it be possible?" she asks, allowing her unease to finally show. "That one like us could…"

"Morph?" suggests Cal. "That thing looks evil."

"Mutatio," mutters Noctis quietly to himself.

"What's that?" asks Durus, leaning in to hear the word clearer over the sounds of the highway.

"Mutatio," repeats Noctis a little louder this time.

"Transformation," explains Phil with a grim tone.

"I have never heard of anyone being gifted with such an ability," she says. "Let alone five."

"Unless these people really aren't human but close enough to be mistaken on a cellular level," explains Phil.

"How could people that look like that hide within such a busy city?"

"The sewers," answers Cal with a snap of his fingers.

"Or the subways tunnels," adds Durus.

"There are too many places underground that could be used," says Phil.

"Too many to check," adds Noctis with a frustrated sigh. "The question now is whether there are more of them."

"That one must be the leader then," she says, looking at Noctis. "He was the only one of the five that had any discernible features."

"If these things are smart enough to keep out of sight then I think it's safe to say they don't come out only to eat," states Cal.

"You mean that they have been spotted in these areas for a specific reason?" asks Stella. She turns to look at Noctis. "Before the hospital, did anyone think to check the areas the one was spotted at?"

"We have only encountered it once," answers Noctis. "Before last night. The other times it had already vanished before we could get there and there has only been just the one until last night."

"Then we need to start at the point where you fought it," she says. "It might tell us why it was there and possibly, where they could have taken the missing dignitaries."

"It's also kinda freaky that it's never been caught on camera," ponders Cal.

"That area of the city is not closely monitored," answer Durus.

"Which is why we always went _there_ to hang out as kids," says Phil and she can hear his smirk while she can see the three others do likewise.

"Heck yeah!" Cal yells. "Fun times."

"Yes, they were," agrees Noctis with a fond, secretive smirk on his face.

Oh she could just guess the kinds of mischievous things these four could come up with in such a free zone. Then she shakes her head. Trust them to get off the subject and start joking around so quickly. The vitality of the male mind.

"We should call them that then," says Cal. "Mutatio. That sounds like a cool codename."

"But way too obvious," states Durus. "You say something like that and people will start freaking out."

"We should have a special name for the leader too, then," suggests Phil.

"And Mutatio sounds too awesome not to use!" argues Cal.

"It's not like we're starting a frat," retorts Phil.

"All right then," she says, breaking it up before Cal can get going. "We can keep that name for the general group, but we should come up with a special, vague codename for the other one. Something simple, easy to say and common enough that it would just sound out of place instead of 'freaky'."

Silence descends as they all think this over.

"Blue," says Noctis and it sounds like something remembered instead of an idea.

"Blue?" asks Cal with that confused, almost disapproving look on his face.

"Blue," repeats Noctis, with a firm nod.

"Okay, why Blue?" asks Cal. His face is an attempt at looking reasonable which is almost comical.

"There are streaks of blue glowing along the blade of his sword and along the length of his body," answers Noctis.

"It's a 'he'?" asks Durus.

"Drat!" cries Cal. "Woulda been nice to see how big a rack a girl that tall would have."

"Perv," snarks Phil.

"Ladies man," explains Cal before he is smacked in the back of the head by Durus again.

"Jackass," corrects Durus.

"Ladies man!"

"Uncouth," tries Noctis with a smirk.

"Thanks, but still… Ladies Man!"

"What do you say, Stella?" asks Phil.

"Cad," she retorts with a laugh.

"You and Noct are SO _boring_," Cal complains with an exaggerated roll of his eyes.

"No, you just need to improve your vocabulary," retorts Noctis.

Cal turns sheepish but completely unrepentant.

"Now that we have established gender and codename," Noctis points out sarcastically. "We can try putting together all the established facts and see what we can solve."

"Oh no…," whines Cal. "Phil's gonna make _another_ chart."

"What else do you remember?" she asks Noctis.

"I'm still pissed off that it was so dark on that street," complains Cal heatedly before Noctis can reply. "I've only see it once but didn't get a good look! All I saw were streaks of blue and red and Noct's sparklies."

"Sparklies?" repeats Noctis.

"Twinklies?" suggests Cal with a grin.

A rough hand smacks him on the head again.

"Be serious," growls Durus.

For any Author's Notes or updates, please visit my Profile.


	5. Peregrinus

Peregrinus is Latin for "wanderer, foreigner, stranger."

_**Chapter Four: Peregrinus**_

The more information she found out, the more questions she formed. Ash was not supposed to provide a DNA sample. She knew enough science to know that much. Whatever it had been would have had any traces of DNA incinerated. Perhaps if a bone had been recovered, but that was a very big maybe as well. It was not supposed to be possible from a small pile of completed charred remains. It was just impossible. She _is_ thankful that she had collected it even though she had thought it would tell her anything. It had been a vague hope that it was something synthetic. Certainly not something like this. Certainly not a _man's_ DNA at that. Whoever this man was, he was not completely human. Not what those like her and Noctis were either. He… they were something different all together and just as dangerous. Did that make him and the rest like him, monsters? She hated to generalize and she certainly could not just assume anything, but it was not easy to give them the benefit of her doubt.

This, _Blue_, was different from the others. He had to be. Since there had been no reports of slaughters such as the ones they had seen when he had been sighted alone. As far as they knew, he was just different than the rest. Obviously he had some sort of position of power if he had such distinct details in his body that the others that she had seen had not. She did not think being different qualified for being considered a monster. Unless of course, he was their leader and it had been his idea to attack the hospital. That did not explain why he had not done anything when she had seen him through the thickness of the fog. She had not choice at the moment, but to reserve her judgment until she gathered more evidence to support anything. Having lived her life as she had, she could relate to the isolation, the stigma, the prejudice that these creatures undoubtedly felt. She knew she had been called a great many unflattering things because of the things she could do. It was just that none of them were said to her face, of course, but whispered. That did not mean she was ignorant of them. It also did not mean they did not hurt her any less either. Which was why she liked that Noctis had thought to call him, Blue, instead of something evil.

Fear drove people to do the most heinous acts of violence. Fear fueled hate and she had witnessed enough of both within the brief looks from other dignitaries and more blatantly during their journey from common people. So it did not seem right to lash out against creatures simply because they were scary. It would be stupid to say that all those that had lived through near death experiences were all good. She had met more than a few who were mad. Who had grown more mad when they had come back. They _did_ have problems too. While she had always considered her brush with death to be a blessing, not everyone agreed. Call it what they would, evil was not one she would call it. She was thankful. She had been given a second chance and a powerful gift as a result. What was there to be bitter about? Were these creatures similar?

The conversation with the dark stranger plays through her mind again too. His genuine plea for her to provide a reason for his second life had struck a chord within her. It was something that Noctis has searched for too. He believed his gifts to be a curse and his nature was an inclination towards darkness. Even if it really was, she knew that he would never use his powers for evil. He was far too noble to do otherwise. So was it a masculine thing to always look on the downside of things? If not for Cal, she might have believed that. Only, Cal had never died so that was still up for debate. It was hard to think that Noctis could ever have grown up to be as happy go lucky as Cal was anyway. His personality did not seem to have been significantly altered as a result since Noctis was a naturally talented person. Besides, his experience had formed the man he was now and she thought the man very fine indeed. She happened to adore the serious brooder type, perhaps because she was not one herself. It gave her a sense of fulfillment whenever she could make Noctis laugh. A man more cheerful than her would be rather irritating.

Turning over onto her back restlessly, her eyes stare up at the ceiling. She has been lying here for an hour and sleep was just as distant from her now than it had been the night before. The sun is at the noon peak but Noctis had ordered her to get some rest when they had dropped her back off at her flat earlier. He had even made her promise to do so. Endearing and insufferable and she almost loved him more for being so exasperatingly protective. She had not had the heart to argue against that. The other three had not even cracked a joke about his mothering of her either. In fact, they had all collectively agreed, going so far as to threaten her with appointing guard duty outside her bedroom to make sure she stayed put. No more secret adventures for Stella. She had not been able to decide whether she should stomp her foot and pout or laugh in reaction.

When hears someone knocking on her door, she barely suppresses the urge to roll her eyes. She _does_ let out a puff of irritation. Did they really think she could sleep if they were constantly coming over? She climbs out of her mattress and makes her way to the front door. Despite her inability to sleep, her body was heavy and her mind was exhausted. Out of habit and self preservation, she checks the security monitor to see who it is before opening the door.

"Oh no!" she gasps, more alert now as she quickly unlocks the door and throws it open. An apologetic look is already on her face before she meets her guest. "I forgot!" she cries as she sees her one female friend standing on the other side of her door.

"You don't get another raincheck," chides Am as she breezes past her.

"I was not going to ask for one," she denies quickly. Even as tired as she was, she had no desire to cancel another afternoon with her friend. Actually, just the sight of her friend was a relief. She had not realized until this moment that she needed a girls' day out. Something to clear her mind completely and maybe then, she could get some rest.

"I should enforce a twenty-four hour cancellation policy," jokes Am with an easy smile. When she turns around and gives her a long look, she wonders what her friend sees in her face as her pretty features bunched into a concerned frown. "Stella, are you okay?"

It is on the tip of her tongue to deny it, but she forces those words away. Am already suspected and she would not lie.

"I have been better," she says tiredly, walking to her couch and settling heavily upon it.

"State secrets?" Am offers cautiously.

"Yes," she answers, leaning her head back against the overstuffed cushions.

Am moves to sit at the edge of the coffee table in front of her before giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"That bad huh?" Am says. "You know I won't ask, but if you need anything, you know I'm here."

Just hearing her say that made her feel loads better. This was why she was friends with Am. Not only did Am relate to her in ways that Noctis and the guys and everyone else in her life could not, she also was not nosy. She never felt as if her friendship was being taken advantage of because Am never pried into her affairs. Well, the ones that related to her royal duties that is. In love matters and other things, Am certainly _did _pry. Which was something a girl friend did. When the two of them were feeling particularly stressful, they got together to do absolutely nothing but girlie things that boys would never understand.

"I am not canceling our plans," she says stubbornly. She needed this more than sleep, no matter what the guys thought.

Am shakes her head with a smile. Her bright green hair sways with the movement and her emerald eyes are full of understanding.

"Good, because I really needed to do this too," Am agrees.

"Rough on the job too, eh?" she retorts, mimicking the tone her friend had used before.

"You have no idea," Am mutters, blowing green bangs away from her eyes. "They forgot I was supposed to be off today so I made them remember."

They both shared a devious smile as they thought about just what that entailed. Am was part of a special enforcement team that Noctis had formed shortly after the close of their war, once he had returned to Nihilsomno. It was a small, secret group who were dedicated in, not only locating, but keeping close watch over others who could wield the Crystals. Those, like her and Noctis, who had survived near death experiences and turned out different. Am was one of them too and it was another similarity between them, bringing them more solidly together as friends. As her work was often top secret as well, they had mutually agreed that they would keep those aspects of their lives separate from their friendship. Am never asked about state secrets and Stella never asked abut the people Am had to watch over. It was sad that there had to be a special police for those like them, but as she realized already, it was necessary now.

"At least your job takes you to exotic places," Stella teases. "I always find myself stuck within four walls."

"Yeah, but yours is definitely more glamorous," retorts Am. The Enforcers, which was their title, had no set jurisdiction. Being top secret included staying under the radar of not only the general public, but other nations. This was to keep them from having to adhere to political restrictions. The only person they were accountable to was Noctis, who had selected each of the members and was their own Enforcer. Stella often worried about the dangerous situations that her dear friend must have to escape from on an almost daily basis. When one like them lost control of their powers, the results could be disastrous.

"No wounds today?" she asks, in that motherly way she cannot help. She gives her friend a critical once over to check.

"No, mom," answers Am with am easy smile. "So we can do anything today. What'll it be?"

"The press will be all over me if we chose something too public," she answers with a long sigh. She really could have used a short shopping expedition within the market square of Nihilsomno.

"I saw the news this morning," Am admits with a sympathetic look. "Sounds like its that exclusive, only royals can get a last minute reservation to, spa then."

The thought of spending the day there with her friend sounded more relaxing than sleep. At least there, she would not be alone with her dark thoughts.

"I think that is perfect," she answers with a thankful smile.

It _had_ been perfect too and had been just what she needed. There was nothing like having a friend that accepted you and made you feel comfortable with who you are. One who respected the things she could not say but made up for it with things that she did. Nothing about their interactions ever made her feel as if she had been forced to confess anything she was not comfortable with. Having another woman's opinion on her relationship with Noctis was a relief to have and often very insightful. It also felt nice to know that she was not the only one that withheld things about her life because she knew that Am did too. There had been many times already where she would catch a faraway look in her friend's green eyes as she got lost within a memory. It reminded her of what she must look like, doing the same thing.

There had been times where Am would say certain things to her that had her suspecting that her friend was in her life because she was simply meant to be. They had so much in common it was almost scary. When she had vented in desperation regarding Noctis' reluctance and denial of taking their relationship into an actual relationship, Am had not railed about idiotic, chauvinist men who thought we were supposed to wait and to move on. Oh, she _had_ called Noctis a stubborn mule but she had not advised her to give up. Instead, Am had advised her not to give up on him. She got the impression that Am had fallen for a stubborn one as well, only she had given up and still regretted it. Someone very much like Noctis, if that glazed look her friend wore sometimes when she looked at Noctis. It would look like she were seeing _through_ Noctis sometimes. She had known from the beginning that whatever it was, it was not because Am harbored any romantic feelings for Noctis. She supposes she might have thought so if Am ever did anything that resembled it. No, Am was always respectful and pleasant. Neither did she ever try to joke around with or flirt with Noctis in anyway. She bantered with Cal and the rest of the guys but there was never anything romantic about it. Always professional and business like, nothing personal. Whenever she spoke of the Noctis issues with her, she never had that longing sort of hurt look either. She always looked away as if thinking back, before telling her to keep pressing on and saving him. That alone gave her more incentive to keep the hope alive. As much as she wanted to bash Noctis' head sometimes, she does not think there would ever be another man that she could feel more deeply for than him. So there was no reason to give up.

Now back within her apartments, she feels refreshed from her outing and she wonders what she should start with for the rest of the night. Reality was setting in as the sun disappeared in the sky. Noctis had not called, which she took to mean that they had not heard anything new yet. There had been numerous messages from various media outlets while she had been out and she was _not_ going to call them back. She was not willing to risk wasting her time when she could be doing something productive to further their investigation into the Mutatios or Blue. Which left her wondering how the stranger would get the hospital feeds to her. If he could access her private phone number, he probably already knew where she was staying. That he had not come already meant he was waiting for her to make the first move. She wonders how closely he was watching her if that were the case.

That did not really matter though. If he meant to harm her, he would have already. She still did not feel like he meant to harm her anyway. There had been no threat behind anything he had done or said. Mysterious and a little bit spooky, yes. More on the mysterious side than the spooky side though. She was already used to dealing with people who were a little frightening. She also had to trust him. She found she already _did_ trust him. Which meant that she needed to see him so she could get her hands on that footage from the hospital. What was on there, would no doubt be very helpful in their search for the missing dignitaries. She walks over to her closet and grabs her gear before heading to the garage.

"Luna, we need to go under the radar this trip," she says as the engine fires up.

"Systems have been advised to report all locations," is the reply.

"I need to keep this from them, Luna," she orders. "It is the only way to obtain the information we all need."

Luna pauses as she computes whether her argument was logical or not.

"What security level would you like me to set?" Luna asks when she computes that it is logical.

"Mid levels, just as a precaution," she says, tightening her gloves as she leans forward to grip the handles.

"Confirmed, my Lady," is the response.

"Thank you," she says, pushing forward and joining the traffic on the streets.

The only place she can think of to go is where she knows the streets are not closely monitored. Which meant that she would try heading towards the area where she had first met the stranger. She also did not want to chance Noctis seeing her with the stranger and getting the wrong idea. Not that, she reminded herself, he had _any_ reason to get jealous if he did anyway. If she were a devious sort of girl, which she might have to resort to, she would use that as a means to push him. She would rather avoid a confrontation between the two dark men though. Especially when she did not know exactly what the stranger could do and she also needed that footage. He might not have made her feel threatened but he did look as if he knew how to take care of things if the situation got violent.

She was only just passing the last of the busy streets when she feels another presence pierce through her awareness. Not a moment later, she sees the other biker riding alongside her. Even from the corner of her eyes, she can make out the custom bike of the stranger. It makes her smirk that he had not been exaggerating when he had claimed that he would find her. Not only find her, but able to shield his presence from her mind until he was ready for her to see him. The man really was mysterious. Slowly, he inches forward to lock gazes with her before he pushes forward and races away. Too quickly for her to follow behind him and she does not know what that is supposed to tell her because he is gone before she can even try. So, she continues on her way towards the small park and stops when she reaches the old bench under the lone lamp. He is not waiting for her as she parks Luna and pulls the helmet off her head. She shakes out her hair a moment and climbs off Luna, looking around as she does. Still no sign of him. Carefully her eyes scan the streets or try to listen for the sounds of his bike, but pick up neither.

"Thank you for coming," she hears and she yelps at the sound of his voice.

She whirls around to find him standing casually behind her. His helmet is still shielding his head, making his voice sound hollow and he tilts his head down to gauge her reaction.

"You startled me," she accuses weakly, but she is not angry.

"I should," he answers fluidly. The familiar sounds of sliding metal reach her ears as his helmet folds up and reveals his long black bangs. They slide down, almost into his eyes and he does not even blink as he continues to regard her.

How did he do that?

He watches her for another long moment before sitting down on the far end of the bench.

"Are you sure you and Noctis are not twins?" she all but huffs at him.

She sees that small flicker of amusement in his eyes but his lips remain straight.

"You know," she says lightly, moving to sit beside him on the other end of the bench. "Your face would not break if you smiled."

"There's a first for everything," he retorts, but the amusement is more evident on his features this time.

When he makes no attempt at further conversation, they sit there in silence. The streets around them are so empty that you could hear the low howl of the winds as they whistled through the towering buildings. She wonders how he can be so relaxed in such a setting as they were in currently. They are both sitting in a neighborhood not quite safe and very dark. It was a far cry from the rather posh neighborhoods that Noctis always kept her within. To sit so casually when they were in a direct spotlight where any wayward person could see them and take advantage if they were so inclined. Not to mention the fact that _she_ felt uncomfortable just sitting beside him. True, they were not touching in any sort of way, but her heart was beating a little quickly and her body was very aware of him while he seemed completely composed and collected. He did not seem at all affected by their proximity nor their environment.

"Well, I suppose I would hate to see that," she continues the conversation to break the silence.

"Why is that?" he asks, indulging her as he turns slightly to look at her from under his black bangs.

"Because it is such a handsome face," she says and she looks back at him with a smile.

It is almost astonishing that the compliment seems to make him uncomfortable when the potential danger around them did not. She can almost see a small blush creep onto the tops of his thin cheeks.

"No one has ever said that to you before?" she asks in astonishment.

She watches as his eyes look down and that is answer enough. That no one would have told him how striking he really was, was kind of strange. He was so unfairly attractive, she is sure he would have as many floozies as Noctis did. Men like them did not come often. The dark and brooding aura helped too. She found herself unconsciously looking him over.

"I would not believe you if you said you have never had a girlfriend either," she says seriously and is surprised, once again, when she sees the slight widening of his eyes. It puts a confused frown on her face as she looks him over again.

Such a tall, solid frame with a strong neck and longer than typical black hair with the most intense red eyes that they rivaled Noctis'. She could not say whether he was muscular or not given that she has only seen him with his long overcoat, but the chords in his neck suggested that he must be. Not to mention that he was just as handsome as Noctis, only with longer hair to cover his face and that added a certain appeal of its own. An appeal that he had an overwhelming abundance of. He was not a prince, but he could have been, from wherever he was from. Then, add the fact that he rode the coolest looking motorcycle she had ever seen? What girl would not grab onto that? So no, she could not believe he had never had at least a girlfriend.

"Why would that be so hard to believe?" he asks hesitantly.

If he did not look so genuinely serious she might have thought he was fishing for compliments, like any unreasonably good looking man would. It was clear he was not fishing at all and that he seemed confused that she thought him so appealing. Did they have a blindness issue where he was from? She doubts she would ever dismiss him if she ever spotted someone like him in a crowd. It would be like ignoring Noctis during a royal dinner. He stuck out, even when he was wearing all black amongst a sea of black. Both of these men had such strong presences that they could not be ignored, even if they tried.

"Are you oblivious or are you from some place where you are the ugliest person? The latter which I would find very disconcerting," she answers.

He looks down as he thinks this over. She can see the swift thoughts going through his mind and wonders what he sees.

"There was someone who thought she loved me, I suppose," he says hesitantly. He looks up and out onto the empty stretch of street ahead of them. "But it was only hero worship."

"So you did not love her back?"

"I did, but not in that way," he says and the sadness in his eyes makes her heart go out to him. "I wanted her to live. I wanted her to be safe, but… life had other things in mind."

"Hero worship was a turn off?" she asks, taking him away from the guilty thoughts that had clouded over his eyes.

He looks at her briefly before turning away again.

"It objectifies a person," he says neutrally. "I imagine it is the same as someone being with you because you're a Princess."

"I suppose that makes sense," she reasons. "But you have never been in love?"

"It wasn't something I ever dwelt on," he says smoothly, without hesitation. Which means it was the total truth and that was just sad to her.

"But you did fancy someone," she presses, sensing something in his eyes that told her he must have felt something for someone. Something more than the love of a friend.

"She loved someone else," he answers with finality.

"When she could have had you," she scoffs, offended for his sake. "Stupid girl."

"It didn't matter anyway," he responds quickly. "I wouldn't have let it happen. That was not what I was supposed to do."

"What is wrong with you men?" she asks indignantly. "Having a martyr complex. Did it ever occur to you to consider if she might have loved you back?"

"Is that how you feel about Noctis?" he asks, trying to put the focus back on her.

"If you loved her, you should have held on," she says, overlooking his question. "Thinking only of self sacrifice and self denial only leaves the both of you with too many regrets."

"I did not regret my life," he says.

Past tense.

"And now?"

"I resent having to live again," he admits and she can see the resentment fill his eyes.

"That you…," she pauses. "Is it so hard to be grateful?"

"Grateful… for being given another life where I am just as much an outcast and hated simply for being who I can't help being, again?" he counters and though his tone never rises, there is anger there. "I did all that was asked of me. I gave myself willingly for the sake of others when no one had ever considered what I might want, what I might wish for. I sacrificed my life and all I wanted in return was peace. Yet, here I am. Alive. Alone. Alienated. No peace."

"You do not have to be alone," she soothes.

"Its better when the alternative is being used as a puppet _again_ and knowing only disappointment and injustice."

"Will you let the resentment eat away at you?" she asks gently.

"No," he says with more conviction than she expects from someone so obviously angry. "I have seen what despair, hate and fear can do." He gives her a look that she finds hard to interpret. "That does not mean I can't be wrathful. I just can't sin."

"Is that why you are helping us?" she asks. "To keep from being like the ones who sinned?"

"Yes," he answers firmly. "If I can't prevent anything else, I can at least control myself from becoming like them."

She lets herself smile at him in admiration, which causes him to look uncomfortable again. Despite the seriousness of their conversation, she has to fight to keep the chuckle from bubbling from her mouth at his discomfort from a simple gesture. Had no one smiled at him with kind eyes before? Someone who genuinely cared for him as a person. If not never, it has obviously been a long time since anyone had. She does not remember feeling so tickled and so sorry like this since the initial stages of her acquaintance with Noctis. Before she can make a teasing remark, his entire body stiffens and his face grows taut.

"What is it?" she asks, suddenly on alert.

"I was really hoping to avoid a situation like this," he comments, settling back again but still stiff as he remains sitting beside her.

That is when she feels it. A similar but all together entirely unique presence had arrived.

"What exactly _did_ you envision?" Noctis' voice is dangerously low as he appears in front of them with a flash of crystals.

She cannot help the instant awareness that rushes over her at the sight of him. The man cut such a striking figure.

"I don't want to fight you," the stranger admits.

"How do the both of you know each other?" she demands. Their exchange and manner is too familiar for them to be strangers.

Two pairs of red eyes exchange a disturbingly voluminous glance before the stranger looks down while Noctis returns her stare with a baffled one.

"You, do not know?" Noctis asks and he looks almost lost. The tension within his frame from a moment before is replaced with his hesitancy.

"Stella's perception is not as finely honed as yours," the stranger explains as she can only wordlessly stare back at Noctis.

She is sure that she looks hurt by his omission but she is also surprised at the stranger's perception.

"Or you were merely hide away from her," Noctis shoots back, casting a dark look to the man sitting beside her.

"What's worse, Noctis?" the stranger poses directly. "Hiding from a relative stranger or hiding from someone you care so much about?"

His eyes challenge Noctis calmly. His tone holds no accusation, merely a pointed observation. She watches Noctis clench his hand into a fist as he looks at the stranger again before returning to her and she feels a sense of betrayal. What else was he keeping from her that a stranger knew of but not her?

"You felt his presence and yet you said nothing?" she asks accusingly.

She is not sure if he would have answered her. It almost looked as if he would have. If it were not for the stranger launching to his feet at that moment, she might have said something that she would have regretted saying later. That cautious alertness always present in the stranger's countenance had morphed into heightened awareness as he turns towards a specific direction. His eyes narrow as he tries to see something in the distance. Her mouth is poised to ask him what was the matter when Noctis' phone rings.

"Noctis," he answers quickly, using the bluetooth within his black helmet and never taking his eyes off the other man.

The brief silence as the caller speaks is long. His eyes shoot towards the stranger and she knows that whatever he was being told, was about the other man with them.

"I am already in the area. Meet you there." The quick beep disconnects his call and he stands beside her to stare towards the same direction as the stranger.

"You can feel them?" Noctis asks but it is clear that he already knew the answer.

"Yes," the other man replies darkly.

"A sighting?" she asks, jumping to her feet and moving closer to Noctis. She feels so slow to react when the both of them had powers she could not even compare with. "How many? Location?"

"Five this time," Noctis relays.

"Six," corrects the stranger without turning his head to look at them.

Noctis narrows his eyes but neither men say anything else.

"They attacked two people and gained entry into an abandoned warehouse three blocks down."

Just where the stranger was looking. She wishes that she was not directly behind him. The only way to gauge his emotions was, like Noctis, through his eyes. Eyes that she could not see when he had his back to her. She sees him flexing out his fingers as if preparing for a fight.

"Visuals?" she asks, pushing her helmet back on and preparing to go.

"Cameras seem to be out in that area," says Noctis.

"But I can still see," the stranger says as he walks toward a broken phone booth at the corner of the small park.

A quick, silent exchange with Noctis and she realizes he does not know his intentions either. They turn and follow behind him together. She is not quite prepared for what she sees when the stranger presses his ungloved hand against the side of the telephone. The veins beneath the pale skin of his hand become more pronounced as his palm seems to melt intot the metal of the phone. One large vein noticeably begins to throb and it seems to move up his arm like a wave. Her eyes fly to his face to see that a similar vein has protruded just under the skin of his cheek, directly along the scar on his face and he closes his eyes.

"You can access the mainframe from any outlet within the city?" Noctis gaps.

She shoots a startled look at Noctis and he does not look as worried as she thinks he should. True, he did look suspicious but that male curiosity of his was more impressed by the skill at the moment. It crosses her mind to wonder what Cal's reaction is going to be once he sees this.

When the stranger opens his eyes again, his red eyes are glowing and she can make out the vague silhouette of a mother board reflected within them.

"Yes, I can," he admits easily.

With such a gift, he could break into any network. Even… Noctis' _Brother_ Network. She hopes, for Noctis' sake, that he does not know about it. A brief look in Noctis' direction tell her he was thinking the same thing, but was carefully guarding his expression. The stranger does not miss their exchange but he does not address it.

"We need to go," the stranger advises as he approaches his bike.

"What model is that?" Noctis asks as he eyes it and she can almost roll her eyes.

"Yotsubishi custom," the stranger answers as he mounts the back of it. He pauses to look at the both of them. "For a solid and quick kill, your sword must be charged. Cutting them diagonally is the best way. They won't come back together then."

Noctis nods and moves towards Acerbus.

That sounded a bit unpleasant but she would take his advise.

"Don't get their blood on yourselves."

"Why?" she asks as she quickly jumps onto Luna.

He looks at her carefully and she realizes he wants to make sure that she understands the words that he says next. His helmet unfolds around his head and encases him in its solid protection once again.

"You don't want to be one of us," he says, revying his engine loudly.

Did that mean…?

Her eyes widen and finds Noctis and the stranger watching her. Noctis who did not look surprised at all.

The stranger gives her one last, pointed look before shooting forward and blasting down the street.

She would have punched it too if not for another startling discovery. As she watched the stranger race away, he was consumed with blue glowing light. His bike unfolded, much like his helmet did and the body extended as his own body grew larger. No, it did not just grow larger. The bike did not look like his bike any longer. Neither did the stranger look anything like she knew him to look. While his bike changed from black to green and gold, his body hardens as it lengthens and blue streaks of light stretch across his much larger form. It only takes an instant and whatever replaced the stranger did not look like a man and that was no ordinary bike, custom or not. Instead of the man she barely knew, she was watching...

"_He_ is Blue?" she gasps.

"Yes," answers Noctis as Acerbus roars. "He is."

Then, he too, is racing forwards in the stranger's wake.

She has perhaps a split second to compose herself before she too, races towards the battle that was waiting to be fought.

**

* * *

**

Author's Note:

The powers reflected within this chapter are exactly what is shown in Blassreiter. So nothing there has changed. You can see him do that in the series and it does look rather cool when he does. The next visual companion within my LJ will have a gif of him shifting. Well, maybe two gifs. Am is not an OC. Any other notes will eventually make it onto my Profile. Happy reading! 


	6. Praeliumfacio

Praeliumfacio is Latin for "to join battle".

_**Chapter Five: Praeliumfacio**_

The fact that it was rather easy to trail along behind the stranger as he leads them to the right site clues her into the fact that he really has hidden his presence from her when he did not wish her to know. There was no way for one to miss him otherwise. He races away so quickly that he leaves a streak of bright streaks in his wake. This is followed closely by Noctis who, she would never be able to lose track of anyway, if she did manage to lose sight of that moving streak of light ahead of her. Her mind continues to race with all the overwhelming information that she has discovered within the last five minutes. Noctis had known that the stranger was Blue this whole time. Had he also known that she had been in contact with the stranger too? If Blue was human and capable of shifting back and forth at will, that meant that any number of people within the city could have the same ability and none of them would ever be able to tell the difference. If Noctis had known that the stranger was Blue, even in human form, did that stand to reason that he could spot anyone else that had the capability? Just how many were there like Blue?

She mentally forces herself to the task at hand. There would be a time later for her to ask her questions but right now she knows she needed to focus her mind on the battle they were currently racing towards. Her ears ring with the echo of Blue's earlier words. His direct warning not to get any of _their_ blood on her. He had said that she would not want to be one of them. It stood to reason that there was a clear distinction between the two, did it not? Was this the new rebellion that they had known were hiding in secret all this time? Which conflicted with the hypothesis that Blue was the leader since he clearly had no intentions of harming either her nor Noctis. She thinks back to the scene of that bloody massacre within the hospital wing. All that blood that had coated the floors. They had been careful but, had any of them inadvertently been exposed?

They reach the warehouse and the men race into the interior first. She narrows her eyes as she tightens her body in preparation for a fight, when she makes out the figures of the "Amalgams" or "Mutatios". The sight of them clears her mind entirely and her brain clicks on to battle mode. She can see Blue as he leans back to lift the front wheel of his bike and uses the closest Amalgam as a ramp to propel himself right into the middle of the small group. While in midair, he leaps off his bike and with his large white hot sword, he slices down, using his momentum to cleave one neatly in half. It exposes a kaleidoscope of glowing colors as the inner workings of the body are opened and the body disintegrates into ash as it hits the ground.

So that is why the bodies had vanished! They literally turned to ash once killed.

One races towards her as it spies her approach while another attacks Noctis. She maneuvers her body at a tilt and she skids at an angle to swipe the thing off its feet. The ugly, towering form falls as its legs are knocked away from under it, with a loud screeching thud as she jumps off Luna, rapier already in hand. She forces a stronger charge of energy to flow through her and into the blade of her sword to light it just as hotly as Blue's before she leaps forward to meet the Amalgam head on. It attacks with grisly teeth that look made to tear flesh from bone and its claws were like individual surgical blades melded together to make a crude hand. When it makes a hard swipe with its hand, she deflects the blow with a crash of gold sparks as blade met something that felt like metal. She leaps back into a strong defensive stance while summoning another sword for her other hand before leaping forward to take a biting swing across the creature's torso.

The meeting of heated blade and metal like flesh, cuts the side open and it buckles with an ear splitting cry of pain. It reflexively tries to claw at her with its deadly paws. She leaps back again, narrowly avoiding the sharp daggers and waits for its next move. As talented as she was, she was not capable of making such a high jump as Blue obviously was to deliver the desired blow without cunning execution. A quick look down affords her a view of thick red blood pouring out from the wound she had inflicted and mentally reminded herself not to get too close. She locks gazes with her foe and for an instant, she can make out the crazed eyes of a person. A human, buried beneath the wicked features of the exterior. It takes her aback for a second to see the shadow of a person there.

Seeming to sense her temporary distraction, it lunges forward in another attempt at stabbing her and she twists sharply just as the edges of its nails are about to reach her and brings both arms up to swing forcefully through the softest area maximum efficiency. The golden lit fire of her blades separate the creature's head cleanly off its shoulders and it falls to the side out of her view. Without pause, she whirls her arms to strike another blow and throws her entire weight into the downward stroke. She can feel every bone that her blades encounter as she manages to cut it half, as she had been advised to. The sounds of its separation makes her shudder in revulsion as she sees the mysterious innards of its body. Parts that were not meant to be exposed to the eye. She recognizes the organs and the bone structure but it is the variation of glowing that lights up each part that has her confused. Why was it that not all glowed outwardly like Blue? Yet, in the inward parts it did?

She steps back again, half expecting it to come back together anyway. The muscles of its legs lose strength as its knees buckle under the unsupported weight and the entire body falls sickeningly to the floor with mixture of cracking and wet slushy noises. Never had she been forced kill in such a manner. It felt more like a slaughtering than a win. She almost feels as if this had been her first _real_ kill and she does not like the feeling. It does not dawn on her that she lingers too long, watching as the body fades away into dust and flies away in the gushing breeze, until she realizes that Noctis is standing beside her. She can feel herself cringe before turning to look up at him uncertainly.

"Come, we need to go," he urges gently. He gives a light tug on her hand and gives it a squeeze of reassurance, before turning to mount Acerbus.

Her eyes flicker to Blue and sees him still in his Amalgam form, already mounted on his bike and regarding her carefully. The steady, sane gaze is as reassuring as it is frightening. What she had just killed had looked so demented and mad, while his strange bright glowing white eyes could be as human as she was now. How his eyes, which did not look human at all, looked more so than eyes that physically should have.

"We need to go," says Blue. His voice sounds hoarse and mechanical but she recognizes it just the same. "We need to make sure that last one doesn't try to regroup."

She nods her head sharply to him and tries to give Noctis a small smile to let him know she was all right before jumping back onto Luna. Blue goes first, followed closely behind Noctis and they continue their pursuit. With stern determination, she pushes the dark thoughts that keep poking into her awareness. Still, she startles a bit when she hears Blue's voice inside her helmet.

"It's headed towards a very public area of the city," he says.

"Can you feel any others there?" asks Noctis.

"Yes," is the sharp answer.

"So many beautiful things gone wrong," tsks a young female voice in her ears. "I don't know why you insist on walking around in your unbeautiful form, Joseph. Yours is the most beautiful of all."

"Not now, please," she hears Blue reply. His tone sounds patient in contrast to the urgency of their current situation.

Joseph.

His name was Joseph.

A part of her had wanted to ask but part of her had liked to keep him as a stranger. Somehow knowing his name made things more personal.

Who was this other female with them? A quick look at Joseph told her that he was alone. Was someone listening in then? Someone like Phil who watched their backs from another location.

"How many are there?" asks Noctis, ignoring that little side conversation, almost as if he had not even heard the new voice. Did that mean he already knew who it was or he really had not heard her?

"Three," is the answer from Joseph. "The deserter is meeting two."

"Have they changed already?" she asks.

"Yes," he gets out just before she makes out the sounds of screaming ahead of them.

A cold dread of fear races up her spine at the sounds. They were attacking people, exposing even more to their "condition."

"They'll expose even more people," hisses Noctis as he guns it, making pace with Joseph and they both soar forward.

"Luna, it sounds like we level up the security settings," she says.

"Red alert has been set," Luna responds.

"Input the pedestrian factor," she adds.

"Understood."

She has to zip this way and that as she tries to avoid hitting individuals within the crowds of blurred faces as they try to run from whatever terrors they had seen. It is not long until she sees the large forms of the monsters as they attack random people unfortunate enough to be within their paths. She is appalled at the utter chaos and blind actions of them. Seeing the damage they could cause was nothing when staring at it happening. There seemed no method to their madness. They attacked randomly with no specific target. These people had been degraded to animal instinct and given hard shelled bodies. She twists her wrist and races towards one on the far end, while Noctis and Joseph head towards the other two.

"Luna, lightning beam on target," she orders over the loud noises around her.

Just in front of her, the hatch glares hotly a moment before a pulse shoots out and hits the Amalgam square in the chest, throwing it backwards. Its large feet drag against the pavement, uprooting chunks of concrete then crashes with a disarming crunch against a stone bench. She starts to dismount when it gets up to lunge towards a parked car nearby. Then, in front of her astonished eyes, it absorbs itself right into the very body of car and the engine roars to life. Headlights blind her eyes and tires screech as it accelerates towards her, aimed to ram right into her and Luna.

Releasing the brake, she jerks forward and makes sure the Amalgam is in hot pursuit of her before she cuts the corner at the next block, in the opposite direction of the terrified people. She lowers her leg to keep her balance as she jerks into a sharp U and charges. Her arm tightens in readiness and her sword flashes brightly, prepared to joust. She watches as it extends its claws, poised to strike her down at the pass. At the last second, she jerks her handlebars and swerves dangerously to the side and passes it along the other side, swinging her sword in the process. Her blade meets its abdomen, sinking through rocklike flesh and passes through as she continues forward. She can almost smell the burnt rubber of her tires as she skids to an abrupt halt to turn around and see the back of her challenger crash explosively into a streetlight. An ear shattering scream escapes its mouth as it dissolves into black powder before her eyes.

With one down and two more unknown, she pushes forward back the way she had come. She turns that sharp corner back and comes into view of Noctis and Joseph engaged in their own battles, when something catches her attention at the top of one of the towering highrises above. Squinting her eyes to make out what is up there, she spies another form that could only be an Amalgam and realizes that it was holding a long range sniper rifle. Jerking her head quickly, she knows that its intended target is Noctis. She watches him, too preoccupied in fighting his opponent to realize the birds eye that was hovering over his chest.

"No!" her scream is echoed by a more masculine one before she can hear the booming sound of a gun going off.

Within that terrifying split second of time, her world slows. She releases her brakes, but she already knows she will not make it to him in time. Nothing would get her there fast enough. Her eyes shift to the side and there is Joseph, still in Amalgam form. His reflexes had been faster and she watches as he throws himself into a dive towards Noctis. He makes it just in time to take the bullet in the left side of his abdomen. The impact jerks his body a little but gravity continues to propel him downward. Pieces of Joseph's hard Amalgam skin spatter wetly as he continues falling to the side but not far enough away. A few bloody pieces hit Noctis in the face and Joseph stumbles to the ground with a crack.

Then time speeds back up.

Before anyone can move to help him, pushes himself back up to his feet with a pained grunt and turns his blade towards himself. A loud growl rumbles from his mouth as he presses hot blade hard against his injured side. His large body shudders with the pain and tendrils of smoke begin to fly up from his side. She forces herself not to cringe as she slams the brakes on Luna and jumps off before she can come to a full stop, staggering towards the two men. Throwing herself in front of Joseph and Noctis, she screams.

"Luna, shields up!" she orders, as she hears Luna's screeching halt behind her and the ping of another shot as it bounces off the shield.

Joseph staggers on his feet but remains upright as he clutches his side. His breathing is heavy and the growls of endured pain are magnified in his mechanical voice. He lets out a shaky breath and she finds herself laying a hand on one of his shoulders.

"We have to get you some help," she says, looking between the two of them.

"No," both men say at the same time.

"I can't go to a hospital," mutters Joseph painfully.

"Stella," Noctis says and she turns from Joseph's hunched form to see him staring at Joseph too. There is a begrudging appreciation in his eyes and she knows his sense of honor would not allow him to take advantage of Joseph's injury. "I need you to hide him."

"What?" she asks.

He looks at Joseph and both men exchange glances. Noctis gives Joseph a nod while Joseph looks torn and pained.

Noctis looks up at her then and she sees so many tumultuous emotions within his eyes that she knows she can refuse him nothing. She knows. Of course she does. He does not want her to take Joseph. He does not want her alone with Joseph. He does not have a choice either way. They can all hear the sounds of approaching sirens and the quickly approaching media chopper.

"You must hide him for me, Stella," he pleads.

Her eyes zero in on the drops of spattered blood on his cheek and she chokes on a sob. She reaches for him but stops herself when he shakes his head. The sting of his rejection is twofold now because now it is not just his own sense of denial. Now, to touch him would condemn her to becoming like the creatures they had just killed. Creatures that he would soon resemble.

"Go, Night Star," he whispers, before she compose herself enough to speak. "Take Joseph and keep him safe for me."

She wants to rail at him, at time, at circumstance. She is torn between concern for Noctis and concern for Joseph and the increasingly louder sounds of the approaching chaos makes her want to scream in frustration.

"Find us," she says to him as Joseph stumbles onto his bike and races off.

"I will," Noctis promises. He takes a step away from her to further the distance between them. Not even now, actually even more now, he would force the distance between them. Now when she needed to touch him more than she ever had before and now touching was not allowed. Would never be allowed again?

She can feel warm wetness slide down her cheeks as she mounts Luna more heavily than is necessary and rushes away, leaving him behind to deal with the madness that will engulf him. From her rear view mirror, she keeps him in sight as she rides further and further from him and feels those tears begin to fall in a steady stream. She is not even aware that she is almost hyperventilating until it feels unbearably foggy and hot within the confines of her helmet. Inhaling sharply, she forces her mind to stay focused as she follows Joseph down a long dark alley and stop. He is just finishing some order to his bike when he is encased in bright light. She watches his form shift back to human and a small smattering of what looked like red crystals, shatter around him. He locks eyes with her for a short moment and the turmoil there has her choking again, before he falls forward.

Jumping in front of his body, she catches him. The weight of him falling heavily against her chest, knocks the breath from her lungs. She hears him let out a loud groan of pain and his body nearly goes limp. Luna appears just beside them before she can collapse under his larger and heavier form and she manages to arrange him in a sitting position onto the back of her bike. She takes a moment to rest as she stares down at him wonders what she was going to do now. Where was she going to take him that he could be safe? Her flat was out of the question. So was taking him to the castle. She thinks about calling Phil but she is sure that he was with Noctis. They needed plausible deniability. That really only left one other person and she really did not want to involve them. Taking another look at Joseph's pained expression, she knows she has not choice.

"Luna, dial Am," she orders. She hears the dial tone before the beeping sounds of the numbers being set and then a ring. Another ring. After the third ring she wonders what her next plan should be when she hears the click of someone answering the line.

"Stella?" Am asks in surprise.

"I need your help," she says, trying to keep her voice level, but failing terribly. How can she be calm when all she can see is drops of Joseph's blood on Noctis' cheek and being forced to leave him. Of enduring yet another reason for him to push her away. Her eyes move to Joseph and she has an impulse to cling to him and weep.

"What's wrong? Where are you?" the quick, genuine concern in her friend's voice brings her back to herself.

"I know you are not in town at the moment," she begins. "Could I… stay at your place for awhile?"

"What's going on over there, Stella? Where's Noctis?" Am sounds on high alert and tense, maybe even a little distracted and not just by their conversation. That is when she hears the sounds of gunfire in the background and her worry switches momentarily.

"Forget about me for a moment, are _you_ okay?" she asks.

"In the middle of a dispute is all," answers Am mildly. "You can stay at my place as long as you like, but this means I'm going to have to give Noctis an earful when I report in later."

"He..," she chokes again. The image of Noctis stained with blood flashes up again.

_You don't want to be like us._

Noctis, would turn into one of those mindless beasts.

"Stella, is Noctis all right?" Am asks and it cuts into her thoughts again. "Is he why you need to stay at my place?"

"Sort of," she answers softly. She needs to sniffle but holds it back so as not to alert Am.

"You make yourself at home," Am says without asking anything else. "But it looks like I'm cutting this mission short and heading home sooner than we thought."

"We… are up against something that we are not prepared for," she says, trying to be as vague as possible.

"Hang in there, honey," says Am. "I'm coming as soon as I can."

She can hear Am yelling out an order in her soft voice before she hears the click of disconnection. It makes her feel more alone than it should, with the dilemma of figuring out how to get an unconscious man to Am's apartment without being seen.

Perhaps it was the occupation that Am was currently actively employed in or maybe it was the fact that the entire city's interest was on an entirely different area, but she does manage to get Joseph safely to her friend's apartment with not too many near catastrophes as she had originally thought. There was no underground parking nor any covered parking structure for the residents in the grouping of small houses that held Am's tiny flat. Thankfully, it was also on the ground level and had easy access to the back alley. It had always bothered her that Am had to consider all these different facets that no normal person ever really considered when picking a place to live because of the dangers of her job. Right now, she cannot help but be anything but thankful that her friend had taken such measures.

Though not entirely conscious, Joseph had, had enough presence of mind to get his feet moving in an effort to help her get him inside. He did not ask her where they were and or why, he merely allowed her to lead him. It showed a tremendous amount of trust and she found the display meant a lot to her. That a man like this trust her. She already felt she owed him for saving Noctis' life. Now, she finds she owes him more for trusting her when it was clear he had never been able to rely on anyone. It did not matter that it had exposed Noctis to whatever it was that made people change into things like the Amalgams. Noctis alive, no matter what form he took, was all that really mattered to her. Dead, she could not follow him and a life without him was not something that she ever wanted to think about.

She pushes the rest of those thoughts away from her mind and gently lowers Joseph on the closest side of the bed. Putting him down so that he is half sitting, half slouching, she quickly unbuttons his coat and eases it gently from his shoulders. Underneath the jacket she sees some sort of hard casing hidden under the high collar. It appears attached to the binding shirt that he wears. She gives a wry smile as she realizes that this casing was where his unfolding helmet originated from. How heavy it must be to carry around all the time, yet convenient in that it left his hands free all the time. It was not any wonder that his neck was so muscular. Yet, you would never have guessed it was even there since the weight did not even look to affect his stance or posture.

The next step was to remove the shirt from him to dress his wound properly. This put her in a bit of a bind considering she had no idea how he took it off. It was a fitted sort of shirt made of some stretchy material that felt extremely durable yet not so stretchy that it was easy to remove. It offered her proof that he really was very muscular for one so thin, as his neck had suggested. Muscle definition stretched along taut skin and the cling of the shirt showcased it to flattering effect. He was a very fine specimen of male masculinity. Even under her close scrutiny, there was nothing about him that she did not find attractive. Which really baffled her that he had blushed every time she had commented on how handsome he was. If anything, he should have already been used to women looking to ravish him on a constant basis. It was very odd that he did not have a big head on those shoulders from all the attention he probably got whenever he was out and about.

She takes a moment to quirk her lips disapprovingly at him before she finally finds the hidden zippers on either side of his shirt. The find eases her worry. It would have been a shame to ruin such unusual fabric anymore than it had been already. She would also have to wash it and hoped that the stains would be easy to remove. Without the hindrance of his shirt, his bare torso revealed just how badly he had been injured by that sniper. That shot that had been meant for Noctis and she will not let herself think about how _he _would have faired if the shot had hit its intended mark. Leaning in a little closer, she takes a good look at the hole, the bullet had left behind. He was not bleeding and he would not need stitches, having sealed the wound shut so crudely with the intense heat of his sword but the angry burns needed to be cleaned and the charred skinned removed. She shudders as she recalls the smoke that had wafted up as his sword had seared his flesh. Had she not been wearing her helmet she is sure that she would have smelled it too. Such selfless thinking in order to spare anyone from becoming what he was and she cannot stop the flare of admiration that flows through her at the recollection. When she had finished preparing him, she settles him into a comfortable position on his back and looks around the small flat to take in the details that always stood out to her whenever she was here.

Am was hardly ever home, so any furnishings that might have been purchased for decoration were none existent. She lived in a small studio with her bed against the back wall with no headboard. Upon closer inspection, the bed was nothing more than the two mattresses and no frame. Her friend had been intuitive by placing a bed skirt between the thick pads to give the illusion of a frame and covered the top with a luxurious sheet set and comforter with plenty of fluffy pillows. She had been very mindful to spare as much as possible from Joseph's soiled garments but she would replace everything when they left. It also helped that Am was not the type to get too prickly about it either since she came home injured on most occasions herself. She had seen her once and she had felt so selfish for not being part of The Enforcers.

A window big enough to fit Am's curvaceous form if she ever needed to leap through it, was located at the wall closest to the foot of the bed. The kitchen was barely more than a kitchenette that faced the front portion of her flat, where she could keep an eye on the outside as she prepared her meals. Adorably, frilly curtains gave the outward appearance of a completely feminine apartment while the rest of the small living space was sparsely decorated. The only luxury her friend had afforded herself, besides her bed sheets, was the large flat screen television hanging like a mural on her wall. Other than the few and far between times that they could just be regular girls, she knew that Am never let herself indulge in the things that other women their age would.

It always made her feel like her beautiful friend had gotten the short end of the stick. More than once, she had found herself wondering how Am could still be single. Lovely, was too much of an understatement to describe her. For she was incredibly lovely and wonderfully thoughtful. She had a kind heart that was so rare to find in their world. There was not a man alive that would not think her the most gorgeous female they had ever seen. From her hair to her eyes to her lips to her voice to her body, there was no mistaking how absolutely feminine she was. The only man that seemed immune to her was Noctis, but Noctis kept even _her_, at a distance.

She runs these things through her mind as she goes into an almost automaton mode. Am was a soldier and so was she, all things considering. They had fought and trained together during the war. So, she knew there was a gun under the corner of the mattress closest to the where Am usually slept. There was a fully stocked first aid kit underneath the sink of the bathroom and plenty of towels for any injuries that maybe need to be washed. She gathers all these things without pause and walks back to the bed to study her unconscious patient again.

Joseph did not speak in his sleep, but occasionally his face would tense and his jaw clench as he seemed to fight against the demons of his dreams. Sweat beads his brow from a fever, which she had also considered by preparing a cold, wet towel to cool his head. She moved closer to the edge of the bed and knelt on the floor, laying all the supplies down as she settled.

"I need to clean the wound," she whispers to him soothingly. Gently, she places a light hand on his forehead to prepare him for her touch and picks up an antiseptic wipe with her other.

She braces herself for the violent reaction that was typical, as she presses the pad directly over the reddened skin. A loud hiss escapes through his clenched teeth and his body strings so tightly, the chords in his neck look as if they will burst beneath the surface of the skin. There is no attempt to remove her hand and stop the pain. That natural part of someone that instinctively fought against pain did not kick in as she had expected. She watches as his hands clench and unclench several times before they settle almost in defeat. His body loosens and a deep sigh escapes his now parted mouth. It sounds of someone who is resigned to pain and accustomed to enduring it.

"It's all right," she says in her most soothing voice. It was the same tone she used whenever she had found herself having to be a nurse. "You are safe. You are going to be just fine. No one is going to hurt you here."

His already closed lids tighten even more shut but he does not grab her then either. She can see that the pain is still there as she tries to gently remove the blackened skin with tweezers, but he still makes no attempt to push her hand away to stop it. No attempt to gain at least a smidgen of reprieve. Small drops of blood escape and she takes special care to clear all traces of it before it managed to stain the sheets. There are no shouts of agony or growls of pain, just the heavy uneasy breathing of the injured man and the soft sounds of her working. He looks so resigned to the pain as he continues to bear it. His expression softens when she finishes and applies a cooling antibiotic ointment along with a large pad and begins to wrap him up in the white bandage sheets. Having had to deal with similar injuries, she has mastered bandaging, even when her patient was lying down. Another advantage to having a good mattress and small hands was being able to make such a feat possible.

When she repeats the reassuring words again up on finishing the dressing, an almost skeptical and suspicious expression flutters across his face in reaction. Another opposite of what she had been expecting. Who had he trusted and betrayed him so perversely?

She sits back on calves with a heavy sigh as her task is complete. The strain and stress of the last few days weighs heavily upon her shoulders and sleep finally begins to beckon. She hears his voice repeat the things that he had told her earlier.

"_I did all that was asked of me. I gave myself willing for the sake of others when no one had ever considered what I might want; what I might wish for. I sacrificed my life and all I wanted in return was peace. Yet, here I am. Alive. Alone. Alienated. No peace."_

At the remembrance of those words, her eyes take in all the marks that litter across his body for the first time. His hands were a combination of rough and smooth. His fingers were long and slim but the hard labor that he must have been subjected to was evident. There were needle marks on his arms, as if he had been some test subject in the lab of a mad scientist. A large scar rested on his left shoulder, from what looked like a very large bullet. The angle told her that he had jumped in the way to protect someone else. She looks up in to Joseph's tormented features and feels so sorry for the things that he had obviously suffered. From what he had confessed, he had done so without much thanks. Yet his actions had spoken of a person who thought of others before himself because that is just who he was. The sacrifice of one for the greater good. A truly noble thing. She hopes he was wrong. She hopes that someone out there had acknowledged all the things that he had done and had been thankful.

Another sweeping glance found more needle marks on each side of his neck. The slight stretched look of the scars looked as if whatever had been attached there, had either been heavy or had been removed forcefully. Which must have been agonizing. She really did not want to accept that he had been wearing some sort of collar. Like a leash one would put around the neck of a pet or captive animal. Had he been imprisoned _and_ experimented on? What sort of madman would do something so inhumane as subjecting someone as good as Joseph to this? It looked as if he were treated no better than livestock being lead to the slaughter. She feels enraged for his sake. An almost overwhelming need for justice singes through her veins to his gross mistreatment.

It stands to wonder that the condition that afflicted this intriguing and noble man had been the product of science rather than a creation of Etro. She could not imagine how it was possible for someone to create some sort of virus that caused one's body to morph in such a way and cause the victim to lose their sanity as a result. There had to be more to it perhaps? Besides Joseph, none of the others had displayed any semblance of remaining humanity within them once they had taken the Amalgam form. She could already tell that Joseph was special just by looking at him, but having to face the evidence to support that logic, written as a testament on his body was profound. How had he suffered so much and not lost his sanity? It explained why he had always seemed so tightly self contained whenever she had, had an exchange with him. His voice always held that inner strength of character that very few people ever had the ability to attain.

Noctis was the same way. He was always tightly compressed and finely honed. He had a vast amount of self control and strength of character. A strong sense of nobility as well, that had allowed him to maintain the illusion of arrogance when he was far from it in reality. All for the sake of furthering his kingdom. Would he still be like that once he began to change? Would he still be _Noctis_? Would that condition conflict with the things that he could do already? If it stripped him of the ability of the self suppression that Noctis always exerted, it would mean the eventual destruction of everything they knew. If Noctis lost his sanity as all the others had, the results would be absolutely devastating. For there would be nothing and no one capable of stopping him.

She looks down at Joseph's unconscious form again. Had he already had a near death encounter before or after being injected with whatever this condition was? When had he morphed back to his human form, it had looked as if Crystals had flowed from him in much the same manner as it did her when she used her powers. Only, the Crystals had been red whereas the ones from her had always been clear colored to reflect the gold of her rune. Did that even matter? She hopes that Joseph can answer these questions of hers. The very first question was just how quickly Noctis would begin to develop whatever symptoms tipped them off that his exposure had indeed affected him. The surety of Joseph's tone when he had warned them not to come into direct contact with their blood felt like a sure sign that he understand some of the inner workings of it. She _had_ to keep positive. She _had_ to keep her optimistic viewpoint. She already knew that she would need to, because she knew, Noctis would not.

Her mind begins to become fuzzy from exhaustion and she decides that she needs to rest almost as much as Joseph. Daylight would not be here for a little while yet and she needed to have a clear head once the sun had returned to the dark city. Reluctant to leave him, she settles more comfortably on the floor and rests her head on top of her folded arms on the edge of the bed and tries to sleep…

A quick intake of breathe has her head snapping up and her sleep bleary eyes shooting towards Joseph's face to find his eyes are open. Not only are they open, they are looking at her. She can hear the suddenly rapid beating of her heart as she watches the deranged look that has clouded his blood red eyes as they look at her. The look of someone that was not Joseph, but a monster.

* * *

For any Author's Notes, please go to my Profile. Happy Reading!


	7. Gravatus

Gravatus is Latin for "sick, oppressed, ill".

_**Chapter Six: Gravatus**_

"Aegri somnio," Joseph utters, with a voice that was not quite his own. Yes, it is his lips that move and his mouth that speaks. Yet they do not seem to be his words and not knowingly uttered with his voice. It causes a shiver to run up her spine. "Abyssus abyssum invocat."

Her eyes move to his, as she tries to calm the racing of her heart, at the look that is in his eyes. Gone was the calm demeanor of the mysterious man that she was getting to know, but the look of a lunatic just about to lose the last vestiges of his sanity. Just the smallest nudge and he would likely fall of the edge and into the void of madness.

"Do you dream of hell?" she finds herself asking.

"A sick man only dreams of a cure," he answers. "I am a sick man. Yet I do not dream in a nightmare. The dream is the heaven. Hell is the reality. Hell is being alive. It is the awareness of being that is the torment of a soul. _My_ soul."

"And death is so grand?"

"It was my release from hell," he states simply. The red of his eyes turn into a rich burgundy and he moves to rise. She leans back, still on her knees beside the bed and stares at him as he sits up to stare down at her.

"So you were in heaven?" she asks.

His lips quirk into a bitter smirk but there is no mirth in his gaze. There is a moist twinkling within the depths of his pupils that reveal a glimmer of the many pains this man has already lived. It was looking into an old soul within a young body. Someone who had seen too much and felt too deeply for one who should have enjoyed youth. He had never enjoyed the casualness of naiveté. What tragedies and losses had he already endured? How did one retain such calm coherency when forced to face the agonizing affects of gut wrenching pain and betrayal? The madness she sees is what she would have expected all along and though it scares her, she feels the dark expression fitting. What she sees is what she has always caught glimpses of in Noctis.

"One man's heaven is another's hell," he replies with his unwavering stare. She can see the subtle shift and he expands to morph into the Amalgam form that she is familiar with. A flash of red crystals flare around him and fall away. Cautiously, she rises to her feet and takes a step back, never wavering in her own glance back at him. "This may be a heaven to you, but you will find no joy within me for drawing breathe again."

"Was death so grand for you?"

"Do you remember it?" he counters. The bed shouts out a creaking scream as he shifts his much heavier weight to gain his feet and stand tall before her.

Even while still growing increasingly wary, she thinks over his query. She had never thought about what it had been like when she had died. It had never been difficult to remember the moment just before she should have died. It had also not been difficult to recall the moment she had awoken. The time in between, was where her mind had always drawn a blank. All she had known from each instance was that she was absolutely glad to be among the land of the living. Having the question poised as it was, she finds she can answer that she did not. It surprises her that she had never wondered before.

"No," she responds in a whisper as she stares up into the glowing orbs of his eyes.

"It's funny though," he says stepping close and closer, making her step further and further back. "Don't I look like the harbinger of death?"

"You are not evil, Joseph," she replies firmly.

"I could be," he retorts sardonically. His voice is a growling grumble as he leans down to glower at her. "Stare into my eyes and tell me that you're not scared of me right now."

"You would not hurt me, Joseph," she says but her voice is not as strong as she had wanted. It was hard to tell the sort of fear that was coursing through her veins in this moment. Her words were true though her voice contradicted them. Her fear not the kind that he thought.

Those white orbs narrow and she knows he does not believe her. With a quick flick of his wrist, he summons his sizzling hot blade from his hand. Her eyes dart towards it and notice the whiteness in the palm of his right hand for the first time. There is a silhouette of a tattoo that had been covered by his gloves. The large body looming over her starts to tremble and she hears a loud groan escape from Joseph. Tremors become full shakes as he staggers a few steps back, holding his sword against his chest. She watches as he grows even larger, his head crashing against the roof of the small flat and the blue streaks outlining his solid body fizzle to turn bright red instead. The being that stills before her is not Joseph at all. The very air around her changes and she can feel the first flights of danger singe through her body.

"Joseph!" she cries, trying to break him out of his haze.

His roar cuts off her cry as he turns his menacing eyes to hers. Raising his sword, he is poised to strike her in half and she knows her shield will not be enough to save her. Before she can make a desperate attempt to save herself, his arm is coming down at a deadly speed towards her face.

"Joseph!"

The sound of that voice halts him in mid swing and his head whips towards the direction of the door just behind her. Being as close to him as she is, she can almost swear that the white orbs widen in shock before he drops his sword. As soon as his grip loosens on the hilt, the blade disappears with a zap into the corresponding white light on his palm and he staggers even further away from her as she sees the shadow of the figure come further into the little flat. His movements are clumsy where they had been so sure a moment before. The impact of that person like a blow to his fragile strength.

Slack jawed, Joseph inadvertently takes another step back towards the bed, morphing slowly back to his human form as he goes. The hardened shell of his Amalgam shape vanishes and the strong body of Joseph is there in its place. The complete recognition written in every line of his usually calm expression has her heart race. His lips move but no sound escapes his mouth as he continues to fumble further back.

"Amanda," he whispers. His voice is almost reverent before his eyes roll into the back of his head and he collapses backwards onto the bed.

She watches the steady rise of fall of his chest, a million thoughts racing through her mind. Joseph's legs hang off the side of the mattress and his expression seems pained, even in unconsciousness. His eyes squeeze together more tightly and he clutches his side. It brings her attention back to the bandages she had wrapped around him earlier. Blood had seeped through the gauze but they had remained intact well enough. She makes sure to take all these details in before she slowly turns to the other person in the room.

Am's face is a mixture of longing and heartbreak and shock as her eyes watch Joseph as she had just been. One of her hands is clutching something underneath the bodysuit of her uniform as her chest rises and falls in rapid succession. Her shock mirrors the shock that had been in Joseph's face a moment ago and she finally understands. That is when green eyes meet hers.

"Are you all right, Stella?" Am asks, still clutching at her chest. She looks breathless from her obvious rush to come and the discovery upon her arrival.

"Yes, I am fine," she says with a nod of her head. "Are _you _all right?"

Am's eyes look to the man behind her again and there are tears forming within her eyes. It is an expression she has felt on her own face so many times that it is not hard for her to see what emotions are written there.

"I don't think I'll ever be bad again," Am answers breathlessly as she makes a step closer to Joseph. "We have to get him comfortable."

Stella feels that sense of understanding within her before nodding her agreement and walking the remaining distance closely at her friend's side. Together they lift Joseph's legs and place him horizontally on the bed again. As she steps back, she watches as Am leans over Joseph's face. Her hand shakes as it hovers just above the skin of his pale cheek. Her finger looks as if it longs to trace the scar just under his right eye but hesitates. A choked cry escapes her as she wretches her hand back and presses it against her lips to keep the sob inside. Tears stream from green eyes and Stella can feel her own tears for her friend's sake.

"Oh Joseph," Am whispers and she takes a step back, her hand once again, clutching at something at her chest.

"His injuries are not that extensive. He is going to be fine," she says, running a reassuring hand against her friend's shoulder.

"It's not that," Am insists as more tears stream from her eyes. "You just… he… it's going to happen all over again."

"How do you know him, Am?" she asks.

Am turns to look at her then for the first time. Her emerald eyes are glittering like the stones they resemble. There is a helpless frustration there that reminded of her Joseph's. She knew then, that the secrets Joseph kept within himself, were all known to her green eyed friend.

"He is the one you thought of whenever you looked at Noctis, isn't he?" she prods.

"Sometimes I would look at Noctis and see him," Am admits with a nod of her head. Her eyes return to stare at Joseph's sleeping form. "Similar but not the same."

"I see Noctis when I look at him too," she agrees.

"But as much as Noctis reminded me of him, he just wasn't Joseph," Am insists, even though she can already understand what she means.

"I completely understand what you are saying," she reassures.

Am manages a grateful, watery smile.

"Something else that we have in common," Am laughs shakily as she wipes her eyes. "I didn't think I'd ever see him again."

"What happened, Am?" she asks. "Why did you separate from each other?"

Am jerks to look at her sharply. "He left me," her voice sounds a little angry, but much too sad to be so. "He died."

"But he is here now."

Am shakes her head. "It's really hard to explain."

"Try me," she says with a comforting smile.

Am looks at her briefly before turning to stare at Joseph again. Her eyes take on the glazed look of someone losing themselves within a memory and she can feel the distance between them within that moment. More tears run silently down Am's face as she bows her head to a time that looks too painful to recall. She does not hesitate this time as she moves to kneel beside him and takes gentle hold of his right hand. Her slim fingers bare his hand to reveal the rune across his palm and Am clenches her eyes tightly together. There is pain etched there, but it is not for her sake. It was for the sake of the man lying there.

"Oh Joseph," Am repeats softly. "How you must feel."

Joseph's features tighten in agony as if in response but remains unconscious.

"He would have killed you," Am says without taking her eyes away from Joseph.

"You stopped him," she says gratefully.

"He almost did the same to me," confesses Am. "When he turns red, he… well, you saw."

She nods.

"Where's Noctis?"

The reminder of Noctis makes her own throat clog.

"He is infected," she says shakily.

Am's eyes fly to hers in alarm. The look on her friend's face tells her everything. That she knows what is happening. What Noctis will turn into and that this has happened before.

"How long does he have?" she asks, steeling herself.

"Two days, before the first transformation," answers Am as one who knew for sure. "But Noctis has a strong mind, like Joseph. He won't lose control like the others."

"How can you be sure?" she asks with hope rising within her.

"As long as he has Joseph there to guide him, he should be fine," Am says confidently, but when her eyes return to hers there is a sad understanding there.

"I know," she says before her friend can tell her again. "He will push me away. Noctis is consistent, at least."

"You can't let him," Am says firmly. "He'll need you, more than he ever did."

"Did you help Joseph?"

Am's tear filled eyes stare into hers for a long moment.

"Joseph did what Joseph believed," is the quiet reply.

A poignant remark that spoke volumes. Joseph had pushed Am away as Noctis would her.

She watches as Am stares at his hand before rising up to her feet again.

"Nobody meant more or less to Joseph. He cared about everyone equally and completely."

"He must have cared for you more," she tries to reassure.

Am shakes her head sadly.

"I was just another person to save. Just another girl that fell in love with him," Am says, taking another step back and clutches at her chest again. "If Joseph is here that means that the gods need him to sacrifice himself again. Which means Joseph will show Noctis the way in which to walk."

"What do you mean?"

"There's going to be an army formed and when it comes, Joseph will be used as the catalyst to their destruction."

"Was that what he was before? The tool they used to defeat this sickness?"

"They abused him so much," Am whispers heatedly. "He never did anything for himself but _everything_ for everyone."

"What happened the last time you saw him?"

The memory makes Am bite her bottom lip she continues to silently cry.

"He… considered me a friend," is the strange answer. Strange in that it was clear that they had been something more than friends. That her friend was in love with Joseph was obvious. That Joseph felt something too had also been clear in the swift return to sanity that had appeared in his eyes when he had heard her voice. The look that had been on his face was solid proof.

Am shakes her head in denial and turns to smile at her.

"I'm glad you're here Stella," the smile on her friend's face is grateful and warm. "Joseph needs someone as warm as you in his life, just as Noctis does."

"And you are not those things?" she retorts. Am was an abundance of those things.

Am opens her lips to respond but shakes her head again, taking another step back.

"He probably won't remember me being here when he wakes and I'm not sure why we haven't run into each other before now," Am explains as she makes her way to the door.

"Where are you going, Am?"

The other woman pauses at the door and looks at her.

"I can't live through that again, Stella," her friend answers. "At least you know that Noctis loves you." Her green eyes linger over to the form on the bed. The sadness there breaks her own heart. "Joseph never loved me and to lose him again... I have to make sure he doesn't have to do that again. He's given up too much to be asked to do it again." She looks ready to fly out the door when her eyes settle on Joseph's trench coat hanging over the back of one of the dining chairs. The corners of her lips lift a fraction as she moves towards it and reaches into the breast pocket of the coat.

The hesitation evident in the shaking hand of her friend as she reaches into the pocket, tells her the story of a woman who loved and knew a man too well. She had known what she would find and smiled sadly at the knowledge. It was the look of a woman who knew that the man she loved would never be hers and the resigned acceptance was like a knife to the heart. What things had they endured together that had her friend so mournful? How could Joseph be stupid enough to let a woman like Am go? He must have loved her back. He would have to have been blind, deaf and stupid not to have.

Am brings out the carving that Joseph had been working on that first night that she had met him. The knowing, the familiarity of it brings a painful expression to her friend's lovely face. A longing for things past. Her fingers run along the smooth edges of a piece of art unfinished but from the sad smile across her lips, she has no doubt that Am already knows what it would look like once completed. She watches as Am's green eyes look back to Joseph and then to her.

"I bet he was making this for you."

"Me?" she asks in disbelief.

"It's his way… of telling you he wishes you well."

"Am," she says, taking steps to lay a hand on her friend's shoulder.

The gesture causes Am to burst into a full sob. It is brief and heartbreaking and enough. Just as abruptly, she sniffs and swallows, clearly angry at herself before wiping her eyes harshly and placing the unfinished figure back into Joseph's coat.

"I'm being stupid," Am chides at herself. "I'm just being an idiot because…"

She does not finish and merely wipes her eyes roughly again before going back to the door.

"Am, why do you feel that way?"

Am throws open her front door and pauses in the light of the afternoon to look back at her.

"I never got one," is the simple reply. "Please don't mention me to him when he wakes up. He doesn't need to be burdened with me again and he knows he can trust you to take care of him."

"Why are you leaving? What makes you think he would not want you here?"

"He didn't the last time," Am says firmly, with her eyes downcast. Her usually chipper voice sounds strained and strangled with her uncontrollable emotions. She is gone as swiftly as she had come, quietly closing the door behind her.

It so matched the feelings she had for Noctis. So much so that it was hard to watch. There was a hurt inside that she had never wished upon anyone. It was something that seemed so impossible to heal from. The scene that had just ended was like watching herself whenever Noctis rejected her. It takes her a few moments to try to compose herself before she dissolved into tears as well. To see that her dear friend felt these same things towards Joseph makes her feel closer and more sympathetic to the other woman's plight. All those talks of never giving up and taking advantage of the time they were alive made so much sense now. She had to remind Am of that.

Just as she takes a step to run after Am and talk some sense into her, her phone rings. Quickly, so as not to wake Joseph, she snatches the offending mobile and answers without checking to see who it is.

"Stella," she answers curtly.

"Is everything all right?"

And just like that. As if everything could magically disappear with a puff of air from his lips, she feels herself relax. The effect of that voice was like a soothing balm that could just as easily chill her to the depths of depression if it wished. It was a power that she has never allowed anyone else. Something that she had never thought anyone else to have over her. Yet Noctis crumbled every rule she had ever made for herself with no more effort than it took for him to take in a breathe.

"No, everything is _not_ all right," she answers, uncaring that she is on the verge of tears.

"Is Joseph all right?"

The question has her turning to look at her patient.

"He is currently resting," she says, even while she wants to wince that he had gotten the wrong impression of her rudeness.

"Has he hurt you?" Noctis asks and there is a tentatively cautious note to the question that would have made her smile had the current situation not been so gloomy.

"No, nothing of the sort," she reassures.

There is silence from his end of the line and she knows he does not understand.

"I want to see you," she blurts out in that direct way that she knows will throw him off kilter. Sometimes she wishes she had his subtle nature, but she finds she has no patience for it.

"I can see you," he confesses quietly.

She whirls around towards the door at the confession.

"Are you outside?" she asks, immediately walking towards it. She does not even bother asking how he knew where she was. He _always_ found her. There was never any doubt that he would.

"I always see you, Stella. Even when you are not there," he admits instead and the timid way in which he conveys this precious bit of insight makes her heart melt.

Despite everything, she can feel the swell of feminine pride rise within her breast and a smile reaches her eyes.

"I am always here," she tells him.

"As you should never have been," he laments and she can almost see him tighten his jaw.

"No, not now. You are going to pull away again," she says. "Please, not now."

"As if I could," he says bitterly. "Even now I find it very difficult to not grab hold of you."

"Why do you hesitate then?"

He sighs loudly over the line. The very thin line that separated them. Would that thinness turn into the thickness of a deep reservoir of regret and longing? The image of her friend's face while looking at Joseph galvanizes her.

"I can feel the change, Stella," he confesses quietly and she can feel her entire body freeze at his admission. "I can feel the tendrils of my sanity snap one by one."

"No," she denies vehemently. "Not you! You are strong enough. You are _good_ enough."

"Only because you see me as I wish I could be," he chides, but he sounds grateful to her for it. Grateful to her for imagining him as a person he thinks he is too dark to be.

"I see _you_," she argues back.

"The light told me this would happen," he admits softly and she bites her lip to keep from making the strangling sound of frustration that threatens to bubble forth from her throat.

Was he really going to say it like this? Over the phone?

"You said you did not know which way I would choose," she reminds him.

"Stella," he warns with a defeated sigh.

"Where are you?" she demands. "I am coming over to wherever you are to talk some sense into you."

"Stella…"

"No, you listen here!" she cuts him off angrily, not caring that her voice is raising. "I just witnessed the heart break of a dear friend who was left behind by the man she loves, forced to only watch his life like an outsider instead of beside him. I will not tolerate being treated the same way. If you have not noticed, I am to be a Queen and I will not let you push me away so that I can watch your descent from the sidelines. You will not fall and you will not fail and I am going to make sure you never do either."

She stops to take a breathe and the silence that follows her tirade lets her know how much her words have struck him. The sense of liberation was almost heady and it felt so good to be unburdened. She is about to demand an answer when he finally finds his voice.

"I love you, Stella," he confesses in a tone that is adoring and admiring and grateful and final.

The loud click as he disconnects echoes within her.

She lets out a frustrated cry and raises her hand to throw her mobile against the far wall.

"You'll need that later," is muttered factually from behind her.

She whirls around to see Joseph staring at her with interest as he continues to lie on the bed.

"I should throw this mobile hard enough to blacken both of your handsome faces," she threatens but she finds herself putting it safely into her pocket.

"Why does it anger you so much when it's clear that he only wants to protect you?"

"You think that is protecting?" she demands angrily, hands at her hips. "You think keeping us safely tucked behind while you face the evils of the world alone, are what we need protecting from?"

"You are mistaking him for me by wording it like that," he points out.

"You are just as guilty," she accuses. It is to wonder if he did not remember Am's presence from before. The genuinely baffled expression in his eyes convey that he must not, but she does not give him quarter just for a lack of remembrance. "You did the same thing did you not? When you gave up on _her_ just because you thought she loved someone else."

"I saved her," he says, as if that is all the excuse in the world for being a coward to the matters of the heart.

"Did it ever cross either of your stubborn minds that it might be _you_ that we needed protection from?" she bites out. "That perhaps the wounds within kill more swiftly than those of the body? There is no worse thing than trying to piece together the tattered remains of a shattered heart."

"A heart can mend."

"Did yours?"

He looks at her sharply at that and then looks away just as quickly. He does not have to answer though. He does not have to. His heart had never healed either, but he still wanted to fight it.

"If she were here now?" she asks. "Would you choose differently?"

"That is not up for thought," he answers with a shake of his head. "It's not relevant."

"Yes it does."

"Why?" he asks looking at her with a frown.

"She might be the reason you are alive."

If she were not so accustomed to watching Noctis' eyes so carefully she would not have seen the flicker in his eyes. That flicker that proved that he was not as unaffected by Am as her friend believed. Just like Noctis, the flicker was gone too quickly and Joseph's eyes deaden again to blank. Gone too soon but not too fast. She already saw the crack in his interior. If only she could convince her friend that it was there, she needed only to push just a little bit more and she would know exactly how Joseph felt about her.

"We need to find Noctis," he says, making a struggling attempt to get up as he does. "I have rested too long."

"You are not fully healed."

"I never am," he comments wryly. It was like a joke to himself, but she knew that Am would fully grasp the meaning behind the words. "But these things usually don't wait until you've recuperated before demanding your attention again."

She could readily agree with that. How many times had she been injured and still on the mend before she was called to fight again, during the war? She does not even recall the number now. There have been too many.

"Who were you talking about?" he asks in a quiet voice.

"What?" she stammers, jerking her head back to look at him. "When?"

"Your dear friend," he prompts.

There is a questioning look in his gaze that is very reminiscent of the tone he had used before. Back, when he had asked her what his reason for living was. She imagines this is what his face must have looked like had she been facing him instead of merely talking to him over the telephone. Did he remember earlier? Or had he merely pretended ignorance? It was hard to tell when his eyes were so unreadable now. He deserved to know and Am deserved for him to know that she was there and within reach. Am must have her chance to say the angry words she doubtlessly had towards the abstinent man before her, but she never gets the chance when the door blasts off its hinges as she opens her mouth to tell him.

* * *

Author's Note: Apologies for the delay in this chapter's posting. Darn Muse has eluded me since the completion of this draft and I hadn't the heart to post it as it had been before the edits. When I went through it again, I kept most of the original content in, instead of changing the entire thing. Please refer to my Profile and LJ for any other details regarding background story and more indepth thoughts of what's coming into this fic this chapter and in future chapters.


	8. Amicitia

Amicitia is Latin for "friendship, alliance."

_**Chapter Seven: Amicitia**_

The magnitude of the force which bursts the door off its hinges is so strong, the reinforced wood rams right into the opposing wall. It barely misses from colliding against the foot of the bed. Dusty air fills the confines of the small flat in the wake of the exploding lumber and she cannot suppress the urge to cough. She waves the dust away from her and looks towards the door. Before the dust can settle altogether, the shadowed silhouette of the large Mutatio fills the frame and the glowing eyes create an eerie scene of doom.

"Stella, move!" shouts Joseph as the first Amalgam jumps through the open doorway and makes a leap towards her.

Instincts still sharp from months of battle, she dives to the side, easily eluding the reach of those razor claws and activates her rune. Rolling with her momentum as she hits the floors, she manages to remain just out of its reach. Then finally rolls back to her feet with her sword at the ready. From the corner of her eyes, the part of her that remains conscious of the goings on around her, she spies Joseph already in his Blue form and tackling another sneering Mutatio and forcing it back outside. The heavy, armored bodies collide solidly, taking out the entire front wall of Am's small flat, as Joseph shoves the Mutatio back out into the open. The debris clouds her vision again and after a quick swipe of her eyes to clear it, she can make out the many forms of the Mutatio outside.

Of the four of them, three circle around Joseph just outside the perimeter while the one remaining inside with her makes another attempt to grab her. She ducks out of reach before jerking her rapier in front of her as her shields flash brightly. Golden sparks light her blade and she prepares her body for the attack. Instead of trying to cleave her, as she had expected, it makes another clumsy attempt to snatch her up. So, she twists out of its reach again, bringing her blade up as she does and hacks off the offending appendage clean from the limb. The flow of blood that follows is easily dodged as she moves far enough away to avoid being tainted. Then the ear splitting screech of pain rocks her feet as the Mutatio takes a reflexive swing at her in response. She manages to evade the higher reach and leaps over its head to avoid the drops of splattering blood from its mangled limb, swinging her arm as she goes. When she gains her feet at its back, she stabs it through the gut and forces her ignited blade through to jerk it out of the other side. A flash of crystal saves her from the resulting spray of blood as she leaps outside the foundation of the now demolished flat to join the fray outside.

She leaps out just in time to see Joseph slice right through the neck of one of the Amalgams and its head deteriorates into ash before it can hit the ground. Another hard thrust and the body is cleaved in half before he is whirling around to face the last remaining two. That is when she notices it. What she had not noticed before. Typically, the Amalgams that she had seen had all had the same look. Only Joseph in his Blue form had looked distinctly different and unique. One of the two remaining was as distinctly different as Joseph was to the rest. She cannot even think to describe it. It certainly did not glow blue, as Joseph did. It did not even have the general white like glow of the others. It glowed a bright yellow and it was definitely male. True, she had never stopped long enough to examine assigning them a gender was even possible, but seeing this one, she instinctively knew it to be male. While Joseph's hardened Amalgam form was black all around with streaks of blue, this one was near white with streaks of yellow.

The other Mutatio, standing beside the one who was obviously the leader, stood as a shield in front of its master as they faced off.

"Who are you?" demands Joseph, his sword at the ready.

There is no response from the white Amalgam but it turns its gaze to stare at her pointedly. It's lidless eyes glow with dark intent as it makes very clear, what he wants. He wanted her.

"Stella!" shouts a familiar voice from above her.

Despite it all, she takes her attention away from the menace before her and barely catches streak of high voltage electricity that strikes the Mutatio soldier. The elevated charge strangles a terrifying scream from it as hardened limbs lose any mobility and its such a sickening sight. The smell of burning flesh reaches her nose and she recoils. Using the distraction to his advantage the white Mutatio makes a hasty retreat and Joseph looks about to pursue right at his heels.

"Joseph wait!" she cries, bringing him to a halt.

He turns to stare at her in confusion.

"No more hiding," she tells him. "You will lose him anyway and we have one already."

Her eyes look up to see the hovering helicopter above them and spies a figure making a quick descent to reach them on the ground.

"Having a party and not inviting us," tsks Cal as he lands onto his feet. "I thought you loved me."

"You know I do," she retorts automatically.

Cal's eyes immediately zone in on Joseph's Blue form and his eyes widen. Whether in surprise or shock, she is not certain.

"Oh man!" cries Cal, stepping back but not out of fright. As impossible as it should be, it is not fear, but this _is_ Cal. Cal always let excitement overrule caution. "You look cooler than I remember!"

Joseph squints his glowing eyes over Cal carefully before turning his head up to stare at the other two that are making their descent. She wonders what kind of man took the time to make sure those that had hunted him would safely touch the ground. Not just any kind of man. Definitely not a bad man. Which proved even further that Joseph was a good man.

"Will you attack?" Joseph's hollowed voice asks Cal as the two others reach them.

"We owe you," remarks Phil casually, as he unclips his harness.

"Heck yeah we do!" cries Cal, coming just a little closer to Joseph's significantly taller form.

Phil takes a step back and takes out a reader to check on the captured and unconscious Mutatio, all business as he usually is. Such a small thing is an amazingly comforting sight.

"For what?" asks Joseph hesitantly. He still looks cautious but he releases his pulsing sword and it whips out like a rope and disappears back in his hand.

"Woah! That was so flippin' awesome!" cries Cal again and takes another step closer to Joseph.

Joseph looks between the three newcomers quizzically as if he does not know quite what to make of them.

"You saved our Prince," explains Durus, as if it were just that simple. Which, come to think of it, it really was. "We're all indebted to you for that."

"I didn't save him," Joseph bites out angrily. "I've done much worse."

"If he's going to look at cool as you do, I don't think that's a bad thing," reasons Cal. His casual reasoning was always so simply poignant and hard to refute.

Durus rolls his eyes at the comment but he also does not seem to know what to say.

"This is a sickness," says Joseph looking if not a little baffled by their casualness.

"You're not dead," Durus points out.

"Yeah and if you can control it, I'm sure Noct will be fine," reassures Cal with a grin.

Joseph looks at her as if for moral support but she is a bit too out of sorts to be of any help. The three of them with their easy acceptance was not particularly characteristic, but she is too glad to hear something comforting and confident from them to argue. It is enough to know that they have such a positive outlook on things, even though Noctis himself did not. It gave her a firm sense of hope where she had been afraid to have it before. Durus offers her a comforting smile while Cal grins as if there was nothing that could ever be wrong with the world. Phil's straight to business attitude behind them was just as much of a reassurance and he turns at that moment to give her a reassuring smile of his own. The four of them would reach Noctis and in turn they would all reach Joseph as well. Feeling so much more unburdened with their support and backing, she looks at Joseph again and smiles too.

He frowns at her and looks hesitant and unsure, faced as he was, with three men who were already treating him as if he belonged. As part of a group instead of alone and it is obvious that he has been an outsider for far too long.

"Can you do that again?" asks Cal, eyeing Joseph's tattooed hand with more than a little interest.

She notices the faint twitch of Joseph's hand under the scrutiny and his eyes dart from each man to the next in genuine puzzlement. Yes, he has been too isolated and needed to form friendships.

"You should see him turn," she suggests, giving Joseph a raised eyebrow. The part of her that loved to tease showed itself in the face of Joseph's endearing uneasiness. She really _did_ want to see Cal's reaction to when it happened anyway.

Joseph blinks at her slowly, as if he does not understand what she means, before turning his attention to the three friends again. Even though he had no pupils in his current form, she could see he was lost in a way he has not been before. Why had no one accepted him from where he and Am were from? What kind of place had that been? A terrible one. One that must be worse than this one.

"We don't bite," offers Cal cheekily.

"Famous last words," mutters Durus with another roll of his eyes, but his face shows just as much interest as Cal's. He is just more mindful about his eagerness. Even Phil turns to look at Joseph in expectation.

Joseph straightens his stance, as if finally coming back to himself and then he shifts back to his human form in a flash of red crystals and ruby glowing eyes. As it had before, she could do nothing but marvel at how such a transformation could happen so seamlessly and effortlessly. He had mastered the ability so well that it the move was fluid and graceful. Much like watching Noctis in battle. Natural, smooth and fast with no visible effort involved. It was a sight to behold each time.

"Oh holy night!" shouts Cal with a shameless gawk. He is so stunned that he is too busy with his open mouth that he makes no move to help as Joseph's shirtless form staggers from his earlier injuries.

"Okay fanboy, give the man a hand now," grumbles Durus as he steps towards Joseph's wavering form and pulls Joseph's arm around his neck.

"Thank you," says Joseph as he leans heavily against Durus.

"Hey now, easy there," cautions Cal as he takes Joseph by the other side.

"Ease it up fellas," she hears Phil order and she looks over to see that he has attached the unconscious Amalgam to a line. They all watch as it slowly makes it ascension to the helicopter above them before the men inside pull it into the loading area of the chopper. "I want it in my lab, fully contained in the tank I prepared."

"Roger!" she hears echoed in the walkie talkie that he is holding.

"Priority one. Need to know," Phil orders as the helicopter quickly flies away. He watches until it gains distance before turning to look at her and Joseph and then to the demolished flat. "Well at least we don't have to worry about the neighbors."

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"He means there aren't any," explains Cal, adjusting Joseph's weight on his shoulder.

"How is that possible?"

"Noct's been kinda paranoid about his team and has slowly been declining any new renters from the area," continues Cal.

"He owns the entire complex?" she asks in disbelief.

"Whole block actually," adds Phil, adjusting his glasses.

"Did Am know?"

"Yeah, of course," answers Cal, looking a little uneasy. "She thought it was a good idea."

That means that she had been completely alienated from any other people except them and her teammates.

"She thought it a better idea than living amongst the 'Innocents', as she calls them," explains Phil quietly.

"Does that mean that she could have had a better living space?" she asks, though she already knows the answer.

"Totally," replies Cal with a shake of his head. "But she said she preferred sparse."

"Practical, not sparse," comments Joseph unexpectedly. There is a frown on his brow as he seems lost in his own thoughts.

"You sound like her," comments Cal with a grin.

Joseph does not reply and his expression seems drawn.

"We'd better get him to a bed," says Durus, adjusting Joseph's weight on his shoulder and starting to walk towards the back.

"Can I ask where you are taking me?" asks Joseph. He does not look concerned, but curious.

"Got a girlfriend who'll miss you?" chides Cal teasingly.

"Something like that," comments Joseph casually. "I wouldn't want you shooting my bike because its following behind us. Elea!"

"Your bike?" asks Phil with that familiar gleam of interest. "Noct mentioned you had a bike."

Why was she not surprised? Like they had, had any time to just have a chat, but Noctis had gotten a chance to tell _that_ to Phil. Of all things.

"Where is Noctis?" she asks, looking between the three friends.

Each of them hold somber expressions that did not bode well.

"Off to brood," answers Cal with a small shrug.

She looks from Durus to Cal and then finally settles on Phil. The tightening of Phil's jaw is enough indication of his feelings on the matter.

"I need to find him," says Joseph, taking the words from her mouth.

"I want to know who that A-hole was who took the shot," growls Durus threateningly.

The sniper that she had seen. Yes, she would like to know that too.

"So, do you guys have some sort of hierarchy among you?" asks Cal curiously.

"What do you mean?" asks Joseph, as they make their way towards the street and she catches a glimpse at his back for the first time.

"Leader," prompts Durus.

"Yes," Joseph answers shortly. "The… drones, as you will, will follow the strongest."

"Where do you fit into that?" asks Stella, following along behind them. It was hard to think that there was someone stronger than him and it is on the tip of her tongue to ask another question.

"Depending," he replies. "I can control them."

"Depending on what?" asks Phil, walking along beside her.

"When I turn red," says Joseph.

"Aren't you usually blue?" asks Cal, confused.

"When do you turn red, then?" Phil asks, ignoring Cal.

"Sounds like a video game," observes Cal. "Leveling up when you eat a mushroom."

Durus snorts but offers no comment and she smiles because it seems accurate enough.

"Before I… died, from before, the drones were conflicted between me and my… adversary."

That there was a lot that he had refrained from mentioning was obvious and the general glance around their little group said that they all had caught the underlying statement. It brought the same question to each of their minds.

"Did you kill him?" asks Durus, taking the leap.

"Yes," Joseph answers firmly. "And all the drones."

"Who do you think is responsible for this now?" asks Phil.

"I have been trying to find that out but you've made that difficult," Joseph answers with a wry smile.

"Might've been easier just to tell us," offers Phil.

"I'm sure that would've gone over well," mutters Joseph, but it is not resentful. He seems sure, as if by past experience, he had known that they would not have believed him anyway.

"We're trying to unite those who can weird the Crystals and those who can't," says Phil.

"But you haven't seen anything like this before," Joseph says knowingly. "It's not from this world."

"Wait, how do you turn red?" Cal cries in delay.

"When I do, I will be more of a problem than the drones you've encountered," Joseph says darkly. It is the kind of mocking tone that she has heard Noctis use many times. That self deprecating kind that she has never liked.

"Does that mean you always lose your mind when you are red?" she asks, thinking back to how his usually focused eyes had turned insane.

"I had broken free of the madness and could control it, but not now."

"What is that written on your back?" she asks suddenly.

"Heh? Oh!" cries Cal as he tilts his head back a little to see the large scrolling script across Joseph's upper back. "That looks so cool."

Joseph keeps his head lower and she wonders if it had anything to do with the rune etched on the palm of his right hand.

"What does it mean?" asks Phil.

"It's Latin," murmurs Joseph.

"Custos Morum," she ponders. "You said that to me once before."

Joseph lifts his head enough to look at her. "It means 'Guardian of Morals'".

The tone of his voice when he says suggests it was not his idea to have it permanently painted onto his skin.

"Where'd you get it?" asks Cal.

"Death has a sick sense of humor," Joseph says resentfully.

Before anyone can ask another round of questions, Joseph's Yotsubishi custom approaches them.

"Joseph, what's all this?" asks a miniature hologram image of a little girl with pointed ears and long black hair. She hovers above his console and she immediately recognizes that little voice from the day before.

"Wow!" cries Cal excited. He almost lets Joseph slip from his grip.

"Focus, Grunt!" scowls Durus as he compensates from his side.

"Elea," calls Joseph with a pleasant expression on his face. Not quite a smile, like always, but not uninviting.

"I told you they would be different," Elea huffs as she crosses her arms and lets out a delicate sniff. "You never listen to me and see how slow you've started... again?"

The tone is the admonishing one like that of a close sibling and did not sound at all new or uncommon. Being an only child, she had never experienced such a bond but had witnessed it many times while in the company of Noctis and the guys. The real person that was Noctis had been exposed to her through observing his relationship with them. That he let them chide, tease and scowl at him showed her his acceptable demeanor and admirable openness. Something so rare and something so unexpected from someone like him. Noctis always gave the appearance as haughty and self serving. Looking at the infinitely patient face of Joseph as he lets this little virtual creature berate him was both amusing and endearing. A less tolerant person would not have allowed such a thing.

"I'm going with them now," Joseph tells Elea calmly.

"He's going to be fine," says Elea knowingly, glancing to the rest of them. "Just give him a day or so. It's his head that needs a little adjustment."

"Elea," says Joseph. It does not sound threatening nor even just a little bit annoyed. Just an utterance of her name but it is enough. Elea hmphs at him again but remains silent.

"Where are you taking him anyway?" she demands, looking at each of them and finally settling on Phil. Clearly, she figured he would be the one to answer her, which Stella thought most amusing.

"Secret hide out," grins Cal with an over exaggerated wink.

Elea raises an eyebrow at him and quirks her small lips.

"I can ride," assures Joseph, making a weak attempt at carrying his full weight.

"So you can fall off?" asks Elea challengingly. "I'll just follow wherever they're taking you. Just like always."

"We have a car over there," offers Phil.

"Elea needs to remote access your network," says Joseph.

"What for?" asks Phil.

"For the reason Stella was meeting me last night," explains Joseph, he turns his red eyes to look at her steadily. "I have the footage from the hospital."

"You stole it?" asks Cal.

"Took it before it fell into the wrong hands," corrects Joseph.

"Noct said you could access the network from any portal," leads Phil.

"I can," grunts Joseph as his expression turns pained for a moment. He clutches at his side, the adrenaline from a few minutes ago was finally subsiding to the full brunt of the pain. "And no, there is no way you can stop me from getting in."

"Then why ask?" asks Durus.

"Courtesy," answers Joseph.

"Joseph is nothing if not polite," defends Elea, then she turns a critical eye on him. "Maybe a little too polite considering..."

"Polite. I like that," states Cal with another approving grin.

"Elea can send the files wirelessly right now but she needs your IP," states Joseph. "You're all going to want to see them. Though, I must warn you, the footage isn't pleasant."

She imagines not.

"Does it give us an idea of where the dignitaries were taken to?" she asks, almost afraid to know the answer. Had they been slaughtered instead of taken? They had not been able to count how many bodies had actually been slaughtered within that wing.

"Yes," answers Joseph and there is a queer look on his face as he answers. "You won't like what you see."

"No popcorn then," says Cal with a nod. "Thanks for the warning."

Joseph looks over at him as he has still not quite made up his mine whether Cal was foolish or not. He gives him a carefully measuring sort of assessment and then seems to reach an internal decision.

"You ride Elea," Joseph suggests to Cal.

"Really!" shouts Cal in surprise and his voice comes out more like a squeak.

"You sure you wanna let him?" Durus asks cautiously. Durus, as well suited to the subject of motors as he was, did not prefer the small, sleeker bodies of a bike but rather the more sturdy ones of a finely assembled car. So it was not jealous that had him cautious on the subjection. It was more that Cal was a ridiculously crazy driver on either type of wheels.

"He can't crash me," Elea says confidently.

"How fast can you go, little lady?" asks Cal eagerly.

"I can fly," boasts Elea with a proud uplift of her chin.

"Wow!"

Despite the direness of their situation and the worry, a smile crosses her lips and she lets out a wobbly chuckle at the look of unbashed adoration on Cal's face. Elea is beaming with pride while Cal shamelessly gawks at her. Her eyes glance towards Joseph and he too, has a small crease in his lips that could be a smile. Durus and Phil shake their heads before Phil takes Cal's place to carry Joseph to the car. She follows along behind Durus and Phil as they help Joseph get in to the vehicle they had parked in the back alley of Am's complex. Once they have him settled and the door is closed, she clutches at Phil's forearm to stop him from getting into the car himself.

"Are you all right, Stella?" Phil asks, looking her over closely for any injuries.

She shakes her head, appreciating his concern. "Have you seen Am?" she asks.

Something flickers in his expression before he tilts his head to the side and they both take a few steps away from the van.

"I'm supposed to meet her later," he confesses quietly.

"Did she say what for?"

"That she knows what's going on and she has an idea for a solution," Phil answers. "That's all I got out of her over the phone before she told us where and how to capture one of those... Mutatios."

"She had known we would be attacked?" she gapes.

"No," Phil answers with a shake of his head. "She wasn't sure if Joseph would be, himself when we arrived so she told us how we could immobilize him just in case. It was purely coincidence that we broke off an actual attack."

"Has she spoken to Noctis?" she asks, relieved that her faith in her friend was well founded.

"Noct won't talk to anyone right now," Phil responds disapprovingly, then his expression softens somewhat as he looks at her. "Has he called you?"

"He has," she says mournfully. "But it was more like a farewell."

"It wasn't," Phil says confidently.

"How can you be sure?"

Phil gives her a warm affectionate smile. "I think you'll find out soon enough, Stell," is the vague answer, but his corresponding smirk is so sure that she wants to believe him.

"Well," she hesitates. "There is comfort knowing that you are not entirely worried about that."

"With you and Noct?" asks Phil. "Not from his end. More like he might screw it up so badly that you'd leave him."

He looks at carefully for a moment, taking in her reaction to his words.

"But I don't think I have to worry about that either, do I?" it sounds like a question but it feels more a statement. He is giving her that assessing look that Noctis always gave her to try and gauge her moods.

She nods her head in agreement as a response because she suddenly does not think she can trust her voice to come out clear. Then she makes herself remember that she was very put out with Noctis for hiding away like he was and her indignation reaches her eyes.

"Though I am sorely tempted to slap him in the head for going into hiding," she grumbles.

Phil gives a low chuckle as he motions for her to head back to the vehicle.

"I'm counting on that," he remarks, opening the door and helping her inside.

They had a day and a half, at that point, to reach Noctis before he would make his first transformation. With all the things that had happened during the night, she was more than a little nervous about his condition. He had sounded breathless and feverish when they had spoken briefly over the phone that last time. That he had even confessed to being consciously aware of losing his mind was not helping her nerves. Instead of sleeping, she had followed the guys and stood watch as they conducted various tests on Joseph. Phil had thought it prudent to return to the lab they had been to previously since the doctor had been so genuinely willing to help and as up to date as they could hope already. While there, she had finally gotten the results of the samples she collected that first night. It had not come as much of a surprise to realize that the DNA had been Joseph's. The results had seemed a little redundant and behind, considering all that she had learned since originally taking them to be checked.

The tests being conducted had been by the direction of Joseph, surprisingly. He had claimed that he was accustomed to being a lab rat and that the cure to the virus had to do with his own DNA. Which meant that he was being poked and prodded like a specimen instead of a human being, while calmly allowing himself to be strapped to a gurney. Joseph's tolerance to pain angered her as it seemed he was all too familiar with it. No matter what they did, he had not flinched during the entire ordeal. Instead had remained blank faced and accepting while the doctor hovered around him with various machines that she could not make much sense of. Joseph had mentioned that his sister had developed a cure that would destroy the nanos, calling it, "The Isis Project". He had no idea how she had done it, only that his DNA was essential to finding the solution as it had also been the origin of the virus in the first place. Joseph had looked at each of them in turn as they processed this, seeming to wait for the inevitable scorn that he was used to. Only to be taken aback again by their anger that his treatment rather than his involuntary contribution of the virus that would quickly become a plague.

One thing was abundantly clear though. Whatever this cure was, it was not going to be made in time. Not in time to save Noctis. When she had mumbled something to that effect in front of Joseph, he had blinked at her and his expression had turned indulgent and knowing.

"Don't wish for it so soon," he had muttered.

"Why? It would help him," she demanded.

Joseph slowly shook his head. "Sometimes the cure is more painful than the illness."

Then he had turned his head to the overhead lights as if that were the end of that discussion.

"You said you had to hurry up and find him," she had pressed, unwilling to get the conversation end.

"I know where he is," he answered, looking more relaxed than he should have, considering he was tied so tightly with hot lights glaring down into his face.

"Could you share that?"

He had actually smirked at her and it had almost made her heart stop beating when it mirrored the one often present on Noctis' face when he was teasing. The smirk was enough to distract, so she was hardly surprised when he had offered no answer. He looked satisfied when he had turned away from her again to look straight ahead.

Another cause for worry had been the pointed absence of Am and Phil. Phil would come to check on their progress from time to time but would disappear for hours at a time. He, also, never offered any information on his comings and goings and she began to feel idle and useless. Not to mention slowly losing her mind from sheer anxiety. So it was a nice reprieve when Am had finally given her a call.

"I have been so worried!" she had cried into her mobile, mentally thanking Joseph for the foresight of stopping her from destroying it earlier in agitation.

"I'm sorry, Stella. Really I am," apologized Am on the other end of the line. She had sounded just as tired and weary as she had and her anger and faded.

"What has been going on? What are you working on with Phil?"

"I have Isis," admitted Am, uncomfortably. "Only it's… faulty."

Which had not sounded like the word Am had initially wanted to say.

"How do you mean, 'faulty'?" she had asked.

"I don't want to scare you and so, I'm not going to tell you. I already know you're scowling at me," Am had teasingly accused.

Her guess had been right because she _had_ been frowning at what her friend had been telling her. It startled her enough to erase the scowl that had been on her face.

"The reason for the tests is to look for the solution and make it perfect," explained Am. "So Phil has been comparing the data."

"Must you work in a separate facility?" she had urged instead of demanding just what was so dire that Isis was currently "faulty". "Perhaps it would be quicker if you did."

"I can't," was the quick, panicked answer.

"Is it because of Joseph?" she had asked, lowering her voice as she did.

"Yes," Am answered without hesitation. "He wouldn't wait for us to fix it. He'd just take it and use it like he did before."

"He has been cured before?"

"If you could call it that," Am replied bitterly. "Please don't tell Joseph about this. He'll only break into the network, find out where we are and take it before we could stop him."

"Why won't you talk to him?"

Am let out a ill humored chuckle. "You've spent time with Joseph," Am explained. "He's not exactly talkative."

"He had to have been at least a little with you," had been her response.

There had been a slight pause before Am answered. "For a brief moment."

"Will you hide from him forever?"

"That'd be impossible, I guess," sighed Am. She sounded resigned and sad. "I don't know if I have the strength to face him."

"Of course you do."

"I've already lost him once, Stella," Am confessed emotionally. "But to be honest, I've never actually _had _him to begin with. Just the wishful thinking of a desperate woman."

"I would hardly call you desperate," she chided. Am was definitely not a loose woman, one who became obsessed with the desperate urge for affection where it was not a prudent nor offered. That Am felt so strongly towards Joseph meant that Joseph must feel something too. He _had_ to. There was no way that was even possible. "Do you want me to talk to him?"

"Don't even think about it, Stella!" cried Am over the line. "Since he doesn't remember the incident in my flat, that means it wasn't important enough to."

Which was a total mistruth and they both knew it. Am was obviously in denial. It had been a weak attempt at shielding her heart from a man who was already firmly rooted within it. She could not more evict him than tear out her own heart and they both knew it. Men like Joseph and Noctis were the ones you loved forever.

"We have not had a moment of privacy so I have not asked him anything yet," she had said. "But I will confront him and nothing you say will stop me. Just because he has not mentioned it does not mean he has forgotten!"

"Joseph is good at compartmentalizing his feelings," Am tried reasoning with her. "He'll organize it and put it away until he feels nothing but resignation and duty."

Which was exactly what he had looked like he was doing. He had the look of a martyr, ready to be slaughtered for the greater good. She could understand his inner resentment, at that moment, at having to repeat the same sacrifice when he had more than earned his right to seek the solace of death. Not only had he been brought back, he had been inflicted with the same illness that he had hated so much. An illness that he had, apparently, been cured of before he had died. Then, to add further insult to injury, he had been marked with the label of "Guardian of Morals." It was not entirely inappropriate, given that he _was_ an outstanding example of morality, it was his hatred of the mark that had her sympathizing.

"I'm a drawer in his file cabinet. I doubt I'm even a full drawer. I might just be a small file in the back," Am said hurtfully. Then she took a couple breathes to compose herself. "He doesn't do it to be cruel. It's how he copes with all the strong feelings he has. Believe me, with the life that he had before, he has plenty of them. My presence won't help him now because it didn't then. If you confront him, he'll just feel guilty and then he'll do something drastic and foolhardy to make up for it."

Sounded like Noctis.

"That does not mean you have no place in his affections," she reasoned.

"I know he's fond of me," answered Am with a sigh. "But he's fond of everyone. He's never been able to really hate anyone."

Her eyes had glanced over to Joseph's prone form on the other side of the glass panel she was standing behind. He was not looking at her, but staring up, occasionally closing his eyes as he processed whatever thoughts were running through his mind.

"Did you know he has a tattoo on his back?" she had asked, trying to rouse Am's curiosity.

It worked.

"What tattoo?"

"He says he was given it when he came back," she had answered with a small smile of triumph.

"What is it?" Am had asked hesitantly.

"It is written in Latin. 'Custos Morum'," she had said. "It means, 'Guardian of Morals'."

"It's fitting," Am had responded quietly. "I've never met anyone as noble as Joseph in either lifetimes."

Am had not confessed it, but she knew, her friend was already mourning the man that had been stretched out and been prodded during their conversation. She thought it very premature when he was still alive and breathing, but had been unable to find any words of comfort except a gentle hum of agreement.

"Phil tells me you haven't slept through all this," Am said, effectively changing the subject. "You can't wear yourself out."

"Noctis does not have much time left," she excused.

"He's not going to die and you're not going to lose him," Am had lectured. "So if you're going to be strong for him, at least go back to your flat and get a few hours of sleep."

"What if he comes here and I miss him?"

"You won't," Am had responded with more assurance than she certainly did.

When the suggestion had sunk in, she had reluctantly agreed that her body was beyond the point of exhaustion. In the hustle and bustle of the numerous tests being conducted on Joseph, including all the other general excitement, she had not even thought to rest her head anywhere. The prospect of at least laying her head upon her own pillows been entirely too inviting to ignore. Once she had assured Am that she would take her advice, she had asked Durus to drive her home. Which was where she found herself at present. It had just gotten fully dark and the winter evenings were coming more swiftly than those of summer. Even at in the midst of an early evening, her weary body wanted only sleep. If only her mind would let the sleep come.

As she stands here, showered and ready for bed, she eyes the soft sheets and the dark night outside her windows. Her mind is on the things that could be running through Noctis' mind as he must be staring at The Light at that moment. Just as she was. He had always heard the voices more distinctly than she ever had. They whispered things to him that often made him feel like a prophet of doom. Those being the ones he actually spoke aloud and she was sure there were more that he never mentioned at all. There were many things hidden in those deep eyes of his. A knowledge of things he did not wish to know and a wisdom that went beyond his years. She had always wished that he would not feel so inclined to hide the things he shrouded in shadow. His apprehension had only hardened her determination to learn more. Nothing he could ever confess to her would compel her to run from him. Not now. Not ever. If he would just believe that, believe _her_.

Letting out a very long sigh, she lifts the edges of her covers and settles herself into the soft mattress. The view of the ceiling is too mundane after a moment so she rolls to her side to face the window. She brings her arms under the pillow where her head rests and blinks sleepily at the new night just outside the glass panels. At just this angle, she has a clear view of the moon before it rises higher and reaches the potential of its height in the sky. The illuminating globe of white brings forth a silhouetted image of Noctis' face and slowly, the cloudy bliss of unconsciousness descends upon her mind.

An indeterminable time must have passed when she opens her eyes again. The city is still within the grips of night but the moon has risen. It's beams are fuzzy rays reaching across her floor, towards her resting figure. Her mind is just a tad bit fuzzy so she knows she has slept longer than the length of a nap. She is not sure what has woken her but now that her eyes are open she finds she cannot find rest again. There is still the lingering worry and anxiety but no fear of approaching danger to have raised her alarms. She had not even been having a nightmare. There are no lingering images of a dream either. She opens her ears and there are no sounds to have started her. Raising herself to a sitting position, she looks over the large patches of darkness around her room. She had never been afraid of the dark and she found nothing now to start.

Soundlessly, she lifts the covers that are shielding her from the cold and brings her feet down onto the fluffy rug beside her bed. Forgoing the urge to switch on her bedside lamp, she silently pads her way towards her bedroom door with only the soft rays of moonlight. Gently turning the knob of her bedroom door, she steps out into the hallway. Her heart nearly stops and her breathe catches at the sight of who is sitting on the floor just beside the doorframe.

* * *

Author's Note: Another cliffhanger, but I'm sure one that gives you a good sense of anticipation instead of a dreading one. As always, please check my Profile and LJ for any indepth notes and mental insights from me.


	9. Desidero

Desidero is Latin for "to long for, wish for greatly."

_**Chapter Eight: Desidero**_

What a sight he made. Her breathe hitches within her chest as she looks down at him. Even as sweat rolls in steady lines down his face with quietly ragged breathes, uneven and pained, he was still the most gorgeous man she had ever seen. He took her breathe away now, just as he had when she had first seen him. With his head resting against the wall in such a way so that his ear is close enough to listen to any sounds from her room, she wonders just how long he has been sitting there. One knee is drawn up with an arm resting upon the top, while his other leg stretches out across the expanse of the hallway. There is no mystery of why she had been called from slumber now. He was here and she can only be thankful that she had gotten out of bed. How was it possible that all she had needed was just the assurance of his presence for her worry to ease? Yet, even as it eased, another worry followed. This new worry bringing with it the need to comfort and care for him. A different kind but more preferable. This man dominated her life as he dominated her mind and all he had to do, was simply be. Did she mean less to him that he could so easily leave her behind? Did she mean so little that he could so easily keep her away from him?

His eyes are red and the whites bloodshot as he lifts his face to stare at her. As awkward as the position must be, trust him, to only look as if he belonged just where he was. Such was the way of Noctis. It was something that she so envied in him. The ability to look so perfectly composed when she oftentimes felt as if she could pace a hole in the ground that she walked. Many times he had simply sat or stood, in quiet meditation as he watched her with striking intensity. Now, there is a glazed unfocused look in those normally sharp eyes. Was he himself or was he something else?

"But soft," he whispers in wistful contemplation. "What light through yonder doorway breaks."

Her smile is both relieved and amused as she kneels down to bring their faces level. He was himself and being so close to him again is a comfort that she has been too long without. She stares back at him and manages a real smile now that they are together again.

"Quoting poets," she teases in a soft voice. "You never fail to amaze me."

"It was not uttered to impress you," he frowns, his breathes becoming a little more labored. Well, he tries to frown, but it ends up looking more like a pout in the most adorable way. She has to refrain from leaning in to kiss the tip of his nose, knowing the gesture would not be appreciated when he seems to be so intent on being serious.

Things _were_ serious. Yes, they truly were. Their current situation was most dire. Only now, she finds she feels lightened, unburdened now that he is here. That inviting smile that he always evokes from her returns now in the face of his attempts at gloomy madness.

"Are we dreaming then?" she offers with a tone just as wistful as his had been. What she really wants to do is embrace him. She wants to feel the solidity of his body to prove that this was not fantasy, but reality. Coddling him too much would repel him though. She has learned that too, through their travels. Something idiotically irrational about masculine dignity and such, but it is difficult to stop her hand from reaching out to him.

"I am," he answers, blinking his eyes slowly. The distant look still evident and his breathing turns shaky. A tremble runs through him. "As a sick man does."

"Why dream of being outside when you could have been within?" she asks, finally giving in to her need and reaching up to gently wipe his damp forehead. He was so feverishly hot and a stronger shiver wracks his body. She needed to persuade him to get up. The hallway was chilly with the night air and he should have been abed long ago.

"I am where I should be," he states, leaning his head back against the wall and staring at her in that intense way that made her feel warm too. "Right outside Heaven's door." His eyes follow the lines of her face to finally linger on her lips. "It is enough to simply sit here and listen to you breathing. There is nothing else to want or desire."

"Nothing else?" she asks with more breathe than voice.

"I would not rather be anywhere else."

"Noctis," she manages to say through trembling lips. She needed to stop him. "We need to get you to safety."

"I am in safety," he reassures her, grabbing hold of her while pulling his bent leg down so that she is forced to sit on his lap. Her arms wrap around his neck for balance and he lowers his sweaty brow against her shoulder and murmurs words that have her shaking as he is. "Wrapped up in the arms of grace."

The words of adoration compels her to squeeze him tightly to her in response.

"I am looking past the shadows of my mind. To what I know is truth and trying to identify all the voices in my head," he breathes heavily onto the skin of her neck and his lips tickle the sensitive tissue as they move. "God, Stella, which one is really you?"

He sounds afraid and unsure and she has never seen him so. She has never wanted to see him so. It rips a hole in her heart and she lets tears fall from her eyes as she feels his torment with him. Listening to the feelings that so strongly evolved around her, she wishes there was something more she could do. She wishes she could absorb the madness into herself. If only it were possible to share such agony to relieve him. She would do anything to ease his suffering.

"Is it worth fighting, I wonder?" he asks quietly a moment later, sounding far calmer than she feels.

He has her at the edge of hysterics and he still sounds so collected.

"Fighting what?" she asks, trying to keep her voice from betraying her tears. Had he really been himself, he would have already noticed them. She is almost thankful that he does not now. It would only distress him further to see her tears.

"My way back to sanity again," he answers, pulling away enough to look at her face. "I have no idea what I would do once I am there."

"Is lunacy preferable, then?" she asks unable to prevent to hurt from showing. She wipes her eyes hastily in a vain effort to hide him.

He makes a tsking sound as he rubs his thumb across her lower lip. His eyes are intent as he runs the pad over the plump flesh. It is as if he is almost envious of the stumped finger that can touch her when his own lips long for the same touch. She knows he will not kiss her and she wonders, for the first time, whether he would ever kiss her again. Would his fear for her prevent even that?

"Madness can be sweet," he reasons, looking so full of regret that he rips his finger away. For a moment he looks so pained and he turns to look away from the sight of her.

"What do you need me to do?" she pleads, grabbing hold of his face to try and regain his focus.

"Everything and nothing, Stella," is the contrary reply and his eyes have not returned to hers. For one panic stricken moment, she thinks he will push her away from him. Then, he places a hand over each of hers and presses down on them to prevent her from pulling away.

As if she would ever willingly pull away from him.

"I know you must be tired of waiting on me," he apologizes with a reassuring squeeze to each hand. He closes his eyes as he inhales a deep breathe. "I know I have never made things easy."

"No, you have not," she agrees accusingly but the pout on her voice gives away more hurt than anger. Her vision is full with him as he presses their foreheads together, but she feels as if it cannot be full enough of him. "Always off being so admirably stubborn and exasperatingly loveable all the while."

He lets out a loud breathe that sounds so regretful. She opens her eyes and sees the agony of his thoughts.

"I just wish to be here now," he breathes into her mouth as he leans in so their lips can almost touch. "Is that all right with you?"

"Here in the hallway?" she asks hesitantly. He looks so lost and vulnerable. Torn in a way that was not himself or else he would not have confessed as much he has and she needs to stop him before he does something he will hate himself for later.

"Old habits die hard," he replies with a shrug.

"'Old' habits?" she repeats.

He pulls away enough to give her a sheepish look. A feat to accomplish but she is grateful to see it instead of the pain.

"I have often spent my nights here," he confesses.

She blinks blankly at him as she lets this significant confession in.

"This, is not your first time here?" she cannot help but asking.

"I have to correct myself. I did not say that accurately," he says with a shake of his head. "There have been many nights I have stayed just outside your door. Only, not this door specifically."

"Why?" with no small amount of confusion.

He gives her a look that says the answer should be obvious.

"I do not belong anywhere but outside Heaven's door," he says softly, pulling her close again.

His body has begun to shiver violently as he holds onto her firmly. He holds her like she is his hold onto sanity. It is a desperate clinging that has her clinging back equally to keep him with her.

"I could be so angry with you," she says weakly. "I have been so worried."

She feels him still at her words until his entire body tightens, muscles straining against whatever demons were speaking within his head.

"Stella," he says and his voice is firmer, more like himself, this time. "I know now."

She pulls away to see that his eyes are back. The look of the real him. The eyes of the man she knows. Though still dangerously red, it was the sharp witted Noctis that she loves. It is all she can do to keep from giving a cry of joy at the sight of him.

"I have been talking to Joseph," he explains, in that quiet way of his and even that, threatens to break a smile from her lips.

"How have you been talking to Joseph?" she asks, though not entirely surprised given that Joseph had hinted as much. She had a feeling the method had been something a bit more complicated than dialing a telephone.

There is a shift in his eyes that she is familiar with too. That shift to tell her his rapidly processing mind was working at the speed it should be. The haziness is gone now and she wonders how long it has been since he has such a clear thought. Though still dangerously feverish and shaky, that keen mind was back. She watches as he tilts his head as if listening to something that she cannot hear. Part of her worry is eased at the familiarity of that too. There had been moments where he would do the same when The Light would speak whispering words for his ears alone. Only now, it was a comfort to know that it was a person speaking back.

"This… condition is both remarkable and horrifying," he admits, his hands tightening involuntarily for a moment. "My vision has changed and the things I see are hard to differentiate between reality and illusion."

"Do you think me an illusion too?" she asks, feeling a little worried. Perhaps that had been why it had been so easy for him to say the things that he had. Things that he would never have told her so easily otherwise.

His smirk is almost enough to have her in tears again. Tears of thanks.

"You have _always_ been my illusion, Stella," he replies, reaching to touch her face again in reverence. "A madness so sweet it is all I can do not to give in."

He dips his head as if to kiss her but stops himself just in time, denying them both the touch they need so badly.

"All those inflicted with this can communicate with each other in a sense," he continues again with a struggling voice. He leans back, leaving a small space that felt more like a deep void between them. "I can locate each of them if I concentrate hard enough and since it was Joseph's blood that infected me, I can communicate with him very easily."

"Can you see who has been infected and who is not?"

"Yes," he says and then pauses. "Though it has taken me awhile to realize that sometimes, I cannot trust my eyes to deceive me."

She frowns at his confusing statement.

"At first, it looked as if everyone was one of them," he goes on to say. "As I fight the hallucinations, I realize that if I keep a tight control of my mind, I can use the sight to my advantage for weeding them out."

"Have you come across many?"

"I just… recently figured it out," he admits sheepishly. He looks embarrassed to have taken so long to figure it out. "Since I knew for a fact that you were not one of them, it was easy to tell the difference then. As I sat here, listening to your slumberous breathes, I started to feel the difference in the Crystal's gift and this one." He gives her a look of such warmth and affection that she feels her entire self brighten under the admiration. "You give me clarity, Stella."

Suddenly feeling shy herself, she looks down at his collarbone in thought to fight against the blush that heats up her face. Looking at the bare skin of his neck, she then remembers the tattoo that had been on Joseph's hand. She pulls his right hand away from her face and turns the palm up to see what she knows is there. When it really _is_ there, she can tell right away that it is not the same scrolling symbols as Joseph's that encircles the familiar, circular rune.

"Do you know what the words mean?" she asks, tracing them lightly with her finger.

"The evolution of two," he says quietly, flexing his fingers as he watches the smooth gliding of her finger.

"Two?"

"Joseph thinks it is the power of the Crystal combining with those of the nanos."

So they really _had_ been talking and it had not been just the voices in his head. Not that she had, had any doubts. It was just assuring to hear proof. How many of those voices were real as well and he had only brushed them aside thinking them delusions of madness? It made her feel a touch envy that she did not possess the skill to communicate mentally with him like that. This man that already possessed so much of her mind regardless. She looks at the expression on his face then, feeling a burst of affection towards him for being so brilliant and so strong. It has her leaning in to kiss his damp forehead to express her adoration for this wonderful man. He, in turn, tightens his hold on her waist in response, not even attempting to pull away and leans an ear against her chest. She feels him slowly relax as he embraces her, with her still sitting upon his lap. A position which she knows they cannot stay in much longer.

"Noctis?" she offers hesitantly.

He mumbles an affirmative reply.

"We need to get you off the floor."

"I am perfectly content to stay here," he says stubbornly, but the shivers wracking his body say otherwise.

"Noctis," she chides with a sigh, but before she can utter anymore, something crashes through the door of her flat.

Despite looking more than just a little exhausted and a smidge delusional, Noctis reacts much more quickly than she does. He pushes her behind him as he gains his feet to face whatever enemy has dared encroach on their moment together. Two Amalgams walk steadily into the room, one different from the other but that they were drones was still obvious. This time she got the distinct impression that one was definitely female and the other a male. The images of the hospital feeds come back to her like crash. Images that she had tried very fervently to take away from her mind since she had seen them. To think that she had contributed to killing the dignitaries without the knowledge that they had been the very Amalgams that she was trying to defend them from. The truth still made her feel sick. She had watched, along with the rest of the guys, how they had screamed as they had transformed and completely gave into the madness of the virus. One had even bellowed his confusion and terror as he mistook who was the infected and who had still been human. Those poor doctors and staff that had been on duty had been slaughtered needlessly by people who had been too caught up in illusion to realize it was _they_ that had turned into monsters.

These two were soon joined with three more, heedless to the damage they wrought as they entered the confines of her flat. It was not something that had crashed through her door but her door that had been blown away. As one the Mutatios all turn to watch Noctis and herself in the hallway. Having gained her feet by then, she caught the damp skin on Noctis' elbow and notices the trickles of sweat that were still running along his face and the back of his neck. When his hand starts to tremble just a little, he shakes it off with that determined stubbornness of his. He takes a step forward, keeping her out of harm's way. One, more unique looking Mutatio, steps forward to meet him.

"Noctis," she calls out to him in a small voice, too afraid for his sake to say it too loud.

"Just the princess," hisses the Lead Mutatio, as they all continue to stare at Noctis. This one seems strangely familiar somehow. The shape and design of his features seen before.

That they have not attacked already worries her even more as the statement makes Noctis pause. It does not occur to her to be afraid for her own sake. Not when Noctis was so close to transforming and outmatched right now. Her fear for him was too consuming to have any left over for herself. She wants to let them take her if only to buy him more recovery time. Only, she knows him too well to make the offer.

"You will not have her," Noctis rumbles in a low growl, before she can even try. She can imagine the cold, aloof expression that must be on his face when he says this. His eyes had already been red, so she knows that they are gleaming dangerously now. Though not standing as straight as he usually was, his entire body was ready to fight. "You will have to face me first."

"Not yet, Lord Noctis," comes the hollowed response of the Mutatio in the lead. "You're not ready to face the master yet."

With a motion of its head, the four drones come forward to try, in a formation, to pass Noctis.

It is a very badly judged assessment to assume that since Noctis was unwell, that he would easily be pushed aside. These individuals really did not know Noctis very well. Which was proven a moment later, when the unfortunate Mutatio that made a pass at him first, found itself turning swiftly to ash before it could have even anticipated Noctis' move.

"I am be under the weather," comments Noctis. "But that does not mean I am incapacitated enough to stop you."

It should have sounded more sure than it did. She knew that he was struggling and he might fool these ones here but he did not fool _her_. The crystals currently floating around his form were not as brightly lit and though his favorite broadsword was just as sharp, his arm was not as steady as it always is. His voice sounded just as confident and just as arrogant but she catches the unsteady breathes.

_Joseph, what can we do?_

"You don't have much time, Lord Noctis," says the Mutatio, strangely courteous and respectful, considering the tense situation in which they found themselves. "You won't be able to fight us properly until you're ready."

There is a snide glint within that lidless gaze and her mind finally registers the familiarity of this one.

"You were the sniper on the roof," she hisses with disdain. She is not far behind Noctis and she was not going to cower to them. In a few steps, she is now beside him instead of behind. Finding their reason for wanting her was not important at the moment, compared to the knowledge of _who_ had done this to Noctis in the first place. She knew the Mutatio was right. Noctis is vulnerable now. She had learned that much from Joseph. From her peripheral vision she can see Noctis' profile and catches the slight shake as it became more pronounced. His forehead and neck are drenched now as he perspires at an alarming rate. The chilling effects of the fever were made him look even more pale, even as his cheeks reddened.

The stern set of his jaw tells her that he was still focused enough to be angry and that gives her more confidence.

"I am," the answer is simply stated and not as boastful as she would have thought.

"You missed intentionally," states Noctis, narrowing his eyes at him.

"I might just be a terrible shot," responds the Mutatio with that knowing glint in his glowing eyes. They all knew that he had not exactly missed. "Now, please step aside, Lord Noctis."

"No," growls Noctis, shaking his arm out to stay the tremors and the hovering Crystals flash dangerously. As they begin to whirl around him in a tornado of destruction, his swords appear in a circle around the both of them as a shield of protection.

When he takes a step in front of her, her eyes stray to the veins along his forearm and bites her lip to stifle her gasp. They have started to streak black instead of green and her breathe catches. A guttural groan comes from Noctis, in front of her that does not sound like Noctis at all as she watches, in a sort of awe, as flesh turns into a hardened shell of black. A dark black, with a glossy glean like the freshly polished body of Acerbus. The crackling sound of his outer frame amplifies in the room and she takes a step back as his body lengthens. It was much the same way as when Joseph morphed into his Blue form but the mechanical groans announce the pain of first transformation. Noctis' hair of midnight spikes hardens, even as two of them elongate on either side of his face, more so than the rest to give him the look of a warrior with streaks of light running across his changed body. The colors of his light is much like the illuminating ones that shine through the Crystals that still surround him. A reflective blend of bright white, hints of blue and dashes of red all mixed together to give him a dark brilliance that lit up the darkness surrounding them.

What she saw standing in front of her was not a monster. Just as Joseph as Blue had never truly looked like one to her before, Noctis did not now. Even in another form, she can still see the man that she loves inside. No matter that he did not look human any longer. It was still him and that was all she needed to know. That strong personality and unique demeanor were etched into every curve of his Amalgam form as it was in human. In her eyes, he was as equally striking. He moves his head to look at her as she stares and the narrowing of his eyes show his misinterpretation of her expression. How did he know her so well and yet not know her at all?

Noctis lets out a shaky, hollowed sigh as he straights his spine. The fingers of his right hand stretch out and the glow of his rune beams out before a slash of white whips out to reveal his favored broadsword. A rumbled growl escapes his lips while a protective hand eases her further back away from the danger. The swirling weapons make a gap for her as she is eased further away. She lets him do this, knowing by the shaking of his hands and his heaving breathes, that an argument would only distract him. It is more apparent just how difficult his breathing was becoming. He sounds just as feverish as he had before the change and she feels a strong sense of danger. Taking another step back, she looks at the five other bodies in the room.

Though they look surprised, they do not look at all deterred from their goal of capturing her. If anything, their resolve seems to be strengthened as they each glare at Noctis in return, seeing him as a better challenge now. Then, curiously, the four behind the leader, look confused after a moment and then unsure. They look at each other as if wondering what to do while the one that had spoken continued to glare at Noctis. The puzzlement in their body language has her recalling what Joseph had told them about control. The stronger Amalgam could control the drones. The recollection has her eyes widen. That must mean that of the two here, Noctis was the stronger and his will could overpower the will of the one he was facing off against now. The four soon start to shift their feet in indecision until, like a snap, they circled around the one they had previously followed.

Yet, instead of looking alarmed or even angry, the long Mutatio tilts his head to regard Noctis. The move looks almost thoughtful.

"You're strong, young prince," he compliments. "But not strong enough for the master."

Like a signal, a vibrating burst of power flows through the room from somewhere outside. Another presence just out of reach of her consciousness is there, somewhere within the vicinity. One unseen, yet all seeing. The drones snap to attention again and return to their former positions behind the Mutatio. The tension within the room rises when two suddenly make a leaping attack. It forces her further back and into the hallway as they crash into Noctis, using their combined weight to sandwich him against the wall to her side. Noctis lets out a menacing growl as he frees his right arm and cleaves into the one closest to him. The agonized cry of pain is cut off as the body turns to ash, but nobody pays it much heed when the two other drones rush into the fight. A loud crunching sound fills her ears before cracks race across her walls with. They needed to take their fight outside before the building collapsed around them.

Noctis was a very proficient fighter. He interchanged weapons as quickly as he took breathes and he moved so swiftly that it was almost impossible to keep track of where he would appear next. The one time she had been on the receiving end of his blade had ended in a very defining moment. If is fortunate for her that he had held back with her, because she knew that her life would have ended if he had not. She has had ample opportunity to study just how well he danced within a battle. So, she could tell right away that his skill and strength was not up to par at the moment. He was weakening further with the kick of adrenaline and it was only a matter of whether the building or he, would collapse first.

_Noctis, please call to Joseph for aid._

Being thrown into a sword fight was, quite obviously, not how she had planned to spend the evening. She was still in her nightgown and therefore had no proper undergarments by which to keep any modesty, if she were forced to do any of the moves that she usually had to when in the midst of a fight. Never, had it bothered her as much as it did now, to be a woman. Were she a more tomboyish woman, she would have thrown modesty to the wind and started slashing regardless of any lack of clothing. She is inclined to do it anyway, if not for the fact that there was also the danger of becoming exposed if any of these fighting bodies started to bleed and bleed they eventually would. Her involvement would only distract Noctis more and she had vowed long ago that she would not ever endanger him that way. He was far too reckless about his own safety as it was. He was downright suicidal when it came to guarding hers.

Almost as if sensing this important factor at the same time as she did, Noctis bends at the waist and tackles the three Mutatio in front of him. He drives them towards the wall overlooking the street, to keep them as far away from her as possible. Leaving only the leader to look at her as if she were easy prey, as he seems more keen on watching her than watching the fight. Bits of plaster have begun to rain on her head and she knows that they need to get out of there. The Mutatio must have read her mind, for it dove for her with a long outreaching hand then. She instantly immobilizes, twisting out of its grip with a tearing sound. Then, makes a dash back to her bedroom, not even bothering to lock her door. Not that it would have made much difference considering it is blown off its hinges a moment after she closes it. From her living room, she hears the wall explode and from her vantage point, has a split second image of four falling bodies before she turns to stare at her own opponent.

"Come Lady Stella," urges the Mutatio as the loud crashes shake the foundation of the building. "We're not here to harm you."

"Then what _do_ you want?" she demands, inching closer to the windows. The sounds of a blasting engine catches her attention from outside and can almost smile as she sees the darkened silhouette of Joseph on Elea. Noctis would have his aid and she could breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that he was going to be all right.

"The master wants you," the Mutatio reminds her sternly, but he does not make a move to approach her.

"For leverage?"

"He'd find the notion distasteful."

Not exactly the answer she had been expecting and she did not want to think about what that means for her. It almost looks like the thought of using her in such a way were offensive, even to the Mutatio standing before her. Villains with scruples? How very…different.

"And I suppose I am to just hand myself without a fight?" she asks, moving to press her back against the window. "Because it is not in my nature to give up easily."

"He didn't think you'd react any other way," is the knowing response.

She frowns, not sure how to respond. The quick shift of the Mutatio's eyes to look at something behind her awakens her awareness to the powerful presence that she realizes she has felt all along. Behind her now, was the _something_ unnamed that had pierced her senses since all this had begun.

"Stella!" she hears Noctis' deepened voice shout from outside.

It is one of those moments where time slows to a crawling pace and sound becomes distant. Then the hollow sounds of her own heavy breathing sounds within her as she slowly turns around to see what has frightened Noctis enough to shout her name. She sees the face, not for the first time, of the one called Master. No, she has seen this face before, only it does not look exactly the same. The indescribable _something _is no longer undefined now as recognition sinks in.

"Come Stella."

Deceptively gentle eyes regard her kindly, before there is a stinging sensation in her mind and the whole world goes black.

* * *

A "thank you very much" to Lifehouse for their song, **Breathing**, which contributed a lot to the dialogue. Another special thank you to **iamTherru **for helping me snag my motivation. :D  
Who didn't think that was Noctis sitting outside her bedroom? As always, Author's Notes are posted in my Profile and even more indepth thoughts posted on LJ.


	10. Aestou Insum

Aestou Insum is Latin for "to burn with desire, within."

_**Chapter Nine: Aestou Insum**_

There is a darkness within everyone. She is aware of that. There are always two sides to a coin. There are always two choices. One and one and she has always gone with what she knew to be right. Straight laced and bright with no shades of grey. Much like the whiteness that Noctis always made a point of bringing out when comparing the two of them together. He was all blackness and shadow, she was the openness of light. Beside her, he said he felt tarnished and exposed. Like one black stain on her best white dress. Then there was Joseph. Joseph who was so much like Noctis. One who walked with doom and gloom weighing heavily upon his shoulders. A weighty responsibility that he shouldered willingly and unfailingly. Both of whom had extraordinary gifts that would terrify mortal men. Two dark figures in a land of night. Two dark knights who hovered over a darkened city. Yet it always seemed to her that they were more soldiers of light than dark.

There is also light within everyone as well. Not all the world is night afterall. There was always a balance. There was always an equal footing for each. There was always half dark and half light. The question is, who _really_ is dark and who _really_ is light? Appearances can be deceiving afterall.

Where did desires come into play in the accountability of choice? Were they dark or were they light? Was it sinful to desire? Was it sinful _not_ to desire? What did the secret person of the heart truly wish for? There is a difference of what one wishes to have and what one needs to have. Needs should not be hidden and was that not what we really wanted deep side, anyway? Then why, did that person deep within someone, keep secret?

_You want the light, Stella. You have always wanted the light._

Yes, she did, had since the day it had happened. When she was not entirely of the living. It was difficult to keep herself from staring above and yearning for it sometimes. Sometimes she could hear it calling her name and whispering of things that is not sure were not her own wishes doing the actual speaking. Wishing that the light were within her grasp instead of just out of reach. It called to her so often. It beckoned her towards it and yet nothing she could do, could bring it closer. It was like a dream in which no matter how fast or how far she ran, it was always just a little bit further away. She feels stuck within that dream now. Half her body is swallowed up in blackness and the other lit up in vibrant rays of light. The two sides of the coin. The two choices to make.

_Let me help you, Stella. Let me take you to the light._

That voice. So soothing and so full of sincerity. It is familiar and yet not. She must have heard it once before. Its tone says it is not the first time she has heard this call. Had she? Truly? She does not think she would have forgotten the tone of that voice. The subtle lilt that made it sound hypnotizing and melodic. A lyrical tone that could mesmerize an unwary soul. Then there is the soft brush of a hand against her cheek that is just as soothing. Warm fingers trace the curve of her cheek and down to her chin in an intimate caress. A familiar touch. Or was it?

_It's time to wake. _

The brush of that hand does not fade away as the haziness of sleep recedes. Neither did the soft reassuring sounds of that voice. Both seem intent on coaxing her back to awareness and the sense that something is not right pervaded this bubble of ease she and they are encased within. Slowly, her eyes blink open to a blurry, rippling image of something standing over her. There is another voice in the background as she tries to focus her eyes to see the face, but it is too distant to focus on at all. This other voice is factual and rehearsed and it takes her foggy mind awhile to process what it is. It takes a few more blinks before the blur becomes a solid shape and a face forms just above hers.

"You," she tries to mutter, but it comes out croaked in her dry mouth.

"Me," he teasingly responds, with small smile on his lips.

She blinks harder to keep focus before she frowns up into his face.

"Noctis killed you," she points out lamely.

"He certainly tried," he replies with that same smile. He does not stop the slow movements of his warm hand against her cheek.

She remembers this face. So often hidden underneath a white hood, there was still no hiding the long blond hair and piercing green eyes. He looked the same and yet, altered in some way that she could not quite place. The devious smirk that he had greeted Noctis with so many months ago was gone and what remained was a patient, serene expression. An expression that seemed almost too serene to be real. The white skin with bright yellow hair enhanced the bright green irises the sparkle in varying shades. She wants to slap that hand away from her face but finds her arms will not move under her direction. In fact, she cannot move any other parts of her body but her face. Still too hazy from just waking, she merely settles for glaring up at his angelic face.

"Remove your hand from my face," she demands, but it comes out sounding tired and meek.

The gentle touches do not even pause and he smiles at her look of indignation.

"Such fire within those sapphire eyes," he compliments, seeming to enjoy her ire, before his eyes settle onto her dry lips.

"Why have you been trying to take me?" she asks pressing the back of her head against the soft pillow beneath her head in a vain effort to put some distance between them. He was too close. He was too overbearing in his presence.

"How long it's been," he murmurs to himself, as if she had not spoken.

Slowly, he traces the lines of her face with his eyes in what looked to be renewed appreciation. This did not seem right. This was not right at all. There had never, ever been anything like this between them before. It is only when he looks up to study her eyes that he finally causes his touch to pause. He gazes deeply into her irises. So closely that she can see her stunned expression reflected off his own. When he leans back it is still not far back enough. Then his head tilts as he continues to hold her with his stare as he finally ponders over her question.

"I see Joseph has not told you."

He lets out a sound of humor that is not quite a chuckle before he leans completely away and she is forced to turn her head to keep him within her sights.

"How do you know Joseph?" she asks.

"How do _you_ know Joseph, _Stella_?" he counters.

She frowns at his question. "I do not understand how that makes any difference."

"Maybe it doesn't," he replies with a shrug. "But I'm sure it makes a difference to him as it does to me."

"I have never liked riddles," she states boldly.

He smiles fully at her in response. It is not an insulting smile but that of one who is chiding and teasing.

"You were not like this before," she finds herself saying. No, he had been different and far more obvious with his ill intent. His face has always held snide contempt but now, it was different. The contrast in expressions made his face look different, but not entirely different.

"No, I was not," he agrees with a sigh. It sounds wistful and thoughtful. "Joseph, being his secretive self, is nothing new. He's always lacked the ability to control his emotions. But I am surprised that Amanda never mentioned anything to you. She has never struck me as stupid."

"Amanda?" she asks blankly. Not that she had been clueless as to her friend's full name. It was just the _way_ that Joseph had spoken it and this man too says it, that makes her question it.

"Has Joseph seen her yet?" his face looks genuinely intrigued and that only confuses her more.

"Why does that matter?" she asks, carefully avoiding the question.

"He was at her flat so I'm assuming he did?" he continues on with a raised eyebrow.

Her eyes narrow as she tries to see him through different eyes.

"You were there too," she accuses. "You were the one that got away."

"Joseph didn't mention that either?" he asks, giving her a mischievous smile. "I suppose he might not have even recognized me the way I am now."

"What is the purpose for all of this?" she asks, hoping to gain some understanding to this madness. "Why have you started this?"

"Not I," he reassures. "Etro has a very twisted sense of humor, I must say."

"Etro?"

He gives her a smile. "Is there something to be said about a goddess who treats her servants like this?" he asks her in a taunting way. It was that mocking tone of an unbeliever. She has heard it before but she is surprised to hear it from him. "You who worship her so faithfully and she rewards you with me."

"Please say what you mean and not what you could mean?" she shoots back with a glare. Beside her, her hand twitches in her anger and she tries her best to hide the surprise of the movement. Now if only she could gain control of her entire body.

"No waxing poetry to one so lovely," he muses with another warm smile. His eyes move to her hand. "You're coming out of the paralysis. I do apologize for the crudeness of that but it couldn't be helped."

"You can prove your sincerity by telling me what you want," she demands. He had done more than just knock her out. Somehow he had reached into her very being and shut her off, like a light switch. She has never seen such skill or power.

Instead of growing agitated, he lets out a patient sigh as he leans over her with his hands on either side of her waist. He lowers his face until it is so close to her own that she can feel the warmth of his skin and the tickling of his breath.

"Are you sure you want to know, my dear _Star Defender_?" he saying temptingly.

She strains her neck in an attempt to put some distance between their faces in reaction.

His face goes serious then and he pushes away from the small cot in which she rests, to walk towards the voice of the newscaster displayed on the television screen.

"In the wake of such tragic events, the visiting dignitaries are demanding Prince Noctis to lead the peoples into a full scale war against the terrorists known as the 'Amalgams'."

"I'm a terrorist now," he comments lightly. He turns his head to smirk at her.

"An emergency summit meeting will be held later this afternoon in what they expect to be preparations for battle against this evil phenomenon that seems to be sweeping through the city," relays the newscaster. "Reports are coming in from all over the city of people who have been encountering these monsters. Citizens are advised to stay indoors and any who show signs of influenza should report immediately to a nearby hospital."

"Influenza…," she says distantly as she thinks this over. A flash of Noctis' feverish face and shaking body race through her mind. Her eyes fly to the blonde man's face. "The news reported the approaching flu season. These people do not really have the flu."

"Astute," he comments with an approving smile.

Her eyes widen in horror. "When they get the vaccination…"

"They are given something a little extra."

She lets out a strangled cry of dismay. "You are infecting the entire city?"

"Well, not the entire city as not everyone gets vaccinated, no matter the suggestion to get one," he corrects contritely.

"Is this what you wanted?" she demands angrily. "War?"

"Peace can only be achieved when those worthy are left alive," he states evenly.

"And who are you to decide who is worthy and who is not?"

"Doesn't it make you want to smirk knowing that the very man they want to take charge against the dreadful monsters, is one himself?"

"Noctis is not a monster," she argues defensively.

"You don't think so because you think you're in love with him," he says in response and gives her another small smile.

"What do you mean by that?" she asks indignantly.

"You're alike and not," he observes fondly. "I think I like you best though. You're confused again and I mean to fix that. I won't let you do something foolhardy like the last time."

"What are you talking about?" she demands, sitting up in one fluid motion. The movement startles her away from her anger to surprise.

"Already fought it off, have you?" he observes, taking steps towards her again.

"Stay away from me," she hisses, pushing away until her back meets the hard wall behind her. In reaction to her vulnerability, her rune flashes, crystals sparkle around her and her rapier appears in her hand.

He stops his approach to stare at her in what looks like fond appreciation and it makes her feel even more uneasy. If he had threatened her, she does not think she would be more frightened than she is now.

"Stunning," he comments with genuine affection. "Do you think you _can_ harm me, Stella?"

"If I must," she vows, swinging the blade in front of her.

He does not move, does not show a flicker of doubt within his eyes, as she points the edge of it just a touch away from his Adam's apple.

"Perhaps I'd welcome it," he offers with a smile still at the edges of his mouth. "One does grow tired of living so much."

"Then why did you come back?" she asks, pressing the tip of her blade against his white skin. Her grip tightens at the hilt to emphasis her warning.

"I told you," he says just as patiently as before. "Etro has a twisted sense of humor."

He steps into the blade, not much, but enough so that it pierces his white skin. A small trickle of blood begins to slide down her rapier.

"No!" she cries, letting go of her sword and jumping away from the red liquid before it can come in contact with her skin. She flies off the cot and tries to escape through the only door that she can see, only to have him block her way. Forced to back away, he maneuvers her against the far wall and traps her there.

Drops of blood stain the collar of his otherwise pristine white coat but he does not pay it any mind as he regards her, where she tries her best to keep any sort of distance between them. He holds her gaze as he lifts a hand casually to his throat. A flash of light and when he removes his hand, the cut is healed completely, vanishing like it had never been slashed to begin with. With another, small flash, the stains on his coat disappear just as quickly. He actually has the nerve to quirk his lips as he stares pointed from her to the where the stains had been.

"It's not your place to do it," he tells her calmly. He has the sort of smile that one familiar and intimate with her would have. Someone who knew her secrets. Which did not make any sort of sense.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" she asks, trying to go for disdain but knows that she ends up looking more confused instead.

"How am I looking at you?" he asks with a step closer. The smile gives him away though. He knew exactly what she was referring to but chose to mock her about it.

"Like… we… are lovers," she hesitates on the word because it sounds too distorted to even say.

He lets out a small sound of amusement in reply to that, as he continues to come uncomfortably close again. His long bangs fall over his dark green eyes as he stops just a breathe from her and looks down at intently. His features are soft, handsome in a pleasant way and would have been appealing if he did not leave her feeling so uneasy. Uneasy in a way that drew forth her flight instincts to get as far as she could from him. He leaves her feeling uncomfortable, unsure and completely off kilter by his gentle manner. Before she can try to at least push him away, he lifts a gentle hand to lift her face up to meet his eyes.

"Don't be afraid of me, Star Defender," he says softly.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" she asks shallowly. She tries to press herself further back away from him but it only gives him leave to lean in closer.

"I know what you desire," he says, giving her a serious look. "And I'll give it to you. She didn't trust me before, but this is…" He stops himself and shakes his head, keeping the last of his words to himself. Finally, he pulls away and she barely holds the sigh of relief from escaping her lungs. "Life isn't fair is it?"

"Life is what you make it," she says automatically.

He smiles at her in that adoring way again. "Yes, it is, _now_," he agrees. "I'm going to make it even."

He unbalances her so much that her brain feels scattered and chaotic. So that when he leans in again, she does not register the closeness until his lips are pressing against hers. She lets out a squeak of protest that is muffled by his lips on hers and her hands move to clutch his arms to try and push him away. When she tries to shove him away, he only presses harder against her until she can do nothing else but reluctantly accept his kiss. Only when she gives up her fight, does he pull away and smile knowingly at her. The smile looks smug and satisfied and she can feel the anger rise within her.

"Get away from her," comes hissing from behind him.

"Noctis," she breathes involuntarily. She feels stronger now in his presence. His strong presence that grounded her as this man undid her. When she looks up at the blonde man again, his eyes are darkened in anger. She can see the trembling danger of it for a moment before it is gone. His hand squeezes her waist firmly but not painfully as the rage subsides. When he turns his head, his face is back to its pleasant mask.

"You've come then," he comments, letting her go and she almost sinks to the floor in relief.

"How did you survive?" demands Noctis in a low dangerous voice.

"Questions, questions," he admonishes. "You're never asking the right questions."

"Why can you not stay dead then?" Noctis retorts dryly.

"You'd have to take that up with the goddess," is the smug response. "You can't fight me now. You haven't gotten used to your

new gift and I'd hate for you to miss your summit meeting in a few hours."

That sounded ominous.

"What are you planning to do?" she demands, managing to find her voice. He could not have been more clear about his intentions.

When he turns to regard her, his eyes are kind, genuinely kind and she wonders why she merits such warm treatment from this scary man.

"Don't worry," he says in a reassuring tone that does not reassure her at all. "You can't stop it and I won't ruin the surprise for you." He looks almost poised to touch her face again but stops himself with a chiding shake of his head before turning to give Noctis a gloating look. "Tell Joseph, this time, you both lose the things you want the most."

Before either of them can react to his words, he is gone is a flash of gossamer blue light with only streaks of glowing beams to prove that he had once been there. There is also the subtle essence of Crystals in the air, but none fall as they usually did. She feels out of breathe and weak as she turns to look at Noctis. Looking at him feels like a safe haven in a world that has suddenly turned sinister.

"Are you all right?" he asks. He does not take a step towards her, as she hopes he would, but stands where he is, giving her a puzzled look. His own breathe is short, just as hers, but while hers was from fear, his was from anger.

"He did not harm me," she answers with a shake of her head and starts to make her way towards him.. If he was not going to come to her, she was going to go to him. "Are you?"

He gives her a torn look and she notices, now from up close, that he is not all right at all. Though he does not look so feverish as before, he does not look completely himself either. "No," he confesses through clenched teeth. "I am not all right."

She flies to him when he staggers but stop short when he rejects her help to steady him with a raise of his hand.

"Noctis?" she says, wounded, as if he has struck her.

"No," he says with a shake of his head. He stumbles his way over to the bed she had been before and falls onto the mattress. Then she sees just how not all right he really was.

She lets out a startled cry and kneels beside him on the bed.

"You, you cannot touch me, Stella," he stammers between gasps of breathe. He clutches at his left shoulder while a steady trickle of blood leaks from underneath his leather jacket. She notices now that it was only the black that had shielded just how much blood had already stained the difficult material.

"This will not do," she says with a shake of her head. That she cannot even dress his wounds for him for fear of becoming exposed makes her angry. She hates to feel useless and helpless and she feels both now. That she could do nothing else but sit here and watch him suffer without giving him any sort of aid was not acceptable. Would this be how they would live the rest of their lives? With her not able to properly touch him without fear of becoming… what? He was not a monster now and in her eyes, he never would be. How bad could this possibly be? She really did not care that if she did become exposed. Noctis was already infected and if it meant she could never really touch him for fear of exposure, she would expose herself right this second.

Two hands grab of hold of each of her shoulders gently, but firmly and pull her away from Noctis before she can carry out her plans. She struggles briefly against it until she catches the look on Noctis' face. It immediately sobers her to see him look so exposed and fragile. Exposed and fragile for her sake at that. His eyes, now back to their brilliant blue, beseech her not to do it. Not to give him the guilty knowledge of being the one to taint her. Was it really a taint? Would it taint her to be united with him in this? She did not think so. She refuses to believe so.

"No, Stella," comes the husky, familiar voice of Joseph. He squeezes both her shoulders to press his point, before releasing her to see to Noctis. They regard each other carefully as Joseph looks over Noctis to see where he is injured. "You're going to have to get that checked out."

"Joseph, how do you know Aureus?" Noctis asks immediately.

Aureus? She had not known that Noctis had known that man's name.

"Golden?" Joseph asks with a frown. "I don't know anyone by that name."

"He said he knew you," she points out, coming closer but staying far enough way so as not to make Noctis wary. "But he said he does not look the same."

"He knew me," Joseph repeats, squinting in thought as he looks down at the floor. "That doesn't make any sense."

She watches as his eyes rove about the room as if to find some clue as to who this person was. That he was being honest was written plainly, but Aureus had seemed so sure. It is only because she is watching him so carefully that she sees the instant that he understands.

"No," he whispers as his eyes widen, looking at something behind her. He walks past her, shoulders absolutely rigged as he makes his way over to the small screen that is still broadcasting the news and picks up something that had been resting on top of it.

"What is it?" Noctis asks from behind her.

Joseph lets out a shuddering breathe before he turns around and holds up a pair of eyeglasses. It meant something to him, but she frowns at the unfamiliar object. It did not even look like Phil's and he was the only person she was close to that wore them. A quick look back at Noctis says that he does not understand the meaning either, which can only mean that it was left as a message to Joseph alone. When she turns to look at Joseph again, he is already looking straight at her with such intensity that his red eyes ripple with his barely suppressed rage. His trembling hand looks as if it wants to snap the frames in two to vent his anger. Slowly, as he seems to reign in his emotions, the look in his eyes change to something akin to longing and affection as he continues to stare at her. Finally, he lets out a low breathe as he releases the tension and his eyes close as if pained. It was as if the sight of her was suddenly too painful for him and there is nothing she can think of to justify it. When he looks at her again his eyes look so young and yet so old at the same time. The anger is gone and a calm understanding remains. Within that moment, it seems as if he understands Aureus and yet knows he will still oppose him.

"Alea iacta est," Joseph murmurs in a tone that sounds like a prayer. "Faber quisque fortunae suae."

"What are you not telling us?" asks Noctis.

Joseph looks past her at Noctis, this time his look is almost relieved and glad.

"He won't harm Stella," he tells Noctis.

"That brings me no comfort," she says, wondering why he would say such a thing.

"It does to me," snaps Noctis, in a way that has her heart speeding up. He and Joseph trade one of those infuriating looks where they seem to be communicating through their shared link and it is another thing that goes on the list for why she was for, becoming what they were.

After a moment, Joseph turns swiftly for the door.

"Not so fast Joseph," she calls at his back.

He pauses in the doorway and waits for her, but he does not turn around.

"He said there were things you were keeping from me," she accuses, hoping that he would answer her plainly for once.

He straightens his spine but still refuses to look back at her.

"I want an answer," she demands. "He brought me here for a reason, so I have every right to ask for one."

For a brief moment, she is afraid he will leave without answering and then he lets out a defeated sigh.

"He loves you," he says quietly, turning around to look at her. "Even more than I do."

He looks at Noctis again and then is gone without another word.

The statement is so outrageous, she is rendered speechless until he disappears from her sight. Feeling guilty for his confession, she turns to look at Noctis.

"What is he talking about?"

"You are not exactly one a man cannot help but love," he says and that he can actually tease her right now should have made her feel better but instead only aggravates her. Why was he not angry? Maybe just a tad angry, in response to Joseph's statement. Well, he _did_ look angry but not at Joseph and certainly not for what Joseph had claimed. Did he not care what Joseph had just stated? She was going to form a migraine with how confused she is.

"I am starting to really dislike it when you two do that," she says, breaking the awkward silence with a glare.

"Dislike what?" he asks with a false innocence that does not fool her in the slightest.

"Trade looks and know what the other is thinking, leaving me in the dark," she complains.

"Trust me, it doesn't get any better either," comments a feminine voice from the doorway.

"Am!" she cries in welcome, dashing to her friend for a much needed embrace.

"Are you okay, honey?" Am asks, patting her shoulder reassuringly and she almost wants to cry.

"No," she nearly cries anyway, before turning to frown at Noctis like a child. "I have no understanding of any of this. Who was that man and why did Joseph just tell me…?" She stops herself before she can repeat the exact words, remembering just who she was about to tell. Her eyes fly to Am's and suddenly feels ashamed.

"Joseph was here?" Am asks, looking startled.

"Yes," she nods. "You did not see him when you came in?"

Am shakes her head looking a cross between relieved and sad.

"What did Joseph say to you?" Am asks, looking between her and Noctis.

"There was not much that either one did say that made much sense to me," she complains with a confused frown.

Am gives her an understanding smile and it makes her feel even more guilty.

"I'm sure they didn't make any sense to you," Am says. "Don't feel bad. I won't get mad at you, whatever it is."

"Noct! Joseph said you were wounded… what..?" shouts out Cal as he makes his way inside the room. He stops short at the grim look that must be on their faces. "That doesn't look any sort of good."

"Cal, what in the world are you wearing?" asks Noctis in his dry tone that, despite the how dire everything was, she almost chuckles in response to.

Cal _did_ look ridiculous. She doubts she would have even recognized him underneath all of those plastic layers that he was currently donning. None of which actually matched either. He was covered head to toe in what looked to be a homemade contamination suit that looked more like plastic wrap, liberally wound around his thin form. It would be easy for him to pass for a mummy.

"Taking precautions," Cal says seriously, making his way over to Noctis and helping him to his feet. "Good thing too cause you'd have to carry your own arse out of here."

"Where are the others?" Noctis asks as he puts an arm around Cal's shoulders.

"Coming."

"Do they look just as silly as you do?" chuckles Am endearingly.

"Not all of us can look as hawt as you, Miss. Hottie Catsuit," Cal quips back with his cheeky grin and sly wink.

"You just need a good tailor," is the amused response.

Which brought something else to mind.

"Is that why you always wear such a tight full bodied suit all the time?" she asks, taking a good look at Am's outfit again. She had never really wondered why Am always wore it since it suited her so well. It had always enhanced her curvaceous friend yet it had never seemed for the purpose of putting her assets on display. The suit covered her body so that there was no inch of it that was exposed. Complete with a helmet, it was a very stylish contamination suit now that she thought about it.

"Force of habit," shrugs Am with a shy smile, as they both watch Cal lead Noctis out of the dank.

"How did you know to come here?" Noctis asks Am as he is walking past her. "You were not part of the search and we had split up."

He does not have to mention how quickly Joseph had found him, but she knows he did not have to because Am must already know the answer. She feels like a simpleton with so much left to catch up on. Exactly how much was everyone neglecting to tell her? What were they hiding that seemed so imperative to keep from her?

"I wasn't here looking for any of you," Am says, reflecting over that with a slight frown. "I came here because of all the strange incidences that have been reported here lately."

"Just where is here anyway?" she asks, feeling even more foolish for not thinking to ask before.

"Unconscious that long eh, Stell?" teases Cal as they start to make their way down a dark stone tunnel.

"This is the freeway construction site," Noctis explains and then looks around. "Underneath it anyway. I wager this was why they were having so many difficulties in completing it."

"We are underground then?"

"Yes," he answers.

"More than just a little too," adds Cal. "Good place for an evil lair, I gotta admit."

She can see the forms of Phil and Durus then, as they make their way quickly towards them. For a moment, she wonders if they are dressed as ridiculously as Cal is, but scratches that once she sees them under the low light the tunnel offered. They had, like Am, decided to wear something a little more practical and far more flattering.

"They're still making mine," grumbles Cal as if he can read their minds.

"We have one for everyone now," answers Phil, as he looks over Noctis.

"I am fine," reassures Noctis.

"How did you get hurt?" Durus asks, giving him a hand.

"A Mutatio swiped at me and I had not dodged it in time," he says nonchalantly and would have shrugged if it was not his shoulder that had been injured. "It is not so bad as it looks."

"It's enough though," points out Phil.

He leaves the rest open but they all know what he means. The injury was not life threatening but he had no time to heal it before fighting again.

"He won't need too much time," Am says confidently. "But he doesn't even have _that_ much right now."

When they all turn to look at her questioningly she adds, "The nanos in his system will repair the damage. That's what they were originally for. To help children who had lost limbs and such."

"When this is all over, I think I would like it if you and Joseph explained everything to me," says Noctis calmly, but the warning is evident in his tone. "There seems to be much that I am not privy to."

"The both of you deserve to know," Am agrees with a nod.

She knows she should be a little upset that Am has kept as much as she apparently has from her, but finds that it would be hypocritical to. There were many things she had never shared with her herself. All she really feels right now is sympathy for the pain, heartbreak and overall loneliness that Am must have felt all this time. Then to have the man you loved, pushed into your face like Joseph had, must be torturous. She tries not to delve too deeply into that because she knows Am would not want her pity so she looks down towards the other end of the tunnel.

"Is there an underground passage that leads directly under where the summit meeting will be held?" she asks.

Noctis squints his eyes as he catches on to her line of thought and they stop their progress to look towards the darkness.

"We never did get to those underground passage ways," Phil says with a tired sigh.

"We can't stop him anyway," Am reminds them.

"No," she says in agreement. "But we can at least try to figure out what his plan is."

"Come," motions Noctis, looking at her intently before looking at Am. "We must make ready. Would you happen to know how to plan such a last minute mission without the aid of any electronics?"

Am gives him a hesitant smile and then looks at Phil in sympathy. "Phil's not gonna like that."

"No, but I don't like any of this already," says Phil with a small smile in reply.

"Am?" she cannot help but ask. She waits until her friend looks at her before raising the question. "When we asked Joseph if he knew Aureus, he said he had not, but it is clear that you both know him."

"His name wasn't Aureus where we're from," Am answers hesitantly.

"Where you're from?" leads Cal.

"Not from anywhere you know," Am replies.

"What was he called?" Noctis asks.

"Xargin."

* * *

Chapter was influenced by "Undisclosed Desires" by Muse. Author's Notes will be posted.


	11. Dealbo

Dealbo is Latin for "whitewash, to purify".

_**Chapter Ten: Dealbo**_

Given the obvious restrictions, it was a comfort to finally get fitted in to her very own contamination/biker suit. Like most of her wardrobe, it was white. Yet, unlike most of her wardrobe, it was very binding. It was comfortable and allowed for more flexibility than she had given it credit for, but she felt a tad uneasy wearing such a revealing fabric. Not that she was actually _showing_ anything, but there was on hiding any sort of flattering or _un_flattering curves that she had on her person. It made her feel as if her body was amplified and on display though every inch of it was covered. There is another touch of envy within her knowing from past observations that Am always wore it so confidently and always looked so curvaceously feminine while donning it. More than a little part of her scoffs at the sexist connotations of their outfits. While the men's suits were just as binding and form fitting, at least they were given some level of modesty in certain areas of their anatomy. The women had not been given any such luxury. She was not self conscious, but found herself walking straighter and more consciously aware of herself, than usual since she had rolled this suit on. Rolled being the operative word when it was so form fitting.

As she pulls her gloves on more tightly, she looks over at Noctis and cannot help the heartache that the sight of him causes within her. Try as she might and sexist outfits aside, there was no way to avoid how readily he invaded her thoughts. Simply permeated her consciousness by simply _being_. Then there is the swift sting that even when he had been properly wrapped up and bandaged, they had not had a moment alone. In fact, he had reverted back into that shell that he surrounded himself within to keep her out. When she wanted so much to hold him, to feel the assurance of his touch, she is denied yet again. It had never really struck her that so small a thing could mean so much. The slight brush of his hand, that he had always made a point of doing during such instances of turmoil, were now forbidden. More precisely, self imposed forbidding by only him. She could hold him now, even if he was bleeding and injured, with the suit that she now wears but she could not absorb the heat of his body through the thick skin. It is completely unacceptable that this is the way it was to be from now on. Knowing how cautious a person he was, he would forever worry about infecting her. One hurtle crossed, another chasm to defeat. An endless cycle that she could not tolerate again. Not now and not this time.

"He's not any happier about this, you know," Am comments beside her.

She turns to see her friend watching her closely and feels a blush at being caught staring so intently. While everyone else was busy prepping for the inevitable chaos that would arise during the summit meeting in a few hours, it was shameful to be caught mooning over Noctis. She should be setting an example and being vigilant. They did not have much time and she was wasting the precious little that they had remaining. So why did she still take another look at Noctis?

"He must hide it better then," she replies softly, trying her level best not to glance at him again from across the room. The thought that he did not seem affected in the slightest at this latest wall between them makes her feel downright sorrowful.

"Only when he doesn't think anyone's looking," adds Am with a wistful expression on her pretty face. She has her usual suit on with her helmet comfortably clutched within the crook of her arm. Her long green hair is up in a fascinating flourish while her own, blond locks are in a loose bun. "You guys have to talk before we start this."

"Would he, you think?" she wonders, though it is more a statement sarcasm than a question.

"Of course he would," reassures Am, squeezing her arm reassuringly. "I think he's been wanting to talk more than you have."

She doubts that is possible and it reminds her of Am's plight. Now was not the time to be self absorbed in her own misery when her friend had suffered so much already.

"What is your best guess as to where Joseph has disappeared to?" she asks and watches as Am's usually cheerful face fall slightly at the mention of his name. She immediately regrets bringing him up and feels absolutely wretched for doing so.

"He's always gone alone," grumbles Am resentfully. "At least he's consistent."

"Forgive me...,"

"No," Am says with a determined shake of her head. "Talking about him will have to get easier."

"Will he be at the summit meeting, do you think?" she asks, trying not to give in to her temptation to pry for intimidate information.

"He'll get in if that's his plan," Am says confidently. "There's nothing to stop Joseph once he's made up his mind."

"It seems extremely arrogant for Xargin to announce his intentions so boldly," she comments.

"He is definitely that," agrees Am with a shaky sigh. "Wouldn't surprise me if it were a diversion."

"What would he be diverting us from?" she asks.

As far as dastardly was concerned, his obvious insinuation that he planned to expose the dignitaries to the virus was obvious. What would the world do if all its leaders were infected with something that would turn them into raving monsters? It would not be long before panic spread the virus faster than it already was. That there were countless many within the city right now that were already exposed and thought they were merely suffering from the flu, was terrifying enough. Things were escalating toward a fatal collapse of everything she had known. There would be nothing to stand in the way of Xargin if all in power fell to the madness the nanos insighted.

"That's what I can't figure," Am says with a shake of her head. "What he's already told us, sounds just like his plans had been then."

"Do you think Joseph will find out?"

Am gives her a sad smile. "I'm more worried that Joseph already knows and is going to face Xargin alone again."

"Have you finished the antidote?"

"No," Am says with a disappointed shake of her head. "And the progress hasn't been encouraging either."

"Do you think Xargin knows any of this?"

"I doubt it," Am answers, shaking her head. "I took special care to force Phil to leave it out of the network entirely. Not even to back up any of our findings. All our progress and research so far is on a separate, completely unconnected, hard drive right now."

"He knows that you are here too," she points out.

Am shoots her a startled look and then shakes her head again. "Xargin didn't know who I was then."

"He seems to now," she says.

It strikes her as odd that Am looks genuinely confused upon hearing this statement. From the steady way Xargin had mentioned her, it had seemed clear that he was more than aware of who Am was. The reaction confuses her as this entire fiasco did. More questions and not enough solid answers. Everything tossed in a bowl of endless ingredients.

"I wasn't important enough for him to know before. I'm sure I'm not important now," Am replies with a frown.

"I hate that you think so low of yourself," she frowns. "It's clear that you're a big part of this."

"I'm sure I don't know why."

She gives her a speculative glance. Trust her friend not to realize just how imperative she was. A person like her should know her worth. Just how much remained to be seen and she was looking forward to finding out. "If the cure works, why can we not use it?" she asks instead.

A look of defeated sadness flows across Am's face and her gazes looks over to Noctis at the other end of the control room. She lets out a long resigned sigh and the beginnings of tears form in her eyes as she recalls a painful memory.

"It takes an hour to become fully effective," Am manages to whisper through a caving throat. "Joseph took it and distracted Xargin long enough for it to take effect, but he wasn't... well he needed help."

"What happened, Amanda?" she asks compassionately. That the memory was difficult to relive had to be looked over considering the course of events now taking place.

"They fought in an open field, surrounded by Xargin's army of Amalgams," Am manages to continue. Her voice is stronger as she forces herself to get the words out. "He almost didn't entirely make it through the battle but managed to hold on until the cure took effect." Tears roll down Am's cheeks as she looks at her. She sniffs abruptly and swipes her tears jerkily before giving her a look of warning. "It's not really a cure at all. An Amalgam exposed to the cure is dead at the end of that hour and any others who are close by. The cure destroys the nanos that the body becomes too dependent on to survive without them. There is no surviving once you have been exposed to them. They completely invade every aspect of your body that there is no safe way to remove them. The only way is death."

A wave of helplessness threatens to overwhelm her at this knowledge. Her eyes fly to Noctis and forces herself to stay on task. "What do you mean by all Amalgams nearby?" she asks, keeping her voice was level as possible.

"You've seen how they evaporate into thin air when you kill them," Am says, looking a little angry now. "Joseph's ashes, which carried the anti-nanos, spread with the wind and effectively killed Xargin and his entire army. In the end, there wasn't even ash to clear away. It was all gone. All traces of all of those people… of Joseph and Xargin, gone. Just gone." Her gentle voice cracks on the last words and her hands clench into fists as she fights the breakdown of overwhelming emotion.

"And you have not been successful in changing that outcome," she states bleakly. "Am that does not make you a failure."

"Yes it does. That's what Phil and I were trying to do. Prevent such a thing from happening again," Am nearly cries with frustration. "It can only be activated once an infected person consumes the pill. We have only managed to speed up the activation process. As soon as it's dissolved, the effect is immediate."

"So Joseph must know it exists and is most likely on his way to get it," she says as dawning hits.

"Off to die like he did before," Am says weakly. Her gloved hand reaches for something under the zipper of her suit. "Only this time, I don't think I could live through it."

"Where is it?" she asks. "You do not seem at all anxious about him finding it."

"He can't get to it unless he faces me," Am says firmly. Her hand grips her chest resolutely. "Because I'm wearing the cure around my neck." She pulls out a long chain from underneath her full body suit to bring out the attached pendant. An ornately formed "T" that she seems to almost unconsciously clutch ever since that first time she had seen Joseph. Gentle hands turn it over and with a small click, a hidden compartment within the pendant is uncovered. "As I said, our worlds are very different. None of you even know what this cross means."

"Cross?" she asks with a frown. "_That_ is not a cross."

"That's not important," Am smiles though she shakes her head again. She tilts the pendant and a capsule falls into her palm. There is an anguished look in her eye as she lifts it up for her to see more clearly. "What's important is that I put the cure inside it."

Her eyes look it over and feels a twinge of dread. It did not look any more different than an aspirin pill. One could easily mistake it for one. How such a small capsule could destroy an army and countless lives, was sickening. So little a thing capable of such monstrous destruction. Even though the creation and subsequent use had been necessary, it was an evil that should never have been needed in the first place. Lives, no matter how distorted, were still precious in their own way. Life was too precious a thing to wipe out so completely. The destruction capable within this tiny pill would be devastating and she could almost hear the muffled cries of those that would die from its potency.

"We both know that it's not just Joseph and Xargin that we have to hide this from," Am whispers to her.

She nods, turning to see Noctis. No, there were three that need never find the weapon that Am carried so closely to her heart. He meets her eyes questioningly but she has no strength to even try to reassure him. She knew he would take it no matter the dangers to himself. She can already hear him say the words.

"_It should be me._" he would say, in that self sacrificing way of his.

She could not let that happen.

"It will not be you and it will not be Joseph," she says firmly, even though he will never understand nor ever hear her words from this far away. "We will think of something, anything else."

"Stella," mutters Am, grabbing hold of her hand. "I've lived a lifetime with the knowledge that I let Joseph walk to his death, but I also know that there wasn't anything I could have done about it at the time. I don't want you to feel the same regrets that I do. You and Noctis already know how you both feel and you've already acknowledged it. My advice to you is, no matter what happens, don't waste the time that you have with the things that don't really matter and won't change anything anyway."

"What was it like for you before?" she finds herself asking. "How did you live then?"

"Pretty much the same as now," Am answers with a shrug and then offers a tentative smile. "Only I never had super powers."

"Never?" she asks and manages to sound teasing. To laugh would be a release from the almost tip of hysteria in which she tipped towards.

"Can't say that I did," relays Am before she turns serious again. "Joseph and so many others...," she says with a look of remorse. "They died so that I could remain human."

"Untainted," she enumerates with understanding born of experience. It is something that Noctis would say to her. "It must have been beyond frustrating for you," she says, finally _fully_ understanding just why her friend's eyes always looked so haunted.

"You have no idea," Am manages to smile at her. "Which is why I'm not so keen on letting him do it again. It was bad enough to lose my partner, my friends, but losing him was even worse. I'd never wish that pain on you, Stella."

She does not want Am to live through that again either. She should never have been forced to in the first place. Life, as precious as it was, could be cruel as well. Would they both be satisfied with the outcome of this? Would the both of them be happy in the end?

"Joseph mentioned that he, Xargin that is, loved me more than he did," she says uneasily. She gives Am a helpless questioning look and then freezes at the smile still on her friend's face. So Am _did_ know what they were talking about. She had somehow known all along. It throws her again.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before," Am apologizes, seeming to read the look in her eyes. "I honestly didn't think it mattered until today."

"You did not think _what_ mattered?" asks Noctis from behind her.

It takes a lot for her to resist the urge to reach for his hand then. She would always need and crave his steady presence, but she is not sure that he would accept her touch right now. Public displays of affection were not exactly something that Noctis was good at or comfortable with. Not that he had ever rejected her when they had displayed their affection for each other before, but given the tension of the moment and the preparations to be done, it was most likely it would only distract him.

Am peers at Noctis behind her and then at her own face before she smiles sadly. She shakes her head, green hair swaying with her movements and her shoulders slump. Am, at least, senses her need for touch and gives her hand a comforting squeeze.

"The reason Joseph has a spot in your heart is his resemblance to Noctis, isn't it?" she offers.

When she looks up, Am has an encouraging smile on her face. Then she turns to look at Noctis, to see him giving her a careful look. It was almost as if he was not sure of her feelings regarding Joseph and was wary. He does not say anything but what was he to say anyway? She only hopes that he does not take this the wrong way. Which was entirely possibly since he always preferred to take them as such when it came to her.

"You noticed those same similarities," she answers and watches as Am nods in agreement.

"I always worried that if you caught me staring at him, you'd think that I…" she looks at Noctis uneasily.

"No," she says with a firm shake of her head. "I never thought that."

"I never got that impression either," adds Noctis, looking a little perturbed at the suggestion. He looks anything but comfortable about this part of the conversation but he does not make a move to leave. Instead he seems to move a nudge closer to her as if he were loathed to leave.

"I'm glad," Am says gratefully. "It was hard to look at him sometimes, especially at first," she confesses, looking relieved to have finally told her that. "Anyway, the same could be said for Joseph when he first saw you."

"How do you mean?" asks Noctis sharply.

Did that mean that...? No, she was not going to jump to conclusions. There was nothing about her to remind Joseph of Am. She did not look like Am at all and though they did have similarities that made them such excellent friends, theirs were not as blatantly obvious as something as quick as first sight. Something of which, seemed to be the case with her encounters with Joseph. Almost immediately, she had associated him with Noctis as soon as she seen him sitting there in the dreary little park, under the lone streetlight. He had seemed to have been watching her before they had actually met, but the way he had always looked at her had not been the same sort of emotion that had flashed across his face in that one unguarded moment when he had seen Am. Within that split second of true reaction, there was no mistaking the depth of his feelings towards her friend.

Am's emerald gaze locks onto hers. "Stella looks like Joseph's sister."

"Joseph's sister?" she repeats too stunned to much of any emotion. "You mean Sasha?"

Am nods in answer while motioning towards Noctis. "Noctis looks like Joseph and he is like Joseph in many, many ways," then Am looks back at her. "Just like you remind me so much of Sasha and I know Joseph saw it too. The same goes for Xargin."

"He did not try anything before," points out Noctis, in reference to Xargin. Which is true. Never had the man they had known treated her with that kind of familiarity. Noctis moves until he is just behind her and she can feel the heat from his body. She is not sure if he does it purposefully, but she feels comforted and reassured by his closer proximity.

"Maybe he did and you didn't realize it then," suggests Am, looking at her steadily. "You're both not _really_ Joseph nor Sasha but the similarities are enough for him."

"How did he know them?" she asks.

Am says looking away as if unsure how to answer her properly. Her green eyes give Noctis a look of apprehension before turning back to face her.

"Xargin knew Sasha from school," she finally explains evenly, but refuses to meet her eyes directly. "It was much later that they ran into Joseph. He and Sasha had been separated at childhood. She had been sent to school and he had gone with their parents. When they died tragically, she lost track of him and assumed that he had died. She grew to become a very brilliant scientist and Xargin was a physician. Sasha, as you know, was the one that developed the nanos, using Joseph's DNA as the model. When she died, the first time...," Am pauses to shake her head as the absurdity hits her. "It's so weird to say it like that. But anyway, it was her death that triggered Xargin to become, what you see now. She was the thin strand of sanity in his life and when she was killed, he lost himself. He has never recovered."

Just as Am had never recovered from the loss of Joseph. Only, Am had maintained her goodness and had refused to succumb to her grief.

"Her death made him into a monster?" she asks, needing to hear more details.

"After Sasha died, he was chosen as the first test subject to be injected with the nanos," explains Am. "Xargin was considered the perfect candidate for his compassion and goodness. They felt the loss would give him the proper motivation to carry out their plans. Only, they had not anticipated the resulting madness. But Xargin was already broken at that point anyway. Whatever goodness that had been inside him had died with Sasha and they only fed the monster that he would become. The night they exposed him to the virus, he escaped and pronounced himself the one to bring about the end of the world. He called it a cleansing. It was really an apocalypse."

"Lofty ambitions," comments Noctis without pause. "He wanted to be a god."

"Demented," agrees Am. "Joseph had been there the night it had happened. He tried to reason with him and was injured in the process. As a means of punishment, Xargin infected Joseph with his own blood." Her pretty features look sad as she speaks.

"Why now?" asks Noctis. "He never showed any signs of such powers the last I encountered him."

"He might not have even known of them himself," Am reasons. "Much as I have no childhood here and I doubt Joseph does either."

"What do you mean, 'no childhood _here_'?" she asks, emphasizing the last word.

Am looks at her pensively. She has that debating look as if to see how much she should reveal to them. "I wasn't born here. Neither was Joseph. We don't belong here and we both know it," she confesses. "The question is why."

"The gods have a twisted sense of humor," mutters Noctis as he repeats the words they had heard before.

"They sure do," Am agrees with a nod.

"What is there possibly to gain?" she asks, finding no logical reason all this.

"I've been trying to figure that out," Am replies. "In this world, you have powers that are unheard of in mine."

"Both dangerous in their own way," comments Noctis as his eyes narrow in thought.

"What are you thinking?" she asks him.

"A random thought has struck me. I need to speak with Phil a moment," he says, turning around in an effort to catch sight of his friend. "I have an idea of how to find Joseph and perhaps, Xargin too. If you both would excuse me." He gives her an endearing look of affection before he is off without further explanation.

Completely without provocation, she finds herself smiling proudly at his retreating back, despite herself and the smirk she sees on Am's face conveys that she knew exactly what that smile was for. She really _is_ hopeless. Not that she can be embarrassed or even upset at being caught, especially by someone as dear to her as Am. She has never tried to hide her affections for Noctis in front of anyone anyway. To her, her affections were not something to hide or be ashamed of. There was nothing wrong to have the feelings that they carried for one another. At least, from her perspective. It was only the fact that Noctis could not seem to accept that her feelings were sincere and true that had her agitated most days.

"I really _am_ that pathetic," she muses with an unrepentant smirk that would have done Noctis proud.

"Hardly," Am replies with a chiding roll of her eyes. "I think it's cute."

She warms with that praise yet sobers quickly when she feels the need to be upfront and honest with her friend.

"You will not believe me, but I really do believe Joseph cares for you in the same way," she tries to reason, watching the sadness cloud her friend's eyes.

"It's nice of you to say that," Am thanks evenly, but she can see the denial take root.

"I am being _honest_, not nice," she corrects, grasping Am's arm to make her point. "He thought you loved someone else."

Am startles in surprise, her entire body jerking with the insinuation. Those vibrant green eyes flash to meet hers with wary hope.

"What?"

She finds herself nodding as further confirmation. "He did. He said so."

With eyes down cast, she watches as her friend mulls over this.

"I wish I could believe that," Am replies breathlessly.

"As you constantly tell me not to give up on Noctis, I feel I must say the same to you. You should not give up on Joseph," she urges. "His feelings for you surpass what you may think. They must be or else the thought of you loving another would not have struck as it seems to have. It is most likely the chief reason for his hesitancy in confessing to you. That and, of course, his wanting to be a martyr like Noctis." She adds that last bit to wring a smile from her friend and they both exchange knowing looks.

Am manages a brighter smile now. "We should start a support group."

"For women hopelessly in love with stubborn men?"

"That's the nice way of saying it," comments Am wryly and her smile is mischievous now. It is a relief to see. Am had a face that was not meant to be sad.

"Ladies," calls Noctis, drawing their attention then. "I believe we have found something."

The two of them trade another look before they are both walking towards him in unison. Noctis is standing over Phil, who is ever crouched in front of a computer monitor.

"What have you found?" she asks, as she leans down to stare at what appears to be a map grid of the entire city of Nihilsomno.

"What Joseph has been up to by himself all these many months," answers Phil as he points to the glowing dots that blink in various grids. At a quick glance, there seemed to be no discernible pattern but she was confident that they must have found a pattern. One not visible to the eye. "These are all sights of 'Blue', before we befriended Joseph."

She wants to smile at his choice of words but makes no comment. With a quick glance at Am, she can see that her friend is also pleased at the implications of that term.

"There was nothing that these areas had in common on the surface," Phil explains as he types in a few commands from his keyboard in rapid succession. "But, after some digging, these places weren't just some random places for him to try and hide. Which... is what we were stupid enough to think before."

Noctis and Phil trade quirked lips at each other before smiling at the her and Am together.

"What do they have in common?" asks Am with a smirk.

"Three of them had once been used as third party labs for the kingdom," comments Phil. "That's what they were listed as but they were actually fully funded by the royalty. Top secret projects that only a select few even knew about."

"What sort of experiments were they conducting in those laboratories?" she asks. Her eyes go to Noctis' and she takes in his grim expression.

"Genetic hybrid testing with the Crystals," answers Phil, while Noctis remains tensely silent beside her.

"What exactly were they trying to accomplish?" asks Am.

"All the files seem to have either been heavily redacted or completely deleted from the system," Phil replies tersely.

Which they all knew, meant that their clearance went beyond animal testing. It made her feel almost sick to think of.

"But one word in particular is of note," Noctis all but hisses in anger. His narrowed eyes are dark blood red as they reflect the disgust that he feels. "It appears that test subjects could not survive the continued exposure to whatever elements of Crystal they were injected with. They had been on the verge of testing for a solution when the project was terminated."

Her heart pounds near to bursting as he turns those deep red hued eyes to hers.

"The solution they were putting together were called, 'Nanos'," he finishes pointedly.

She tries to process this information calmly but so many multitudes of theories fly through her mind that she knows her expression is almost panicked as she looks back into Noctis' steady gaze. None of those things were anything but bleak. All of them were nightmares.

"How long ago was all this?" Am asks, breaking into the tension but further tightening it at the same time.

"Right after Noct's parents died," answers Phil hesitantly. His eyes are wary behind the frames of his glasses as he reads Noctis' reaction.

Something in Noctis' eyes flicker at the timeline. No, more than something. It is the traumatizing recollection of how his parents had died.

"They did not think you were going to survive," she says weakly in dawning realization.

Noctis shakes his head as if to clear the dark thoughts from overwhelming him and she has to fight the wave of yearning emotion that rolls through her. Just how close had Noctis been to dying all those years ago that his Concilium had been desperate enough to try something this drastic? Something this horrific and completely diabolical. Noctis had never given her many of the details from his brush with death. It was something, she knew, that he did not even like to dwell on. Which had placed it as one of those conversations one left for another day. Looking into Noctis' eyes, she regrets that they had not gotten that first character defining in the many things that they had spoken of. The milestone that had shaped him into the man he is now. Only she realizes that it was one of the many, many things that they had never gotten to.

Why had she wasted so much time?

"What exactly were they hoping to accomplish?" Am asks Phil and bringing her attention back to the task at hand.

Now was not the time to think of herself. This was something bigger than her feelings. The ruler within her forced her own feelings aside to focus on the needs of those she is expected to watch over. That person that did not have the luxury of only thinking of her own wants and desires.

"In the years during the cold war, a lot of ideas were tossed around," Phil replies solemnly. "Crazy experimental ideas that conspiracy theorists love to speculate on, on their computers. Projects like _this_ were started in order to ensure that there would be soldiers strong enough to fight against anyone who dared attack us." He stops to look at Noctis. "Especially when it wasn't clear whether we were still going to have our monarchy."

"So they tortured those poor people under the guise of _patriotism_," Noctis accuses angrily, even as his face expresses extreme remorse.

She wants to tell him that he does not need to and should not even _try_ to take responsibility for things he had nothing to do with, but it was rather a moot point. He would regardless of how inaccurate his sense of obligation was and to berate him at the moment was counterproductive to their current situation. It said a lot about one's fickleness of mind when the things that one loved so much about another were the very things that caused great levels of frustration too. She would let the urge to refute him fall away, but she would most definitely find a quiet moment alone with Noctis later to contradict him in this. There was so much for them to say. So many things for _her_ to say and she hopes that he will let her utter them to him this time. Not later on, but much sooner. Her instincts were things that she has learned to listen to and they were telling her this could not be put off again. There were occasions to wait and others to bide one's time. This was not one of those times. Some things just could not be held off any longer and she was tired, even as she was terrified, of the things she needed to say. So much had already fallen to the wayside in hopes of tomorrows. This only solidified the reality that sometimes, one was not always necessarily granted them.

"The project was terminated so did that mean it was considered a failure?" questions Am.

"At this time point I think we can say they had achieved enough progress to be of interest," says Phil. "Joseph was looking in all the facilities connected to this particular project. Since there is nothing really helpful within the computer files other than the locations of these labs, our only option is to go to each of them ourselves."

"Which would be useful if we had more time. Which we do not," comments Noctis with a frustrated sigh.

"The conference starts in two hours," Am reminds them. "That means we can still send in teams to each of these locations to see what is going on and see if it helps us."

"That spreads us too thin," counters Phil for argument's sake. "We can't have that many teams out on the field when we need as many as we can to protect the dignitaries."

"Did you find anymore underground openings that Xargin could use to enter the building?" she asks.

"No," Noctis answers. "Just the one."

"Xargin always made sure his presence was known and never tried to hide where he was going," relays Am. "There's no reason to think that he wouldn't just walk in the front door. He's arrogant enough to know there is nothing that can stop him. It's his intentions that we need to worry about. Infecting the dignitaries is too simple a plan for someone as smart as he is."

"That bold is he?"

Am nods. "That confident. If he wants in, there isn't anything to stop him. There isn't anyway to really predict him. It was why he was so hard to beat before."

As she tries following along with the conversation, there is something nagging at the edge of her mind. Something was missing. Something was not fitting right about these places.

"Phil, are you absolutely sure there were no other places associated with the Nano Project?" she asks cutting into the conversation. "One that Joseph had not been able to search through or... had not known to search through?"

"Meaning since Joseph didn't find anything useful in these, there might be another location that wasn't even listed in a top secret file," reasons Phil, quickly catching on to the direction she was going. He turns to give Noctis a smirk. "You could do this much faster than my typing it all out."

The pensive, almost shy look that crosses Noctis' face at the suggestion is so adorable that she has this irrational and highly inappropriate urge to kiss him. He looks at her sheepishly a moment, before pulling off one of his black gloves and laying it on top of the monitor. With a deep breathe, he closes his eyes while blurry flashes of images race across the screen.

"That is amazing," she gaps as she witnesses just how quickly he was able to break into the system and blaze through in milliseconds instead of hours.

"I'm starting to get jealous," comments Phil dryly. His chiseled lips quirked.

Noctis' brilliant blue eyes glitter like a watery ocean as they fly open and he looks at her as if in awe.

"You were positively brilliant, Stella," he whispers reverently at her while Phil and Am are too busy peering at the screen to notice his gaze.

She can almost feel the heat rise up her cheeks at his admiration. That he had just managed to crack an unbreakable firewall in split seconds but be in awe of her left her flabbergasted. She knows her cheeks are pink as she forces herself to turn to stare at his find on the screen. As long and as closely as they had been forced to stay with each other, she marvels that she still has the ability to blush under his stare. It should be downright appalling for someone in her station and bearing but was strangely appealing instead. She is just thankful that Am and Phil are prudent enough to at least pretend they do not notice her reaction to him.

"Looks like there is one facility that was carefully kept out of the books," comments Phil. He looks at Noctis pointedly. "We are going to have to do some serious checking once all this is finished."

"How did Joseph miss it?" she asks.

"I'd say it was because he's not from around here," Phil says diplomatically.

"That's putting it lightly," mumbles Am.

"Do you think Xargin has found it?" Noctis asks.

"I'd say no but there's no way to know for sure without checking it out ourselves," answers Phil. "And it probably isn't something that we can wait out."

"Sounds like I'm up," says Am, straightening her spine. She has the bright eyed look of a woman ready for excitement and danger. It makes her a mite envious.

"If only I could go with you," she says on a sigh before turning to look at Noctis.

"That makes three of us," mutters Phil. "Since you, me and Noct have to finish getting ready for the summit meeting, that leaves Durus and Cal to go with Am."

"My team can handle this," Am tries to reassure but Noctis shakes his head.

"The rest of your team will be watching over the dignitaries at the meeting," Noctis explains. "For something this delicate in nature," he pauses long enough to look Stella in the eye. "I would rather Durus and Cal go with you."

The implications of his statement are clear. Considering that Noctis had personally selected the very people he had just refused the assignment, went without mentioning that he was not in the mood to include anyone that was not directly involved, to know about this place. There were always things that even people privy to information as private as _who _exactly could access Crystal energy, did not need to know about or even be aware of.

Am nods without question to his order. She is just as observant and sharp as her to know what Noctis is implying. It is a reminder of just why Am is as trusted as she is within their group.

"I'll round them up and be in touch," Am says with a small bow to Noctis. She manages to trade smiles with her before making her way off to do just that.

She is not even consciously considering her next actions before she takes advantage of this brief interlude.

"May I speak to you for a moment, Noctis?" she asks, hoping that he will not shut her out now.

"Just gotta tweak a few details but everything seems in order, Noct," states Phil as he busies himself with something on the screen. It is his roundabout way of telling Noctis that he agreed that Noctis speak to her and she, as always, is grateful for Phil's intuitiveness.

"Of course," replies Noctis.

The absence of his usual wariness lessens the tension in her shoulders. There is nothing but sweet relief to see that he would have stepped aside to speak with her regardless of Phil's subtle urging. He offers her his black gloved hand and she takes it thankfully as he proceeds to lead her away. Not only does he guide her towards a quiet area, she finds that they come to an empty room offering complete privacy. She takes advantage of his distraction of making sure the door is securely closed behind them by speaking first.

"I just... need to get this out," she confesses awkwardly.

When he turns to look at her in answer her courage almost falters. In all the times that they had been together, she does not think she has ever felt this nervous to be alone with him. All the things that they had confessed and relayed about themselves and it was her feelings towards him that make her feel so shy. Feelings that she has never even tried to hide from him and tried to press upon him no less. She almost anticipates that he will try and dissuade her by diverting the conversation but he remains surprisingly quiet and makes no move to stop the things that she wishes to say.

"We cannot keep doing this."

The words somehow come out sounding more like a question than a statement. It also sounds almost too flat, too tame, too simply worded to have such a dramatic impact on her heart. So few words and they caused a pinch in her chest. Yet, it had needed to be said. She is not even sure where this sudden desire has come from when she had, had no intention to giving him such an ultimatum. Well, more than that. They needed to stop hiding behind walls that did not need to be between them. This was a destructive pattern their relationship had always been. Just on the verge of completely joining their hearts, something would inevitably occur that would cause Noctis to revert back into himself and shut her out. She knows he will do it now and she does not think she can handle such a rejection, again. Not now. Not this time.

"Maybe we should accept defeat, Stella," he offers and she is not surprised. Not surprised but no less disappointed at the predictable reply. She wants to rant and rail and rave in frustration but to do so would only detract him further from her.

"Am I so easily discarded?" she asks instead, more than a little tempted to start shedding tears. In fact, she can feel them forming at the corners of her eyes and she hates herself for the weakness. At how he would perceive it as a weakness and a further reason for them not to be together.

"As easily as it would be to discard my own heart," he replies tersely. The words bring comfort but the tone in which they are delivered does not. It was a confession that felt more like an irritation. Was that what she truly was to him?

"But you would," she says, knowing it to be the truth.

"Even if it killed me," he answers in a low voice.

And they both knew that it would. Only it would not only kill him. It would kill them both.

"Why?" she asks, biting her bottom lip to stem the flow of tears that threaten to fall from her eyes. "Why is it so easy for you to thrust me aside?"

"Because it hurts too much to have one," he hisses angrily, taking a menacing step closer to her. "It hurts too much to live with the pain of it."

"Then why do you keep coming back?" she demands just as angrily. "Why do you continue coming to my rescue if you would rather cut me out? Would leaving me to my fate make things easier for you?"

He does not say or move for a long moment. The eyes that usually tell of the myriads of emotions and thoughts only show her _one_ now. One lone thought, processed repeatedly in a sure answer.

Damned if he stayed with her. Damned if he tried to leave her.

He wants to leave her and he wants to refute her. Only, he does not know whether to do either and it is _that_ which hurts her more than anything else. She cannot help the bitter resentment of his indecision.

"For one who hates the thought of a predestined future, you certainly do not fight its outcome in the end," she mutters resentfully.

He startles away from her as if it were him that was truly the wounded party.

"Am resigned herself to losing Joseph in their first life," she explains, making no move to step towards him. "She watched him leave her to fulfill the destiny that he had accepted for himself. He _left_ her in the hopes that she would live a full life as a result of his self sacrifice."

She lets that statement sink in before she continues on.

"So he died. Leaving her to live a long, lonely life without him. Which was no life at all because life is not worth living if the ones you love are not there to live it with you."

He remains absolutely still as he processes this.

"Would you be able to live so freely if you knew I had died for your sake?"

"No," he growls instantly.

"Then stop hiding," she snaps. "Stop thinking thoughts of dying and leaving me because there is nothing more selfish, nothing more cruel than to leave me behind."

"Stella..."

"Yes, we may both die after all this is over. Yes, we do not know exactly the outcome of this upcoming confrontation," she cuts right over whatever he means to say. "But if you think I am just going to stand by while you so readily have yourself killed, you are sadly mistaken, Sir. I will not remain passively by as you galavant around and make yourself into the martyr."

"We cannot stop Etro once she bids us to go," he tries to reason and he has the wide eyed looked of someone cornered.

"That is true," she agrees but she is not deterred. "But she has already rejected us before and I do not feel that all this has come only for us to be called after all that we have achieved."

He opens his mouth to speak again but she keeps right on speaking.

"If you or I or the both of us must die, then so be it," she reassures. "What I want is your vow."

"For what?" he asks quietly. His eyes are on the floor in defeated acceptance to her will and he looks almost shy. The picture reminds her of how he had done the very same thing the night they had met all those months ago.

Had it only been months since then?

"That we face this as one and not with the indecision of maybe's and perhaps' and all those other horrid terms."

When his eyes look to hers she can almost hear him beseech her not to ask it of him. The arguments against doing so are at the tip of tongue but he seems to see the determination in her face. She can see his defenses breaking down.

"I will _not_ settle for halfway," she says resolutely. "I am a princess and can settle for nothing less than your vow."

A vow that she knew he would not take lightly. In a world where one's word had little weight or meaning, his word always held true. Noctis was too honorable a man to ever go back once he had promised something.

"You are not just a princess," Noctis says quietly and his face has changed from petulant to determined. "To me you are the empress. You own me in a way that no one shall ever be able to. To you I would deny nothing and would give up everything. You _know_ this."

"Do I _really_?" she counters. "Would one so devoted be so quick to abandon?"

"Is that how you see it?" he asks, looking wounded that she would take it so.

"How else could I see it?" This time, she lets just how deeply his actions have cut her and the tears held so desperately at bay are released. A wet trail slides down the curve of her cheek and splashes down onto her suit under the steady gaze of his eyes.

He lets out a desperate strangled groan and pulls her into his arms roughly. One hand grabs hold of her waist, while the other tangles itself within her blond hair as he buries his face into the curve of her neck.

"Forgive me for being so hurtful, love," he pleads. "I never did it to hurt you."

"But you did," she weakly accuses with a sob, reaching up and gripping his shoulders tightly with her hands.

"No more then," he promises, pulling away enough to grab hold of her face with both of his hands. "Once we have won this, I vow to _always_ be with you. Nothing will prevent me from keeping myself at your side."

"I am not even human anymore, Stella," he says with regret.

"Neither am I really," she counters. "Would your feelings for me change had it been me who had been infected?"

"Never," he swears.

"Then stop using it as another barrier between us."

His eyes narrow in determination. "Not anymore," his vows. He leans over to seal it with a kiss upon her forehead.

"So you promise not to get yourself intentionally killed?" she questions vulnerably.

"Not if I can help it," he answers.

This is the vow she wants and it will be enough. It will _have_ to be enough.

"That is all that I ask," she says.

He nods, wiping the stream of tears with a gentle swipe of his thumb. They gaze upon the other as if for the last time and he bends his head and to kiss her thoroughly. It further seals the promise and try as she might, it does not bring enough comfort, but she cannot ask any more of him. She will not demand more of him when he has already vowed enough. Pushing away the crushing fear of losing him, she focuses on how his lips feel against her own in this precious moment before the storm to follow.

A loud banging pounds against the door reminds them of what they cannot forget. That reality can no longer be ignored.

"Noct?"

"Just a moment," he answers, keeping his eyes trained upon her face. His fingers absently trace along the sides of her face as he studies her fixedly. "No matter what happens," he states, leaving the end unfinished.

"No matter what happens," she affirms with an understanding nod.

He smiles softly as he nods with her and regretfully lowers his hands from her face. She watches the way he straightens his posture and pulls back his shoulders before turning towards the door. Her heart leaves her with every step that he takes and he pauses with his hand hovering above the hand to stare back at her over his shoulder.

"I love you, Stella."

"And I love you, Noctis."

"Noct," he corrects her with that easy smirk that had teased her ever since that night.

She manages a matching smirk before he jerks the handle to roughly swing the door open and steps out and away from her sight.

A/N: I am so terribly sorry for this delay! It's been a very trying month and this chapter was considerably longer than I had anticipated. I hope it was worth the wait. As I am even rushing through this author's note to hurry the posting. When I'm not so pressed for time, I'll let everyone know via my Profile whether a full author's note has been posted at my LJ. Happy Reading!


	12. Fragosus

A/N: The edits for this were stupidly long and it was very frustrating when I was ready to get half of the next chapter together already. Things to note: _Italicized_ bits mean that the person is speaking through the communicators (aka comms).

Fragosus is Latin for "roaring, crashing, rough/broken".

_**Chapter Eleven: Fragosus**_

Within those moments just before chaos begins, it is the real thoughts, the real regrets, the real truths of things neglected that flash through one's mind. The anticipation of approaching confrontation and danger lend to surprising insights and character revelations. They were the things that truly mattered and everything else was just fodder. The only problem with these insights is that when they finally come to light, it is often too late to do anything about them. They are the burden of regret. Fervent wishes to go back in time and change these things are not enough to _actually_ alter anything in that single moment of perfect clarity. Being someone who had never been ashamed or afraid to let her real feelings show when she needed to, she can only be thankful now that she had never even thought to hide her love for Noctis all this time. To wonder that at this moment, instead of feeling a resolved readiness, she could have felt remorse with unfulfilled longing instead. She cannot even fathom what Am has felt all these long ages, since she had watched helplessly as Joseph had left her to face his death alone. How many times afterwards had Am wanted to change the outcome of her actions in those crucial moments before he was gone?

Seldom does one get a second chance at something as potently powerful as finding the one person to make you complete. That one soul that was made to join with yours. Life was not kind. Death was even less kind. One could only hope for the fickleness of Fate to intervene and make things right. Which then left you to repeat your mistakes or to learn and take advantage of the precious abnormality that a second life can grant you. As horrid and frightening as ones with her gift were portrayed as, they alone had been given the precious gift of life one more time. Whether by chance or by fortune, who was one to throw such a chance away?

Had she lived already, loving and losing Noctis, she is not certain she would have fared well. She is not sure how she would have embraced coming back from the cold grip of death after such a loss. Her life had merely begun when she had survived her near death experience. There was not much that she did remember before it had all happened. She can recall the incident itself and the afterwards, but her psyche would not have been as set as Am's would have been in the life she had, had knowing and losing Joseph. Never had she imagined a man more stubborn to be the martyr than Noctis, but she found him in Joseph. Admirable and noble but too quick to save the lives of others with no thought to himself. There was no regard for the feelings and desires of those that loved you in that equation. Was it a disservice or a service to save someone who had no desire to be saved? Had Am really _wanted_ to be spared the virus that Joseph saw as a monstrosity of his sister's making? Had it been Am's desire to live knowing that he had died to keep her "normal"? For one who was definitely _not_ normal, she thinks that perhaps normal is overrated.

To be normal was to be just like everyone else. To be normal was to lose one's uniqueness. To be normal was to kill your individuality. What was so great about that? Why was that so desirable? All those that she loved had been far from anyone else she had ever met. She would like to think that she was the same way. That there was no one woman that was just like her. Why else would Noctis love her? Why else would she love Noctis? She doubts she would feel so strongly for half a man as him. He had no equal in her mind. Perhaps that had been Joseph's goal for Am. Her being "normal" was something that he had never known and he had been willing to give his life to keep that which had made her unique, that normality, to him. That, she could understand completely but is too much of a romantic to be completely happy about it.

What did that leave for the two of them now? She hopes that this go around, Joseph is not as reckless as in his last battle against Xargin, to rob them of their much deserved closure. A second chance. Which was what she knew Am must want the most. This second, precious chance that they had uniquely been given. That Joseph should seek to rob her of it made her feel more than a little put out with him. She could almost slap some sense into him for that thinking. It is only the first hand knowledge how deeply his own emotions were that pacified her. The breathless awe that had been in his voice when he had muttered nothing more than just, "Amanda", had not sounded like a man unaffected. Not just _any_ voice could break through the level of insanity that had prevailed in his blinding white orbs a moment before. There was only one reason that she could think of that blinded Joseph to Am's true feelings towards him.

He thought that she had loved another. He probably believes that still.

How he had come to that conclusion, she did not know and wished that she could unearth. It was not her right to demand such an answer though. That was to be between Am and Joseph. Only thing she could demand was that they have a chance to hash this out. If they could just make it all out of this alive. No, _when_ they all made it out of this alive. She could not give in to the abundant pessimism that permeates every facet of this dark city that contained so much power. Noctis' pessimism was enough already.

As for moments of clarity, it is not even her own problems that plague her as she stands at the ready behind these heavy double doors. The very doors that would give her entry into the summit meeting at the high table of Nihilsomno. Instead of dwelling on her own secret desires but concerns for her best friend and the parallel love story that so mirrored her own. Her own story, though still pending, was more resolved than Am's and her friend's turmoil gave her the motivation that she needed. One of them had to hold on to hope and she would be that one. Because she knew that Xargin would exploit this uncertain variable to gain the upper hand? He would stab at the weakest link and _that_, was it.

"Then I suppose Joseph has a few things to get off his chest," she mumbles to herself as the double doors swing open and the vastness of the meeting chamber is revealed. The bright lights inside create a spotlight on her pale form and highlights the golden locks of her hair.

With her spine straight and shoulders back, she glides as gracefully as any fully trained princess can, into the room full of dignitaries. All these important people surrounded by such an opulent setting, had no idea of the enemy that they would soon be forced to confront. She makes her way as slowly as she can, around the giant hall as seas of faces part for her. It is not long before she sees Noctis as he is perched upon his elaborate throne of black marble, at the head of the long table. His eyes lock with hers as she makes her way to her seat not far from where he sits and she feels the assurance within his gaze. All parties stand in turn until she is comfortably seated, before they too, are seated at their designated seats. The ornately carved table of glossy black marble gleaned against the massive chandeliers above them.

As she hears the sounds of their friends arriving at the top secret lab, she looks back at Noctis and knows he can sense their approaching as well. It was time to put her multitasking skills to good use.

"_We have reached the outer perimeter of the lab,"_ Am's voice narrates in both their ears via the coms they don.

"_Whew! Been awhile since someone dusted in here, that's for sure!" _cries Cal, not the least bit ashamed to shout. She barely disguises the urge to wince as the chairman begins the proceedings.

"_It doesn't look like this place has seen any visitors since it was closed up,"_ comments Durus and she can just see him frowning disapprovingly around the dusty lab.

Next, she hears the unmistakable crunch of someone stepping on of broken glass and the expressions of curiosity.

"_And when they did close it up, it was rushed,"_ adds Am.

More sounds of crunching glass resounds from her com as she sits as casually she can in her chair.

"That sounds like too much glass to simply be in a hurry to close up," she murmurs behind a lace handkerchief.

"_You got that right, Stell,"_ agrees Cal.

"_There are stains all over the floor,"_ Am relays. _"It's hard to make out what they're from though."_

"_It smells really unfresh in here too,"_ comments Cal. _"I'm not talking musty dirt and cobwebs either."_

"Is the air quality safe?" asks Noctis in a very low voice.

"_Not reading anything toxic,"_ answers Phil from his station back at their impromptu headquarters.

"It is with supreme relief that we find you safely within our company, Princess Stella," comments the Chairman as the finale to his opening address.

"It was simply a misunderstanding, my Lord," she replies respectfully. She pauses to stare in every direction before she continues. "Never, was I in any particular danger the entire time I was not available. I had thought it prudent to isolate myself given the disappearance of one of my own countrymen."

"Very wise," a dignitary comments, which is quickly followed by various murmurs of agreement.

"These are indeed dangerous times," comments Noctis, bringing everyone's attention on him. "This meeting has been called forth from your concerns regarding the safety of the people."

Everyone starts to speak at once and it is difficult to hear one question over the other.

"_Nobody hold back now,"_ mutters Cal dryly from the out pour of many voices over the com.

"The ugly face of panic, rears an ugly head," mutters Noctis under his breath.

Durus and Cal snort in agreement.

"_You could say that again," _Phil agrees verbally. _"Filthy cowards would like nothing more than to point the finger at us and hide rather than to figure out what's really going on."_

The head councilman of Nihilsomno trades a look with Noctis before raising his hand.

"If we could settle ourselves into some sort of order before we continue," orders the Chairman with a booming voice. "How are the people to be led without breaking out into a panic if _we_, their leaders, cannot remain calm?"

As if any of these cowards knew what it was like to remain calm in the face of anything that took them away from their comfortable lives. The only things they were not afraid of was greed and disdain for anything that might change that. These very leaders would be the most of the panicked ones. Fear brought out the worst in people and these were the ugliest of them all. Their entire lives had been a thin lining of barely suppressed hysteria. It was a very heady motivation and she could see it in abundance in their eyes as she watches them. It is all she can do to not look at them in disdain as they try to talk over each other at the same time. Disdain is not an easy emotion for her and she does not like to think so low of people who were in a position of power as she was. The fact of the matter simply is, that did not mean she ignorant to the true nature and corruption and selfishness that prevailed. All eyes were always fixed upon Nihilsomno for no other reason than their greed. She wonders if that was why Xargin targeted them in his threats. Would it truly be a grand loss if the majority of these dignitaries were infected?

No, she could not force herself to answer that question. Leadership, even corrupt ones, had their uses. It was the lesser of two evils, but it was still an evil nonetheless. All of those issues had to wait, however. Right now, they were in a very precarious situation both physically and politically. She feared the repercussions of what she knew Noctis was going to say.

"How are we to control them when we do not even know what this new enemy is?" one outraged voice shouts.

"How can we protect ourselves when we are not even sure what we are protecting ourselves from?" shouts another.

"We must think about reactivating war protocols in the face of this new danger," suggests someone else.

"According to inside reports, various hospitals and clinics all over Nihilsomno are seeing what will soon be nothing less than an epidemic of global proportions," comments a voice from another side of the room. "What is the official statement in regards to this, Prince Noctis?"

All eyes turn to Noctis for the answer and she can tell he is almost on the verge of sneering in anger at their undertones.

"We are as in the dark about this as any of you," reassures the Chairman.

"It would be nice to hear from the future King, himself," someone else insists.

"_Am, what is that?"_ she hears Durus ask over the com.

"There is currently an ongoing investigation being conducted by specialists under third party supervision in order to ensure no prejudice in its conclusions," Noctis explains easily. She keeps her face neutral and attentive, while within, she wants to smirk at how perfectly worded that explanation is uttered. He is nothing but poised and forthcoming as he sits as though perfectly at ease under the hard stares of so many leaders that would rather see him fail. "Their most recent findings tell us that my fair city is under attack by a group of bio terrorists."

"Are these same terrorists involved in the kidnapping of the dignitaries that were undergoing treatment under _your_ people's care?" someone insinuated.

"I do not care for that implication," states the Chairman with a deep frown on his already creased face.

"We have reason to believe that the missing dignitaries were, in fact, infected with this virus," answers Noctis and she tries not to clutch desperately at the arms of her chair to steady herself in the heavy silence that follows.

"So what happened to them?" someone asks in a small voice that does not seem so quiet when it echoes in the suddenly silent chamber.

There is a moment of tension laced stillness that is so thick she can almost choke on it as they all look to Noctis for the answer that they know is coming.

"_Way to work a crowd, Noct," _murmurs Cal.

"_Shaddup a second you," _growls Durus in reply.

"_Wait, t__hose stains are fresh," _Am states.

"Would you rather I said something comforting like, 'They have been quarantined for everyone's safety'?" suggests Noctis with a dark expression in his eyes. The vibrant natural color of them are not red yet, but they are not quite blue either. They were dangerous close to shifting a ruby hue. Several men lean back in their seats in fear as they recognize the signs.

"I think we can all guess what has befallen them," answers Chairman pointedly, eying each of them in turn. His body is dangerously poised and intimidating. One was wise not to raise this man's ire as he has already proven many times that though he may be a mediator, he would not hesitate to pick sides. Much as they were wise not to raise Noctis' ire either, when he was the most power person in the chambers.

"_What the heck is that?" _exclaims Cal.

"_Don't touch it, Idiot!" _shouts Durus.

"_What _is _that?" _cries Am.

"_Okay so now we know where that stench is coming from,"_ informs Cal.

"_Did you guys feel that?"_ asks Am.

"Was it absolutely necessary to take the actions you are insinuating?" someone asks hesitantly. It is delivered distantly and carefully, which loosens a margin of the tension in each of the two men's shoulders. It is the question on everyone's mind and she finds it is her cue to add her voice.

"No one feels the shame of doing so more than I," she announces, captivating the eyes of everyone in the room. "As I was there when action had to be taken."

A few startled glances look toward her and she stares back gravely. She refuses to look at Noctis' reaction to her declaration but it is the only way she can help alleviate some of the blame from him.

"_Guys, something's wrong here. There..." _Am starts to say but is cut off by the static.

"_Son of a..." _Cal's disbelieving swear is cut off abruptly too with the sounds of something crashes through the lab. A loud bang of metal against concrete echoes within her ear followed by a shootings rounds before the sounds of struggles ensue.

The distinct sound of a single cocking gun clicks through the com and her eyes fly to Noctis' at the same instant that his fly to hers. Both of their eyes widen before a crackling fizzle combines with the muffled voices of their friends. Just as they are both beginning to rise from their seats, the doors are nearly burst from their hinges and all eyes swing to see the cause. Some gasp, some cry out in alarm but she freezes as she sees who their new addition is.

"Ice," hisses Noctis.

Those familiar eyes. That already beheld demeanor was back and he was staring intently at both her and Noctis together as they stood in mid crouch from gaining their feet. Just at the same time, the sounds of someone's steady breathing hisses in both their ears. She glances at Noctis and knows that though his eyes are trained on this threat, he is listening just as keenly as she is to what is going on at the other end of the line. Never before has she felt so utterly overwhelmed and torn.

"_Joseph,"_ Xargin's voice utters over the com. "_I know you're listening to this too."_

"Who are you and what do you want?" the Chairman demands of the Mutatio that has entered the room. It is the guard that had taken her from her flat the night before.

"_Will you not come out and play, Joseph?" _Xargin tries again in a taunting voice. _"It is so much more amusing when you come out and play."_

"_Let them go,"_ growls Noctis tightly.

"_And what fun would that be?"_ teases Xargin. _"You needn't worry. They're not dead... yet."_

"_Those three have nothing to do with this, Xargin,"_ Joseph's voice nearly growls over the comm.

Xargin makes a tsking sound in response but she senses that he is immensely pleased at exposing Joseph's eavesdropping. "_Do you still believe that repeating a lie over and over again will suddenly make it the truth? We both know there's one here in particular that you wouldn't want coming to harm."_

"_I don't want _any _to be harmed,"_ corrects Joseph, but the denial sounds hollow, even to her ears and she is sure that Xargin can hear it too.

"_Your stubbornness will not save Amanda this time, Joseph,"_ chides Xargin in an amused manner. "_Neither will trying to downplay your feelings towards her either."_

"What do you want?" demands Noctis.

She looks up to see him on his feet, shards of crystals are an array of colors around him as he stares at Xargin's man. The dignitaries are cowering under the massive table and many peer at her and Noctis in a silence plea to save them.

"_You could learn a thing or two from Noctis, Joseph,"_ advises Xargin, with a smug tone. "_At least he knows when not to hide his feelings for Stella."_

Oh Etro, how could he know that?

"I asked you what you wanted," reminds Noctis, averting the discussion.

"_It's rather simple really,"_ Xargin explains whimsically. "_I want you to find me."_

The challenge seems so deceptively trivial that she cannot accept it to be that simple.

"_Joseph, of course, will be there to assist you,"_ Xargin continues to explain. "_I think you'll find it very amusing."_

"Why the show here then?" Noctis demands. He has inched his way closer to the Mutatio standing in the middle of the room. She wonders whether his presence was another from the life Joseph, Amanda and Xargin had, had before.

"_My threat earlier wasn't _just _a diversion for you to send me such a lovely package all wrapped up in one," _Xargin answers tauntingly. _"I can only be disappointed that you are not with them, Star Defender."_

Her eyes widen before turning a wary eye towards the Mutatio in the room.

_"Xargin,"_ Joseph growls in warning.

Just then, various cries of fear carry within the chambers and both their attentions are taken away from the conversation within their comms.

"Why so fearful?" the Mutatio mocks snidely. "We are to be brothers and sisters in a little while."

"Leave them out of this," hisses Noctis, taking another threatening step forward.

The Mutatio's white eyes turn to regard Noctis and gives a slight nod in respect as greeting.

"That I cannot do, your Majesty," he replies simply.

"What do you mean?"

The soft chuckling in her ears raises a dull ache of dread. She struggles to force her body to not give in to the quivering fear and finds herself looking at Noctis to retain her focus.

"What have you done?" she asks breathlessly. She watches as the Mutatio glances casually around the table. He looks nonplussed and almost listless in a way that cannot be anything but bad.

From the corner of her eye, she spies Noctis reach down and grab hold of one of the many goblets of water that line the table. There had been placed in front of each chair in consideration of the dignitaries and she almost lets out a cry of despair when she realizes what they have done. She raises a hand to cover her mouth as she watches Noctis' eyes flash red. He throws a glare towards the Mutatio and shatters the glass with the grip of his hand. Those very hands that had been smooth and slim had hardened like stones and just dark. When his hand returns to his normal state a second later, she blinks and lets out the breathe that she had unconsciously been holding. Her eyes dart towards her own water glass, positioned just in front of her and a part of her is relieved while another part of her is tempted to partake of it.

There is another chuckle over the comm before Xargin's voice speaks again. "You didn't think I'd make a grotesque scene of blood and carnage, did you?" he asks as if such an expectation was offensive to him. "Did you happen to be thirsty when you sat down, Star Defender? You looked a little out of sorts when you first walked in."

"I thought you more flamboyant," taunts Noctis with a hiss. "Poisoning the water seems a bit, overdone."

Shocked cries from the dignitaries fill the hall at that and panicked faces turn from Noctis to the Mutatio in terror.

_"Not to mention cowardly,"_ agrees Joseph.

_"But where would the fun be if you knew exactly where I was?"_ asks Xargin.

"Peoples' lives are not something for you to toy with," she hisses.

_"Life is but a stage and we, merely players, Star Defender."_

"Stop calling me that."

"Some of us lack the flair you possess for this production," comments Noctis dryly and she feels a moment of her own panic when she picks up on the struggle she can see in him to carefully control his voice.

His outward look of casual ease, steady confidence and supreme self assurance does not hide the subtle signs of his fight to stay steady in this encounter. It does not matter that none of the others in here can see it because _she _can see it. She forces herself to redirect her thoughts before she gives away Noctis' temporary weakness to the Mutatio. Instead, she tries to focus on the tone of Xargin's voice. As a dignitary and princess, she is good at bluffing when she needed to. It made it easy to pick up on people's tells. There is something in the nonchalant and easy tone of Xargin's voice that pricks her senses. It strikes a cord within her and she finally notices that underneath it all, there was a key element that she had missed before.

Whatever plans Xargin has in place, there were two factors that he could not properly predict. Things that he himself could not control and was trying to compensate for. Compensation by manipulation. What was he trying to manipulate them into doing?

"_How are you feeling, your Highness?"_ Xargin asks knowingly. "_Isn't it liberating to see everyone for what they really are?"_

"Which is?" hisses Noctis and she can easily hear the slight tremor in his voice now.

"_Monsters, naturally,"_ answers Xargin. "_Outward appearances can never truly hide the person within, can they. How are those shakes by the way?"_

Almost as if on cue, she notices Noctis clench his hands into fists tightly in response. She watches as he keeps them stubbornly at his sides with a tightened jaw. His face is shiny with perspiration and she can see sweat pooling at the dip of his collar. Beads of moisture gather just beneath the line of his hair before they begin to slide down the sides of his face.

"_Can you really fancy yourself loving a mere boy, Star Defender?"_

"What are you talking about?" she snaps.

"_You know what I'm walking about."_

"_That was another life, Xargin,"_ warn Joseph_. "Don't bring the past into this."_

"_Isn't that what this is all about?__"_ muses Xargin pointedly. _"A__ren't we trying to prevent ourselves from repeating the same mistakes, Joseph?"_

"_You already are."_

"_Unlike you, I have resigned myself to take advantage of second chances."_

"_You know you're going to fail."_

"_Will I really fail, Joseph? Did I truly fail the last time?"_ questions Xargin and she wishes she knew what they were referring to. There is so much that she does not know. "_I gave you so many chances to see the Light and yet, you always chose the dark way. You're doing the same now."_

"_Just because it is hard does not make what is right, dark."_

"_So decrees, 'The Guardian of Morals'."_

"Why do all this?" she finds herself asking. "Why torment Joseph further? Why torment Noctis? Why torment these people by forcing them to suffer madness?"

"_You assume they suffer when I consider it a liberation,"_ utters Xargin_. "If you wish this to stop you need only look to Joseph and Noctis."_

"By doing your biding?" growls Noctis.

"_In a sense."_

"_If you wanted chaos, you've got it, Xargin,"_ accuses Joseph.

"_Chaos is not beautiful, as your little computer friend, Elea, would say,"_ Xargin corrects. "_And what I want is infinitely beautiful."_

She can see Noctis' gaze turn to stare her at that.

"_Yes, her too, Noctis,"_ agrees Xargin and she tries not to startle at the knowledge that he is also watching them too. "_But there is something else that you have that I want."_

"Not Stella."

"_That's for her to decide."_

"What do you is it that you want then?" demands Noctis as he grits his teeth against another bout of shivers that are quickly becoming more apparent.

"_Haven't you figured it out yet?"_ taunts Xargin with a tsking sound of disapproval_. "I want the Crystal."_

There is no way to properly respond to that besides to stupidly ask the obvious, 'What are you going to do with the Crystal?', but she knows that neither of them will ask it.

"There are many functioning Crystals now," Noctis says evasively.

"_But I want _your_ Crystal,"_ Xargin emphasizes. "_I wouldn't bother to try and trick me either because I'll know if it is your Crystal or not."_

"Why haven't you taken it already if you're so clever?" Noctis asks in his usual dry way and it brings her a measure of relief to hear the tone.

"_Can it be that you never checked?"_ Xargin asks in mock wonder, sounding condescending now_. "That pretty rock that you have so tightly secured is a fake. But I think you already knew that didn't you, Clever Boy?"_

"The Crystal in exchange for my friends?" Noctis asks with a disbelieving frown.

There is a pause and it annoys her to think that Xargin does so for dramatic effect.

"_Tell me something, Noctis,"_ Xargin says instead. "_What do you feel whenever you look at her?"_

As her eyes are already trained upon him, she watches as he slowly turns to stare at her and her breathe catches in her throat. It is one of the few times she has ever seen him look so unguarded. His usually carefully composed face is vulnerable and open, revealing a longing that crashes into her. It is a feeling so raw and so intense that she reaches up to clutch at her heart from its impact. She knows how it feels to have such a longing when it echoes within her. For it is the same longing that she has for him. To be the recipient of _his _longing hits her more powerfully than any physical blow.

"Tainted," he answers quietly as his eyes remain locked upon her. "Unworthy."

The silence that follows is poignant and heavy and feels more like a shared emotion rather than stunned surprise. She can hear her heart beating fiercely and it overshadows all other sounds within the room.

"_Would you want her even were she tainted?"_ Xargin questions in a tone as quiet as Noctis' had been.

Before Noctis can even open his mouth to question his meaning, it is too late for the both of them to realize that the other Mutatio in the room had been holding something within his hand. They only have time enough to jerk their eyes towards his massive form as he flings a small, delicate crystal orb into the air. The brightness of the overhead chandeliers shoot a blinding beam of light through the ball as it flies directly at her standing form. Time slows down as she watches it slowly and gradually gain speed and come closer and closer. She can hear the beat of her heart accelerate as she spies a red flowing liquid encased within the clear glass.

_Blood!_

As this belated realization hits her, she feels the excursion of her powers flare in reaction to try and protect her. A reaction that comes far too late. She can do no more than inhale sharply and ready herself for the inevitable when the unthinkable happens.

Just as it is about to collide with her body, a lightning flash whips across her vision and zaps the orb before it can explode in front of her at the same time a body pushes her towards the ground to cover her from the exploding liquid. The air is knocked from her lungs as she finds herself under the press of Noctis' body a moment before he lifts the majority of his weight to look down at her. His rune is flashing ecstatically around them, mixing with her own in a combination of blue and gold, shielding them from the remaining droplets of contaminated blood. She gaps up at him as he runs a hand over her body to check for injury. They stare at each other for a moment as if to reassure themselves before they both turn to look at who had saved her.

"_Joseph,"_ Xargin greets fondly, over the comm. _"I shall see you all very soon."_

There he stands. The silent stranger that was no longer one to her. Like a silent avenger that was ever watchful and always protective. In his Blue form, he stands heaving in anger with white glowing eyes that check her and Noctis a moment, then glares at the Xargin's man.

"It's nice to see you again, Joseph," the Mutatio says.

"You should know better," growls Joseph in his metallic, Amalgam voice.

With eyes narrowed, it responds with, "What other option do I have?"

"What will Amanda say? What would the rest of your team say?"

"You can't save Amanda this time. Things aren't as they were."

"Yet you make the same mistakes, _Wolf_," accuses Joseph.

"Do as Xargin says this time, Joseph. For all our sakes," advises Wolf. Then, without warning, he hefts no less than three dignitaries into his arms and hurls them at Joseph and Noctis.

Both too busy to catch these unfortunate ones, they can do nothing as Wolf seems to vanish from the room, preventing them from giving chase. Cries of fear and agony ring loudly belatedly now with the departure of danger across the vaulted chamber as all out panic is given free reign to voice. They become even more fearful when Joseph morphs back into his human form instead of easing their worry. Many of them scramble away from him as far as they can when he tries to walk forward. Bits of dark crystal bounce onto the marble flooring as his transformation completes and it amazes her now as it had before.

Before both men can try to settle the hysterical group, she grabs hold of Joseph's sleeve to gain his attention over the heavy noise around them.

"Tell me why he regards me as he does," she demands to know as she fists the sleeve of his trenchcoat in tightly clenched hands. "No more secrets. I need to know."

His steady, constant ruby eyes soften in tenderness and he raises his hand to hold the side of her face affectionately.

"Because of who you remind us of," he answers gently.

"And who would that be?" asks Noctis, coming to stand beside them.

Joseph glances at Noctis briefly, before looking back down at her with that same gentle look of affection in his eyes.

"My sister," he answers with a sad smile. "Sasha."

Her eyes widen as she finally understands the meaning behind the way they had all treated her from the beginning of this madness. Why Joseph had such an affinity towards her and her towards him in return. It had not been the affection of a woman towards a man, like her feelings towards Noctis. As handsome and gorgeous as he was, her feelings never wavered from Noctis. No, it had been an easy acceptance from the start and she finally knows why. With that comes the obvious conclusion as to why Xargin made her feel so strangely too.

"They were more than friends, were they not?" she asks, just to make sure. "They were lovers too."

A slow nod answers her.

"Which is why you being in love with Noctis, makes Xargin completely unpredictable now."

By that, he means it was most likely driving Xargin insane to realize that she was in love with someone who was just like Joseph instead of him. Someone completely the opposite of Xargin in not only looks but in manner.

"As unpredictable as he gets, it will not change the end," she says to the both of them as Joseph takes a respectful step back from her.

"What do you mean?" asks Joseph.

"Sasha was his downfall in the last life by creating the anti nanos," she explains, looking between he and Noctis. "Which means I will be his downfall _this_ life."


	13. Alea iacta est

Alea iacta est, is Latin for, "the die has been cast".

_**Chapter Twelve: Alea iacta est**_

It was almost funny. All her life it had been her station, her rank or her lineage that had given her a level of importance in the world. It had nothing at all to do with her as a person, as an individual. She had been born into the life of nobility and not given any choice in the matter. Simply being conceived and birthed, had placed upon her the weighty responsibility caring for an entire nation. A monarchy was more than pretty gowns and decadent parties. It was hard work. It was constant stress. It was a very heavy burden to bear. Yet, it had been something she had readily accepted instead of fought. She had never had a _choice_ in the matter and she simply determined that she would accept her birthright instead of waging a rebellion. It should be noted however, that easy acquiescence did not mean endless tolerance. There was only so far that she would allow herself to be swayed.

Being beautiful had merely been a requirement of being a princess instead of a rarity. Proper breeding and constant pampering made sure of that and when that did not work, families tended to neglect those unfortunate ones. It was easier to be accepted if one was pretty rather than smart. So attractive looks were average and expected. Her physical appearance, though important, had never taken up more of her time than it should have considering her station. She had always preferred subtle elegance to extravagant excess and had often times gone with simple instead of seductive. So it was almost ironic that her efforts were null and void with the knowledge that these very average attributes were playing such an imperative role. It was downright ridiculous. Her very attempt at being neutral had enhanced her likeness to another, which in turn, had given her a vital role within this dark story. It was all like a dream, this reality that she lived. What a strange world she resided in. One where the paranormal and fantasy were normal and real.

It was already a given that her life was never meant to be considered normal anyway. Not everyone had her status and privilege. She was always made aware of that. Her class was a small circle of like minded families within a vast circle of life. So it was already a detached and unusual sort of living and there was absolutely nothing about it that she would change. Not after the things that she had seen and the people that she had met as a result of it. The friendships she had formed and the love that she had found would never have been realized had she been anything other than exactly what and who she was.

The only problem she finds herself having in this situation, was looking like Sasha. Sasha, who had been Joseph's elder sister, a lover to Xargin and the harbinger of death to all those that she had loved. All that she knew about Sasha did little to impress her as a woman and as a leader. Though persecuted and brilliant, she had ultimately been guilty, though inadvertently, of the crime of being the root cause of suffering to everyone that she had ever known within her lifetime. She had been as deadly as the plague that she had unleashed. It would not surprise nor upset her if either Joseph or Xargin had ever cursed the other woman's existence in their lives. Or perhaps even, cursed herself for looking so much like Sasha. She thinks she might curse the other woman now, as she finds herself at the very epicenter of this conflict. Of being the cause of a danger so vast that it had expanded its deadly reign to the lengths of two worlds. Being the focal point of something so evil is more of a burden than all the difficult decisions that she had ever made her in lifetime.

Secretly within though, she feels it oddly empowering to have such powerful and dangerous men so completely fixed upon her. Not all may come from royalty, but they were all so much more than anyone she knew and she knew many. Which makes it completely accurate that any diplomatic decisions she may have made before were minute in comparison. When before, it had been for a faceless collective. One that she had always considered almost as surrogate children, who she had always constantly watched over and had been forced to discipline on occasion. These men, however, she would never think of as children. They were all strong, virile and capable of keeping their own. All natural born leaders with an intoxicating blend of alpha strength and intense emotion. While many she knew were fickle and unreliable, they were steadfast and constant. Whether in a positive or negative way was merely a matter of one's own perspective but at least they were consistent.

It is utterly incredible that she found herself in a position to move them all. To impact them so deeply. To have a power over them that no other woman could have and have in such ready abundance in completely different ways. Her role to each man was different yet no less influencing. A perverse ex lover, her true lover and a brother. All were close at heart and entirely affected by the decisions she would make.

"You don't have to worry, Stella," Joseph reassures kindly, giving her a warm affectionate stare. It is not quite a smile, but there is an affection in his gaze that was easy noticeable. "Noctis is strong. He has already adjusted better than anyone else I have encountered. I'm sure they're _all_ going to be all right."

This short, quiet moment between them is a rare reprieve as they stood just outside the lab that houses Noctis. After her premonition following Xargin's exit, Noctis had begun to waver. The strength and adrenaline that had kept him upright had escaped him alarmingly as soon as Xargin's presence had departed from them. His shakes had had become more pronounced, making it harder for him to hide them. Joseph had, had to steady him in order for him to stay straight. For a moment she had worried that he would fall harshly onto the black marble tiling. It had been a heart wrenching scene for her to watch helplessly as he had been forced to push aside Joseph's assistance in order to assure the cowardly dignitaries that he was still capable of fighting for their benefit. That he was capable of protecting those fools. She had hated it and she hates it now. Watching him at this moment and unable to give him aid. Still, a strong flame of pride had ignited within her when he had rebuked the cowering leaders and ordering them to get themselves examined regardless of whether they had partaken of the tainted water or not. All who showed symptoms would be quarantined, as the rest of those who began to show signs of infection would be. Then he had briskly and without his usual grace, had walked out of that room, only to collapse against a wall before Joseph pulled him upright to bring him here.

She would never confirm nor deny that his authoritative and imposing manner had almost dissolved her into a pile of unabashed admiration. It had been a trial not to sigh and even harder not to swoon with feminine appreciation. Watching her own alpha male in action was enough to make her heap of boneless female. Never, she knew, would she _ever_ meet another man that would make her knees weak. Even as he leaned against Joseph's sturdier form to make their way to meet with Phil, she felt the underlying power within him and utterly captivated as she always was. She thinks that she always will, no matter what.

Phil had met them in the hallway and was currently having a few tests conducted to make sure that Noctis would be able to confront Xargin. Not that the results would deter Noctis in the slightest. He was nothing if not stubborn when he had set his mind to something and there was no way he would not face Xargin. She takes a level of comfort in simply watching him through the thick plexiglass that separates them. Phil is wearing his customized containment suit with helmet as he steadily watches the readings from the various machines. Occasionally, he will input whatever the readings onto the tablet that he has in his hands. Noctis has his eyes closed as if in repose while Phil sits beside his hospital bed with focused eyes. Noctis had, had his eyes open earlier with his gaze fixed upon her intently, until Phil had reprimanded him. It had made her irrationally giddy to know that simply watching her, increased Noctis' heart rate and "threw the machines off". She had seen the hint of amusement within Noctis' gaze before he had rolled his eyes at Phil's exasperated grumblings and closed his eyes with a long suffering sigh.

The room he and Phil were currently housed in was more a clear dome than a room. It was made of a nearly indestructible material that offered those outside a clear view to whatever was held within. There is a collection of domes, currently grouped together within this large compound underneath the city streets. These were all hastily assembled prototypes that Noctis and Phil had created to contain any Mutatios, on the off chance that they ever managed to capture one alive. The largest dome had already been moved to serve as the quarantine zone at Nihilsomno's city center. The lone Mutatio they already had in custody, was currently restrained within a similar dome not far away from where she stood. That one still has not regained consciousness and she hopes that one day, whoever that person is, they would be able to live freely again and not confined within such a prison. Contained within such an open exhibit prevented any Mutatio the possibility of escape since they were under constant observation. It was terribly invasive.

She is glad of this moment alone with Joseph though, even during such a turbulent time. When she had been in his presence last, she had not known the things that she did now and she knew that only alone would Joseph be more inclined to open up to her. There was much to say and much to ask but right now, with her heart so conflicted, she is not sure what to ask first. What she did know for certain though, was _who_ the focus of her worry was.

"I know our friends will be fine," she softly responds at last. Her eyes flicker to meet his briefly, before turning back to watch Noctis' resting form again. Looking between them gives her a strong sense of deja vu and she marvels at the similarities between he and Noctis yet again. "It is you and Noctis that I am worried about."

"Me?" he asks, with eyes widened marginally in surprise.

His genuine bafflement causes a chuckle to escape her. It had not been terribly long since their last conversation together and yet, his stoic expression seems foreign again. How quickly one could forget the little things when so much had occurred in the between. Even Noctis had his moments of animation. Joseph, was not quick to show obvious emotion, ever. She wonders if he has always been this way.

"Why does that surprise you?" she asks, giving him a level look.

"Why would you worry about me?" he asks. That astonishment in his tone also reminds her of all that he had not had before. It upsets her all anew.

"It angers me that you are so unaccustomed to someone's caring of you that you cannot understand why one would in the first place," she states with a frown.

"I don't see how you'd care about me at all."

"Or perhaps, you did not want to see concern, where concern was given," she suggests. She does not mean to sound so snappish, but her sympathies remain with her friend too. It seemed completely ridiculous that a man as observant as he is, could miss that about Am.

Joseph's red eyes shot to her and frowns slightly. "My world wasn't kind."

"Neither is this one," she retorts.

"But at least I had a reason then."

"Have you found one now?"

Something passes through his eyes quickly. Things that he would not utter, but the hesitation is enough.

"You have more to lose now by being reckless."

For an instant, it looks as if he is about to refute her claim, but he merely leans more heavily against the clear dome. His face tilts downwards, causing his long bangs to hang over his eyes. The angle affords her a perfect view of his profile. A weary sigh escapes his lips and she sees the man that has seen many evils. Evils that no one else would be able to endure without giving in to the insanity. Evils too wicked to be real and yet were not dreams.

"You owe me no explanations in regards anything between you and Am," she says honestly. It just might kill her with curiosity as a naturally nosy woman, but she reminds herself of the many details she had kept from Am about Noctis and presses on. "But you do owe _her _a chance to talk to you."

"There isn't anything to say," he says quietly. That he does not even try to sound obtuse about who she refers to is an admission of its own.

"Maybe not for you, but you cannot rob her of this chance. It is clear that there are many things she wants to say to you." When he makes no move to respond, she adds, "And I think, deep down, you really _want_ to hear those things too."

The subtle shifting of his eyes as he lingers over her words gives her hope that she is right. One of the many things she has learned from Noctis is that though he seldom was quick to say yes, he was swift about saying no. It is not her place to keep going in this vein of thought so she pushes towards the things that do apply to herself.

"It must be difficult to be polite to me at times," she says pensively.

His red eyes peer at her from underneath his dark bangs. "Why would you think that?"

"Sasha was the cause of your suffering," she responds bluntly. "For me to look like her must be hard for you."

"It's only hard because I miss my sister."

"_That _is the reason you look at me so closely?" she asks in disbelief. Though, romantically, would never have been how she described the way Joseph regarded her in that intensely observant way, she would not have thought it was because of _that_. There was a deeply powerful emotion within his stare whenever he looked at her, but she did not get the impression that it was mournful. It would not have ever occurred to her that it was sadness for the loss of a sibling. It was at the tip of her tongue to tell him to be a bit more expressive or else some other woman might get the wrong impression from his deep looks.

"Everyone that had ever given a damn about me ended up getting themselves killed," he says, breaking into her thoughts. His tone is a combination of regret and anger and she would have felt the exact same way had it been her.

"Is that why you shut yourself away now?"

"I doubt you would've responded well had I told you my thoughts from the first," he says, giving her that patient look she remembers him giving Elea. Then he quirks his lips and says, "Especially when I was the enemy that you were hunting."

Her eyebrows lower at his self deprivation. "I can say in all honesty that I never felt like you were my enemy," she looks up to give him a sheepish smile. "If anything, I thought you were too incredibly attractive to be such a loner."

It she were not watching, she might have missed that endearing pinkening on the apples of his cheeks in reaction to that compliment.

"I am not your sister," she reminds needlessly. "But I do not have to be, to know that she would not disagree with that observation."

He blinks those red eyes and it is obvious he does not know how to properly respond to that.

"We... never talked about things like that," he admits quietly.

"Were you close?"

He shakes his head slowly, causing the tips of his hair to brush the open collar of his trenchcoat. "I didn't even know I had a sister growing up," he says. "My parents died protecting me during a fierce snow storm when I was little and I was raised in an old orphanage." His eyes look far away as he recalls memories that are undoubtedly painful. "I didn't meet Sasha until I was a teenager and even then, she was taken away before we could be 'close'. She was beaten to death shortly after we were reunited." He gives her a grim smile when a gasp of outraged sympathy escapes her. "But her death didn't hurt me half as much as it devastated Xargin."

His easy defense and willingness to understand Xargin's actions take her aback a moment. Such compassion was a novelty and something she always considered precious.

"But you must have been devastated as well," she presses.

"I was," he agrees easily, but there is that lingering regard for Xargin there too. "My grief was for losing her before I'd truly found her. It was like being given a glimpse at a better, far less lonely life and then having it ripped from you," he explains solemnly. "I would have gained a brother and a sister and I ended up losing both in foul stroke."

"You were closer to Xargin than to Sasha weren't you?" she asks, but it was obvious by the way the two men interacted that they _had_ been. Only those intimately familiar could speak the way they did to each other. It was obvious that Joseph mourned the loss of that brotherly relationship as much as losing Sasha. Maybe even more so.

"It was only because of Xargin that Sasha and I found each other," he explains, peering at her from under his bangs again. "Xargin died the day Sasha did. She, her life. He, his humanity and when they volunteered him..."

"Just a moment," she interrupts. "So he had not volunteered on his own?"

Joseph shakes his head. "He was too distraught at the time to make any kind of decision. Neither one of us had any real clue what it was that Sasha was even working on."

"Top secret government project," she finds herself saying distantly, before he can explain for her. Her thoughts return to those hastily abandoned labs that Noctis' kingdom had used before. All those failed experiments that they had conducted. Had Xargin discovered what they had failed to find?

"Joseph," she says, looking back at him urgently. "What were you and Xargin looking for in those old labs?"

"When I discovered that your world had experimented in nano technology, I had to look at it for myself to see how far your people had gotten before they gave up," he explains. "The Nanos were crudely built and inferior, which is why they had not been able to keep their hosts alive. I think that's why they tried combining the Crystal's energy, but even that was faulty since the subjects had already lost their minds from nano exposure."

"Those poor people," she cries in sympathy for their suffering.

Joseph nods in agreement. "Xargin has the advantage since he possesses the advanced nanos in his blood," continues Joseph.

"What does he want with Noctis' Crystal? Why Noctis' specifically?"

"Because of Noctis himself," Joseph answers, looking at Noctis through the dome.

"What does that mean?"

The sigh he releases temporarily fogs the wall before him and it looks as if the weight of the world rested upon his shoulders.

"It wasn't Sasha's fault that her creation turned out so ugly, you know," he says. "There was nothing ugly inside her."

"Nor Buniberzei when he created Etro, I suppose," she agrees, looking at him forlornly.

He nods his understanding.

"It was supposed to help children with incurable diseases, but the government weaponized it to its own detriment."

"Like ours did," she adds, knowing how the story must have gone. Such noble intentions twisted into something evil by corrupt men in power. How many times in history had someone done this? How many will do it in the future?

"Which you and Noctis can rightly stop," he reminds her.

She wonders if that was another key to what this was all about. One difference between her and Noctis to Joseph and Amanda were that she and Noctis were in a position to stop the wrongs that had been committed, while Joseph and Amanda had not been. Did that mean that through her and Noctis, Joseph and Amanda would be able to find that peace that they had been denied before? All this to right what had gone wrong. She hopes that it is, because she cannot believe the gods could be so cruel. She refuses to believe that.

"It wasn't completely up to me to save Amanda then," Joseph insists quietly. "All who she loved had died for her to keep her humanity. I couldn't let _their _deaths be in vain. It _would _have been selfish if I had been the cause of her change."

His actions had been nothing but noble. She had never had any doubts about that. He had made the best decision he could have chosen within that stressful time. She was sure of that. The decisions one made under the stress of battle were not always the wisest. They were not always so well thought out either. She knows this well from experience. There could be no rational reason to take back the decisions she had made in those moments when the result had been a victory. No matter how many had suffered _for _that victory. She imagines Joseph and even though begrudgingly, Am too, would think the events past were Joseph's own victory. Even though the cost they had both paid had been high, Joseph had triumphed. He _must _have.

"Do you ever regret your actions?" she asks, keeping her eyes settled on Noctis.

The silence is poignant and she knows it is because he is turning his answer over in his head before voicing it.

"Almost every moment," he answers after that long moment. "People died that did not need too and their deaths weigh heavily upon my shoulders."

"Or do you place the blame on yourself so that someone else does not have to?"

He looks at her thoughtfully for a moment, before turning to look at Noctis and Phil.

"Cause and effect," he responds vaguely.

"Do you think killing Xargin again will stop this?"

"No," he says without hesitation. "Xargin did not begin with hate. He was a product of the hateful nature of man. As I was."

"Two completely different effects from the same cause," she muses quietly. "What then?"

"Alea iacta est," he says by way of answer. He turns towards her before translating. "_The die has been cast. _Whatever we do now will determine the future, and that future is what you and Noctis make it." He turns to look back at Noctis.

"You mean, change?" she asks.

He nods. "Change is an epidemic that cannot be cured once it's taken shape," he looks down at her again thoughtfully.

"But it is up to one's own prerogative of whether or not they are left behind," she adds, taking hold of his hand and turning his palm to see the rune etched there. Her eyes follow the lines of it before raising to stare up at his closely. "Is it really so bad?"

He gives her a long, searching look in response, making no move to remove his hand from her grasp, but he does not try to hold hers back either. "The human mind is a wondrous thing," he comments. "It always amazes me how we are always able to adjust to just about anything. If, you are strong enough, that is." He lets out a sigh as he tries to find the right words to explain it further. "Your vision of the world changes."

"Do you really see monsters?"

"If you let your mind lose itself to the madness," he replies.

"Are so many weak minded?" she asks, feeling a tad disheartened by that thought.

"Perhaps their will is not as strong," he suggests with a slight frown to himself. It is almost as if he has never really thought of it before.

"There are so little who still seem to maintain themselves once they are exposed," she carries on.

"And it is a shame," he agrees with a grim look. "I've always believed that our god given free will was a priceless commodity. So I don't think I want to know what that really means about the true nature of the majority."

"It is the same with those that have the abilities of the Crystals," she says. "Am, is part of a special team that watches over them to make sure they do not ever get out of control. So, if there are many that have been exposed to the nanos, there..."

"Which is why you must act fast in order to ensure that not everyone becomes a mindless beast," Joseph advises.

"How can I do that when I am not exposed myself?"

"Why would you want to be?" he asks, giving her a startled look.

"Noctis has it. You have it. A great many others now have it," she states firmly. "How can I help them if I do not even understand what they are going through?"

"You forget that there will be many that demand those exposed be killed and quarantined and treated like animals," he reminds her. "Prejudice is an ugly thing."

"That it is," she agrees.

"Which means that you cannot become exposed," he tries to reason. "Once you have been, many will believe you were biased."

"But I am already biased," she reminds him. "There will never be a time that I would turn my back on Noctis."

An affectionate smile brightens his eyes, though his lips do not curve. "Which makes you special, Stella."

"I would think that was what made Noctis the one that was special," she shrugs. "You make a good point though, Joseph." She concedes, tapping her finger against her chin in thought. "But it does not matter either way. Besides," she adds, giving him a playful smile. "All the other rulers have already been exposed. The people, no matter how prejudiced, cannot replace all of us together."

"Good point," he agrees, giving her another affectionate look before turning back to Noctis.

"I know this might sound odd to you," she says, hoping that he would heed her words. "But I want you to know that just as there was someone who had cared whether you had lived or died before, there are double the amount that feel the same now."

Joseph's eyes look skeptical but he does not argue either.

"Cal thinks of you as his hero," she reminds him. "He would be utterly heartbroken if you did not make it through."

His red eyes blink several times as he processes this before he looks at her again, this time with something akin to a smirk.

"We are a mix matched sort of family, but we are a family nonetheless," she grins back at him. She inclines her head towards Noctis and Phil on the other side of the wall. "They already consider you a part of it."

His eyes follow her direction before staring down for another long silent moment. She watches the tumultuous emotions that storm within his eyes before he looks at her again. It is the slight upturn at the corner of his mouth that a burst of warmth to flow through her.

"Is that all right with you?" she asks.

He gives a small nod before he turns his attention back to Noctis. "If you guys would have me," he answers. "I would be honored."

The sounds of the sliding glass entry way of the dome, catches both of their attention and she feels that familiar fluttering in her heart at the sight of Noctis. Though he looks as if he could use about a week's worth of rest, he had more color to his cheeks and more alertness within his eyes now than he had before. He was no longer sweating as profusely, but his skin was still a bit dewy. Yet, despite all that, he was whole and he was still Noctis and he looks like he _would_ recover and that is enough for her. That is more than enough.

"Are we ready to roll?" he manages to ask in his usual cocky manner along with that endearing smirk of his and she feels her relief like a burst of sunshine.

"Let's see what the dice say in reply," answers Joseph.

Phil joins them and with the three of them with her, on her side, she knows that somehow, this is why she was alive.

* * *

A/N: Instead of leading right into the finale, I felt like there needed to be a quiet moment with Joseph. A moment where he got a chance to say things that he couldn't have said to Stella before. He doesn't say too much, but I think Stella's observations of him tell you a lot about what he's been through and all the things that he's lost. Now, I think he's finally starting to realize why he's in this verse and why he's alive again, even though it's not mentioned. I'm also glad to write the more playful side of Stella's personality here. She hasn't had a chance to show it often in this fic. More on that in my Author's Notes, which will eventually be posted on LJ. Please check my Profile for further updates.


	14. Aeternum Vale

Is everyone ready? Here we go...

Aeternum Vale is Latin for "Farewell forever".

**_Chapter Thirteen: Aeternum Vale_**

"_Reports are coming in all over the city of hundreds of cases of a mysterious sickness spreading throughout our fair city at an alarming rate. This unknown biological epidemic is being known as, 'The Mutatio'. Various quarantine facilities have been erected at key locations within all major sectors. It is a testament to severity of how widespread this unprecedented illness will continue to spread. All of Nihil's borders have been sealed in a desperate attempt to contain this catastrophe. Citizens are advised to stay at home and if any within their household show signs of infection to report immediately to any of these emergency services. Sources tell us that the dynasty is making a concentrated effort on finding a cure. Until that time, citizens are encouraged to remain inside until this has passed._

_Despite authorities' continued efforts to calm citizens, many have already fled their homes..."_

"If they've fled, where did they go?" asks Phil as he stares at the live feeds from the city streets. "It's a little too quiet considering how many are really gone."

"You mean, _missing_," clarifies Joseph.

She risks a glance at him and Noctis. They stand side by side together behind Phil, staring at the same feeds. Their similar appearances seem enhanced now that they are so close together. If it were not for their different hairstyles, she would have thought they were identical twins. A closer glance one would notice that Joseph's red eyes had that world weary quality to it. His eyes expressed so much that his features and lips would not say. At least Noctis had still retained a youthful exuberance and eagerness at times. Joseph seemed so old when compared to how young he actually looks.

"They have not fled the city, have they," she states, reading the bleak expressions upon both of their faces.

Noctis turns to regard her with a grieved expression that no words are really necessarily, but he says them anyway.

"No," he answers softly. His tone sounds guilty and she sees proof that years can never give maturity. Not when Noctis could feel such deep responsibility as young as he is.

"They're with Xargin," explains Joseph grimly. "They've become drones for his army now."

"How many?" she asks, looking to either of the three for the answer.

"Too many," answers Noctis with a disbelieving shake of his head and she does not hold back from reaching out and grabbing hold of his hand.

"More than we can possibly fight," Joseph adds, looking between her and Noctis with what can only be deep remorse. A heavy sigh escapes him as he faces away from them with hooded eyes. "History repeating…"

"Are they all entirely lost?" she asks, daring to keep just that small ray of hope. She looks up at Noctis and sees the subtle his subtle nod in answer. He squeezes her hand before entwining their fingers together. The haunted look on his face is enough to tell her that he is sure. Her heart pinches with the irresistible urge to weep. Weep for those poor souls that were not strong enough to fight the madness. So many. So many to have already morphed into thoughtless beings of unimaginable power and ability. Those individuals who had been the ordinary and normal ones. Now, they were mere shells of things once vibrant and alive. They might as well be dead and this makes her angry. She wants to be enraged and she wants to hate. She wants to hate Xargin and Sasha and all those responsible for such meaningless violence and loss. So much wasted life!

Yet, even when feeling so justifiable in her indignation, why could she not _really_ hate any of them?

Though she was a leader, it had never been delegated to her to pass judgment or pronounce judgment upon another. The judicial part of the system was always something she was very wary of. Not only was it nearly impossible in certain situations, true justice was always too far away from them to achieve in such a way so as to appease everyone. She had always believed herself too soft for such decisions anyway. It was simply not within her capacity to punish someone in a court of law. In a way, she appreciates the more simple factor of war. No matter the motive. No matter which side was right or wrong. The fact of the matter was, it was either kill or be killed. So she had killed so that she could live. She had seen and done her share of blood shed and she knows that there will come a time where she will be forced to do so again. For this reason, she liked to keep all her dealings and decisions to be on the more diplomatic and politically correct side. It did not seem right that she should have a say of how one would be punished for something as complex as the taking of another life.

In this situation, she finds she has a renewed respect for those who are forced to decide the fates of people every day. For it is those hardened individuals who must be able to read and assess in order to sentence with impunity. She had always considered herself a good judge of character, however, despite being so optimistic. Her experiences have gifted her with an ability to read people well. At first glance, she had known that Noctis was not all that he appeared to be. From the very beginning, she had known that she would love him. She had probably already been half in love with him from the first. Phil had fascinated her with his innate ability to plan. He also possessed a very dry sense of humor that was often more humorous than Cal's boisterous one. Cal, who was just loveable from the start, with his easy smile and cheeky demeanor. Durus exuded masculine strength and brute force but was filled with a kind of softness that smoothed the sharp edges of his gruff features. She and Amanda had bonded immediately with their mutual loves and complementing personalities. Joseph, had intrigued her. It had been as if something within him had called out to her in need and she had complied. Now, she knows why. Then, there is Xargin.

The first glimpse she had, had of Xargin had been within that millisecond before she had lost consciousness during the battle in her flat. The calm, contented, almost melodic way in which he had called out her name had filled her with dread, unease and not a little bit of curiosity. She had never been a person who could hate blindly. Nor had she been very good at holding grudges for very long. People called that 'soft', as if that were a bad thing. She called that _forgiving_. When she had gazed upon Xargin upon awakening in that small, dank room, she had noticed the regal, poised manner in which he presented himself. Blonde hair feathered so fluidly about his face any woman would have been envious, along with the most piercing green eyes she had ever looked upon. Impeccably dressed, with the kind of appealing features that made you wonder how such a pleasant and beautiful face could be evil. All of it combined to complete a figure that radiated power, grace and confidence. He had reason to be proud, if she were being honest.

Yet, amid all of that, she had only seen genuine affection and gentle regard when he had addressed her. When not directing his attention towards her, he was pompous, snide and almost belligerent. Especially to Joseph and to Noctis and just about anyone else that allied themselves to the two of them. Xargin steadily taunted and sneered. It did not coincide. The kind manner towards her and the antagonistic one to others. It made much more sense when he had easily confessed that he found a striking resemblance between her and Sasha. It explained much in the reason why he was so kind to her. Only, he also knew that they were not one in the same. He did not seem to have any delusions about that. His claim to like her better than Sasha was somewhat unsettling because she did not know why he would. At the very least, she could not accuse him of being dishonest about his intentions. He had been forthright from the start. Carefully omitting his direct plan of action did not make him a liar, since no wise dictator would have either.

It is the kind side of him that she has been privy to that has her so torn. He was either the kind lover or he was the unforgivable fiend. She can rationalize that perhaps he could be a bit of both. That is, if she did not consider what Joseph has told her about Xargin. Joseph had known him the best of anyone. He had more reason than any to hate Xargin for the atrocities that he had committed in his first life and now this. Only, Joseph hated what Xargin had _become_. It was clear in the way Joseph spoke of him and how he had defended him to her. It was easy to think of one's enemy as an unforgivable evil. It was quite another to confront a foe that once been a trusted friend. No, more than a friend. Joseph had thought of Xargin as a brother. He seemed at war with who he had known before. The glimpses of affection that she had seen in the depths of Xargin's otherwise icy exterior were proof of the lingering goodness that had been inside him after all this time. A depth that Joseph had known first hand.

Realistically, who was she to judge one who had lost someone they had loved so dearly? She need only look at Noctis and know just how badly she would react if anyone tried to kill him. As much as she strived to be good, if Noctis had been brutally murdered for nothing more than blind prejudices, would she hesitate in exacting revenge? Just the notion that he could be taken away from her is like stab into her very essence and if what Xargin had felt towards Sasha had been a fraction of the love she feels for Noctis, she can understand the fall into despair and madness. For all she knew, she was capable of succumbing just as easily from grief as Xargin had.

Then there was her own role in this. Hatred surrounded them as it must have when Joseph and those of his life had been alive. Hate seemed a commonality in all civilizations. Hate had stole the life that they had been meant to live. Hate had destroyed what was good and turned it into evil. Xargin had embraced it. Joseph had rejected it. Sasha had lost her life because of it. Then only sought to destroy what she had created as penitence. A decision that had killed her brother and her lover. She was not like Sasha. Nor was she _ever_ going to be. They may have a face and form in common but she refuses to give in to the naïve follies that the other woman had. Why was it so hard for people to reject change? Why did people reject differences so vehemently? Why hate simply because one did not understand? Sasha had failed both men that had loved her and who she had professed to love in return.

She would not do the same with Noctis and Joseph. Two such men, who gave different facets of love: Philia and Eros. She would betray neither in that way when what they gave was so precious.

Anymore self convictions are abruptly halted when a smooth finger draws a soft line down her nose. The touch startles her out of her self imposed vows and her eyes flash to those of beloved blue.

"And I thought I had intense thoughts," teases Noctis as he smiles down at her. A smile and not a smirk and it further emphasizes exactly what would be lost with a badly made decision.

"Somehow I feel this danger is greater than what we have already faced," she admits sadly.

"May we never face anything greater afterwards," he says prayerfully.

"Amen," she agrees and feels her spirit begin to glow at the affection in his striking gaze.

She would _not _fail this man.

She wants to reach out and touch him. She wants to feel the skin of her hand against the side of his face. She wants everything all at once. With this want, comes bitter resentment. That their hearts should be as one now and yet there _still _be divided. No more apparent than it was now that she was required to wear all her protective gear to approach the final battle. It seemed a sign of things to come; of the limitations they would have to live with if they were to live together. Her constantly covered up just in case he could bleed on her. Not that she had completely complied in this instance. Not just yet at any rate. A good thing too. Just a simple touch of his finger across the bridge of her nose and it is the most potent of aphrodisiacs. Yet like any addict, the simple touch quickly fueled the craving for more.

Something within her face must alert him for he cradles her cheek reverently and leans in a little closer to offer assurance.

"Where is that ever present optimism, Night Star?" he whispers.

Her eyes close to savor the comforting sensation of his warm breathe against her face. She needs this. She needs to take this feeling with her.

"I am afraid for you and for Joseph," she answers just as softly.

Those capable fingers smooth out her brow.

"Always worrying that precious heart on dark souls such as us," he chides. "That you neglect yourself in the process."

The corner of her mouth quirks as she continues to stare at his cherished face. These features already so imbedded in her mind, but memory is never as good as reality. She needs to savor this.

"I suppose the blame is mine for most of that worry," he admits roguishly. The smirk he has now reminds her that he certainly can be a rogue and instead of making her smile, she feels her throat choke up.

"I love you, Noctis," she confesses abruptly. "And I will not make the same mistakes as the one before me."

Those bright blue eyes sharpen their gaze and he leans back in order to properly decipher her meaning.

"Stella, what are you...?"

"He's coming," announces Joseph in a strained voice.

Noctis' head snaps to attention and his eyes darken to ruby stones as he looks toward the same direction as Joseph.

"We don't have a lot of time."

Noctis responds with a steady nod.

"He's taking his sweet time," remarks Phil. "But he'll still get there before us."

"How long?" asks Noctis.

"An hour," answers Phil. "I need to get a few last minute adjustments done."

"Have any of them...?" she asks Joseph hesitantly.

"Your friends are still human," answers Joseph, with a kind look in her direction.

"So are you," she reminds him sternly. "You are merely highly evolved."

Though he does not respond, she can feel his appreciation of her words. When he does turn his head, he shares a pointed look with Noctis before giving Phil a brief nod.

"We get the big guy," says Phil.

"He's not easy to kill," Joseph warns.

Phil gives him an indifferent shrug. "I'm sure the guys will appreciate that too. They're gonna want payback once we set them free."

It is then that she looks at the image from the monitors and gets her own glimpse of what is coming and she gasps.

"There are so many," she gapes in disbelief.

Amanda had been right. This _was _an army. She cannot even guess at the number within the hordes that follow Xargin. They walk in a steady formation as one massive body. A force to be reckoned with.

"How can we fight them knowing...?" she hesitates.

"They will follow the strongest," Joseph replies.

"Which means we have to beat Xargin as quickly as possible," Noctis explains.

"Which will not be an easy task." remarks Joseph. His eyes darken and she can only assume that he is recalling the events of the last great battle between he and Xargin.

"Then you will be able to control them," says Noctis.

"No," Joseph replies with a slow shake of his head. He looks pointedly at Noctis. "So that _you _can control them."

"Noct is the stronger?" Phil asks, studying Joseph and Noctis.

"He is," Joseph confirms, looking at Noctis intently.

"Even when you turn red?" she asks.

"Noctis is the strongest of the Crystal users and of the Nanos," Joseph explains. "He is what they failed to create on their own. Once his presence is among the army, they will be confused as to who they should follow. The confusion should keep them attacking." He looks at Noctis. "Then we fight."

"What am I to do during all this?" she demands. "Stand by and cheer with my pom poms?"

While the other two seem at a loss at how to respond to her sudden burst of temper, Noctis gently takes her helmet from under the crook of her arm and carefully pushes it onto her head. It is his silent way of asking her not to challenge them on this. They all know why she cannot fight this battle but that does not mean she will stand for it. She wants to rant at him and yell and perhaps do him a little bodily harm at this show of male chauvinism on his part.

"All secured in there?" he asks, tapping lightly against her helmet.

He means to be teasing but she is far too upset to be teased. She snatches her helmet and whips it back off her head to glare at him and then at Joseph.

All three men seem to startle at her unusual show of temper and seem more afraid of her at this moment than they are of facing Xargin. She is not sure how to take that, but she will not give up this advantage they give her.

"It will either be you," she warns, pointing an angry finger at Noctis. "Or, you." The finger moves over to point at Joseph. "If neither of you oblige me in this I am certain that Xargin will be much more accommodating."

Phil blinks at her silently from behind the frames of his glasses while Noctis and Joseph show twin expressions of slow blinking confusion at her demand. When they realize what she is ordering of them, their faces vary. Joseph's eyes leak with the warmth of respect and worry. Noctis' eyes flash with the heated argument that blazes within his red gaze. When he opens his mouth to argue, she cuts him off with an angry slash of her hand.

"I want to be with you," she confesses fervently and it seems to throw him. "I can not be with you the way I want to when we are both so conscious of the barrier between us. Would you rather have accidentally exposed me later than consciously gifting it to me?"

"It is _not _a gift," Noctis growls.

"It will be if it is from you," Joseph agrees unexpectedly.

Noctis' eyes fly to Joseph's in shocked bewilderment.

"I agree with Stella," Phil adds in, stepping up to stand beside her.

"Gifting madness," Noctis mocks with clear disdain.

"I wouldn't worry about Stella," Joseph replies, giving her that level, assessing look. The look, she finds, effects her most powerfully. She sees admiration and awe and she is not certain when she had started needing Joseph to be proud of her, but she did. There is a subtle spark of approval in his red eyes before he turns his eyes to Phil. "I wouldn't worry about any of your extended family either. Should they be _gifted_."

Her mouth is tempted to quirk at the inside joke before she turns beseeching eyes to Noctis.

"You of all people, would call it a gift? When you have called it a curse?" demands Noctis.

"You know that the last thing I ever wanted of anyone I loved was for them to be infected," Joseph rationalizes with Noctis. "Perhaps I was too close minded and prejudice myself to change, that I could not see that it made no difference in how people saw me or how I felt about them." He puts his hand on Noctis' shoulder like an older brother would. "How can we make people accept who we are if we do not accept ourselves?" When Noctis looks ready to argue, Joseph continues. "It may not be a gift and it may not be more than madness," Joseph explains. "But we are both examples that if not has fortitude, it can be useful but we cannot let it separate us from those that we love."

"And Joseph's experience shows us that killing ourselves is not the answer," she adds evenly, looking to Joseph to gauge his reaction to her words.

His eyes are kind with understanding and he gives her a small nod of approval as encouragement.

"Change has already begun," he states, looking out at the image of the gathered army. "Those that do succumb to madness should be dealt with accordingly. Parameters should be erected but tolerance should begin from within ourselves. Exposure is inevitable at this point. We would do well to just accept that. You and Stella are two of this world's leaders and of the majority of the other leaders are infected as well. The acceptance must started with you."

"Doesn't it seem as if only those evil at heart are the ones most susceptible to the craziness?" Phil points out.

No, she could not say that she had thought of that, but she can see how that would be possible.

"Like a character indicator," she offers.

Joseph's eyes shift as he mulls this over. "It could be," he says neutrally.

"I wouldn't call Xargin necessarily crazy in the medical sense," states Phil. "Maybe mad as a hatter but not a mindless, raving lunatic like those drones look." He motions towards the army to prove his point.

"You're right," agrees Joseph. "Those who cannot control it will have to be destroyed."

"Such a cruel fate," she say by way of protest.

"There is no other way," Joseph admonishes grimly. His eyes are sad and compassionate as they return her mournful one. "As much as I hate the loss of life, there is no other way."

She wants to fight this. She wishes that there was some hope for those people. It is not in her to be so callous when others so clearly were suffering, but she finds that she cannot think of a more viable solution. Phil and Am had already tried for another option but had not gotten any suitable results. Perhaps if they had, had more time, but it would be too late for these individuals now. This is an impossible decision, but she knows that Joseph is right. One look at Noctis and she knows that he agrees as well. Neither look happy about this as she is and she knows that there is no other way if they had to retaliate.

None of them say it, but she knows they must all be thinking it. Xargin had nefarious plans, but at the root base of all that evil, _he _was not evil. Perhaps she is too fanciful and optimistic to accept any other reasoning but her instincts tell her that his brand of madness was not really madness at all. Her instincts have not been wrong before. She has to trust that they are not now.

Her thoughts are broken as a sudden flash of beaming crystals dance across her vision. Noctis summons a small dagger among his artillery. With a quick slashing motion, he slices the palm of his hand. The four of them stare as the blood slowly oozes out from the wound to pool in his open palm. Her eyes meet his as he offers that hand to her. She can see the weary hesitation in his gaze, asking whether she is sure this is what she wants. He does not look glad but that he is still leaving the decision entirely up to her is powerful. She loves this man. She loves him so fiercely for giving her this choice. So, she nods without any hesitation as answer. Then, slowly, deliberately, she brings up her own hand and gently grasps his. Palm to palm, she can feel the warmth of his skin mixed with the cooling wetness of his very essence.

What feels like a bolt of lighting strikes her full force and her head whips back. The tips of her fingers and toes tingle as the blood pumps and spreads her system. She is conscious of the steady thumping of her heart and a phantom sensation begins to crawl just beneath the surface of her skin. It is as if she can actually _feel_ the valves as they pump the circulating blood cells through her veins. Spreading the nanos to every part of her body. It feels strange and yet not strange that she feels almost rejuvenated as the quickly infiltrating nanos take effect. She feels light headed and feverish, with daunting images from her past playing in terrifying detail. All those things that she had feared as a child and the moment that she had died all come back to her with perfect clarity. It feels as if she is reliving that moment again and again and she barely keeps from crying aloud as she revisits those traumatizing memories. She is so lost in this memory of the past, until she feels the warm, reassuring press of a familiar touch. The soothing voice of Noctis calls her back to him. A steady, beckoning anchor in a sea of inner turmoil. He pulls her back into the present, back to awareness and she answers his summons instinctively. Slowly, she opens her eyes and sees the world through the eyes of a Mutatio.

Before her is the image of Noctis in his Amalgam form and she leans back in order to fully take in his metallic features. The hardened image does not coincide with the soft, gentle hands that brace her shoulders.

"Stella," Noctis' voice calls and he does not have that hollow mechanical echo either. It is his normal voice that she hears. "Are you all right?"

Blinking her eyes rapidly, she forces herself to focus harder and realizes that he is not actually in his Amalgam form, but that it shadows around him like a silhouette. It is Noctis in human form that stands in front of her in reality. It is Noctis' human flesh that hold her steady. Her startled gaze seeks Joseph and then Phil to see them with her new perception. When her eyes meet Joseph's, his eyes soften with encouragement and understanding.

"It is very hard to describe, isn't it?" he asks, with pleasant ease.

She does not verbally respond as she looks at Phil. He does not have anything shadowing around his form as Joseph and Noctis do, but if she lets her attention waver, his form changes from grotesque to reality.

"It takes a little adjustment, but after awhile you get used to it," Noctis explains gently, he brings her face up to meet his. His eyes darken as he looks her over. "You will most likely experiences certain side effects but you look fine."

"What do I look like in your eyes?" she wonders aloud, knowing he must already see what she will look like once she takes her own Amalgam form.

"As stunning as you always do," he murmurs as his eyes rove around her silhouette, but she sees the regret that mars his otherwise smooth features. The deep self loathing tainting his eyes with undeserved guilt at what he has done to her.

She reaches up and grasps one of his hands.

"You will not regret this," she says sternly.

The darkness within the depths of blue subside as his eyes crinkle in amusement at her bossy tone.

"You would never let me," he states and softly glides his thumb across her cheek.

This enhanced awareness shoots through her as she becomes aware of another that floats within her mind. Another consciousness that lingers within the awareness of her psyche and this time, it is not Noctis.

_"Yes, I'm here,"_ she hears with the hearing of her mind.

"She's looking a little feverish now," Phil observes with concern.

"It'll pass," reassures Joseph, keeping his steady gaze on her eyes.

Their voices sound so far away as she tries to keep her awareness open.

"She's not passing out or anything," Phil adds and she takes that as a sign to be relieved.

"Because she is not fighting the change as most people do," replies Noctis, his eyes staring deeply into her own and she can see the concern in both of his forms. "Xargin is speaking to her."

_"You'll make a better decision, won't you, Stella?"_ Xargin asks and she can _see_ a hint of a smile on his tone.

"_Yes_," she replies with her mind, keeping her eyes fixed on Noctis.

She can almost feel the vibrations of his answering chuckle in her mind in response.

"_I believe I might be more afraid of your choice than I was hers,"_ he admits with that wry amusement in his tone.

"_Why?"_

"Stella?" mutters Noctis, taking hold of her chin to bring her back to him.

"_Because you're stronger,"_ echoes within her consciousness as her focus returns to Noctis.

"He knows," she tells him quietly. "Almost like he knew I would force your hand."

He nods in acknowledgment and does not look the least bit surprised. The gentle strokes of his thumb on her chin are soothing but she finds her heart begin to accelerate regardless. A wooshing sound flushes all other sounds out and she feels a rough torrent of emotions swirl within her. It feels like a storm is unleashing from inside her and she staggers. Her vision becomes blurry and unfocused.

"How can she do this so soon?" Noctis demands harshly to Joseph, his grip on her more binding than it was before.

"He is wary of me," she says in a hollow sounding voice. She is not even sure why she needs to say it. As she internally sorts the varying feelings, she realizes that they are not all her own. It was a combination of all their feelings. So many of them, that is overwhelms her.

"Then he is wise," Noctis comments, gripping the sides of her face and pressing his forehead against hers. "I know from experience how unpredictable and dangerous you are."

He is teasing her to draw her back but she can feeling his worry and caution too. Caution, which in her opinion, made him just as wise, if not more so, than Xargin was. She finds her hands clenching each of his forearms as she tries to stabilize her chaotic psyche. It feels as if she knows shares the same consciousness as all those infected with the nanos. They are all on the same line of consciousness, which made sense that they were able to communicate telepathically. While the majority do not have their own distinct emotions, the tidal wave coming from the three men are enough knock her off her feet.

"Stella!" shouts Noctis, giving her a shake.

"I want our friends back," she all but demands, forcing her gaze on Noctis but she is speaking to all of them at once. "I want our people to live without fear."

"They will," nods Noctis in answer. "We will make it so, Stella."

She makes it look like an impulsive gesture when she reaches up hastily and takes hold of his face with her hands to kiss him soundly. His kisses have always made her weak kneed and boneless but the effect of his kiss now could render her into liquid. She pulls away before he completely dazzles her senses and make her yearn even more.

"I want everyone to live," she whispers against his lips. His pouty lower lip brushing against hers with each word. "I want you to live most of all." She turns her face away to look at Joseph and Phil. "I want all those that I love to live."

"Stella..."

"Tell me later," she interrupts him, smiling up into his worried eyes. "Tell me after all this is done." She reassures him with a bright smile. The one she knows will distract him and turns to where Xargin must be. The hands that had been around her waist squeeze her before letting go and Noctis steps away from her arms. His face looks troubled, but he does not press for her reasons.

An hour passes quickly and before they can embark, Noctis touches her hand and guides her to turn and look at him.

"Let me see you, Stella," he urges her. "Show me?"

"It's not too soon?" Phil asks.

"Not for Stella," Joseph answers from beside him.

It surprises her to be nervous at his request. Not that she is ashamed. She is far from ashamed. Somehow, it felt the same as if he had asked her to shed her clothes to expose her nakedness. In a way, she supposes, he has. For she realizes now that the form one takes as a Mutatio are what the person truly was within. The powers given were merely an extension of one's own natural ability. Her easy acclimation has been explained with that logic. Where others had not adjusted well at all, breaking out in feverish delusion of monsters unseen and unreal, the cause seemed to be their natural instinct to reject and fight against the change. They had fought against the it in their own way. Noctis had too, but he is one of the few strong enough to remain himself despite all that. She, however, had embraced it from the start because she had asked for it, wanted it. She had given easy acquiesce. Her transformation, therefore, is fluid and without pain or fear or madness.

It is because of this that she can stand ready and show him her true self and that knowledge takes away her brief bit of shyness.

There is no discomfort when she summons the will to change her body. A faint heat emits fro her right palm before her limbs and torso elongate, but not too drastically so. She feels the skin of her body harden and the hair on her head solidify. There is a deeper awareness of her body rather than being detached. Her heart beats the same. She feels like herself and yet different too. A flash of glittering crystals hover around her and she becomes aware of her rapier clenched readily in her right hand. When she looks up, it is to see Noctis in his own Mutatio form before her. Those expressive eyes which turn from deep blue to vibrant red, glow white now but emotion still shines through just the same.

"Hi," he says in his metallic voice.

"Hi," she answers back shyly. Her own voice sounds hollow, as if amplified within a metal enclosure.

"I just... wanted… no, _needed_ a moment to look at you this way," he confesses and it warms her to hear the shyness in his voice. It is endearing that such a powerful man _could_ be shy.

"What do you see?"

"I see you," he replies easily.

"As you always do," she reminds him. "As no one else ever has."

"The same goes for you," he responds and the glow in his eyes warm and inviting. "Are you ready?"

"I am ready," she replies confidently.

"I know you are," he confesses softly, looking away for a moment. "It is that _I_ am not so sure that _I _am ready."

The admission endears him further to her and a flush of guilt leaks into her expression. Though she tries to hide it quickly, it is there long enough and though he catches it, he does not say anything else. He merely continues to regard her as she changes back to her human form. She cannot help but look her fill of him before she turns to make her way to Luna. More accurately, to a modified Luna, that would change to match her body's changes. With Joseph's help, Phil had been able to reprogram her to make her on par with Elea's own programming. It feels very different to climb on to Luna now. Part of her newly acquired powers was the synchronized feeling she possesses with all things electronic. In a way it is like stepping in to the very circuits of any board and easily navigating your way around it as easily as changing your mind. There were no longer any real reasons to verbally command Luna now. The bike would already know and be attuned to her every instruction before she need say it. All this and it felt natural, like it had always been like this, with no need for adjustments.

"Let's go," says Joseph, hovering beside her with the holographic image of Elea looking at her with an amused smirk.

"You're almost as beautiful as me now, Stella," Elea compliments cheekily.

"Thank you," she smiles back before looking at Joseph.

Even from behind the thick glass visor of his helmet, she can feel the potency of his assessing stare. For a moment she can believe that he really _can_ read her mind and decipher the many thoughts racing through her mind. His red eyes narrow in suspicion and she can see the lines of his face tighten.

"You aren't Sasha, Stella," he reminds her unexpectedly. "But I think of you as a sister in a way that I never had a chance to with Sasha." He lets that statement sink in a moment. "To lose you now would hurt more than it ever did when I lost her." His eyes flicker to Noctis when he says, "I envy and pity you all at once for loving her the way that you do." Without another word, he flies away. It takes her a split second before she is gunning her own engines and following along behind him before Noctis has a chance to ask her what he meant. If he gave voice to the question, she knows he will see the answers in her eyes, as Joseph must have.

His ready admission of his brotherly affection needs to be ignored. To dwell on it would give her too much to hesitate for and she cannot hesitate now.

If the worst should happen, she would not hesitate.

The ancient ruins were the origins of legend. They are said to be the very birthplace of the goddess, Etro. It was to be the same place in which the goddess would open the doorway for the dead. The Light shined more brilliantly here but never had she felt so chilled. For The Light, did not mean warmth and there was none here. Only the murky deep of shadows and the shuddering feel of desolation. Nothing grew upon the soil and no animal hide amidst the many stone pillars of the temple ruins. The pillars themselves, are the only survivors of centuries worth of neglect. A distant rumble of thunder along with the foreboding static of an approaching storm mixed to create a harmony of death. There was not even a semblance of rain within the dark clouds. No hint of replenishing the death of this place. Nothing to resemble anything but despair and dread.

No other place could be as fitting for this final battle.

The ground shook and grew unsettled under the feet of so many restless drones and the breeze seems to blow stronger as if it too was ill at ease. The land must know what was about to take place. On this ground, she could almost feel the eyes of the disgraced and misunderstood goddess. Would Etro intervene? Did she approve? Why had the gods allowed such things to happen? She still cannot comprehend what they must have been thinking to allow such an unnatural thing to happen. What had been the goal?

Xargin stands out amid the masses of mindless drones, watching them thoughtfully as they make their final approach. The drones look between themselves in confusion as the four of them touch down fully upon the ground. The countless eyes watch Noctis and Joseph uneasily as they both climb off their bikes. They soon grow agitated and unsure, shuffling their feet to and fro. Behind Xargin, she can see the bound forms of her friends. She glances briefly at Durus and then at Cal to make sure they have not been overly harmed before she looks at Am.

The look upon her friend's face is unguarded, raw and beautiful. That almost enraptured stare of admiration and appreciation that was so undeniable. Those green eyes took in Josephs form like one who thought never to see him again. How terrible that must feel. Joseph arrested Am's attention as surely as Noctis did hers. It seems almost odd that this is the first time Am and Joseph are able to look upon the other so freely after what must have been a very long time. She turns to catch Joseph's reaction. She watches as he takes in Am's tied up form and entreating green eyes and though his expression gives nothing away, it is the subtle clenching of his fists that exposes his feelings. He does not stare at her overlong but it is enough and she feels her heart pang at the depths of both of their feelings for each other. Feelings unspoken and left unresolved which left such unspeakable regret. Under her stare, he turns to look at Xargin. Her own eyes follow to Xargin, to find him already smiling at her. A small, confident smile that he knows what she has seen and must have gleaned during the brief exchange of her friends. It shames her to realize that she has somehow confirmed what he has already suspected all along. That Joseph did, in fact, harbor a strong attachment to Am, despite his aloofness.

Then again, he has never denied the feelings were not there. Just as Noctis had never denied his, only never outwardly confessed it until she had forced him. A lack of denial can also be an admission and she takes it as such. She only wishes she had realized this sooner.

"I'm feeling a strong sense of deja vu here, don't you, Joseph?" asks Xargin, his eyes moving to point out the bleak ruins around them. "Though, this time, you stand to lose so much more."

"As do you," Joseph points out calmly. His eyes look to her and then to Noctis. "The stakes are a lot higher this time."

"That they are," agrees Xargin. He gives a smile to Joseph before turning to look at Noctis beside her. "As talkative as we both know Joseph is, I can venture to guess that he has not told you of the events of the last great battle between us."

"You lost," she says rather bluntly. "Though you seem to believe otherwise."

"There had been nothing left to lose for me either way," he admits casually. His eyes narrow to Joseph. "He lost more."

"Sasha had been alive," Joseph points out. "If you had really loved her, as you said you did, that would have been enough to stop your diabolical plans."

"Whatever you may believe, Joseph, I did love Sasha," Xargin claims patiently. "The person who claimed to be her then was not really the woman I had loved. You'll never admit it, but I know you felt the same." Xargin's eyes flash to her. "A cheap imitation is doubly insulting compared with the original." Then his gaze flickers to Noctis. "Wouldn't you agree Noctis? Would you be satisfied with a mocking version of Stella when you had, had the magnificence of the original?"

"Just because she hadn't been the Sasha you remembered did not mean it was not her," Joseph counters heatedly. "You should have been _thankful_ she had that second chance."

"Which makes me wonder if that is the reason Stella loves Noctis in this world," Xargin muses aloud, ignoring Joseph, as he looks at her. He appears almost disappointed in her choice and she bristles at the insult to Noctis. "That she should love the one like you in this life and reject me thus." The look he gives Joseph next is full of ill restrained scorn. "Seems almost incestuous, don't you think?"

"I won't take that bait, Xargin," responds Joseph with a shake of his head. His eyes are still full of such compassion when his eyes meet the ones of their foe's. "You claim this is your second chance, but you waste it as you wasted it then. What should have been a blessing was disregarded in favor of further deluding yourself into thinking you were some sort of god. You're doing the same thing now."

"And if I embraced this chance?" Xargin challenges. "That would mean that it is I who lays claim to Stella. For she embodies all the rich, complexities that Sasha had contained and more. The things that I had loved and mourned and what had been completely lacking in the person that came back to life. What once was mysterious and strong became weak and disappointingly predictable. Why else would Sasha not be among us now?"

"Yet despite all that, you couldn't bring yourself to kill her, as altered as she had been," Joseph points out.

That revelation surprises her. To hear Xargin describe what Sasha had become would suggest he would have destroyed her, but he had not? That could only mean one thing. Though there is little that she understands of this intense and poignant conversation, she can decipher the key at least. The key concealed at the root, at the depths of these intense emotions felt by both men in relation to it. The accusation must be true. Xargin's normally eerily calm features tighten and it can only be the truth. No matter how much he has claimed to despise the changes, he had not been able to kill Sasha. Unable to when he has shown so little remorse when doing so against anyone else. Her innate ability to read a person has not failed her.

"You are wrong you know," Noctis points out matter of factly. It is the first time he has chosen to speak through this complex conversation. "From the sound of things, you did not really love Sasha at all." He muses aloud and stares at Xargin with something akin to pity. "You only loved what you thought she _should_ be and when she proved to be something else, you tossed her aside as flawed." He looks at her and allows how much he feels for her, to show. "You do not deserve Stella and you never deserved Sasha before her. So she changed. So what? We all do and no matter who Stella will become, I will love her until there is nothing left of me to love her with."

The impact of his words could knock her off her feet. Of all the things that Noctis has ever said to her, these words touch her the most. It is so humbling and unexpected to hear such words uttered by Noctis that she cannot even on what she feels in response. Happiness, pride, love, shock, awe and exhilaration all mixed together. By God, she loves this man. She knows that whatever she must do to save them, to save _him,_ she will do without restraint.

"It's easy to say such pretty words now," Xargin replies. "And it's true, that I wouldn't have been able to kill Sasha, no matter what form she had taken. But the people we had become in the end, had no destiny together." He eyes her carefully as he says this and she cannot rightly tell what he is thinking.

Something prickles inside her at his choice of words. The smile he indulges her in is almost conspiratorial. Like they had a secret to share together that she was not privy to but should be.

"It's time," Xargin finishes and all at once, the drones snap to attention. Their previous indecision vanishes under the command in his tone. Xargin's green eyes zero in on Noctis in snide challenge. "Have you brought what I asked for?"

Noctis narrows his eyes. They both know he has and what he wants first, without the need for words.

"Shall I bring out the prisoners first?" Xargin's eyes crinkle in mock amusement as he makes a show of looking obliging. With a slight incline of his head, the bonds binding their friends come undone. The three of them quickly disgard the restraints but hesitate in crossing the threshold. "Don't dally. We must get to the fun part," Xargin admonishes them.

As Cal, Durus and Am step forward to join their side, the sounds of heavy approaching footfalls draws her attention away from them. She spies the familiar figure of the Mutatio Joseph had called, Wolf, making his way to stand at Xargin's side.

"No Beatrice?" Joseph asks and it sounds more like genuine curiosity rather than cynical observation.

"Like you, I was never one to reciprocate affection based on hero worship," Xargin shrugs. "Besides, you beat her so easily before and that's proof enough that she was not worthy of the second chance."

"You have no compassion do you?" Joseph hisses.

"For the weak? No," Xargin admits unabashedly. "You of all people know the disgustingly pathetic feeling of being weak. I'd have to add lack of appreciation to that list. I see you still do not trust yourself to unleash your full potential."

"Power isn't everything and you're proof enough that absolute power can corrupt absolutely."

Xargin harumphs while he looks at Noctis.

"Will you be as afraid as Joseph is to break free of your self imposed bounds of nobility or will you embrace the power you possess?" Xargin asks. His eyebrow cocks in challenge.

Another loud rumble of thunder sounds within the near distance. Closer this time, but still too far away. The ground moans and the fragile pillars creak. Bits of stone crumble to fall upon the dirt at their feet as the tension rises. There is the scent of the approaching storm and the wind picks up speed.

"Led astray again," Am says, breaking the silence. She looks disappointed and disgusted too, as she stares at Wolf. Despite the eager gaze she had given to Joseph initially, her friend stands among the three friends instead of with Joseph.

"Some things can never be undone, Amanda," Wolf responds evasively. There is a bitter note of self loathing in his voice and she finds herself curious as to what Wolf had been like before. His eyes flicker to Joseph but Am refuses to follow the direction of his stare.

"Now," Xargin interrupts. "The Crystal?"

"I think you already know how I am to respond to that," Noctis shoots back with a confident smirk.

A slow, approving smirk forms on Xargin's lips then. "You would have disappointed me otherwise," he admits, his eyes glowing a deep molten green. "This is going to be an enjoyable exercise." Then he looks at Joseph. "Will you join the dance, Joseph?"

The three of them shift to their Amalgam forms before slowly encircling around each other. Each carefully assessing the others' movements like three predators ready to launch a full out attack. Three alphas in a death match and it was going to be monstrous. The drones hustle about uneasily again as they watch such three powerful men get ready to battle. All of them confused as to which one they must follow. Just as Joseph said they would.

"That leaves you with us, Bull Face," remarks Cal. He taps his trustee rifle against his shoulder with a wide grin. One she notices, has had some added improvements included onto the long barrel, courtesy of Phil.

Wolf heaves a heavy growl and steam rises from his mouth diabolically.

"A boy with his little toy gun along with two other grunts?" Wolf hisses disdainfully. Another growl is released as his eyes take on a disturbing light. He was really quite menacing to look at. Curled horns encased a meaty face and beady red eyes were more animal than man. While the others had a brilliant glow to their eyes, his was a menacing red that marked his ill intent. Those eyes look at Amanda. "You couldn't defeat me before, even as powerful as Hermann had become as an Amalgam, Amanda. What makes you think you can do so now?"

"I'm not the same as I was before, Wolf," Am replies, but she does not seem to rise to the mockery. "And I'm not here to fight you."

A whistle sounds before Wolf can reply. "Over here, big guy," Phil says dryly. "I know it's hard for meat heads to concentrate but do you think you could try?"

"Wonder if he's a smart as a bull," Cal muses thoughtfully.

"Doubt it," Durus adds with a roll of his eyes. "Nanos probably ate his brain."

"Oh! Look, he might breathe fire!" Cal says excitedly. "Come on little guy, you can do it! But maybe what they say about bulls is true. They really are full of …"

Wolf roars in insult, fire blazing from his mouth.

"Ready, steady, go," comments Phil as he lifts his sabre just as Wolf charges forward.

Phil easily dodges the fire of Wolf's weapon and twists his body at just the right moment to avoid the flames. Using the momentum of his movements, it gives him added strength to sever one horn from Wolf's head in one fluid stroke. Another roar ricochets through the grounds, this time in agony before Wolf charges again. This time, it is Cal who takes his turn to face his anger.

Turning her head, she sees Xargin move with as much agile grace as Noctis and Joseph that it does, indeed, look more like a dance than a deadly battle. He evades one blow while throwing his own and then quickly blocking another. Each movement is precise and exact. He holds his own well against Noctis and Joseph. The pleasant smile never leaves his face as he continues to block and swing. She senses they are speaking while they duel, but she cannot hear them above the clanging and crashing of the other battle taking place. Once again, she gets the impression that he knows something that they must have missed. Something that they obviously looked over.

"Stella, I'm reading an oncoming attack," Elea reports as if reading her mind.

"From where?"

"Nihilsomno."

"What?" her body whips around to look toward the direction of the city.

"High intensity missiles with an estimated potential damage of making this valley more like a crater," Elea states and she can almost chuckle at the mixture of factual and dry wit.

"Range of damage?" asks Am, standing beside her.

"Devastation will reach Tenebrea."

"They couldn't have been that stupid," Am says, trading an incredulous look with her.

"They obviously did not consider the fact that Prince Noctis is in possession of the Crystal and that it would therefore magnify the power of each blast," Elea supplies with a roll of her small eyes.

"They could very well destroy both countries," she hisses angrily. "Elea, how many missiles were launched?"

"Two."

"How long before they reach us?" asks Am.

"I detect a slight defect in the rear thrusters of the second projectile," says Luna. "It delayed launch by 5 seconds and could not reach its maximum velocity."

"What does that mean?" she asks, looking at Elea.

"The first one should be here in about three minutes," Elea answers. "The second will be about three minutes behind."

"You cannot remote deactivate them?" she asks hopefully.

"They are too out of range now," is the solemn reply.

"What are our options?" asks Am.

"If you can get on top of one of the projectiles, you could manipulate it," theorizes Elea, tapping her finger against her chin.

"Meaning?"

"You could change its course."

"I can do that," she says easily, though it only _sounds_ easy. She would have to be in direct contact with it in order to do that.

"The slight defect in the second projectile may allow me to breach the inner firewall," Elea says and then pauses. "I still can't deactivate the trigger but you will be able to divert it from its present course while its system reboots itself. Once that happens, it goes back to its default settings and will target the closest heat signature."

"Plenty of maneuvering room between the mountains," Am observes, staring off into the deep valleys and mountain tops to their right. "I'll be able to divert the second one while you disable the first."

"Am are you sure?" she cannot help but ask.

"I've already killed Wolf once," Am shrugs, taking a last look at the man she had known. "This isn't my fight this time. It's theirs."

That was not what she was asking but there is no time to get into that. Action first, questions later seems prudent.

"It's good to see you again, Amanda," Elea says with a slight chuckle. "It's been awhile."

"We'll catch up later, Elea," answers Am, climbing swiftly, familiarly onto Elea. "I've missed you girl."

"Me too," pouts Elea. "Joseph doesn't talk as much as you. It's been even more dreadful to be around him this time."

"I bet," agrees Am, watching her as she climbs onto Luna. "Any ideas?"

"A plan is coming to me," she answers vaguely.

"Looks like we're going to have to spread our wings, Elea," remarks Am. "Be careful, Stella."

"You too, Am," she says.

"Don't worry about me," Am grins. "Elea and I are good friends."

"When I am finished disabling the first, I am coming to you," she promises. "Do not be rash."

Am's only answer is to give you a cheeky grin. She reeves up Elea and takes off, while she does the same with Luna. She takes one last look at the fighting men and takes off, racing towards the direction of the approaching missiles. She shifts into her Amalgam form in mid flight and narrows her eyes to make out the tiny form of the oncoming danger. Am races past the first and heads straight for the one behind it.

"Target within range, Princess," announces Luna.

"I have to get on it, Luna."

"Systems calculate a low possibility of success."

"Just get me alongside it at a good speed, Luna. We must make this work."

"It is not advised."

"Noted, but disregarded," she answers. "Now get me alongside it at a steady pace."

A small part of her, the part that advises caution, wants her to pause and think of another, safer way. Then she recalls the almost reckless initiative she has witnessed Noctis take and the instinctual way Joseph had put himself within the path of the bullet meant for Noctis, she knows she cannot let fear stop her. There is no time for such things as hesitation for fear of the uncertain, she holds tightly to the courage of the two men so dedicated to do what was just. They would not hesitate. She would not either.

After making sure to fly parallel to it, she pushes off Luna, lunging onto the bulky body of the massive missile. She claws along the smooth surface digging her elongated, razor like nails to give herself a firm grip to remain on it. Her hardened and heavier body forces it downward, jerking it off course and nearly causing them to collide with the ground prematurely. Before that can happen, the thrusters shoot another blast of fuel and the missile rights itself as it tries to regain its previous speed. The boost has her digging in her pointed heels in a desperate clench for added support. As soon as she feels somewhat secure, she glances at the control module to see the light flashing, signaling that the weapon has already been armed.

"Luna, is there anyway you can deactivate this?"

"Negative, Princess. Both were armed and locked before they were launched. Attempts at deactivation will lead to a premature explosion."

"Those cowardly idiots," she hisses disdainfully as her mind races for possible options.

"The weapon has been programed to detonate whether it reaches the intended target or not," advises Luna.

"Who is the intended target?"

There is a slight pause in response but she already has a sick feeling of the answer.

"Prince Noctis."

She wants to curse. She wants to rail. She wants to beat their heads together in her anger. That they would risk so much in a lame attempt at saving their own skins. This was treason!

She has to shake her head to clear the murderous thoughts running through it and forces her attention to the danger at hand. There would be ample time to deal with the magnitude of this betrayal later.

"How long before weapon detonates anyway?"

"One minute."

Expelling a deep breathe, she closes her eyes and feels the instant her mind connects with the inner workings of the weapon she clings to. She can feel her fingers and hands absorb into its metal surface, becoming one with it. It is too late to abort its mission. She can see where they intentionally sabotaged the trigger. The explosion will happen. So she works her way into the navigational unit and wipes the readings. The split second reboot is all she needs to rework where she wants it to go. Then, with a quick jerk, the missile thrusts upward toward the sky instead of keeping its original destination. She sinks in deeper to compensate of the added pressure of the steep incline and her biceps wobble with the added tension. Almost distantly, she can hear the rapid beeping alarm as the system warns of impending danger. Her entire body shakes with the tremors of added height and the air around her becomes too shallow.

There is not enough oxygen up here and she can feel the immediate effects of it as her vision blurs. Her head feels light and feint, but she knows she needs to hold on just a little bit longer. She urges the rockets to blast upward again, gaining more height.

"_Let go, Stella_," a voice orders within her mind. It snaps her eyes to attention at the same instant that her hands unglue themselves to the hull, letting to. She watches as if as a mere observer as it shoots away from her. A spark fizzles at the forward tip and then it explodes in a rainbow blast of color. The impact shoves her downward as she already falls, knocking the breathe from her lungs and it feels like a jet has crashed against her chest. Had she been wearing a helmet, she is sure that the visor would have shattered. Instead her head gets knocked back as her fall is amplified by the force of the explosion.

For several agonizing feet, it feels as if gravity and force are working against each other on her body. Gravity is too slow and the force is too fast. Her neck strains as the harsh air threatens to snap her neck violently.

"_Focus, Stella_," orders that voice again and with it, she can almost feel the added strength from that beloved invisible presence.

"Stella!" Am's sharp cry rings through her head, forcing her to twist her body so she can see the quick approaching landscape.

"Luna!" she cries out, looking around the empty sky around her.

"I come, Princess," is the calm reply.

"Get ready to grab for her, Stella!" yells Am.

She reaches out with both arms when she begins to see what can only be the rapid approach of Luna.

"This is going to hurt," warns Am, sympathetically and she agrees.

She makes a desperate attempt at grabbing onto the handles but ends up overcompensating. Her left arm hooks around the cushion of the seat at a weird angle, causing her shoulder to snap as it almost dislodges from the socket. She cries out at the sharp, biting pain and has to grit her teeth to keep holding on.

"Luna," she says through a clenched jaw. "Spin clockwise so I can…"

"Understood, Princess," complies Luna as she immediately complies. In a smooth arch, her body twists to level so she can sit properly in the seat.

She does not realize she is gasping so desperately for each breathe until the only sounds that she can hear is the hollow hysteria echoed in her ears. She has never had cause to hyperventilate before and she has never been so close to fainting in her life.

"Stella, are you…?"

"One more," she coughs, in an effort to distract Am and forces her breathing under control.

"Stella, that was pretty crazy."

"It was the only thing I could think of."

"I know, just don't ever do that again, okay?"

She laughs despite herself at the threatening but concerned tone in Am's voice. "I may have to."

"Maybe we can change the target and tell everyone else to get the heck out of the way."

"I could kill those fools myself for this," she hisses. "I almost wish we could blow them up instead."

"Oh, I'm sure the guys'll have that well in hand," reassures Am. "And I have to mention that I'm your biggest fan now cause you managed to become a Mutatio. You look fab too."

"Thank you," she replies, appreciating the humor at a time like this. "Do you have any idea what Xargin wants with the Crystal?"

"He wanted the Crystals? What did Joseph say?"

"Joseph did not say."

"That's not good."

As she hears Am say those ominous words, she is just flying above the battleground. What is really a few brief moments, seem like long ages as she sees Joseph, clutching his side as he waits for Noctis to move so he can make his own attack. He clutches the very side where he had been shot a few days earlier. She can tell from the rigid tension in his shoulders that the pain must be excruciating now that the barely healed wound has been reopened. She had been the one to help close those wounds. Noctis faces Xargin alone in this brief moment. She cannot make out their facial expressions but from body language alone, she can tell that Noctis is favoring one side while a piece of Xargin's shoulder armor is missing. It must be more a chunk of shoulder considering she can see that there is something missing from her height above them. Unfortunately, it was not on the side currently holding his sword.

Not much farther away, Wolf's movements were have become sluggish and desperate. However, that did not necessarily mean anything in a fight. At any moment, one could summon a sudden burst of exertion that could devastate an unobservant opponent. She takes courage in knowing that none of the men she knew were new when it came to the unpredictability of engagement. They were too clever and she can feel at ease about that at least. Her worry remains on Noctis and Joseph, though. Despite there being two of them to fight at once, there was a lack of reservation in Xargin that had both Noctis and Joseph at a disadvantage. Noctis and Joseph held a little of themselves back in any fight. So used to controlling and withholding that it was clear in the measured movements of their bodies. This had not been much of a hindrance considering they had always faced foes that were not as powerful as they had been. In Xargin's case, they were too well matched. Like a crazed being with nothing left to lose and no mind of hesitation, Xargin had no need to hold anything back. Which made him a very powerful foe. Someone who fought, not for the sake of emotions, but for freedom was more dangerous than any skilled fighter. Whereas Noctis and Joseph had to wage internal battles else they lose themselves to the madness as Joseph tended to do once he turned red. There is also the major factor of them both being injured previously and should be mending instead of fighting such a brutal enemy. There were too many things in Xargin's favor now.

This new awareness in her heightens her already hyper sensitive senses, causing her to feel the subtle shift in the air. It makes the wind pick up in a way that the approaching storm had not. Still no sign of rain fall, but she can smell the heavy moistness. It will come, but they still have time. She only hopes that it will be _enough_ time. She takes another look back at where Noctis and Joseph duel with Xargin and knows why the air has shifted. She sees the pause in Noctis as he steps back from Joseph. Instead of the familiar streaks of blue that outline his form, she sees blazing red instead. The normally restrained blows are a lot less controlled and more sporadic. It is Joseph unrestrained, which gives rise to her anxieties. Noctis was in twice the danger now since in this state, Joseph could not tell friend from foe and could easily attack him as well as Xargin. She notices the hesitation in Noctis' stance as he watches with caution, but there is something else. Though Xargin holds his own against Joseph's vicious attacks, he turns his head towards Noctis. Then, in a blur of white, that she cannot help but stare at, she is given a focused gaze from green eyes. Even at this high, she can sense those intense eyes staring up at her with a smile. All at once, Noctis' entire body tenses at the words that Xargin must be speaking. Noctis turns his head to look in her direction and lets out a roar of taunted anger before charging Xargin. He looks wild and menacing, like Joseph and she has to stop the both of them before they go too far.

"_Hold back_," she urges them in a fervent plea. The same way Noctis had urged her just moments before. "_Do not let the madness take over in provoked anger. I need you._"

When it looks like they cannot hear her, she screams it in her mind. "_I need you!_"

Noctis propels himself back suddenly, away from his charge towards Xargin and flips backwards onto his feet as if he heeds her words. Joseph, still a blaze of red looks almost appeased , as he falls back to stand beside Noctis. Both heave heavy breathes and she feels her own exhale as she watches them visibly compose themselves.

"Stella!" cries Am, jerking her attention away from them. "There's only so long I can keep dodging this thing."

Multitasking, yes. Not only had Am been able to keep just out of reach of the missile, she had, had enough presence of mind to make sure that she was safe and to even carry on a conversation with her. She had best do the same, she mentally scolded herself.

"Almost there," she reassures, accelerating forward and away from them.

"What's the plan this time? Cause I don't want to watch you do that again," says Am.

"First, we are trading places," she replies.

"What then?"

"The missile will not wait to detonate on impact. It is designed to go off once its within reach of its target."

"How do you know that?"

"The last missile told me," she answers. Which is why she had, had to use the planet's atmosphere to dispose of the other.

"Okay. Being as the target is Noctis, what are you going to do now? Cause if that doesn't kill you this time, I'm sure Noctis will once this is over."

It is almost sad that the threat is reassuring instead of dissuading. "I would rather not do that again either," she admits honestly. That had obviously not been a pleasant experience.

"Shouldn't Noctis be able to beat Xargin?"

"If he had a chance to completely acclimate himself and heal before having to face off, Xargin. Neither he nor Joseph are anywhere near ready to fight him right now. We have to give them an advantage."

"It's what they get for always getting in the way of danger," Am remarks, but it does not sound entirely like resentment. There is exasperation, yes, but also admiration and pride in there too. The very same contradicting emotions she feels towards both men herself. "Can't live with them. Can't strangle them either."

"No words were more true," she agrees, moving steadily to position herself beside Am.

"So are you thinking of leading this thing to Xargin, then?"

"Yes."

"You really think the blast will kill Xargin?"

"I doubt it, but it will be enough to give them a lead. Noctis' shields should kick in once his senses realize the imminent danger," she answers and just in case. She reaches out with her mind and silently sighs in relief as she finds the channel open. _"Bless you, Joseph."_

"There are too many margins for error, Princess," warns Luna.

"I just need them both out of the way," she explains.

"If it really does go off there isn't enough time for you to get away," Am points out, as they finally become parallel despite the dangerous swerving maneuvers around sharp, rocky peaks.

She gazes at her friend and notes the wary concern on Am's face. Her own, she knows, must be set in a stubborn, determined expression.

"I recognize that look," Elea comments accusingly at her.

Before Am can ask what Elea means, she lashes out to reach beneath the collar of Am's suit and grabs hold of the necklace she knows is there. An even swifter tug and the metal snaps free.

"I'm sorry, Am," she says, genuinely remorseful for taking what she knew was precious to her. "But I need this."

Am's startled expression does not last long before she realizes her intent.

"Stella, no!" Am cries and though she does not like the risk to her friend, she waves her hand over Elea's hologram form, causing a short power outage to make sure that they do not try to stop her. The glitch diverts the missile and it twists, changing its course to follow along behind her instead.

She was most definitely not a daredevil when she flew. Her travels have given her ample experience in airships with each of the guys taking turns at the helm to know what it requires to fly like one though. Taking what she has learned, she flies dangerously close to the sharp, rocky edges of the cavernous mountains, scraping the edges just a bit in an effort to slow down the relentless pursuit behind her. The deafening sounds of the wind dissolve as a voice echoes in her mind, it's signal is as inconsistent as a mobile's coverage from within a deep tunnel. The wispy effect leaves her feeling as though it were more a trick of her mind rather than an actual voice. She cannot decipher the words. It's Xargin's voice, but it sounds so very different from the tone she was used to. His message slivers through her spine like a cube of ice gliding down the length of her back. She can feel an intensely sharp pain broadcasting from Noctis that has her making an involuntary dive as she shares his pain. It blinds her for a second, causing her to narrowly miss hitting the ground of spiky gravel. Separate from that, she can feel grim anger from Joseph. The phantom pains in her chest seem so real that it can only mean one thing. All at once she can decipher the words she had not properly heard and a wave of true fear washes over her. Of what Xargin is doing.

"Luna, link with Acerbus and ready him to act once I give the command," she orders with a yell.

Fear has her becoming even more reckless as the words repeat in her mind, clearer, more crisp and there is no need for her to figure out what Xargin means.

I'll hold his heart in my hands and give it to you, Stella.

Noctis' echoing roar of agony has her clenching her fists tightly as she gains sight of them. The three of them are back in their human forms and the ghastly sight of Noctis' bleeding figure is enough to make her sick. She shuts out that part of herself that _would_ have been sick because she cannot let the sight of him suffering hinder her sure course.

"Joseph, now!" she shouts, hoping that he had heard her earlier.

At just the right moment, he leaps past Xargin back in his Blue form, grabbing the lapels of Noctis' leather jacket and pulling him with him as he flies past where Xargin had been leaning over Noctis' prone form. Then he makes another flying leap to where Acerbus hovered in wait for them at the exact second she uses Xargin's temporary distraction to whizz past him. She has enough time to look behind her to take in that split second moment of Joseph and Noctis flying in the air towards Acerbus and Xargin staring back at her with his hand still clutching the Crystal within his grasp.

It is then, within that split second before the missile collides with him, she realizes that though the majority of him is back in his human form, the arm that had been used to dig out the Crystal from Noctis' chest was in its hardened Amalgam shell. In the blink of an eye, there is an explosion so intense that it throws her body completely over her handlebars and she feels herself flying through the air. Her body reacts by tensing itself, readying for the pain of impact and even in her Amalgam form, she feels the searing pain burst along her shoulder and back as she skids across the rocky floor. Burning, tearing fire bursts through her nervous system and had she lips, she is sure she would have bitten one off as her jaw snaps with a skull jarring crack. Unconsciously, her hands clench more firmly into fists at her sides.

In an attempt to prevent as much damage as possible, her body turns over in a rolling slide instead of grating her hardened skin in a burning shred. She tumbles, bursts of crunching pain jarring her senses, overwhelming her to the point of incoherency. The world spins and her stomach rolls in nausea. Finally, she comes to a thudding halt, face down and there is not an inch of her that is not in pain. With a last, defiant cry for strength she forces herself onto her back with a harsh flop and looks up into the darkened sky. A sky that had yet to release the promised of rains. Her eyes close in an attempt to not pass out just yet. Another boom of thunder sounds, startling her eyes open again and she knows there is a reason she should be glad that it has not begun to rain yet. She can still overcome then.

Noctis' face hovers in her unfocused eyes and she does cry out then, feeling a rolling wetness from the corner of her eyes and spill into her ears. She can clearly see him lying there, the image too graphic and she cries out with a loud wail of agony.

"Noctis," she pleads aloud, wondering how it had happened and wishing she could erase how he had looked in a pool of his own blood and a huge gaping hole in his chest. No one could survive a would like that.

Lightning flashes across the sky. The tingling sensation of high volts fizzles through her shock numbed limbs. The blasting roar of thunder sounds as angry as her soul. What follows is the crunching sound of approaching footsteps. The steps are slow and measured but they are coming for her and she can do nothing but wait until they arrive. Her pain is too excruciating to do much more than lay there on the rocky floor. It has her mind turning over the possibility that had she not been so young when she had her first near death experience, would she have remembered whether approaching death had sounded so mocking then. It seemed to mock her now with its steady, unhurried approach. Perhaps the ignorance of youth had given her the strength to outrun its clutches because she cannot do so now. Slowly, so as to make it look like the aimless twitches of a body in pain, she drags her left arm away from the view of the approaching figure.

It does not surprise her to see him peering down at her a moment later. Even though she expects him, she still takes a moment to blink up at his face to take in the details of his expression. An expression that is not what she had been expecting. It surprises her to see genuine grief and concern stretched across his features. Worry for her? She can also see sadness, disappointment and another one, she does not want to name. Instead she takes a moment to look at the rest of him. The right side of his blonde hair is matted against the side of his head, fresh blood oozing from a gash visible within the strands of silky threads. Crimson drops slide down his angelic features. She risks a glance downward and sees that his right arm is mangled. The left still in its Amalgam shell. His clothes are blackened and crisp from the flames of the explosion. The starch whiteness of his trenchcoat is charred and he bleeds in more than one place.

"You may think I only love you for looking like Sasha, but its more than that," he says hoarsely. She hears an almost fizzling sound that seems misplaced and to her dawning horror realizes that its coming from him. The flow of blood stops running down his face, the wound in his head closes of its own accord and his hair begins returning to its normal sheen. "I've watched you, Stella," he continues, breaking her gaze on his head. "I have seen you walk about life and know the freshness only your presence brings. I know what Noctis loves because it is the very same reason I love you too.

At her strangled attempt at a reply, he sighs in sad defeat. She cannot understand this. Should he not be gloating instead? He should think that he had won.

Slowly, he raises his hand to show her the Crystal. The sight of it causes the nightmarish image of Noctis to play through her mind again. It sickens her to take in the sight of his blood still coating the twinkling gem. A sob rips through her throat as her finger flicks against the notch of the pendant clasped in her hand.

"Why?" she manages to croak, looking up at Xargn's face. Her mind is too troubled to even try speaking without words.

"All the users of the Crystals are linked to this very one," Xargin explains, gazing down at it with a greedy gleam in his eyes "All their power originates with this original. Now that I have it, I will achieve now what I had failed to do before. I shall gain mastery over not only all the Mutatio, but also those who walk with the strength of the Crystals." As if to emphasize his growing influence, she hears the many, heavy footfalls of the Amalgam army surrounding all around them. She cannot see them where she lies, but knows that they are just out of her line of sight. "Noctis and Joseph were too afraid to do it, knowing that they would risk too much."

Her question shows through her eyes. _How?_

"By imparting a bit of myself into the Crystal," he inhales and closes his eyes in concentration.

Her own eyes widen as the clear beauty of the Crystal changes to a cloudy, smoky swirl. It looks so wrong, so tainted, so… _dirty_. The pure clarity looks now contaminated by the stain of Xargin's own tainted essence. Corrupting it with the thirst for vengence. Making unclean what was pure provided only by the Crystal. By connecting his very life with that original, the last remaining original, he could infiltrate and destroy all they had fought to save in their last fight. Noctis had, had it embedded into his body for safekeeping and had, had that very same power within his grasp, he had not given in to the temptation of that power.

_Noctis!_

Such a feat would have, in fact, made Xargin a god. No man should have such power. Now Xargin had the last missing piece to conquer where he had failed to conquer the two times before. In Joseph's lifetime and her own.

Noctis.

Joseph.

She could not fail them now.

"Let me help you, Stella," Xargin urges gently. Her eyes turn to see that he is now kneeling beside her broken body. "I can heal these wounds. We can have the life I was denied before, with you. Together we can rule them all."

She wants to jerk away from him. She wants to beat at him. Most importantly, she wants to kill him. No, she _has_ to kill him. She _must_ kill him because she could not die knowing that she had not stopped him. Noctis would not think twice. Now, neither would she. The soft weight in her palm, her human palm is comforting and she savors the significance of what she must do.

"I won't let you," she hisses, using all her reserves to thrust her hand up to throw their last resort into her mouth.

"Isis," hisses Xargin. His face a snarl before it shifts to something else.

Her thoughts are just becoming a massive maze of scrambling images when, faster than lightning, Xargin's lips cover her own. His tongue stabs into her mouth swiftly and to her horror, steals the pill away from the back of her throat before she can swallow and takes it into his own mouth. She tries to push her body forward in an attempt to get it back but he is already pulling away, rejecting her lips at the same time his arms crush her to him in a fierce embrace. Her eyes widen when she watches the muscles in his throat as he swallows it instead of spitting it out, before he leans over her to kiss her again. This second kiss is longer and filled with such intense longing that she freezes under the onslaught. She does nothing but lay there and lets him.

"Death is so much sweeter delivered by your lips, Stella," he whispers reverently. His green eyes widen fractionally and he makes a choking sound as the anti nanos take immediate effect within his system. His arms spasm and release her as she has no choice but to remain there and watch in tear filled anguish as he suffers. "You had it all along."

There is no satisfaction in seeing the resigned defeat in his eyes. The look he gives her is full of regret and envy and knowing. She watches as he slowly dissolves into the gushing winds and closes her eyes to embrace the same fate.

Only to have a sharp, surprised cry burst from her mouth as two arms suddenly grab hold of her. Her amethyst eyes fly open to confirm what all of her other senses are already aware of who it is. Impossible! It is so far from possible. Yet, it can only be his arms that are around her. She remains focused on his face as he teleports with her on to Acerbus. They barely settle before the engines roar and they shoot off in the opposite direction of the winds. Vaguely, she is aware of many details that are important happening, but none nearly as important as what she refuses to be diverted from.

It is like a dream. It _had_ to be a dream. She was in _his_ arms. She, who was ever the dreamer and optimist, cannot believe that this is reality. It must be a happy delirium before the eternal slumber. A delirium provided to give her last moments a sense of bliss. The pain is not nearly as acute now. It is still there, lingering in the background along with everything else, but it is all so bearable now. Her eyes refuse to even blink for fear that the apparition of Noctis, holding her, clutching her as desperately as he is, will vanish.

"Elegant Etro!" shouts Cal colorfully from somewhere nearby. "Where's a camera when you need one?"

"My Lord," she hears Phil gap before she spies him hovering just behind Noctis. The stunned shock in his eyes prove the scene they are witnessing are of epic proportions. A scene she is gladly missing.

An overwhelming sense of triumph and satisfaction spreads through her at the knowledge that the evil was gone. The price, admittedly, was high, but there had been no other way. She can rest now. Rest in knowing that though the world had been dealt a fatal blow, it _would_ recover and in that way, they had triumphed. They _had_ triumphed and that is all that matters.

The scene that her friends are taking in, as she continues to lay there, is one that she is sure will be talked about for centuries to come and she hopes that they tell it right. She had no desire to see it for herself though. The last living image she wishes to see is right in front of her. She would much rather keep her eyes on the apparition. Only, it is becoming terribly difficult to keep her eyes open as the seconds pass. As hard as she fights it, her eyelids grow heavier and heavier with each reluctant blink. The vision of Noctis' face wavers and as the rush of adrenaline wears thin, she can only think one thought before unconsciousness consumes her, breaking through her lethargic haze.

_How had Noctis teleported, exerting what was only possible with the Crystal, when it had dissolved along with Xargin?_

She decides it does not matter since it was only an illusion of Noctis and not Noctis himself that is holding her. A pleasant illusion to ease the pain so she can readily accept the sleep she would never wake from. Concent with that, she closes her eyes and embraces the call of slumber, sure in the knowledge that she has not failed.

To Be Concluded.

Epilogue to follow.


	15. Vivificus Initium

It's the end!

Vivificus Initium is Latin for, "Life restoring beginning".

_**Epilogue: Vivificus Initium**_

Sometimes, she thinks that the ones that die are really the fortunate ones. The dead don't have to face the consequences of what happened after they're gone. They don't have to go through the process of piecing the world back together when it's been shattered at its very foundation. Not that the rebuild is all that bad. There are definitely benefits to be had when starting fresh. New beginnings weren't bad things. Newness has a scent. Like a new coat of paint on a newly assembled bike. Initially, you're so exhausted, trying to do everything at once, that you don't have a chance to think, let alone dwell on the past. She's lived through those back breaking, frustrating, intimidating, refreshing and ultimately fulfilling restarts. Not only once, but twice and this would be her third. Maybe, well, hopefully the third time really _would_ be the charm. Because after those first two times, when all was said and done, by the end of the day, she had too many memories and too many regrets. That was the worst thing about picking up the pieces of a fallen world, it was remembering the people who had died to make it possible. She'd known too many of the fallen.

Not that she's ungrateful. Not entirely, anyway. She's always looked on the good side of things and in people. She's always wanted and stood as, a pioneer for change. It's never sat well when injustice and evil preyed upon the helpless. Which was why it hadn't come as a surprise that in both lives, she's been an enforcer of justice. That she'd been the only woman both times that she has served was as a mark of pride. She may _look_ as feminine as could be, but she was not a fragile flower by any sense of the word. She'd kick the hide off any man who thought otherwise. That hidden toughness, under a curvy frame, quickly earned respect among her peers. She would never pass as one of the guys, but the guys never underestimated her once they made their mistake the first time. She made an impression that way and she always had. So when one by one, every member of her XAT team had died in an effort to save her, she'd been torn between resenting their over protectiveness and appreciating their sacrifices. Until the end, she had been driven by an overwhelming sense of obligation to them. She'd had to live her life for the sake of so many. People started hailing _her_ as a hero, when she never thought of herself as one.

In her world, the real hero had never gotten his just dues. While all the other fallen ones had a portrait hung in recognition of their noble service, Joseph had gotten nothing. Absolutely nothing. No credit. No acknowledgement. He was treated as if he had never even existed. There had been no records of anyone by the name of Joseph Jobson, no matter how hard she looked. Only the small ramshackled church where he had grown up along with the cemetery of all those that he had, had to bury proved that he really had been real. The mementos he had left behind had been too few. He didn't have much to leave because he didn't have much to begin with. It'd always been her theory that he'd done it on purpose, but what he did leave behind were things that would only mean something to her and Malek. Nobody had known Joseph, except the two of them. The only ones left alive to know all Joseph had done for the sake of saving everyone. Just her and her little brother, Malek. They hadn't even had a real picture of him. A snapshot off a street cam didn't count.

For the rest of his long life, Malek had held Joseph's memory dear without all that. He'd tell her sometimes, about the brief, memorable moments he had spent in the presence of his hero. There had been things she hadn't known before and hearing them hurt more than anything. Joseph, the hero that had never failed Malek. The only one who had defended, talked to and correctly guided Malek during a horrible time in his young life. They had been the lone duo that had seethed together at the snub at Joseph's contribution to their victory. To the survival of a country that had given Joseph nothing but persecution and heart ache. It wasn't even their victory at all. It had been _Joseph's_ victory that saved a race of people that had hated him for being different.

It took her a long time to get over the fact that she might be cursed. This curse of being the one who always survived. Maybe she had been assigned as, "The Cleaner". She had way too much experience in picking up where evil bastards had blown things up. Only in this world, their hero had not fallen in the end. Not only had Noctis prevailed, he had been a shining example of who she had lost. There aren't any words to phrase how devastated she had been when she'd seen the Prince for the first time. Someone so like Joseph that it hurt to look at him sometimes. Like a masochist, she'd stare at him anyway. Then she'd met Stella and even though, they'd immediately clicked and became like sisters, the scenario really hadn't made any sense. Not that she had ever thought herself silly enough to fall in love with Noctis. It seemed really messed up to love someone that reminded her of Joseph and not _be_ Joseph. As much as Noctis seemed _like_ Joseph, there was only one Joseph and he wasn't it.

Part of what she had loved about Joseph were the memories they had shared. Kinda warped considering how bleak things had been in those moments, but they had been _theirs_. It had been her alone time with Joseph that had formed and cemented her feelings. She'd learned about who he was as a person and as a man in those moments. That, made them precious. So the resemblance didn't matter and didn't sway her. She was definitely cursed, she had decided. Cursed to be alone and mourning the loss of someone she was sure hadn't felt the same towards her. Didn't that just figure too? Noctis loved Stella. Joseph had loved Snow. Her life in this world hadn't made any sense but to emphasize what she had already learned from the first go.

Seeing Joseph again, in the flesh, had been like getting zapped with a defibrillator and electrocuted back to life. It had been all she could do to stop herself from weeping in bitterness at the cruelty of it. That hopefulness that had shot through her at seeing him was almost too much. It hurt a lot more to see his ready affection for Stella. Stella who was everything graceful and beautiful and kind in the world. There was no reason for any man not to love Stella, Joseph included. It didn't surprise her but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. It hurt a lot. The only affection she'd gotten from Joseph was a friendly pat and a kind look. A pat that reminded her of how the guys in XAT would pat her back when they approved of her. She would have to live being the good buddy and colleague to him in this life. Again. Another reason to put in the "Cursed" section. Sure, Stella wouldn't pick Joseph over Noctis, but its never a good thing to be the consolation prize.

For one anguished moment, she had thought she was living a nightmarish déjà vu. She wouldn't have been able to survive again if all the people she cared about died again. She had already lost friends, all her friends, to heroics. She couldn't watch her new ones follow that same fate. When they left her, there was no Malek here to keep her company. There would be nobody. Only her. Noctis and Stella were the ones she worried about the most. She would have been happy knowing that they had survived and had their happily ever after. So she had nearly screamed in resentment when she'd seen Stella fall and Xargin stand over her battered body earlier. Stella tried to swallow Isis, only for Xargin to sacrifice himself for her sake. That, she hadn't seen coming but understandable when she really _did_ believe there wasn't a man alive that wouldn't fall in love with Stella in some way or another. The last two times Xargin had fallen, she'd missed seeing but she didn't miss it this time. Then she cheered in joyful triumph when she saw Noctis save Stella a moment later. At the time, she hadn't understood everything of what she had been seeing. Things had happened so fast and she had been too far away. The details really hadn't mattered because the two people she wanted to make it, did. The other stuff seemed rather small in comparison anyway.

After what she had seen today, she'd never judge anyone, no matter how evil they appeared, harshly again. The guys had picked her up with the airship when the dust had settled. Literally. The battleground was filled with the ashes of all the fallen Amalgams. The celebrating madness had consumed her a moment and she doesn't remember much besides being exhilaratingly happy for the first time since coming here. For a small moment anyway. Then she'd been whipped to attention when Noctis gave a sharp cry of alarm when Stella wouldn't wake up from within his arms. They'd all worked as a team, getting to the hospital while worried sick about the state Noctis and Stella had been in. Noctis, who had passed out not long after Stella had. How the guy had been able to get up, let alone save Stella was amazing. The sight of both of them so wounded and bleeding makes her stomach roll just thinking back on it. They hadn't deserved any of that.

Once the two of them had been rushed into the ER and stabilized as well as could be, everyone started asking questions all at once. Everyone being, the three, since she and Joseph had remained silent. They had all seen the Crystal shatter as Xargin dissolved into dust. So how had it been possible that Noctis and the rest of them could still harness its power? True, at the end of their last journey, more Crystals had been harvested, but they all knew that without the one last remaining original, they were nothing but pretty rocks. While the three had looked at each other, baffled, exhausted and worried, she had watched Joseph instead.

It had been a force of habit, really. His silent presence always had her attention more than any shout Cal could holler. His calm demeanor always gave her a sense of ease. Personal experience had taught her to have confidence and trust in him too, along with everything else. She had already faced danger with him, had experienced mysterious times with him before. So she knew that she could trust him with just about anything. He always kept his word and never made false promises. There wasn't a counter in existence that could count high enough to keep track of the times she had relived that last meeting in her mind. The time he had flown away deliberately denying her the promise that he would return. Instead, he had looked stern and stony faced when he had said, "This is the last time we'll see each other." That had been his promise and that is how it had happened. She had never seen him again, until now.

"Joseph."

It had been so long since she'd said his name out loud. It may have floated through her mind often enough, but hearing her own voice pronouncing it, seemed weird. It sounded foreign as much as it did familiar.

His sharp gaze had met hers and she's immediately felt enthused, knowing that her confidence wasn't misplaced. She didn't even have to ask him out loud because he seemed to already know what she was asking. All just by saying his name. He'd nodded and she'd gotten the impression that he'd meant it more than as a simple acknowledgement. He had been saying hello and thank you too.

"Joseph knows?" blurted out Cal, his loud voice carried down the hall.

Her head nodded cause her mouth hadn't been able to move.

At Joseph's answering nod, Cal had let out a loud sigh of relief.

"Nice," commented Phil, who'd pushed his glasses higher up his nose and waited for Joseph to explain.

"Noctis wasn't the only one with an original Cyrstal," Joseph revealed evenly.

"How is that possible?" asked Phil with a little bit of skepticism.

"Noct's was the last," Durus added.

"That was true _before_," Joseph agreed. "But not so after I came."

"You came back with an original Crystal?" asked a stunned Phil. Phil who was usually never surprised at anything.

Joseph had responded with another nod. His body still, as he leaned against the furthest wall. The one that gave him a direct view of Stella and Noctis as they laid unconscious.

"That still doesn't explain…." Phil started but caught himself mull over it again. His eyes shot to Joseph's again. "You don't just have it handy. It's embedded in your chest like we had to embed ours into Noctis."

That had been a very tightly guarded secret. Their last desperate effort to save the last crystal from dying out. They had encased it inside Noctis so that his own life force could keep it alive as much as it kept all their powers alive. Noctis had been the fuel that had extended its life.

"Yes," Joseph had answered quietly. "But it doesn't need me to keep itself alive."

"So you were brought back for the purpose of _hosting_ it?" she had asked with no attempt at hiding how disgusted she felt about that.

He had looked at her then and she'd seen approval there. Like he had known that she would understand the full impact of how he felt about it. A thank you for her compassion. Something that only she would know and it did funny things to her. Joseph had always handled pressure with easy acceptance and grace, but she feels the resentment this causes inside him now. Having something like this placed solely on his shoulders once again. She could've choked on all the different emotions that she had felt knowing all of this. Knowing all of Joseph's past.

"Noct's alive but not by much," reminded Cal, even though they had _all_ known that.

"I wouldn't worry about either one of them now," Joseph reassured confidently. "The nanos will help them both to heal physically. They just need to rest for a bit. What we have to worry about is the later."

"What happens later?" Cal asked, taking the bite.

"He'll eventually need this Crystal inside him," explained Joseph, motioning towards his chest. "Like the other one had been. Only this time, he's the one that'll be needing its strength to stay alive."

"That still doesn't explain how we still can do what we do," responded Durus. "We were all supposedly, specifically attuned to the one Noct had inside him."

Joseph's stare had been aimed at her when he had answered that one.

"When I infected Noctis, the Crystal, which had been so entwined with him by then, connected his and mine," he had said. "When Xargin ripped it out of his chest, it severed the connection. But the connection didn't severe the links it had already established with the rest of you, even with Noctis. That Crystal died with Xargin because it was dying anyway. Mine is not at the end of its life cycle. The one inside me is newly created and brand new. You'll find that Noctis will be even stronger once he has it inside him."

"But how does that make it an original?" Cal asked, scratching his head cluelessly.

"Because the same ones who made the originals, made this one."

She had not been born into this world. So she knows she doesn't fully grasp what that had meant to the others. It was only after looking at the stunned looks on the guys' faces that she realized it was a major detail. It had been a reminder of how much of an outsider she really was. Ever since she had awoken here, she's felt out of place. She knew she didn't really belong here. There were still things that she didn't understand, even almost a year after coming. The mythology for one. Maybe in a few years, when she had time to study the world history, she might understand the full significance. She could say one thing though, some things weren't that much different in _any_ world. People weren't tolerated easily when they were different here either. She was different at all angles. Not that she would ever compare her alienation against Joseph's. She hadn't been beated or picked on or bullied and she'd been very fortunate. Not long after waking, she'd met Phil and the guys. Then she'd met Noctis and then Stella and they had all treated her as if she belonged. But she still felt like a stranger sometimes. No more so than during moments like that.

As soon as she'd met Stella, she had recognized a kindred. She had never realized just how lonely she'd been. True, she'd always had Malek. She had also had lots of colleagues around her at any given time. But it was only after she'd gotten close to Stella that she realized she hadn't been close to any women. Not really known any other women. The closest would have been Mae Fong but there had always been a distance between them, which made sense when she later found out that the other woman had been a plant within XAT. She'd never had any girlfriends to go bar hopping with after work or going out to do something completely girlie. There had never been any time to do anything girlie either. She had never had time to have anything resembling a life, period. Her career had always come first, even before Malek. Which, led her to feel guilty about neglecting him and that meant, neglecting herself too. That guilt had always been a steady companion when Malek had been younger. Thankfully, that had changed once he had gotten old enough to work alongside her. She owed Joseph so much more than her life. She owed him for being the positive influence that had molded Malek into the incredible man that he became. He wouldn't have turned out so well if not for Joseph.

As if she needed another reason to fall in love with Joseph. Any doubts that she might have had about him being too good to be true, that's she'd just romanticized him once he was gone, are dashed. He was even better alive.

"I can heal Stella's wounds, but her nanos will take care of them," Joseph had said. "They'll both need awhile to recuperate either way."

Which was followed by, "You can?", "How?", "You're kidding!" from each of the three.

She had simply waited.

"Every Amalgam has their own unique gifts," Joseph had explained. "Xargin had the ability to heal."

"Uh," Cal had responded blankly.

"Mine is to harness the essence of others."

"So how did you…?"

"When Xargin embedded a piece of himself into the Crystal, I was able to gain a bit of his power through the Crystal," answered Joseph. "I can control what I take and what I don't."

"So we're not going to be seeing weird Xargin flashes from you, are we?" asked Cal.

"Xargin's gone," had been the firm response. "By his choosing, which makes all the difference in this case."

"What about Noct?" that had been from Phil.

"His body will heal," reassured Joseph again. "But he won't be able to completely heal unless he can replace the Crystal he has lost. His playing host has made him inseparable from the Crystals' energy. He can't live without one inside him now."

"What happens to you once it's transferred from you?" she had demanded.

The silence following her question was thick with tension. It was her anger against his ready acceptance. He hadn't answered. He didn't have to. The look on his face had been answer enough. She hadn't thought it possible to feel that much pain from just an emotion. Not when she had already lost him before. In the chaos after the fight, she hadn't even had time to really celebrate that he had survived. It felt like a slap in the face to know he wasn't out of danger at all. She felt like the butt of a bad joke realizing that she was going to have to watch him hurtle off to die again. Her defenses had kicked in before she could wretch out a sob in front of everyone and she'd gotten really, really angry instead.

"Damn you, Joseph," she'd hissed resentfully. Blaming him because she knew he'd do it. He'd open his arms to it.

She couldn't do it again. She couldn't watch him do it again. She couldn't even look at him after hearing all of this, so she'd turned and walked away. No fight. No dramatics. No tears. Joseph had never been a person to want to draw attention to himself. He'd never appreciate it if she'd made a hysterical scene in the middle of a hospital hallway. It would have only led to him being embarrassed and her losing her pride. Her only choice had been to walk away before she did. The others wouldn't understand and she hadn't been in the mood to explain. The only option had been to leave.

As annoying as Elea could be sometimes, she'd never missed her more than she had in that moment after walking away. At first, her only goal had been to get a bit of fresh air outside of the hospital but once she'd gotten outside, it hadn't been enough. The weight of Joseph's presence was still too heavy and she had needed distance. She's needed to get as far away as possible. She had looked around and realized that she had no where to go. Her meager flat was demolished thanks to their adventures and all her real friends were already in the hospital. She had never felt more alone in her life. She was too far from home to even try to go back. Her only option had been to get on her bike and ride, just ride. So she'd ridden right out of the city and into the no man's land far beyond the city limits.

At the time, she'd started out with no destination. It hadn't been a conscious decision at all. She'd just found herself _there_. It seemed fitting and totally depressing that she'd ended up there. That it'd been dark when she finally stopped didn't really matter. Obviously, a part of her had wanted to go back because there was something there that she couldn't let go of and that pissed her off. The bright beam of her headlight reflected on the small bit of metal lying in the rocky, ash covered soil. She knew before she even got closer, what it was. The one thing that had helped her keep Joseph's memory alive all this time. The one little tidbit of hope that he might have cared for her in the way she wished he had. That little piece of him that she fancied he'd left just for her. The pendant.

Lightning was still flashing above her as she went about making camp after picking that little memento up. The promise of a downpour forced her to find a grove of trees to settle for the night. The rumbling sounds of thunder matched her mood as she made a small fire to chase the chill away. The air was moist and she hoped the fire would hold against the wind. She made a sort of canopy above her with the aid of the thick trees in case it really did rain and set up her bedroll, before settling down to stare at the warm flames. The crashing booming sounds are somehow comforting as she sits here and listens.

It doesn't really surprise when she hears the familiar spinning sounds of an approaching bike. She might not have a lot of friends but she's realized long ago that this bunch could be invasive to the point of just plain nosy. Endearing but still annoying. She listens as the engine's cut but she doesn't turn around to see which one of them it is that's come after her. Taking in a deep breathe, she readies herself for the onslaught of questions. Maybe it's stupid to ignore them, even when she hears their approaching footsteps, but there isn't anything that she needs to be guarded against. Her powers would activate at the hint of a threat anyway. She settles for the grilling session with a long suffering sigh.

What she doesn't expect is to see the hem of a very familiar trench coat register from the corner of her eyes before she hears the sounds of a body sit down beside her. Not directly beside her, but with a comfortable distance from where she's sitting. Her body goes rigid when it'd just been deflated a second ago. She almost starts panting in short, quick breaths as her heart rate accelerates. She's hyperaware of him in anticipation and nervous tension. But as the silence stretches without a word, broken only with the crackling of the fire and the occasional wildlife, she slowly finds herself relaxing.

She feels like she's back to that time. Like she's back home. This scene feels so achingly familiar. A memory of a similar night, where they had been sitting just like this, under such a sky and he had told her his gut wrenching story.

This was how their relationship had always been. She can think of the night they had talked and she had heard all about his past. Where she had learned about the man beside her in a way that she doubts anyone ever had. Even then, it had surprised her that he had been so open to share those memories with her. She had spent years afterward wondering _why_ he had. True, she had wanted answers, had even demanded them. The thing was, he had actually _told_ her. All the answers that he knew and where he had come from had spilled out his usually silent lips. Her life had never been the same since that night. It couldn't have been after the knowledge she had gained. But, if she were honest, her life hadn't been the same since the moment he had stepped into her life.

From the moment she had seen him, she had felt a shift begin to take place in her life and in her world. To think that one person had such a dramatic impact on every aspect of her life would have been cheesy had it not been the truth. It sounded cheesy either way. From her brother to her friends to her job, Joseph had changed everything with his domineering presence. She's always wanted to know if he realized that. He must have. He should have. He probably refused to believe so now. They weren't where they were before. They did not live as they had before. Things were different here. Only, he was just the same when she had changed the years after he was gone. So many years had passed and yet, it hadn't made a difference to how much he affected her. Even now, just by sitting casually beside her as he had that night ages, maybe even ions ago, he moved her. He still meant so much to her. She's afraid of how he must see _her_.

"It's like we're back where we started," she comments, keeping her voice as casual as possible.

"That was more towards the middle," he corrects and if it were anyone else, she might have laughed.

Anyone but Joseph since he didn't joke and he didn't tease. She doesn't remember him ever cracking a joke or even flirting. It had been more than a little depressing that she'd never even caught him staring at her boobs either. Hermann, Al and even Wolf had oogled her boobs at one time or another. They had been a big reminder to them that she wasn't a man. Not Joseph though. She doubts he ever even realized that she _had_ boobs or even cared to notice what color her eyes were. He just never noticed those kinds of things. Or, just didn't care about noticing since he didn't think of her as a woman at all. That seemed even worse.

"Why did you color your hair green?" he suddenly asks.

Well, maybe he did notice a few things.

"I'm surprised you recognized me," she admits, trying to keep her surprised reaction to a minimum. True, green was a _big_ leap from pink. But her hair was back to the color it had been when he'd known her. She's not sure why she had even dyed it green in the first place, considering nobody here had known her.

"You're not exactly someone I would forget," he admits. He doesn't turn his head to look at her. He doesn't even blush like any other guy would either. She's sure that Hermann would have, but then again, Hermann was not Joseph. He says it so factually and nonchalantly, without any hint of shyness. Like it was a given that he would notice something like that.

It's only when he turns to look at her expectantly that she manages to blink.

"Are you going to tell me why?" he prods.

Again, serious with a touch curious, to tell her he really _did_ want to know and was waiting for an actual reply. She finds her own eyes shy away from his as she tries to get her voice to work.

"A new life signaled change," she tells him. "It's just something women do, I guess."

She can see him blink at her explanation a few, long moments silently before he turns to look at the fire again.

"Did you find others?" he asks and he doesn't have to elaborate. Did she find anyone else that had come from where they had.

She shakes her head. "Never," she admits. "I thought I was alone. You?"

"No one," he replies and just like that, she feels guilty.

"I'm sorry I'm not Snow," she says with genuine regret. There isn't any jealousy in her voice because there isn't any right to be jealous to begin with. Neither he nor Snow had ever defined what kind of relationship they had, had but she knows that he must have loved the other woman. Snow with her spunky hair and adorable features would have softened Joseph's stoic qualities and put a small smile on his face at every opportunity. She'd never seen it happen but one need only look at Snow to know that she was capable. So she's sure Snow probably had. Snow had just been that kind of girl. The kind that was nothing like her.

The frown that appears on his face when he turns to look at her takes her aback.

"Why are you sorry about that?" he asks and she realizes from his tone that his frown is confusion, not irritation.

"I don't have to answer that," she counters and this time its harder for her to hide the bitterness.

His eyes fall down to the floor as if he's trying to figure out what she's talking about, but his face remains tilted towards her. Red eyes sparkle in the flickering fire before they turn back to look at her.

"Then I'm sorry I'm not Hermann," he says but his tone is not so monotonous that time.

"Hermann?" she asks with her own frown.

He gives her a pointed look and her eyes widen at the insinuation.

"I _didn't_ love Hermann," she gasps. "He was my partner and my friend and of course I cared for him."

"Hermann loved you," Joseph states, staring back at the fire.

"Snow loved you," she counters, meeting his eyes as they return to hers.

"And I _killed_ Snow," he states in challenge, leaning closer in a lame attempt to try and intimidate her.

She challenges right back heatedly. "You weren't yourself. That _wasn't_ your fault."

"I killed her the moment I let my blood touch her," he says in a low, dangerous voice.

"And who made you that way, Joseph?" she argues back, refusing to cower. Joseph would never hurt her, no matter how it appeared on the surface. The man beside her would never hurt anyone if he could help it. Snow had known that too and had forgiven him. Because he hadn't been himself when he had attacked her. Just as _she_ would have forgiven him, had he lost his mind with her too, which he had. "You aren't to blame for anything that happened then and definitely not now. Stop putting all the blame on your shoulders."

He turns away from her to frown at the fire.

"Sasha chose her path. So did Xargin. Malek chose too. You're not responsible for the mistakes of others."

"My entire existence taints the ones I love," he says in defeat. "My DNA made the prototype for Sasha's nanos project. It was my sister who's death pushed Xargin to insanity. It was _my_ neglect that let Malek kill those boys."

"And it was _your_ fault that I loved you," she says in an accusing tone, and she gets the reaction she had wanted.

Joseph jerks his head back and turns to look at her in surprise.

"Are you going to feel guilty about that _too_?" she demands, glaring at him for emphasis. "Are you going to somehow twist my feelings into something that was your fault too?"

He looks so thrown aback by her candid confession that she might have thought his expression adorable if she weren't already so pissed off at him. She can't tell whether he's flattered, honored or just plain not interested.

"I didn't love Hermann. Not like that," she reiterates. "I know he loved me in that way but he never said anything. He had so many chances to but he didn't. By the time he had the guts, he was dead and even then, it never left his lips. But I'm glad he didn't because it would have hurt me to tell him no."

She watches him carefully as she speaks, noting the many different emotions that cross his features.

"Guess a girl always wants what she can't have," she says and tries to make it sound like it was no big deal. "I guess things with Hermann would have happened if I had taken a little initiative but I didn't. Probably because I knew you would come into my life. As stupid as that sounds, I was right."

He looks at her hesitantly but he doesn't say anything. She's not sure how to take his silence so she forces herself to keep speaking.

"But you were worse than Hermann," she says with a shake of her head. "At least I had glimpses of his feelings. You were a closed book. So detached and distant. Then there was Snow."

"I didn't love Snow," he cuts in. "Not like that."

She lets out a long sigh, feeling strangely relieved. Not at his confession, but at her own. She'd lived the rest of her life thinking of Joseph and wishing she could have told him. It was good to get it off her chest finally. She didn't expect him to reciprocate. Men like Joseph didn't have time for things like love. What he felt was a general love for everyone like a father to his many children. The shelter to hide under for a weary one. Things like romance and desire were just ideas thought of, but never felt.

"I died still feeling the way I do now," she confesses. His admission to not loving Snow didn't make her feeling better. It only made her feel sorry for the other girl. The one who had loved him so dearly and had died by his hands. Snow's life had been more tragic than hers but at least she had been able to die happy in the arms of the man she had loved. "It feels really good to tell you after all this time."

She turns her head to see him studying her in that intense way of his that had her offering him a small smile.

"You never married?" he asks, in a distant voice.

"There's no replacement for someone like you," she admits with an impish smile. Inside she feels a twinge in her heart. It was the same twinge she had every time she found herself reliving the days that he had been in her life.

"And Malek?" he swallows and it almost looks as if he's nervous.

Joseph nervous was something she'd never seen before. He didn't seem the type to give in to nerves when he was so sure of things. She wonders if this means he would leave her alone now. It would be the chivalrous thing that would make her feel a hundred times worse. But she also found she loved him more for being so compassionate of her feelings that he couldn't hurt her with a verbal rejection. It would never occur to him to realize that a silent rejection was just as bad. Not that she would dare tell him that. Knowing him, he'd react really badly to it.

"Malek married," she answers easily. The memory of her little brother growing up and marrying makes her smile in remembrance. That was one of her happy memories from the after.

"I never wanted you to live alone," he admits.

"All of you were so busy trying to sacrifice yourselves for my sake, that you never once thought about what kind of a life I would have completely devoid of any of you. _Especially_ you, Joseph," she says in a teasing voice to soften the accusation. "All of you died so that I could have a life as a human when the world you left behind eventually caught up."

"The virus spread anyway?" Joseph looks so guilty and pained at that.

"Not everyone, but it didn't stop spreading either," she says to ease his mind. "But since we knew what we were up against, it wasn't as bad."

"What else did you do?"

"They reformed XAT and I was put in charge with Malek as my partner," she tells him, thinking back to all the battles they had fought and all the people they had helped together.

"Were you happy?" he asks. He is looking down, his long bangs hiding his eyes from her view.

"I was content. We helped a lot of people," she answers.

"No," he says with a shake of his head. "Were you _happy_?"

"I, didn't really think about that," she admits honestly. Which was true. She'd kept herself so busy that she couldn't think about how lonely she'd really been. True, she'd had her moments and her dreams, but she didn't let herself wallow in pity. She'd vowed to live her life for the ones who gave up theirs for hers. It would have been too selfish to waste it feeling sorry for herself.

"What was it like for you? Waking up and being here?" he asks.

"Confused to be young again," she chuckles and he gives her a small smirk in reply. "But I realized right away that I was needed here."

She watches his reaction carefully. Pain, remorse, anger, resentment, regret were etched across his face as he listens to her.

"What about you, Joseph?" she prods. "What did you feel when you woke up here?"

"Angry," he bites out quickly. "Hurt and afraid."

"Afraid?" she asks in surprise. "Afraid of what?"

"Of myself," he answers. "Another world to taint because of what I am."

"Is that why you do it? Is that why you make such an effort to help?" she presses. "Why you helped Noctis and Stella. Is that why you're so easily willing to die? It seems like such a waste of a second chance."

"I've only wanted peace, Amanda," he sighs wearily.

"And you can have it," she tells him. "This time you can in the peace you helped create."

He doesn't respond to her either in the negative or the positive as they continue to sit there. The silence that follows isn't uncomfortable but contemplative as she lets her own words sink into her psyche. She doesn't think she's ever been as aware of Joseph as she is now. Aware of him and not just that his body was beside hers. She felt his mind here too and not lost somewhere in the past He's thinking about what she's just said and she needs to take it as a personal reminder and not just words of wisdom for just him. Words from a woman who loved him and would always love him and only wanted what was best for him. Dying was the way to go. Not this time.

"You should have let me go after I was gone," he admonishes unexpectedly. "And shouldn't have kept riding my bike. I can understand Malek wearing my clothes and taking the Tripe 6, but you… you should've just let me go."

"I probably should have," she agrees. That wasn't anything she hadn't thought of herself. It had been a personal torment to love someone dead and gone. Someone who hadn't even loved her back, but she had clung to his memory like she had clung to the things that had been his.

"Will you let me go now?" he asks. His voice is void of any inflection and she knows that her answer needed to be worded just right. "Let me go and find the closure that you couldn't get before."

"What's _your_ closure, Joseph?" she asks instead, trying not to feel his rejection again because it sounds so much more painful to hear him tell her to forget him since he didn't reciprocate her feelings. it had that day he'd left her with nothing to do but watch him ride away.

He looks at her sharply.

"Not to let you," he says in a deep growl. It's a vow and a promise all wrapped in four words, but hearing the demand from him sounds so _off_.

"What?" she asks, leaning away in confusion. She couldn't have actually heard that right.

"Does it surprise you to see how selfish I am?" he asks, looking at her with a dark glint in his eye.

She narrows her eyes at him suspiciously. "Are you trying to make yourself _look_ like an ass? So I don't feel so bad the next time you rush off to get yourself killed?"

"_Look_ at me, Amanda?" he demands, pulling at his high collar to expose the scarred puncture wounds on his neck. The ones left behind from the leash they had clamped onto him. Proof of how he'd been a lab rat to those hypocritical wretches. "You know there are more. Does this look like someone who isn't tainted?"

"All I see is a man who deserves to live," she answers plainly. Her eyes don't move from his face because she's seen those scars. She'd been there when he'd gotten them and she knew why he had the others. His body was a witness to just how selfless a man he is. To her, he was the most beautiful person she had ever known.

"Do I have a _reason_ to live, Amanda?"

"There is _always_ a reason to live," she all but shouts at him.

She doesn't expect the edges around his mouth to soften at her outburst. Actually, his entire body seems to soften at her words. He looks pleased, proud even, and she realizes belatedly why. That had been _his_ phrase. The motto that he had always lived by.

"Is _that_ why you did it?" she asks, trying to understand.

"It was what I was meant to do," he answers evenly.

"And you're meant to die for Noctis now."

"It's just not about Noctis."

"Stella too," she adds, trying really hard not to let any of her uncertainty show in her voice and doesn't dare look him in the eyes.

"It's not just about Stella either," he replies and she must have kept her voice clear because he doesn't look like he caught the edge in her question. "This world would crumble without Noctis."

But nobody would crumble without _him._

That unspoken statement hovers between them and she'd argue that point, but it would only harden his resolve. The world may not crumble, but _her_ world would crumble without him. She just doesn't think that's enough to pacify him. Or was it?

"Then why are you here with me, _right now_, Joseph?" she asks, turning her body so that she can see him in full view. He doesn't return her stare but she doesn't expect him too. "Why aren't you in an operating room, under a knife?"

"They're prepping," he answers evasively, his eyes never leaving the fire.

"Shouldn't you be prepping too?"

"There's still time."

He was definitely not giving her an inch.

"Is this about closure for _you_ or for me?" she asks.

"Both."

"I think I've already said my piece."

"Have you?" he asks, peering into her face from underneath his bangs and she doesn't understand what he's asking of her. She can think of a few things she wished mattered to him, but she's not going to assume anything at this point. She needed a clear answer because being evasive wasn't gonna cut it.

"Well, maybe it's not exactly closure but I've said what can be said," she concedes. She doesn't think there would ever be enough time to give her complete closure with the man beside her.

"What about what can't?"

"I don't know what you want from me, Joseph."

"I want _you_ to give me a reason to live."

The admission startles her and so does the expectation that she sees in his eyes. How could she give him that and not sound selfish at the same time? Joseph wasn't selfish. He wasn't someone that asked for anything either. He only knew how to give. He didn't know how to take, only how to give what he had away for the benefit of others. He had given up his food for the starving orphans in the old church. He had let some jackass bully beat him on a regular basis for money to feed those children and keep the church running. He had become an outlaw, confessing to a crime he hadn't committed, so that others wouldn't pay for the hate directed at him. He had given up his body to be experimented on and abandoned when he'd lost his mind to the madness. Then he'd _still _gone back to help those very same people. There wasn't anything that he hadn't given to someone else in order to keep for himself, not even his life.

Force of habit has her reaching for the necklace and realizes too late, that it's not there anymore. His eyes don't miss the movement and she blushes at being caught.

"Force of habit," she explains lamely. "I know you meant to leave it for Malek, but I couldn't let it go once I had seen it," she explains, digging into her pocket to bring out the small pendant that had meant so much to her for so long. She dangles it between them, letting the glow of the fire reflect off its shiny surface. "I, embedded the Isis into it and kept it close to me in case what happened then, happened again. I knew that was the only way to keep it truly safe from anyone who would try to abuse the knowledge." She holds the necklace out to him to take back.

When he makes no move to take it back, she reaches for his hand. She purposely takes the hand with the rune etched into his pale skin and opens the palm face up to slowly lay it on the top. When she pulls away he fists it tightly between his fingers. She looks at his face and sees the torment and the anger, she wonders if its directed to her.

"I meant it for you," he says tensely. "I didn't want you to forget me."

"To live the life you couldn't," she reasons for him.

"No," he replies with a shake of his head. "More than that." His red eyes look into hers. "It was the only way to keep myself with you."

She inhales sharply and feels the beginnings of tears. "As if I needed a reminder."

"And you kept Isis in there."

"I did," she answers slowly.

He looks torn for a second. Like he isn't sure how he's supposed to feel about that. There is a mixture of pain, disgust and sadness and she can feel her heart sinking.

"It seems a bit morbid," he finally says and at her questioning look, elaborates further. "Wearing the weapon that had killed me around your neck."

Oh.

"I'd... never thought about it like that before," she manages with a stutter.

"Neither did I," he admits too. "But picturing the thing that killed me around your neck isn't something that sits well with me."

"You're right," she agrees. "It's kind of demented."

She can feel his hesitation in the silence that follows and for the first time, feels awkward.

"Elea said you were the one that rode her after…"

She nods, waiting for him to say what he wants to say.

"And Malek rode the Triple 6," he finishes, but she can tell that's not what he's wanted to really ask her.

"He changed the name, but yes. He did," she answers.

"What did he rename it?" he asks. He looks amused and intrigued to learn this.

"One O," she tells him and she knows for sure now, what Malek had been unsure of. Joseph did appreciate the name change. He looks flattered and pleased, lowering his face deeper into the high collar of his coat.

"I never thought… no, I never _allowed_ myself to think that you would never find a man to marry and have children with," he tells her quietly.

The way he says it sounds like that was what was bothering him.

"I _did_ find him," she insists. "But he died before I could convince him and I'm not much for substitutes."

"Hermann was a good man," he concedes and she has an urge to stomp her foot at his deliberate denseness.

"He was," she agrees readily. "But he wasn't the one I was talking about."

I'm to believe _I_ was the man?" he asks and he looks so honestly incredulous that she almost wants to laugh at just how clueless he is.

"It's the truth, whether you believe me or not," she says, with a level of indifference. What he thought didn't change the truth of it.

When she manages to look at him again he's staring at her with that serious observing way of his.

"Do you know what I felt when Elea told me that you were her rider?"

"What?"

"Regret."

"For what?"

"For the same reason that its only _you_ that can give me a reason to live for." When she merely gaps at him, he adds. "Why I chased after you instead of prepping."

She's afraid of what he's implying. She's not being obtuse. She's trying not to get overly excited if she's wrong and this is something that she needs to be absolutely sure of. Maybe it's because she's lived so long doubting he'd had feelings for her, that have her not readily accepting what he's saying. She hesitates. Her heart seems to be the only thing that's not hesitating because the rest of her body has frozen at his quiet confession. For a moment she can only watch him as he's watching her.

"When I first woke, I was lying in a field like this. The sky was bleak and grey, like the planet knew how harsh the battles had been waged. I could feel its anguish, crying out for the abuse of it and its children. But I could also feel another battle looming on the horizon. It felt the same as before. There was a steady pulse of incredible power surging from my chest and a voice telling me what it was. I didn't understand any of that until later. Maybe if I hadn't been so distracted, I would have pieced everything together, faster."

"How angry you must have been," she sympathizes. She rests a supportive hand over his. "I'm so sorry, Joseph."

He inclines his head in a subtle gesture of thanks and then seems to shrug.

"Then you just accepted that responsibility because that's just who you are," she says, squeezing his hand. "No matter how unfair it was for you. Even though you resented it too."

"I was close to letting the resentment take over," he admits with a long exhale. "I have struggled with myself."

"You're not perfect, Joseph," she defends. "There's only so much a man can endure."

"I hate that you saw me like that again," he tells her. "It must have been disappointing to you."

She doesn't need to ask him to explain. She knows he's talking about when he had been poised to strike Stella, just like he had almost killed her in a similar situation before.

"You stopped."

"Because of you," he says, tugging gently on their joined hands so that she looks up into his face.

"You would have stopped, no matter who had been there to startle you," she shrugs.

"Amanda," he says and she can hear the chide. He gives her hand another tug when she refuses to look at him. "You know what it was that so distracted me when I first arrived that I didn't hear the instructions laid out for me?"

It's not hard to guess that he'd been a little dazed at the time. Simply being alive would have thrown him off. That had been how she had felt when she found herself here. She would have felt just as angry as he must have been, just as confused, just as resentful. Her life back then would have been considered sweet when compared to how bitter his had been. Even his death had been bitter.

The touch of his hand tilting her chin up tears her from her musings.

"I regretted you," he whispers. "I resented that I had to live again and you weren't there." He looks at her surprised face with a small smile. "So when I saw you there, I was so shocked I passed out and when I woke up, I did something I never thought I would do again." He looks at her thoughtfully and his lips curve into a rare and precious smile. "Hope, Amanda. You gave me hope. Though I will admit I didn't react too positively at first," he finishes sardonically.

It's a lot for her to take in. This means so much. It's something that she's never allowed herself to even dream about. That she would be reason enough for Joseph to stay alive. He was offering to live for _her_. She just can't believe it.

"Don't you know how special you are?" he asks, noticing her disbelief. "I told you there were few that looked past my race, my color, my heritage and were truly kind. But you were the kindest one of them. You adopted and loved an unloved and unwanted orphan boy, just like I was, because none of that mattered to you when it mattered to everyone else. It was _you _who didn't believe that I was the villain when everyone else had. You saw what I was really doing and you were the only one that helped me. You accepted me and you cared. You cared even more than my own sister."

He watches her closely with that intensity that she's missed. Those uniquely red eyes that saw so much. She can almost see the man that Joseph hides away inside himself. The one that wanted to come out and thrive. The one that had been beaten back by a cruel world.

"My fate had already been decided before we met. I couldn't change that, but I could make sure you got what you wanted. I sent Malek back to you. So that you wouldn't be alone like you were always afraid you would be."

"But I was anyway," she says sadly. "Maybe that makes me selfish but I did end up alone anyway. I wasn't lonely, but I was alone. I don't… really blame you for that, you know. I just… had to let you know that you meant something to me. You meant a lot to Malek too. The both of us honored your memory. We missed you after you were gone."

He looks so touched at their devotion, giving her a small bow in gratitude.

"I couldn't make that promise to you," he admits.

"The one where I demanded that you come back to me?"

He nods and she releases a shaky breathe.

"That probably sounded selfish to you."

"Wanting someone to live isn't being selfish," he replies.

"So you won't promise me now either," she whispers, through a throat clogging with emotion. It's all she can do not to cry in front of him. "I get it."

"You're wrong. This time it's me that's demanding a promise."

"What do you mean?"

"Promise me you'll be there when I wake up," is his unexpected request. "Promise me that it'll be your face that greets me once I've given Noctis the Crystal."

"You're serious," she whispers wobbly. Tears accumulate quickly in her eyes and a sliver of wetness slides down her cheek. She's so overwhelmed at this that she has to take a few deep, steady breathes before even attempting to say anything. "So, you plan on surviving this time?"

He nods. "Noctis was meant to have the Crystal and I was meant to give it to him. That was what I was told I had to do. Xargin's return was to prove to him that he was not inherently evil. Wolf came back to show you he really was corruptible. You came back to help Stella and… to… revive .. me."

"Make me that promise first, Joseph," she pleads. "Promise me what you wouldn't before. Even if you can't keep it, it will be enough. That's how it's supposed to be."

"I won't promise to deceive you," he answers. "I am promising now because I mean it. I'll survive this, but only if I have _your _promise."

She thinks back to all those broken promises she had made to Malek during those dark days. Those days when everything was so messed up and confusing. She remembers Malek's defeated disappointment and the guilt that had stabbed her each time. It was because of Joseph's staunch refusal to make such a false promise to her that day that she had vowed to never make a promise she couldn't keep again. Even though, what Joseph was asking seemed simple enough, she knew he meant it to be something deeper. Something more meaningful, but he could not demand anything more from her. He knew he didn't have that right. The show of unassuming respect hardens her confidence.

"I'll be there," she promises. "I'll _always_ be there when you open your eyes."

"Thank you," he breathes with such deep gratitude that he captures her heart all over again. "I don't think either one of us will truly be at peace until we ferment what we were denied before. I do want to live now but I don't want to live an entire life without you."

"You're going to have to make it up to me," she says, half teasing.

"With all that I am," he vows.

He reaches into the breast pocket within his coat and brings out a wooden figure. He holds it out to her in offering and she inhales a shaky breathe at the familiar habit of his. His gift to those he had cared about. A gift carved from his own hand. It shouldn't have hurt her as much as it had that he'd never given her one. Malek had kept his on his bedside table. So she'd clung to the necklace fiercely. Now knowing that he had meant it for her all along lifts that heavy weight of uncertainty. She feels a blush warm her cheeks as she reaches out to accept the wooden carving.

Lifting it up to admire the craftsmanship by the light of the fire she stills once she recognizes the face that had been carefully etched into the wood.

"It's not Mary," she says dumbly.

"No."

She looks up at him with wide eyes.

"I had originally wanted it to be a child in prayer," he explains sheepishly. "But once I saw you, only your face would appear under my knife."

"Why the change?" she asks. "Why weren't you originally going to carve Mary like you always did?"

"Maybe it was a wish, a hope that you had prayed for me after I was gone," he says so quietly she almost doesn't hear him over the crackling of the fire.

"I did," she replies, because she had. She had prayed for him often afterwards.

A warmth on her hand has her looking down to see his bare hand resting on top of hers. He smiles down at her for a heartbeat before turning to stare at the fire. She squeezes his hand before joining him in staring at the flickering flames.

Peace seems like a relative term to her now. Joseph's probably right, thinking they would never be at rest until they could share their lives together. It would explain why they had been given this second chance. They had helped others and done something to make peace possible. But, at this moment, she's already found peace. Not just a measure. Not just contentment either. Simply, peace. She is hopeful and happy here, here with him and if they were both to die right now, she'd probably die in bliss.

As if approving of their promises to each other, the sky finally opens and releases the rush of rain that had threatened to burst during this whole long day. Instead of huddling under the canopy she had erected between the trees, they both rise to their feet and walk hand in hand into the down pour. The water drenches them, washes them, cleanses them and they both face upward to feel the soothing water upon their skin. It's not a bad omen and from the gentle squeeze of Joseph's hand, he thinks so too. Where the dirty ashes of what evil had been, the rains come at least to rinse it all away.

She can actually laugh now. It's actually _in_ her to laugh and to laugh freely after so long. No, she doesn't think she's ever felt _this_ free before. Not ever, not until this moment.

"I was waiting for the end of to come, but I didn't have the strength to stand for it," Joseph says, over the rushing water. "I thought of all those things I'd left unsaid and how hard it was to let you go. But then, I realized you were something I never got. You don't know how I secretly wished it wasn't so. I wanted to trade this life for something new." He looks at her with a small smile softening his eyes.

"I know what it's like to move on," she responds. "I know how it feels to lie about how I really felt."

"The hardest part is starting over again," he says. "Not when too many pieces are missing. Now at the end, I'm glad I don't really have to when those pieces are back."

"This is not the end," she points out.

"This is not the beginning either," he retorts with a wider smile.

"So we'll just do our own revision," she smiles.

"With riotous voices if we have to," he agrees.

She's changed her mind. The dead aren't really the fortunate ones. It's the ones that live who get another chance. The ones who get another life. The ones who get another destiny. Alone, one wouldn't be able to put back the pieces the last life had left behind. Which is why there always has to be at least two. Alone, she wouldn't have been able to get through, enduring another restoration. Together, with Joseph, it was not only the beginning of a restoration of a world. It was the beginning of a restoration of life.

_The End. _

**A/N**: Thank you to all you kind readers, for following along on this adventure. I'm sorry its taken me so long to complete it but I hope it leaves you with a sense of satisfaction. It's really sad to let this one go, but I say that about all my fics once they're finished. This one is a little more precious because I got to write about Joseph. To the dark rider: Joseph.

**References**: Triple 6 was the bike given to Joseph once he had, had his powers enhanced towards the end of Blassreiter. This is obviously taken from the number 666, which is the Devil's number. The number 6 in the Bible means to be just shy of heavenly completeness (since 7 means, "Heavenly Completeness"). When something is stated three times, it means emphasis. So 666 emphasizes how incomplete the Devil is. Amanda tells Joseph that Malek had renamed it to **One-O**. This represents the number 10, which in the Bible, means "Earthly Completeness".

Blassreiter is German for, "The Pale Rider". Which is in reference to the first of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse. It's sort of a tongue in cheek considering it looks like it would be Xargin (as he fits the description) but it's really Joseph. Joseph the Dark hero. Joseph, which means, God Will Increase. The entire anime seems to poke at the Catholic Church (the leader, who seeks to destroy all the Amalgams, dresses like the pope and the band of do gooders are called, The Apocalypse Knights). XAT's headquarters is in a stone church. They called the Amalgams, or Demoniacs, even though the original purpose of the Nanos was to heal children. Ironic eh? The entire anime played into the frivolousness and shallowness of people's opinions and how things considered different are automatically assumed evil. People died because they were too stupid to see how blindly prejudice they were.

It should also be noted that Versus does not follow the same religious beliefs or mythology as Blassreiter. Case in point, when Amanda shows Noctis and Stella the cross that Joseph had left behind. The Bible uses the original Greek word for cross with _**Stauros**_ (_σταυρός_), which signified a stake, an upright pole, or piece of paling, on which anything might be hung, or which might be used in impaling [fencing in] a piece of ground. It did not refer to a wooden plank with a cross section to form a "T" shape. This is why Noctis looks at it and tells Amanda that what she's holding is not a cross. Noctis has shown throughout the fic that he does understand bits of Latin, which lends to knowing a bit of Greek too. They would also not understand the meaning behind it as its not a belief in their verse.

Regarding the abilities: During the final battle between Xargin and Joseph in Blassreiter, Xargin makes the comment, "So that's your gift, Joseph." He says this when Hermann and Gerd inhabit Joseph's body. It implies that each Amalgam has their own ability based on personality. Joseph with his unique ability to empathize with everyone made it possible for him to let other people use his body, in essence absorbing a bit them into himself. Xargin showed his own ability when he healed a cut on Beatrice's face a few episodes before. It seemed fitting considering Xargin had been a doctor before becoming infected.

During Blassreiter, Joseph is frequently seen carving wooden figures of Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ. He does this in honor of his late mentor, father and priest while growing up. When he's done he gives them to people as a gesture of goodwill or a, "Take care of yourself", "May God be with you".


End file.
